--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We discussed ourselves a lot. But…" description: "\"“We discussed ourselves a lot. But although we were women…we struggled to understand what a woman was. Our every move or thought or conversation or dre..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/629/elena-ferrante-2338_communication_we-discussed-ourselves-a-lot-but-althoug_885831.jpg" --- # We discussed ourselves a lot. But although we were… ![“We discussed ourselves a lot. But although we were women…we struggled to understand what a woman was. Our every move or thought or conversation or dream, once analyzed in depth, seemed not to belong to us. And this excavation seemed to exasperate those who were weaker, who couldn’t tolerate such…” quote by Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/629/elena-ferrante-2338_communication_we-discussed-ourselves-a-lot-but-althoug_885831.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/629/elena-ferrante-2338_communication_we-discussed-ourselves-a-lot-but-althoug_885831.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/629/elena-ferrante-2338_communication_we-discussed-ourselves-a-lot-but-althoug_885831.jpg) > ““We discussed ourselves a lot. But although we were women…we struggled to understand what a woman was. Our every move or thought or conversation or dream, once analyzed in depth, seemed not to belong to us. And this excavation seemed to exasperate those who were weaker, who couldn’t tolerate such an excess of self-reflection and believed that to embark on the road of freedom it was simply enough to cut off men. These were unstable times, arcing in waves. Many of us feared a return to the flat calm and stayed on the crest, holding on to extreme formulations and looking down with fear and rage.”” [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Women grapple with identity, self‑reflection, and societal expectations, fearing both conformity and radical separation from men. **In simple terms:** Women struggle to define themselves amid pressure and fear. Key Takeaway Embrace self‑knowledge while staying open to diverse paths. Themes identity gender self‑reflection freedom conflict Mood reflective intense Type philosophical personal When to use this quote - personal growth - activism - mental health - relationship building Key Concepts feminist theory psychology social dynamics Questions to Reflect On - How does self‑reflection empower or limit liberation? - What balances personal identity with communal goals? A Different Perspective Some may argue that focusing on self can hinder collective action. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Communication](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/communication/) [Freedom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/freedom/) ## Related quotes > [Women have always struggled with their men-folk for the abolition of slavery, the liberation of countries from colonialism, the dismantling of apartheid and the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gertrude-mongella/women-have-always-struggled-with-their-men-folk-for-the-abolition-of/) Gertrude Mongella > [I have a strong sympathy for all women who have struggled and suffered.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edmonia-lewis/i-have-a-strong-sympathy-for-all-women-who-have-struggled-and-suffered/) [Edmonia Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edmonia-lewis/) > [“What I thought we might have a conversation about, is basically I do math, sir, not clandestine operations that severely deplete my mental resources.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suzanne-stroh/what-i-thought-we-might-have-a-conversation-about-is-basically-i-do/) [Suzanne Stroh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suzanne-stroh/) > [I have always wanted to make art that I thought was a conversation starter.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ariana-debose/i-have-always-wanted-to-make-art-that-i-thought-was-a-conversation/) [Ariana DeBose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ariana-debose/) > [“He'd never asked her whether she would prefer to have a master again, and now the thought of such a conversation made his throat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/helene-wecker/he-d-never-asked-her-whether-she-would-prefer-to-have-a-master-again/) [Helene Wecker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/helene-wecker/) > [ Whenever Percy stopped by to see \[Annabeth\], she was so lost in thought that the conversation went something like this: Percy: 'Hey, how's it… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-riordan/whenever-percy-stopped-by-to-see-annabeth-she-was-so-lost-in-thought/) [Rick Riordan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-riordan/) > [Conversation is a meeting of minds with different memories and habits. 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It was never something that I thought…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-ryan/i-didn-t-really-realise-that-i-was-going-to-have-more-obstacles/) [Katherine Ryan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-ryan/) > [“If I woke up naked in bed with a strange British woman, my first thought would be, “How’d I get in England?” My second…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jarod-kintz/if-i-woke-up-naked-in-bed-with-a-strange-british-woman-my-first/) [Jarod Kintz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jarod-kintz/) > [“The whole of life did not consist in going to bed with a woman, he thought, returning to Scott and Balzac, to the English…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/virginia-woolf/the-whole-of-life-did-not-consist-in-going-to-bed-with-a-woman-he/) [Virginia Woolf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/virginia-woolf/) > [“Since the day we met, I haven’t wanted anyone but you, never looked at another woman, never thought about one. It’s always been you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nina-lane/since-the-day-we-met-i-haven-t-wanted-anyone-but-you-never-looked-at/) [Nina Lane](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nina-lane/) > [Because man and woman are the complement of one another, we need woman's thought in national affairs to make a safe and stable government.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-cady-stanton/because-man-and-woman-are-the-complement-of-one-another-we-need-woman/) [Elizabeth Cady Stanton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-cady-stanton/) > [“I sleep like an old woman now, she thought to herself. In fits and starts. It isn’t sleeping and it isn’t waking and it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robin-hobb/i-sleep-like-an-old-woman-now-she-thought-to-herself-in-fits-and/) [Robin Hobb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robin-hobb/) > [“She told me once that when she was with me she felt like the beautiful woman she never thought she'd be. I can't imagine…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-finn/she-told-me-once-that-when-she-was-with-me-she-felt-like-the/) [Elizabeth Finn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-finn/) ## More by Elena Ferrante > [The circle of an empty day is brutal and at night it tightens around your neck like a noose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/the-circle-of-an-empty-day-is-brutal-and-at-night-it-tightens-around/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“Quanto a mim, várias vezes ao dia me acontece de gostar de alguém. Você não? Durante pouco tempo, depois passa.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/quanto-a-mim-v-rias-vezes-ao-dia-me-acontece-de-gostar-de-algu-m-voc/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“Svakog dana sam sebi ponavljala: to sam što sam, i nema mi druge nego da se s tim pomirim; takva sam rođena, u ovom…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/svakog-dana-sam-sebi-ponavljala-to-sam-to-sam-i-nema-mi-druge-nego-da/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“We have too much stuff inside and it swells us, breaks us.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/we-have-too-much-stuff-inside-and-it-swells-us-breaks-us/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“To be born in that city is useful for only one thing: to have always known, almost instinctively, what today, with endless fine distinctions,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/to-be-born-in-that-city-is-useful-for-only-one-thing-to-have-always/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [As a girl - twelve, thirteen years old - I was absolutely certain that a good book had to have a man as its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/as-a-girl-twelve-thirteen-years-old-i-was-absolutely-certain-that-a/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“Religion will disappear from men's consciousness when, finally, we have constructed a world of equals, without class distinctions, and with a sound of scientific…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/religion-will-disappear-from-men-s-consciousness-when-finally-we-have/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [Elena Ferrante is the author of several novels. There is nothing mysterious about her, given how she manifests herself - perhaps even too much…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/elena-ferrante-is-the-author-of-several-novels-there-is-nothing/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [Women, in all fields - whether mothers or not - still encounter an extraordinary number of obstacles. They have to hold too many things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/women-in-all-fields-whether-mothers-or-not-still-encounter-an/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“Once, she closed the book abruptly and said with annoyance, "That's enough." "Why?" "Because I've had it, it's always the same story: inside something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/once-she-closed-the-book-abruptly-and-said-with-annoyance-that-s/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“She became transparent skin over bones, her eyes drowning in violet wells, her hands damp spider webs.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/she-became-transparent-skin-over-bones-her-eyes-drowning-in-violet/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“When you haven’t been in the world long, it’s hard to comprehend what disasters are at the origin of a sense of disaster: maybe…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/when-you-haven-t-been-in-the-world-long-it-s-hard-to-comprehend-what/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“As long as one writes only for oneself, writing is a free act by means of which, to use an oxymoron, one secretly opens…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/as-long-as-one-writes-only-for-oneself-writing-is-a-free-act-by-means/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“We had the same sensitivity to beautiful things, the same need to enjoy them, the same need to search for the right words to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/we-had-the-same-sensitivity-to-beautiful-things-the-same-need-to/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [Writers, because they write, are condemned never to be readers of their own stories...The memory of first putting a story into words will always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/writers-because-they-write-are-condemned-never-to-be-readers-of-their/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) [Explore all 122 Elena Ferrante quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) ## More Communication quotes > [Some people still believe you should just fall in line with what's going on - and that's scary. 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Smashing heads does not open minds.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/in-dialogue-there-is-opposition-yes-but-no-head-on-collision-smashing/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [A dialogue is very important. It is a form of communication in which question and answer continue till a question is left without an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jiddu-krishnamurti/a-dialogue-is-very-important-it-is-a-form-of-communication-in-which/) [Jiddu Krishnamurti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jiddu-krishnamurti/) > [I get afraid of the dark if I'm in a great deal of dark, and I have to move around inside of that fear...…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emil-ferris/i-get-afraid-of-the-dark-if-i-m-in-a-great-deal-of-dark-and-i-have-to/) [Emil Ferris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emil-ferris/) > [I've been in a serious conversation with one of my children, and a fan has come up. 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The “integrated” agency will be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yoram-wind/women-will-be-at-least-50-percent-of-the-communications-community/) Yoram Wind > [There are certain things you must not say in spite of the fact that supposedly democracy means free speech. No. You are not allowed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-eubank-sr/there-are-certain-things-you-must-not-say-in-spite-of-the-fact-that/) [Chris Eubank Sr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-eubank-sr/) [Browse all 21,506 Communication quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/communication/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“We discussed ourselves a lot. But although we were women…we struggled to understand what a woman was. Our every move or thought or conversation or dream, once analyzed in depth, seemed not to belong to us. 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