--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When our friends are present we ought to…" description: "\"When our friends are present we ought to treat them well; and when they are absent, to speak of them well.\" — Epictetus" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbc/epictetus-413_absent_when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to_2852529.jpg" --- # When our friends are present we ought to treat them well… ![“When our friends are present we ought to treat them well; and when they are absent, to speak of them well.” quote by Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbc/epictetus-413_absent_when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to_2852529.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbc/epictetus-413_absent_when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to_2852529.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbc/epictetus-413_absent_when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to_2852529.jpg) > “When our friends are present we ought to treat them well; and when they are absent, to speak of them well.” [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Treat present friends well; speak kindly of absent friends, reflecting virtue in relationships. **In simple terms:** Be good to friends present and absent. Key Takeaway Practice consistent kindness. Themes virtue friendship speech ethics Mood thoughtful ethical timeless Type philosophical social When to use this quote - maintaining friendships - speaking positively about others - avoiding gossip - cultivating reputation Key Concepts Stoicism moral philosophy interpersonal conduct Questions to Reflect On - How do you honor absent friends? - What barriers prevent speaking well of others? A Different Perspective Consistent kindness can be challenging with conflict. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Friends](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friends/) [Friendship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friendship/) ## Related quotes > [We ought not to treat living creatures like shoes or household belongings, which when worn with use we throw away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/plutarch/we-ought-not-to-treat-living-creatures-like-shoes-or-household/) [Plutarch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/plutarch/) > [Flowers are great human friends and are always present in their moments of joy and pain.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tasneem-hameed/flowers-are-great-human-friends-and-are-always-present-in-their/) [Tasneem Hameed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tasneem-hameed/) > [One person ought to treat another person properly, even if the person's himself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/diana-wynne-jones/one-person-ought-to-treat-another-person-properly-even-if-the-person/) [Diana Wynne Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/diana-wynne-jones/) > [Milestone! This is a momentous occasion," he tells her cheerily. "It should be witnessed by a friend." She throws him an icy gaze, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neal-shusterman/milestone-this-is-a-momentous-occasion-he-tells-her-cheerily-it/) [Neal Shusterman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neal-shusterman/) > [Anger clearly has its proper place at work, which is neither wholly absent nor ever present. The manager who is an emotional blank is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-baggini/anger-clearly-has-its-proper-place-at-work-which-is-neither-wholly/) [Julian Baggini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-baggini/) > [It's Simon, he's missing." Ahh." said Magnus delicately "Missing what exactly?" Missing!" Jace repeated "As in gone, absent, notable for his lack of presence,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/it-s-simon-he-s-missing-ahh-said-magnus-delicately-missing-what/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [... if we are ashamed to imitate our Lord's sufferings, which He endured for us, and to suffer as He suffered, it is obvious…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/symeon-the-new-theologian/if-we-are-ashamed-to-imitate-our-lord-s-sufferings-which-he-endured/) [Symeon the New Theologian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/symeon-the-new-theologian/) > [“You may not appreciate the presence of good health, but you will definitely regret the absence of good health, because health is happiness.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amit-kalantri/you-may-not-appreciate-the-presence-of-good-health-but-you-will/) [Amit Kalantri](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amit-kalantri/) > [If measure and symmetry are absent from any composition in any degree, ruin awaits both the ingredients and the composition... Measure and symmetry are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/socrates/if-measure-and-symmetry-are-absent-from-any-composition-in-any-degree/) [Socrates](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/socrates/) > [For my own part, I would rather be in company with a dead man than with an absent one; for if the dead man…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/for-my-own-part-i-would-rather-be-in-company-with-a-dead-man-than/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The interesting thing about an absent father is, for a child, you don't know he's absent. You just think he's... tardy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-majors/the-interesting-thing-about-an-absent-father-is-for-a-child-you-don-t/) [Jonathan Majors](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-majors/) > [They are enthusiasts, devotees. Addicts. Something about the circus stirs their souls, and they ache for it when it is absent. They seek each…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erin-morgenstern/they-are-enthusiasts-devotees-addicts-something-about-the-circus/) [Erin Morgenstern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erin-morgenstern/) > [Emma was a shocking driver, simultaneously sloppy and petrified, and for the first fifty miles had been absent-mindedly driving with her spectacles on top…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-nicholls/emma-was-a-shocking-driver-simultaneously-sloppy-and-petrified-and/) [David Nicholls](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-nicholls/) > [In a general way, the literature of the twentieth century is essentially psychological; and psychology consists of describing states of the soul by displaying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simone-weil/in-a-general-way-the-literature-of-the-twentieth-century-is/) [Simone Weil](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simone-weil/) > [Majority decisions tend to be made without engaging the systematic thought and critical thinking skills of the individuals in the group. Given the force…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/majority-decisions-tend-to-be-made-without-engaging-the-systematic/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) ## More by Epictetus > [“We are at the mercy of whoever wields authority over the things we either desire or detest. If you would be free, then, do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/we-are-at-the-mercy-of-whoever-wields-authority-over-the-things-we/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [Practice yourself, for heaven's sake in little things, and then proceed to greater.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/practice-yourself-for-heaven-s-sake-in-little-things-and-then-proceed/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/do-not-laugh-much-or-often-or-unrestrainedly/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [When men are unhappy, they do not imagine they can ever cease to be so; and when some calamity has fallen on them, they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/when-men-are-unhappy-they-do-not-imagine-they-can-ever-cease-to-be-so/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [We are not disturbed by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens to us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/we-are-not-disturbed-by-what-happens-to-us-but-by-our-thoughts-about/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [Don't be prideful with any excellence that is not your own](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/don-t-be-prideful-with-any-excellence-that-is-not-your-own/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [You know yourself what you are worth in your own eyes; and at what price you will sell yourself. For men sell themselves at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/you-know-yourself-what-you-are-worth-in-your-own-eyes-and-at-what/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [Crows pick out the eyes of the dead, when the dead have no longer need of them; but flatterers mar the soul of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/crows-pick-out-the-eyes-of-the-dead-when-the-dead-have-no-longer-need/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [As a man, casting off worn out garments taketh new ones, so the dweller in the body, entereth into ones that are new.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/as-a-man-casting-off-worn-out-garments-taketh-new-ones-so-the-dweller/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [If you would improve, submit to be considered wihout sense and foolish with respect to externals. Wish to be considered to know nothing; and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/if-you-would-improve-submit-to-be-considered-wihout-sense-and-foolish/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [“For it is not death or pain that is to be feared, but the fear of pain or death.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/for-it-is-not-death-or-pain-that-is-to-be-feared-but-the-fear-of-pain/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [What else can I do, a lame old man, but sing hymns to God? If I were a nightingale, I would do the nightingale's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/what-else-can-i-do-a-lame-old-man-but-sing-hymns-to-god-if-i-were-a/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/people-are-disturbed-not-by-things-but-by-the-view-they-take-of-them-2/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [“Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/small-minded-people-blame-others-average-people-blame-themselves-the/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) > [All philosophy lies in two words, sustain and abstain.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/all-philosophy-lies-in-two-words-sustain-and-abstain/) [Epictetus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) [Explore all 577 Epictetus quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/) ## More Absent quotes > [Majority decisions tend to be made without engaging the systematic thought and critical thinking skills of the individuals in the group. Given the force…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/majority-decisions-tend-to-be-made-without-engaging-the-systematic/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [In a general way, the literature of the twentieth century is essentially psychological; and psychology consists of describing states of the soul by displaying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/simone-weil/in-a-general-way-the-literature-of-the-twentieth-century-is/) [Simone Weil](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/simone-weil/) > [Emma was a shocking driver, simultaneously sloppy and petrified, and for the first fifty miles had been absent-mindedly driving with her spectacles on top…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-nicholls/emma-was-a-shocking-driver-simultaneously-sloppy-and-petrified-and/) [David Nicholls](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-nicholls/) > [They are enthusiasts, devotees. Addicts. Something about the circus stirs their souls, and they ache for it when it is absent. They seek each…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erin-morgenstern/they-are-enthusiasts-devotees-addicts-something-about-the-circus/) [Erin Morgenstern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erin-morgenstern/) > [The interesting thing about an absent father is, for a child, you don't know he's absent. You just think he's... tardy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-majors/the-interesting-thing-about-an-absent-father-is-for-a-child-you-don-t/) [Jonathan Majors](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-majors/) > [For my own part, I would rather be in company with a dead man than with an absent one; for if the dead man…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/for-my-own-part-i-would-rather-be-in-company-with-a-dead-man-than/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [If measure and symmetry are absent from any composition in any degree, ruin awaits both the ingredients and the composition... Measure and symmetry are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/socrates/if-measure-and-symmetry-are-absent-from-any-composition-in-any-degree/) [Socrates](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/socrates/) > [“You may not appreciate the presence of good health, but you will definitely regret the absence of good health, because health is happiness.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amit-kalantri/you-may-not-appreciate-the-presence-of-good-health-but-you-will/) [Amit Kalantri](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amit-kalantri/) > [... if we are ashamed to imitate our Lord's sufferings, which He endured for us, and to suffer as He suffered, it is obvious…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/symeon-the-new-theologian/if-we-are-ashamed-to-imitate-our-lord-s-sufferings-which-he-endured/) [Symeon the New Theologian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/symeon-the-new-theologian/) > [It's Simon, he's missing." Ahh." said Magnus delicately "Missing what exactly?" Missing!" Jace repeated "As in gone, absent, notable for his lack of presence,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/it-s-simon-he-s-missing-ahh-said-magnus-delicately-missing-what/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [Anger clearly has its proper place at work, which is neither wholly absent nor ever present. The manager who is an emotional blank is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-baggini/anger-clearly-has-its-proper-place-at-work-which-is-neither-wholly/) [Julian Baggini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-baggini/) > [They were not mentioned in the Declaration of Independence, they were absent in the Constitution and they were invisible in the new political democracy.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-zinn/they-were-not-mentioned-in-the-declaration-of-independence-they-were/) [Howard Zinn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-zinn/) > [Religion has always been a matter of community building; a matter of building precisely those relations of compassion, fellow feeling and - I dare…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rowan-williams/religion-has-always-been-a-matter-of-community-building-a-matter-of/) [Rowan Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rowan-williams/) > [A FRIEND IS A PERSON . . . With whom you can be sincere. . . . To whom you never need to defend…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-armand-montapert/a-friend-is-a-person-with-whom-you-can-be-sincere-to-whom-you-never/) [Alfred Armand Montapert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-armand-montapert/) > [The very serpents bite their tails; the bees forget to sting, For a language so celestial setteth up a wondering. And the touch of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nathalia-crane/the-very-serpents-bite-their-tails-the-bees-forget-to-sting-for-a/) [Nathalia Crane](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nathalia-crane/) Browse all 490 Absent quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When our friends are present we ought to treat them well; and when they are absent, to speak of them well.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Epictetus" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to-treat-them-well-and-when/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Absent" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to-treat-them-well-and-when/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbc/epictetus-413_absent_when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to_2852529.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbc/epictetus-413_absent_when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to_2852529.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bbc/epictetus-413_absent_when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to_2852529.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When our friends are present we ought to treat them well; and when they are absent, to speak of them well.” — Epictetus", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Epictetus", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/epictetus/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "When our friends are present we...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to-treat-them-well-and-when/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/epictetus/when-our-friends-are-present-we-ought-to-treat-them-well-and-when/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```