--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Listening to learn isn't about giving…" description: "\"Listening to learn isn't about giving advice--at least not until asked--but about trying to understand exactly what someone means,how it is that someon..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c8/elizabeth-debold-56550_adolescence_listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-ad_87883.jpg" --- # Listening to learn isn't about giving advice--at least not… ![“Listening to learn isn't about giving advice--at least not until asked--but about trying to understand exactly what someone means,how it is that someone looks at and feels about her particular situation… Listening to learn from a daughter in adolescence, conspiring with her thoughts and feelings…” quote by Elizabeth Debold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c8/elizabeth-debold-56550_adolescence_listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-ad_87883.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c8/elizabeth-debold-56550_adolescence_listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-ad_87883.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c8/elizabeth-debold-56550_adolescence_listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-ad_87883.jpg) > “Listening to learn isn't about giving advice--at least not until asked--but about trying to understand exactly what someone means,how it is that someone looks at and feels about her particular situation… Listening to learn from a daughter in adolescence, conspiring with her thoughts and feelings, keeps a mother in touch with a daughter's growing and changing self.” [Elizabeth Debold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-debold/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Effective listening is a learning process that prioritizes understanding the speaker’s perspective, especially in parent‑child relationships, rather than offering unsolicited advice. **In simple terms:** Listen to understand, not to respond. Key Takeaway Listening builds deeper relational insight. Themes communication parenting empathy learning Mood thoughtful empathetic Type advice relationship guidance When to use this quote - parent‑teen conversations - counseling sessions - team meetings Key Concepts active listening Practical Applications - practice reflective listening - pause before giving advice Questions to Reflect On - How does withholding advice change the dynamic? - What signals show you truly understand someone? ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Adolescence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adolescence/) [Advice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/advice/) [Changing Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/changing-self/) [Communication](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/communication/) [Daughter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/daughter/) [Feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feelings/) [Giving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving/) [Giving advice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving-advice/) [Mother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mother/) [Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self/) [Thoughts and feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thoughts-and-feelings/) ## Related quotes > [I have much to learn from my daughter Sofia. Her minimalism exposes my limitations: I'm too instinctive and operatic, I put too much heart…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francis-ford-coppola/i-have-much-to-learn-from-my-daughter-sofia-her-minimalism-exposes-my/) [Francis Ford Coppola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francis-ford-coppola/) > [I learn from my own daughter that you don’t have to be awake to cry.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jodi-picoult/i-learn-from-my-own-daughter-that-you-don-t-have-to-be-awake-to-cry/) [Jodi Picoult](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jodi-picoult/) > [“Learn this now and learn it well, my daughter: Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/khaled-hosseini/learn-this-now-and-learn-it-well-my-daughter-like-a-compass-needle/) [Khaled Hosseini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/khaled-hosseini/) > [“Sometimes just going within, getting quiet, and listening is where we learn the most about life, or about death. We don’t need to run…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lee-lipsenthal/sometimes-just-going-within-getting-quiet-and-listening-is-where-we/) [Lee Lipsenthal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lee-lipsenthal/) > [From a good teacher you may learn the secret of listening. You will never learn the secret of life. You will have to listen…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-naomi-remen/from-a-good-teacher-you-may-learn-the-secret-of-listening-you-will/) [Rachel Naomi Remen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-naomi-remen/) > [“And there I sit, listening to it all. It’s wonderful how much you can learn by just being quiet and listening. Sometimes you even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/avi/and-there-i-sit-listening-to-it-all-it-s-wonderful-how-much-you-can/) [Avi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/avi/) > [It's only through listening that you learn, and I never want to stop learning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/drew-barrymore/it-s-only-through-listening-that-you-learn-and-i-never-want-to-stop/) [Drew Barrymore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/drew-barrymore/) > [“Here’s the messed up thing: most of us take our ever-changing self and partner it to another ever-changing being, entering into an ever-changing romantic…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lodro-rinzler/here-s-the-messed-up-thing-most-of-us-take-our-ever-changing-self-and/) [Lodro Rinzler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lodro-rinzler/) > [“We all know that rainbows are temporary optical illusions based on the factors of sunlight, moisture, and heat. The environment creates each rainbow like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/noah-levine/we-all-know-that-rainbows-are-temporary-optical-illusions-based-on/) [Noah Levine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/noah-levine/) > [A self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/virginia-woolf/a-self-that-goes-on-changing-is-a-self-that-goes-on-living/) [Virginia Woolf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/virginia-woolf/) > [We can only conceive of changing the self-reflection in response to our concept of self-reflection, which is predicated on our concept of self, which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/we-can-only-conceive-of-changing-the-self-reflection-in-response-to/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) > [“Much like Ella, I'd found myself with an excess of words, the wealth of which far exceeded the pathetic limits of my own biography.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aleksandar-hemon/much-like-ella-i-d-found-myself-with-an-excess-of-words-the-wealth-of/) [Aleksandar Hemon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aleksandar-hemon/) > [“A self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living': so too with the biography of that self. And just as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hermione-lee/a-self-that-goes-on-changing-is-a-self-that-goes-on-living-so-too/) [Hermione Lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hermione-lee/) > [“It is not true to say that there is no self at all or that everything is empty or illusory, but it is true…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/noah-levine/it-is-not-true-to-say-that-there-is-no-self-at-all-or-that-everything/) [Noah Levine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/noah-levine/) > [The past is not simply the past, but a prism through which the subject filters his own changing self-image.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-kearns-goodwin/the-past-is-not-simply-the-past-but-a-prism-through-which-the-subject/) [Doris Kearns Goodwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-kearns-goodwin/) ## More by Elizabeth Debold > [The tension to mother the "right" way can leave a peculiar silence within mother daughter relationships--the silence of a mother'sown truth and experience. Within…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-debold/the-tension-to-mother-the-right-way-can-leave-a-peculiar-silence/) [Elizabeth Debold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-debold/) > [The next generation of women will enter a world in which they are perceived to have more opportunities for creating fulfilling lives than women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-debold/the-next-generation-of-women-will-enter-a-world-in-which-they-are/) [Elizabeth Debold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-debold/) > [Generation after generation of women have pledged to raise their daughters differently, only to find that their daughters grow up and fervently pledge the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-debold/generation-after-generation-of-women-have-pledged-to-raise-their/) [Elizabeth Debold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-debold/) > [Few stories are written about what happens to the princess after the wedding. 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The Palestinians must leave behind their revolutionary adolescence…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ari-shavit/they-must-move-from-a-psychological-state-of-victimization-to-a/) [Ari Shavit](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ari-shavit/) > [Having children truly ends adolescence. We are all either parents or children: responsibility-takers or those who demand from others.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-shapiro/having-children-truly-ends-adolescence-we-are-all-either-parents-or/) [Ben Shapiro](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-shapiro/) > [Teenage girls are extremists who see the world in black-and- white terms, missing shades of gray. Life is either marvelous or notworth living. School…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-pipher/teenage-girls-are-extremists-who-see-the-world-in-black-and-white/) [Mary Pipher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-pipher/) > [Teenagers complain there's nothing to do, then stay out all night doing it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-phillips/teenagers-complain-there-s-nothing-to-do-then-stay-out-all-night/) [Bob Phillips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-phillips/) > [The idols of one's adolescence tend to endure - you never forget how you worshipped them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/molly-ivins/the-idols-of-one-s-adolescence-tend-to-endure-you-never-forget-how/) [Molly Ivins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/molly-ivins/) > [Being an adult is the ability to postpone a want for the sake of a family need.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-hogan/being-an-adult-is-the-ability-to-postpone-a-want-for-the-sake-of-a/) [Chris Hogan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-hogan/) > [The donning of the ear buds marks the beginning of teen life, when children set off on their own for the passage through adolescence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amity-shlaes/the-donning-of-the-ear-buds-marks-the-beginning-of-teen-life-when/) [Amity Shlaes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amity-shlaes/) > [Adolescence is when the very worst and best impulses in the human soul struggle against each other for possession.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/g-stanley-hall/adolescence-is-when-the-very-worst-and-best-impulses-in-the-human/) [G. Stanley Hall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/g-stanley-hall/) > [Most adults would not dream of belittling, humiliating, or bullying (verbally or physically) another adult. But many of the same adults think nothing of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurence-steinberg/most-adults-would-not-dream-of-belittling-humiliating-or-bullying/) [Laurence Steinberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurence-steinberg/) > [If you can't count, they can cheat you. If you can't read, they can beat you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/toni-morrison/if-you-can-t-count-they-can-cheat-you-if-you-can-t-read-they-can-beat/) [Toni Morrison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/toni-morrison/) > [“He'd possessed all the key elements of a school shooter: hormones, misery, ammunition. People wondered how something like Columbine could happen. Jude wondered why…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joe-hill/he-d-possessed-all-the-key-elements-of-a-school-shooter-hormones/) [Joe Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joe-hill/) > [ I remember realizing, when I did Little Women \[1994\], that that was the only time girls that age were being written about. It was… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/winona-ryder/i-remember-realizing-when-i-did-little-women-1994-that-that-was-the/) [Winona Ryder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/winona-ryder/) > [Content without style is propaganda or adolescence. Style without content is decadence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rita-mae-brown/content-without-style-is-propaganda-or-adolescence-style-without/) [Rita Mae Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rita-mae-brown/) > [Adolescence is interesting. I mean, all of life is interesting and all of life is transitionary. But I think there is an exponential growth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-henson/adolescence-is-interesting-i-mean-all-of-life-is-interesting-and-all/) [Bill Henson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-henson/) > [“Yet GenX'er teens didn't slow down--they were just as likely to drive, drink alcohol, and date as their Boomer peers and more likely to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-m-twenge/yet-genx-er-teens-didn-t-slow-down-they-were-just-as-likely-to-drive/) [Jean M. Twenge](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-m-twenge/) [Browse all 787 Adolescence quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adolescence/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Listening to learn isn't about giving advice--at least not until asked--but about trying to understand exactly what someone means,how it is that someone looks at and feels about her particular situation… Listening to learn from a daughter in adolescence, conspiring with her thoughts and feelings, keeps a mother in touch with a daughter's growing and changing self.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Elizabeth Debold" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-debold/listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-advice-at-least-not-until-asked/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Adolescence" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-debold/listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-advice-at-least-not-until-asked/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c8/elizabeth-debold-56550_adolescence_listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-ad_87883.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c8/elizabeth-debold-56550_adolescence_listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-ad_87883.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c8/elizabeth-debold-56550_adolescence_listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-ad_87883.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Listening to learn isn't about giving advice--at least not until asked--but about trying to understand…” — Elizabeth Debold", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Elizabeth Debold", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-debold/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Listening to learn isn't about giving...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-debold/listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-advice-at-least-not-until-asked/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-debold/listening-to-learn-isn-t-about-giving-advice-at-least-not-until-asked/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```