--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Affairs can be powerful detonators. They…" description: "\"Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. Fear of loss rekindles desire,..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/724/esther-perel-3265_affair_affairs-can-be-powerful-detonators-they_1684819.jpg" --- # Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a… ![“Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. Fear of loss rekindles desire, makes people have conversations they haven't had in years, takes them out of their contrived illusion of safety.” quote by Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/724/esther-perel-3265_affair_affairs-can-be-powerful-detonators-they_1684819.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/724/esther-perel-3265_affair_affairs-can-be-powerful-detonators-they_1684819.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/724/esther-perel-3265_affair_affairs-can-be-powerful-detonators-they_1684819.jpg) > “Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. Fear of loss rekindles desire, makes people have conversations they haven't had in years, takes them out of their contrived illusion of safety.” [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Crises in relationships can act as catalysts, reviving desire and prompting honest conversations, breaking complacency. **In simple terms:** Relationship crises can spark renewed desire and dialogue. Key Takeaway Embrace conflict as a chance for growth. Themes relationships conflict renewal Mood intense hopeful Type therapeutic reflective When to use this quote - marriage counseling - relationship workshops - personal reflection - couples therapy Key Concepts psychology emotional intimacy Questions to Reflect On - What hidden desire emerges during conflict? - How can you turn tension into constructive dialogue? A Different Perspective Such turbulence may cause lasting damage if not managed. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Affair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affair/) [Affairs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affairs/) [Complacency](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/complacency/) [Conversation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/conversation/) [Desire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/desire/) [Illusion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/illusion/) [Loss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loss/) [Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Safety](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/safety/) ## Related quotes > [Few, if any, forces in human affairs are as powerful as shared vision.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-senge/few-if-any-forces-in-human-affairs-are-as-powerful-as-shared-vision/) [Peter Senge](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-senge/) > [The one word I hear when people have affairs is that they feel alive. They don't talk about the fact they're having sex. They…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/the-one-word-i-hear-when-people-have-affairs-is-that-they-feel-alive/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [I say no to a double standard that men can roam and women must stay put at home. I say no to the fact…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-say-no-to-a-double-standard-that-men-can-roam-and-women-must-stay/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [One of the big misconceptions is that affairs or trysts are flings about sex. And sometimes they are, but much more often they are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/one-of-the-big-misconceptions-is-that-affairs-or-trysts-are-flings/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Most affairs do die a natural death. Today, you look at your partner's phone to find out the weather, and you find out about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/most-affairs-do-die-a-natural-death-today-you-look-at-your-partner-s/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Secrecy fuels erotic intensity because it makes you feel like you're doing something that is entirely yours. It gives you the sense of autonomy,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/secrecy-fuels-erotic-intensity-because-it-makes-you-feel-like-you-re/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [When the Veterans Affairs Department implemented a program to provide home-based health care to veterans with multiple chronic conditions - many of the system's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ron-wyden/when-the-veterans-affairs-department-implemented-a-program-to-provide/) [Ron Wyden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ron-wyden/) > [The U.N. guards the vital principles entrenched in its charter, notably the sovereign equality of states and the inadmissibility of interference in their internal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shashi-tharoor/the-u-n-guards-the-vital-principles-entrenched-in-its-charter-notably/) [Shashi Tharoor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shashi-tharoor/) > [No man should ever lose sleep over public affairs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harold-macmillan/no-man-should-ever-lose-sleep-over-public-affairs/) [Harold MacMillan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harold-macmillan/) > [“What kind of friendship have you had? Or for that matter...what kind of love affairs?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-baldwin/what-kind-of-friendship-have-you-had-or-for-that-matter-what-kind-of/) [James Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-baldwin/) > [I often feel that when people have affairs, it has more to do with something they're searching for in themselves than anything else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laila-robins/i-often-feel-that-when-people-have-affairs-it-has-more-to-do-with/) [Laila Robins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laila-robins/) > [“I’m not going to deny that I want to fuck you. I can’t promise a future or that I’ll be some sniveling boyfriend who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/d-l-hess/i-m-not-going-to-deny-that-i-want-to-fuck-you-i-can-t-promise-a/) [D.L. Hess](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/d-l-hess/) > [“well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded -Diana, Princess of Wales”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cathy-lowne/well-there-were-three-of-us-in-this-marriage-so-it-was-a-bit-crowded/) Cathy Lowne > [In the affairs of this world, men are saved not by faith, but by the want of it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-franklin/in-the-affairs-of-this-world-men-are-saved-not-by-faith-but-by-the/) [Benjamin Franklin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-franklin/) > [I don't like to meddle in my private affairs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karl-kraus/i-don-t-like-to-meddle-in-my-private-affairs/) [Karl Kraus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karl-kraus/) ## More by Esther Perel > [Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/sometimes-it-has-to-do-with-other-longings-that-are-much-more/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [ “For \[erotically intelligent couples\], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life:… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-erotically-intelligent-couples-love-is-a-vessel-that-contains/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [It’s hard to feel attracted to someone who has abandoned her sense of autonomy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/it-s-hard-to-feel-attracted-to-someone-who-has-abandoned-her-sense-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal is always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-some-people-a-one-night-stand-doesn-t-make-any-difference-in-a/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of intimacy and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-want-to-engage-people-in-an-honest-enlightened-and-provocative/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of your sense…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/the-quality-of-your-life-ultimately-depends-on-the-quality-of-your/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [If you start to feel that you have given up too many parts of yourself to be with your partner, then one day you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/if-you-start-to-feel-that-you-have-given-up-too-many-parts-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-regret-to-say-that-we-of-the-fbi-are-powerless-to-act-in-cases-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [You never know your partner as well as you think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/you-never-know-your-partner-as-well-as-you-think/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [On some level we trade passion for security, that's trading one illusion for another. It's a matter of degree. We can't live in constant…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/on-some-level-we-trade-passion-for-security-that-s-trading-one/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“When the impulse to share becomes obligatory, when personal boundaries are no longer respected, when only the shared space of togetherness is acknowledged and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/when-the-impulse-to-share-becomes-obligatory-when-personal-boundaries/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“I do believe that the emphasis on egalitarian and respectful sex—purged of any expressions of power, aggression, and transgression—is antithetical to erotic desire for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-do-believe-that-the-emphasis-on-egalitarian-and-respectful-sex/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/if-intimacy-grows-through-repetition-and-familiarity-eroticism-is/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [“She’s beautiful, too, did I mention that? She lives the life I didn’t live. I feel middle-age and middle-class around her. Nothing wrong with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/she-s-beautiful-too-did-i-mention-that-she-lives-the-life-i-didn-t/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/in-dating-if-you-say-no-your-lover-goes-on-to-the-next-person-in/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) [Explore all 135 Esther Perel quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) ## More Affair quotes > [Histories never conclude; they just pause their prose. Their stories are, if they are truthful, untidy affairs, resistant to windings-up and sortings-out. They beat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simon-schama/histories-never-conclude-they-just-pause-their-prose-their-stories/) [Simon Schama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simon-schama/) > [Islam never differentiates between men and women as regards political rights and puts them on an equal footing. However, even if a woman is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yusuf-al-qaradawi/islam-never-differentiates-between-men-and-women-as-regards-political/) [Yusuf al-Qaradawi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yusuf-al-qaradawi/) > [Our guiding principle was that design is neither an intellectual nor a material affair, but simply an integral part of the stuff of life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/walter-gropius/our-guiding-principle-was-that-design-is-neither-an-intellectual-nor/) [Walter Gropius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/walter-gropius/) > [I wonder if it's possible to have a love affair that lasts forever.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-warhol/i-wonder-if-it-s-possible-to-have-a-love-affair-that-lasts-forever/) [Andy Warhol](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-warhol/) > [For a young man to start his career with a love affair with an older woman was quite de rigueur ... Of course, it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vita-sackville-west/for-a-young-man-to-start-his-career-with-a-love-affair-with-an-older/) [Vita Sackville-West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vita-sackville-west/) > [As long as the state permits itself to interfere in the affairs of literature, literature has the right to interfere with the affairs of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-brodsky/as-long-as-the-state-permits-itself-to-interfere-in-the-affairs-of/) [Joseph Brodsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-brodsky/) > [Love is mainly an affair of short spasms. If these spasms disappoint us, love dies. It is very seldom that it weathers the experience…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-cocteau/love-is-mainly-an-affair-of-short-spasms-if-these-spasms-disappoint/) [Jean Cocteau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-cocteau/) > [The Fundamental Principle that governs - or ought to govern -human affairs if we wish to avoid misunderstandings, conflicts, or pointless utopias, is negotiation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/umberto-eco/the-fundamental-principle-that-governs-or-ought-to-govern-human/) [Umberto Eco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/umberto-eco/) > [My hope does not rest in the affairs of this world. It rests in Christ who is coming again.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/billy-graham/my-hope-does-not-rest-in-the-affairs-of-this-world-it-rests-in-christ/) [Billy Graham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/billy-graham/) > [In 1953, the United States played a significant role in orchestrating the overthrow of Iran's popular prime minister, Mohammed Mossadegh. The Eisenhower administration believed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madeleine-albright/in-1953-the-united-states-played-a-significant-role-in-orchestrating/) [Madeleine Albright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madeleine-albright/) > [Not everyone likes the stable, gradual rise of our country. There are some who are using the democratic ideology to interfere in our internal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vladimir-putin/not-everyone-likes-the-stable-gradual-rise-of-our-country-there-are/) [Vladimir Putin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vladimir-putin/) > [The archives recall not one single incriminating incident, not one drunken escapade, not one reported affair, not one spat with a team-mate or reporter…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-atherton/the-archives-recall-not-one-single-incriminating-incident-not-one/) Michael Atherton > [“I ripped the sketch from the wall. "Liar." Edward looked more ravaged than usual. "That is a terrible word, coming from you." "Yup." "And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-jensen/i-ripped-the-sketch-from-the-wall-liar-edward-looked-more-ravaged/) [Melissa Jensen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-jensen/) > [For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal is always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-some-people-a-one-night-stand-doesn-t-make-any-difference-in-a/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [And what is literature, Rabo," he said, "but an insider's newsletter about affairs relating to molecules, of no importance to anything in the universe…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kurt-vonnegut/and-what-is-literature-rabo-he-said-but-an-insider-s-newsletter-about/) [Kurt Vonnegut](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kurt-vonnegut/) [Browse all 2,218 Affair quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affair/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. 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