--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I'm not particularly keen on pity. Pity…" description: "\"I'm not particularly keen on pity. Pity takes something away from grief. People think they're sharing it, but really they're just taking some. I prefer..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6d1/elizabeth-jane-howard-13147_grief_i-m-not-particularly-keen-on-pity-pity-t_3171987.jpg" --- # I'm not particularly keen on pity. Pity takes something… ![“I'm not particularly keen on pity. Pity takes something away from grief. People think they're sharing it, but really they're just taking some. I prefer to keep my grief intact.” quote by Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6d1/elizabeth-jane-howard-13147_grief_i-m-not-particularly-keen-on-pity-pity-t_3171987.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6d1/elizabeth-jane-howard-13147_grief_i-m-not-particularly-keen-on-pity-pity-t_3171987.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6d1/elizabeth-jane-howard-13147_grief_i-m-not-particularly-keen-on-pity-pity-t_3171987.jpg) > “I'm not particularly keen on pity. Pity takes something away from grief. People think they're sharing it, but really they're just taking some. I prefer to keep my grief intact.” [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Pity is seen as taking away from genuine grief, so the speaker prefers to keep grief untouched rather than share it. **In simple terms:** Pity can diminish true sorrow; keep grief authentic. Key Takeaway Respect personal grief without offering pity. Themes grief empathy authenticity Mood somber reflective Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - counseling - personal reflection - support groups Key Concepts emotional integrity compassion limits personal loss Questions to Reflect On - When is it appropriate to offer sympathy? - How can you support someone without taking their grief? A Different Perspective Pity may unintentionally minimize someone's pain. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Pity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pity/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) ## Related quotes > [Self Pity takes away the power to get out of predicaments. Don't pity yourself. Empower yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/self-pity-takes-away-the-power-to-get-out-of-predicaments-don-t-pity/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Self-pity takes away the strength needed to escape the predicaments you're in, don't pity yourself but start to empowering yourself daily and enjoy inner…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kemmy-nola/self-pity-takes-away-the-strength-needed-to-escape-the-predicaments/) [Kemmy Nola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kemmy-nola/) > [The recognition of pain and fear in others give rise in us to pity, and in our pity is our humanity, our redemption.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dean-koontz/the-recognition-of-pain-and-fear-in-others-give-rise-in-us-to-pity/) [Dean Koontz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dean-koontz/) > [“What a pity Bilbo did not stab the vile creature, when he had a chance! Pity? It was Pity that stayed his hand. Pity,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-r-tolkien/what-a-pity-bilbo-did-not-stab-the-vile-creature-when-he-had-a-chance/) [J.R.R. Tolkien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-r-tolkien/) > [It will become a pity when you fail to carry out your responsibility as a mortal human being, that Mr. pity can never pity…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/my/it-will-become-a-pity-when-you-fail-to-carry-out-your-responsibility/) My > [“Pity me'--the unspoken words upon a nation's lips--'because I am indeed pitiable. I have been deprived of freedom--yes, of course, all that. And of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fay-weldon/pity-me-the-unspoken-words-upon-a-nation-s-lips-because-i-am-indeed/) [Fay Weldon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fay-weldon/) > [“Pity? It was Pity that stayed his hand. Pity, and Mercy: not to strike without need.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-r-tolkien/pity-it-was-pity-that-stayed-his-hand-pity-and-mercy-not-to-strike/) [J.R.R. Tolkien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-r-tolkien/) > [“People can only get to know each other up to a point and then they make up the rest, until one day, seeing their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sabahattin-ali/people-can-only-get-to-know-each-other-up-to-a-point-and-then-they/) [Sabahattin Ali](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sabahattin-ali/) > [Compassion and pity are not the same: pity is looking down on someone, feeling sorry for them and offering nothing; compassion is seeing their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jasinda-wilder/compassion-and-pity-are-not-the-same-pity-is-looking-down-on-someone/) [Jasinda Wilder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jasinda-wilder/) > [“We are all of us exposed to grief: the people we love die, as we shall ourselves in due course; expectations are disappointed and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-le-gai-eaton/we-are-all-of-us-exposed-to-grief-the-people-we-love-die-as-we-shall/) [Charles Le Gai Eaton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-le-gai-eaton/) > [“Let’s reframe what you’re going through, Maggie,” he said. “I’d like you to think of it as grief.” “For the people who died?” “No.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/diane-chamberlain/let-s-reframe-what-you-re-going-through-maggie-he-said-i-d-like-you/) [Diane Chamberlain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/diane-chamberlain/) > [But I ask you, those of you who are with us all day, not to stress yourselves out because of us. When you do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/naoki-higashida/but-i-ask-you-those-of-you-who-are-with-us-all-day-not-to-stress/) [Naoki Higashida](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/naoki-higashida/) > [“I can only think how good life on earth can be, at times. What grief two people can give to one another! And what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hanif-kureishi/i-can-only-think-how-good-life-on-earth-can-be-at-times-what-grief/) [Hanif Kureishi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hanif-kureishi/) > [I wasn't the only orphan in Guatemala. There are many others, and it's not my grief alone, it's the grief of a whole people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rigoberta-menchu/i-wasn-t-the-only-orphan-in-guatemala-there-are-many-others-and-it-s/) [Rigoberta Menchu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rigoberta-menchu/) > [We collected in a group in front of their door, and we experienced within ourselves a grief that was new for us, the ancient…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/primo-levi/we-collected-in-a-group-in-front-of-their-door-and-we-experienced/) [Primo Levi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/primo-levi/) ## More by Elizabeth Jane Howard > [“Why do these big old country houses always have family portraits in the dining room? Do you really want to eat with someone's gloomy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/why-do-these-big-old-country-houses-always-have-family-portraits-in/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [A rainy day is like a lovely gift -- you can sleep late and not feel guilty.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/a-rainy-day-is-like-a-lovely-gift-you-can-sleep-late-and-not-feel/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“Sex on a rainy afternoon is like getting all the gloom and wetness to go away for a while. And afterwards you don't even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/sex-on-a-rainy-afternoon-is-like-getting-all-the-gloom-and-wetness-to/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [I have lived my life in the slipstream of experience](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/i-have-lived-my-life-in-the-slipstream-of-experience/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“It seemed awful that the only things she knew about him were those that made him miserable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/it-seemed-awful-that-the-only-things-she-knew-about-him-were-those/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“You can't oversleep if you don't make plans to wake up early.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/you-can-t-oversleep-if-you-don-t-make-plans-to-wake-up-early/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“Charity couldn't bring herself to cry on Lady Beddington's shoulder -- not until after she'd mopped up a plate or two of spaghetti with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/charity-couldn-t-bring-herself-to-cry-on-lady-beddington-s-shoulder/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“Sir Humphrey looked like a sleepy old hippo -- and when he yawned in that big, big, hippopotamus way Charity couldn't help doing likewise.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/sir-humphrey-looked-like-a-sleepy-old-hippo-and-when-he-yawned-in/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“Sir Humphrey's stories about Africa made Charity feel exactly like one of his stuffed trophy heads -- lifeless and glassy eyed. The only difference…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/sir-humphrey-s-stories-about-africa-made-charity-feel-exactly-like/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [Holidays were invented so single women could overeat without feeling guilty.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/holidays-were-invented-so-single-women-could-overeat-without-feeling/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [You can't run from feelings, Charity. You have to face them. Otherwise your future will look just like your past.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/you-can-t-run-from-feelings-charity-you-have-to-face-them-otherwise/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [It's not a luxury if you can't do without it!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/it-s-not-a-luxury-if-you-can-t-do-without-it/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“What I like about limousines is they have tinted windows, so no-one can see if you're snogging in the back seat.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/what-i-like-about-limousines-is-they-have-tinted-windows-so-no-one/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“Men will consider deeply before they buy a tie or choose a meal; but when it comes to throwing aside their purpose in life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/men-will-consider-deeply-before-they-buy-a-tie-or-choose-a-meal-but/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) > [“She looked as though everything that she didn't like had happened to her.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-jane-howard/she-looked-as-though-everything-that-she-didn-t-like-had-happened-to/) [Elizabeth Jane Howard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) [Explore all 51 Elizabeth Jane Howard quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-jane-howard/) ## More Grief quotes > [“...they had lived, they'd lived intensely. But no matter how deeply you live, it comes to this in the end: one of you will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-morton/they-had-lived-they-d-lived-intensely-but-no-matter-how-deeply-you/) [Brian Morton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-morton/) > [“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cooper/you-must-understand-the-pain-and-grief-of-losing-someone-is-nothing/) [Steven Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cooper/) > [You felt a deep sorrow, the kind of melancholy you feel when you're in a beautiful place and the sun is going down](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thrity-umrigar/you-felt-a-deep-sorrow-the-kind-of-melancholy-you-feel-when-you-re-in/) [Thrity Umrigar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thrity-umrigar/) > [... how much of our inner substance is it good for us to give to public griefs? The whole modern tendency to agonize over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-bogan/how-much-of-our-inner-substance-is-it-good-for-us-to-give-to-public/) [Louise Bogan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-bogan/) > [You dont choose your life; it chooses you. Theres no point asking why life has reserved certain joys or griefs, you just accept them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/you-dont-choose-your-life-it-chooses-you-theres-no-point-asking-why/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [“When we learn to attribute meaning to the events in our lives, we connect with our Higher Purpose, Higher Wisdom, or Source; we become…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-barbara-apollon/when-we-learn-to-attribute-meaning-to-the-events-in-our-lives-we/) [Susan Barbara Apollon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-barbara-apollon/) > [Only to have a grief equal to all these tears!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/only-to-have-a-grief-equal-to-all-these-tears/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [Nowadays most people wear black most of the time anyway: go to a literary party and one would imagine everyone there was in perpetual…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fay-weldon/nowadays-most-people-wear-black-most-of-the-time-anyway-go-to-a/) [Fay Weldon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fay-weldon/) > [Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the breast, and is forced to multiply its strength.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ovid/suppressed-grief-suffocates-it-rages-within-the-breast-and-is-forced/) [Ovid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ovid/) > [That Woman is in love with her own grief.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabrielle-zevin/that-woman-is-in-love-with-her-own-grief/) [Gabrielle Zevin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabrielle-zevin/) > [Short time seems long in sorrow's sharp sustaining.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-shakespeare/short-time-seems-long-in-sorrow-s-sharp-sustaining/) [William Shakespeare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-shakespeare/) > [These days grief seems like walking on a frozen river; most of the time he feels safe enough, but there is always that danger…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-nicholls/these-days-grief-seems-like-walking-on-a-frozen-river-most-of-the/) [David Nicholls](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-nicholls/) > [“You've been my beacon of light in my storm of grief, and I don't know if I could live without you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katie-ashley/you-ve-been-my-beacon-of-light-in-my-storm-of-grief-and-i-don-t-know/) [Katie Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katie-ashley/) > [Ancient eyes had stared at me, filled with ancient grief. And something more. Something so alien and unexpected that I'd almost burst into tears.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-marie-moning/ancient-eyes-had-stared-at-me-filled-with-ancient-grief-and-something/) [Karen Marie Moning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-marie-moning/) > [Meanwhile, the trees were just as green as before; the birds sang and the sun shone as clearly now as ever. The familiar surroundings…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-hardy/meanwhile-the-trees-were-just-as-green-as-before-the-birds-sang-and/) [Thomas Hardy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-hardy/) [Browse all 8,012 Grief quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I'm not particularly keen on pity. Pity takes something away from grief. People think they're sharing it, but really they're just taking some. 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