--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: But what if, either by choice or by…" description: "\"“But what if, either by choice or by reluctant necessity, you end up not participating in this comforting cycle of family and continuity? What if you s..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6f/elizabeth-gilbert-131_convention_but-what-if-either-by-choice-or-by-reluc_1352317.jpg" --- # But what if, either by choice or by reluctant necessity… ![“But what if, either by choice or by reluctant necessity, you end up not participating in this comforting cycle of family and continuity? What if you step out? Where do you sit at the reunion? How do you mark time's passage without the fear that you've just frittered away your time on earth without…” quote by Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6f/elizabeth-gilbert-131_convention_but-what-if-either-by-choice-or-by-reluc_1352317.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6f/elizabeth-gilbert-131_convention_but-what-if-either-by-choice-or-by-reluc_1352317.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c6f/elizabeth-gilbert-131_convention_but-what-if-either-by-choice-or-by-reluc_1352317.jpg) > ““But what if, either by choice or by reluctant necessity, you end up not participating in this comforting cycle of family and continuity? What if you step out? Where do you sit at the reunion? How do you mark time's passage without the fear that you've just frittered away your time on earth without being relevant? You'll need to find another purpose, another measure by which to judge whether or not you have been a successful human being. I love children, but what if I don't have any? What kind of person does that make me? Virginia Woolf wrote, "Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword." On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where "all is correct." But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, "all is confusion. Nothing follows a regular course." Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will also be more perilous.”” [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The passage questions societal expectations about women's roles, urging individuals to define purpose beyond conventional milestones and accept the risks of non‑conformity. **In simple terms:** Question norms, find personal purpose, accept uncertainty. Key Takeaway Define your own success. Themes identity purpose conformity risk womanhood Mood reflective hopeful Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - career decisions - parenthood choices - creative pursuits - life transitions - social expectations Key Concepts existentialism feminist critique self‑actualization Questions to Reflect On - How can you create meaning without traditional markers? - What risks are you willing to take for authenticity? A Different Perspective It may overlook structural barriers that limit choices. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Choice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choice/) [Choose life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choose-life/) [Convention](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/convention/) [Family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family/) [Feminism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feminism/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Time on earth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time-on-earth/) [Tradition](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tradition/) [Virginia-woolf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/virginia-woolf-2/) [Woman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/woman/) ## Related quotes > [Virginia Woolf wrote, "Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword." On one side of that sword, she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/virginia-woolf-wrote-across-the-broad-continent-of-a-woman-s-life/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“How many people have I heard claim their children as the greatest accomplishment and comfort of their lives? It's the thing they can always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/how-many-people-have-i-heard-claim-their-children-as-the-greatest/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“Was it Brigid Brophy who gave up on a certain Virginia Woolf novel when she discovered that Woolf believed one needed a corkscrew to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-markson/was-it-brigid-brophy-who-gave-up-on-a-certain-virginia-woolf-novel/) [David Markson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-markson/) > [“I argue that it is not Woolf's remoteness that puts people off but her nearness that terrifies them. Her language is not a woolly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeanette-winterson/i-argue-that-it-is-not-woolf-s-remoteness-that-puts-people-off-but/) [Jeanette Winterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeanette-winterson/) > [“But the life of a Willa Cather, a Lillian Helman, and Virginia Woolf - - - would it not be a series of rapid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sylvia-plath/but-the-life-of-a-willa-cather-a-lillian-helman-and-virginia-woolf/) [Sylvia Plath](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sylvia-plath/) > [“I put the odds on a psychic deathmatch between Attila the Hun and Virginia Woolf at fifty-fifty.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-bechdel/i-put-the-odds-on-a-psychic-deathmatch-between-attila-the-hun-and/) [Alison Bechdel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-bechdel/) > [Always listen to yourself... It is better to be wrong than simply to follow convention.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bryce-courtenay/always-listen-to-yourself-it-is-better-to-be-wrong-than-simply-to/) [Bryce Courtenay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bryce-courtenay/) > [I've had the basic courage and confidence to never follow convention.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zeenat-aman/i-ve-had-the-basic-courage-and-confidence-to-never-follow-convention/) [Zeenat Aman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zeenat-aman/) > [Always listen to yourself. It is better to be wrong than to simply follow convention. If you are wrong, no matter, you have learned…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bryce-courtenay/always-listen-to-yourself-it-is-better-to-be-wrong-than-to-simply/) [Bryce Courtenay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bryce-courtenay/) > [ “You angel, you have written. \[...\] Please, in all this muddle of life, continue to be a bright and constant star. Just a few… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vita-sackville-west/you-angel-you-have-written-please-in-all-this-muddle-of-life-continue/) [Vita Sackville-West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vita-sackville-west/) > [“anyone who’s worth anything reads just what he likes, as the mood takes him, and with extravagant enthusiasm.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/virginia-woolf/anyone-who-s-worth-anything-reads-just-what-he-likes-as-the-mood/) [Virginia Woolf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/virginia-woolf/) > [“Virgina Woolf versus Edward Lear." "Christ Alive," said Billy. "Are those my only choices?" "I went for Lear," said Leon. "Partly out of fidelity…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/china-mi-ville/virgina-woolf-versus-edward-lear-christ-alive-said-billy-are-those-my/) [China Miéville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/china-mi-ville/) > [“Leonard Woolf’s endurance of Virginia’s famous frigidity is, we must suppose after the fact, altogether to his credit. Their honeymoon did not bring the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-hardwick/leonard-woolf-s-endurance-of-virginia-s-famous-frigidity-is-we-must/) [Elizabeth Hardwick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-hardwick/) > [“Feelings that would not have disgraced a leader who, now that the snow has begun to fall and the mountain-top is covered in mist,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/virginia-woolf/feelings-that-would-not-have-disgraced-a-leader-who-now-that-the-snow/) [Virginia Woolf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/virginia-woolf/) > [“This is how you must imagine your letters arriving, and me carrying them off to read in peace, and saying 'oh darling Virginia', and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vita-sackville-west/this-is-how-you-must-imagine-your-letters-arriving-and-me-carrying/) [Vita Sackville-West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vita-sackville-west/) ## More by Elizabeth Gilbert > [That's your friend. My husband is my best friend. He's not the mirror that holds up my flaws. He's just the guy who's like,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/that-s-your-friend-my-husband-is-my-best-friend-he-s-not-the-mirror/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“Not to mention that I have finally arrived at that age where a woman starts to question whether the wisest way to get over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/not-to-mention-that-i-have-finally-arrived-at-that-age-where-a-woman/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“The Buddha taught that all human suffering is rooted in desire. Don't we all know this to be true? Any of us who have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/the-buddha-taught-that-all-human-suffering-is-rooted-in-desire-don-t/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [ “And while \[we\] do have possibilities that are vast and magnificent and almost infinite in scope, it's important to remember that our choice-rich lives… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/and-while-we-do-have-possibilities-that-are-vast-and-magnificent-and/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/learn-your-way-around-loneliness-make-a-map-of-it-sit-with-it-for/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [If we never leave our house except to drive to work, do we need to be even remotely aware of this powerful, humbling, extraordinary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/if-we-never-leave-our-house-except-to-drive-to-work-do-we-need-to-be/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [I will tell you why we have these extraordinary minds and souls, Miss Whittaker," he continued, as though he had not heard her. "We…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/i-will-tell-you-why-we-have-these-extraordinary-minds-and-souls-miss/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [Both the five-year-olds looked at me with bewilderment and a bit of fearful uncertainty. I had a sudden horrifying image of the woman I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/both-the-five-year-olds-looked-at-me-with-bewilderment-and-a-bit-of/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/clearing-out-all-your-misery-gets-you-out-of-the-way-you-cease-being/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [The ingredients of both darkness and light are equally present in all of us,...The madness of this planet is largely a result of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/the-ingredients-of-both-darkness-and-light-are-equally-present-in-all/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [I was full of a hot, powerful sadness and would have loved to burst into the comfort of tears, but tried hard not to,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/i-was-full-of-a-hot-powerful-sadness-and-would-have-loved-to-burst/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“I live in nature where everything is connected, circular. The seasons are circular. The planet is circular, and so is the planet around the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/i-live-in-nature-where-everything-is-connected-circular-the-seasons/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“His spelling was several degrees beyond arbitrary, and his punctuation brought reason to sigh with unhappiness. But”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/his-spelling-was-several-degrees-beyond-arbitrary-and-his-punctuation/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [Before you realize this truth, say the Yogis, you will always be in despair, a notion nicely expressed in this exasperated line from the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/before-you-realize-this-truth-say-the-yogis-you-will-always-be-in/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [I actually have a great deal of respect for antidepressants; I think they can be enormously mighty tools toward recovery.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/i-actually-have-a-great-deal-of-respect-for-antidepressants-i-think/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) [Explore all 1,156 Elizabeth Gilbert quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) ## More Choice quotes > [Making the right decision is hard,telling someone your decision is even harder.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhishek-tiwari/making-the-right-decision-is-hard-telling-someone-your-decision-is/) [Abhishek Tiwari](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhishek-tiwari/) > [“That’s all! Now either leave us alone or join us as a father rather than a receiver of sacrifices. You have the choice of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-simmons/that-s-all-now-either-leave-us-alone-or-join-us-as-a-father-rather/) [Dan Simmons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-simmons/) > [“In a world of fixed future, there can be no right or wrong. Right and wrong demand freedom of choice, but if each action…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-lightman/in-a-world-of-fixed-future-there-can-be-no-right-or-wrong-right-and/) [Alan Lightman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-lightman/) > [“Exactly. So, what can't you take? Decide which of the two options is harder, and do the other. That way, no matter how hard…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josephine-angelini/exactly-so-what-can-t-you-take-decide-which-of-the-two-options-is/) [Josephine Angelini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josephine-angelini/) > [“too—I realized that my only hope was to give up the life that had been, in order to make room for the life that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-lesser/too-i-realized-that-my-only-hope-was-to-give-up-the-life-that-had/) [Elizabeth Lesser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-lesser/) > [When you have a choice, choose happy!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pancho-barnes/when-you-have-a-choice-choose-happy/) Pancho Barnes > [You dont choose your life; it chooses you. Theres no point asking why life has reserved certain joys or griefs, you just accept them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/you-dont-choose-your-life-it-chooses-you-theres-no-point-asking-why/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [There has always been a feeling with people that they love my singing but not always the choice of material.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-moyet/there-has-always-been-a-feeling-with-people-that-they-love-my-singing/) [Alison Moyet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-moyet/) > [I have too many options when it comes to guitars.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-nielsen/i-have-too-many-options-when-it-comes-to-guitars/) [Rick Nielsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-nielsen/) > [“Amazing how a small choice can change your life forever.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-c-dockens/amazing-how-a-small-choice-can-change-your-life-forever/) Randy C. Dockens > [Change is inevitable but personal growth is a choice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-proctor/change-is-inevitable-but-personal-growth-is-a-choice/) [Bob Proctor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-proctor/) > [If you choose to draw from the inner well of free will, then you can make choices that are outside your current karmic patterns.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/if-you-choose-to-draw-from-the-inner-well-of-free-will-then-you-can/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) > [Since I don't outline my books very much, I feel like sometimes I don't have a choice in what the characters do; they just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-todd/since-i-don-t-outline-my-books-very-much-i-feel-like-sometimes-i-don/) [Anna Todd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-todd/) > [Act always so as to increase the number of choices](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/heinz-von-foerster/act-always-so-as-to-increase-the-number-of-choices/) [Heinz von Foerster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/heinz-von-foerster/) > [Words can only have an effect on you if you choose to listen to them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bernajoy-vaal/words-can-only-have-an-effect-on-you-if-you-choose-to-listen-to-them/) [Bernajoy Vaal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bernajoy-vaal/) [Browse all 8,092 Choice quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choice/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“But what if, either by choice or by reluctant necessity, you end up not participating in this comforting cycle of family and continuity? What if you step out? Where do you sit at the reunion? How do you mark time's passage without the fear that you've just frittered away your time on earth without being relevant? You'll need to find another purpose, another measure by which to judge whether or not you have been a successful human being. I love children, but what if I don't have any? What kind of person does that make me? Virginia Woolf wrote, \"Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword.\" On one side of that sword, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where \"all is correct.\" But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, \"all is confusion. 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