--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I asked her where she got her toughness…" description: "\"“I asked her where she got her toughness. She pretended she didn't understand. Maybe she didn't at first, or maybe she had forgotten that to do the thi..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fea/elliot-perlman-14111_little-girl_i-asked-her-where-she-got-her-toughness_560728.jpg" --- # I asked her where she got her toughness. She pretended she… ![“I asked her where she got her toughness. She pretended she didn't understand. Maybe she didn't at first, or maybe she had forgotten that to do the things she was prepared to do, to have them done to her, took enormous toughness, more than most people had. She said you just had to keep working on…” quote by Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fea/elliot-perlman-14111_little-girl_i-asked-her-where-she-got-her-toughness_560728.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fea/elliot-perlman-14111_little-girl_i-asked-her-where-she-got-her-toughness_560728.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fea/elliot-perlman-14111_little-girl_i-asked-her-where-she-got-her-toughness_560728.jpg) > ““I asked her where she got her toughness. She pretended she didn't understand. Maybe she didn't at first, or maybe she had forgotten that to do the things she was prepared to do, to have them done to her, took enormous toughness, more than most people had. She said you just had to keep working on yourself until you didn't feel what they wanted you to feel, or anything else. By seven o'clock she had fallen asleep in my arms having said that she loved me and that she knew I was going through hell. She breathed like a little girl.”” [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Enduring hardship requires emotional resilience and the ability to detach from others' expectations. **In simple terms:** Toughness comes from working on yourself and ignoring others' demands. Key Takeaway Cultivate inner strength and emotional independence. Themes resilience self‑growth emotional labor relationships Mood reflective somber introspective Type literary philosophical When to use this quote - personal crisis - relationship conflict - grief coping - self‑care routines Key Concepts psychology personal development emotional intelligence Questions to Reflect On - How do you balance self‑reliance with vulnerability? - When is it healthy to feel others' pain? A Different Perspective Sustained resilience may lead to emotional numbness or isolation. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Little girl](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/little-girl/) [Toughness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/toughness/) [Working on yourself](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/working-on-yourself/) ## Related quotes > [I have an ability to overcome adversity. I've got a toughness that helps.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-mir/i-have-an-ability-to-overcome-adversity-i-ve-got-a-toughness-that/) [Frank Mir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-mir/) > [I would need to display great restraint, but we've got to have toughness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-trump/i-would-need-to-display-great-restraint-but-we-ve-got-to-have/) [Donald Trump](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-trump/) > [“I only feel close to people who arouse my energy, who make enormous demands of me, who are capable of enriching me with experience,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/i-only-feel-close-to-people-who-arouse-my-energy-who-make-enormous/) [Anaïs Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/) > [My blood rose, mixing with my lingering fear of the unknown to drive her to a fever pitch. Her lips touched my lower neck…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kim-harrison/my-blood-rose-mixing-with-my-lingering-fear-of-the-unknown-to-drive/) [Kim Harrison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kim-harrison/) > [I watched the sheets breathe when she breathed, like how Dad used to say that trees inhale when people exhale, because I was too…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-safran-foer/i-watched-the-sheets-breathe-when-she-breathed-like-how-dad-used-to/) [Jonathan Safran Foer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-safran-foer/) > [“Breathed like a contestant in a polka marathon, sit-up contest, stationary bike race.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-vickers/breathed-like-a-contestant-in-a-polka-marathon-sit-up-contest/) [Dennis Vickers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-vickers/) > [Being alive was all right then: he had not breathed like that for a long time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leslie-marmon-silko/being-alive-was-all-right-then-he-had-not-breathed-like-that-for-a/) [Leslie Marmon Silko](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leslie-marmon-silko/) > [If your outer life is really a reflection of the quality of your inner life, then it's a brilliant move to spend at least…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robin-sharma/if-your-outer-life-is-really-a-reflection-of-the-quality-of-your/) [Robin Sharma](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robin-sharma/) > [You can determine what your future holds based on how much time and energy you spend working on yourself now. Find out what it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/les-brown/you-can-determine-what-your-future-holds-based-on-how-much-time-and/) [Les Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/les-brown/) > [“It's time to change... it's time to start working on yourself… improve yourself… you don't have time for excuses.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deyth-banger/it-s-time-to-change-it-s-time-to-start-working-on-yourself-improve/) Deyth Banger > [Do what you can on this plane to relieve suffering by constantly working on yourself to be an instrument for the cessation of suffering.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ram-dass/do-what-you-can-on-this-plane-to-relieve-suffering-by-constantly/) [Ram Dass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ram-dass/) > [If you feel a sense of social responsibility, first of all keep working on yourself. Being peaceful yourself is the first step if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ram-dass/if-you-feel-a-sense-of-social-responsibility-first-of-all-keep/) [Ram Dass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ram-dass/) > [You have to keep working on yourself non-stop, you have to keep testing yourself, even if it doesn't go right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aaron-wan-bissaka/you-have-to-keep-working-on-yourself-non-stop-you-have-to-keep/) [Aaron Wan-Bissaka](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aaron-wan-bissaka/) > [If you look good, are in good health, and feel good about yourself, then you'll be more productive at work, you will be happier…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lee-labrada/if-you-look-good-are-in-good-health-and-feel-good-about-yourself-then/) [Lee Labrada](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lee-labrada/) > [There is no doubt that relationship require work.But this work means working on yourself,adjusting your attitudes ,and learning to accept others,Valentines day is a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/there-is-no-doubt-that-relationship-require-work-but-this-work-means/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) ## More by Elliot Perlman > [You would love the way he sees you. He uses you as a weapon against himself and not merely because you did](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/you-would-love-the-way-he-sees-you-he-uses-you-as-a-weapon-against/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [“...Simon and I by then were practicing to be apart, rehearsing together in the same room and often in the same conversation.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/simon-and-i-by-then-were-practicing-to-be-apart-rehearsing-together/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [“When the words dance privately for you, it is possible to feel not alone.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/when-the-words-dance-privately-for-you-it-is-possible-to-feel-not/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [“Madeline, my wife, never used to wear a watch. She does now, I am told. For a long time, in a very inexact way,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/madeline-my-wife-never-used-to-wear-a-watch-she-does-now-i-am-told/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [“…anyway it wasn’t your reading that started this. It was the laugher, the carefree laughter, the three dimensional Coca Cola advertisement that you were,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/anyway-it-wasn-t-your-reading-that-started-this-it-was-the-laugher/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [“While he recognized that you were unhappy and unwell, I think he couldn't help but feel that there was some part of you, some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/while-he-recognized-that-you-were-unhappy-and-unwell-i-think-he/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [“He uses you as a weapon against himself and not merely because you did. He sits in his car at traffic lights on his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/he-uses-you-as-a-weapon-against-himself-and-not-merely-because-you/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [At difficult times of my life, books have been an incredible comfort. When I was 12, I changed schools and my parents split up.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/at-difficult-times-of-my-life-books-have-been-an-incredible-comfort/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [Why did I start with them? Why do any of us choose one company over another as an employer? The money? At the beginning…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/why-did-i-start-with-them-why-do-any-of-us-choose-one-company-over/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [Listen- all that she was then, all that she is now, those gestures, everything I remember but won't or can't articulate anymore, the perfect…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/listen-all-that-she-was-then-all-that-she-is-now-those-gestures/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [It's like the smell of burned toast. You made the toast. You looked forward to it. You even enjoyed making it, but it burned.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/it-s-like-the-smell-of-burned-toast-you-made-the-toast-you-looked/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [You know you're in love with somebody when you wake up next to them, comfortable despite your breath smelling like the week-old water at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/you-know-you-re-in-love-with-somebody-when-you-wake-up-next-to-them/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [ \[Memory\] visits when it is hungry, not when you are. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/memory-visits-when-it-is-hungry-not-when-you-are/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [I'll be happy if I can gain even the smallest place inside the literary imagination of U.S. readers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/i-ll-be-happy-if-i-can-gain-even-the-smallest-place-inside-the/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) > [I hold him to my chest. My love for him is the only unequivocally good thing I know is always there inside of me.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elliot-perlman/i-hold-him-to-my-chest-my-love-for-him-is-the-only-unequivocally-good/) [Elliot Perlman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) [Explore all 46 Elliot Perlman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elliot-perlman/) ## More Little girl quotes > [If I had to speak in front of a Korean audience, I would be hard pressed to sound other than a little girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/an-na/if-i-had-to-speak-in-front-of-a-korean-audience-i-would-be-hard/) [An Na](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/an-na/) > [Gianna Marie Turner is a beatiful name for a precious little girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/drake/gianna-marie-turner-is-a-beatiful-name-for-a-precious-little-girl/) [Drake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/drake/) > [But, outside of being a sweet little girl, she was awfully dumb and capable of doing horrible things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kerouac/but-outside-of-being-a-sweet-little-girl-she-was-awfully-dumb-and/) [Jack Kerouac](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kerouac/) > [Shhh.” He put a finger to her lips. “Hear me out. I cannot deny that I would've liked to have made babies with you.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-hoyt/shhh-he-put-a-finger-to-her-lips-hear-me-out-i-cannot-deny-that-i/) [Elizabeth Hoyt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-hoyt/) > [When I was a little girl - well, like, a teenager - I wanted to be Sam Jackson. I always wanted to be men.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-ricci/when-i-was-a-little-girl-well-like-a-teenager-i-wanted-to-be-sam/) [Christina Ricci](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-ricci/) > [“Woe to you, my Princess, when I come. I will kiss you quite red and feed you till you are plump. And if you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sigmund-freud/woe-to-you-my-princess-when-i-come-i-will-kiss-you-quite-red-and-feed/) [Sigmund Freud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sigmund-freud/) > [“I’ve always seen this in you, ever since you were a little girl — this hunger to love other people into their highest selves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-elisabeth/i-ve-always-seen-this-in-you-ever-since-you-were-a-little-girl-this/) [Jennifer Elisabeth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-elisabeth/) > [“Where did you hear that song?" I ask her without sitting up. "From the HC," she says, blushing. "A little girl sang it. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pierce-brown/where-did-you-hear-that-song-i-ask-her-without-sitting-up-from-the-hc/) [Pierce Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pierce-brown/) > [Clothing was something I always wanted to do. I've been pulling tear sheets from magazines since I was a little girl.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicole-richie/clothing-was-something-i-always-wanted-to-do-i-ve-been-pulling-tear/) [Nicole Richie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicole-richie/) > [“The little girl knew if she bit any member of her family, they would get rabies too, and she died without ever having been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fannie-flagg/the-little-girl-knew-if-she-bit-any-member-of-her-family-they-would/) [Fannie Flagg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fannie-flagg/) > [“It was the equivalent of asking a little girl not to scream the first time she was personally introduced to Hannah Montana.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-a-saare/it-was-the-equivalent-of-asking-a-little-girl-not-to-scream-the-first/) [J.A. Saare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-a-saare/) > [How did you escape? (Syd) I fought my way out in a manner that would have made Rambo proud. And when I got home…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/how-did-you-escape-syd-i-fought-my-way-out-in-a-manner-that-would/) [Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/) > [I just want to be a good mom who makes her little girl proud.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jamie-lynn-spears/i-just-want-to-be-a-good-mom-who-makes-her-little-girl-proud/) [Jamie Lynn Spears](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jamie-lynn-spears/) > [My dream since being a little girl is to be the most tattooed human ever.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rhea-ripley/my-dream-since-being-a-little-girl-is-to-be-the-most-tattooed-human/) [Rhea Ripley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rhea-ripley/) > [“We pretend that we know our children, because it's easier than admitting the truth--from the minute that cord is cut, they are strangers. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jodi-picoult/we-pretend-that-we-know-our-children-because-it-s-easier-than/) [Jodi Picoult](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jodi-picoult/) [Browse all 1,597 Little girl quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/little-girl/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I asked her where she got her toughness. She pretended she didn't understand. Maybe she didn't at first, or maybe she had forgotten that to do the things she was prepared to do, to have them done to her, took enormous toughness, more than most people had. She said you just had to keep working on yourself until you didn't feel what they wanted you to feel, or anything else. By seven o'clock she had fallen asleep in my arms having said that she loved me and that she knew I was going through hell. 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