--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I concluded that first of all I had to…" description: "\"“I concluded that first of all I had to understand better what I was. Investigate my nature as a woman. I had been excessive, I had striven to give mys..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35e/elena-ferrante-2338_average-person_i-concluded-that-first-of-all-i-had-to-u_1174687.png" --- # I concluded that first of all I had to understand better… ![“I concluded that first of all I had to understand better what I was. Investigate my nature as a woman. I had been excessive, I had striven to give myself male capacities. I thought I had to know everything, be concerned with everything. What did I care about politics, about struggles. I wanted to…” quote by Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35e/elena-ferrante-2338_average-person_i-concluded-that-first-of-all-i-had-to-u_1174687.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35e/elena-ferrante-2338_average-person_i-concluded-that-first-of-all-i-had-to-u_1174687.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35e/elena-ferrante-2338_average-person_i-concluded-that-first-of-all-i-had-to-u_1174687.png) > ““I concluded that first of all I had to understand better what I was. Investigate my nature as a woman. I had been excessive, I had striven to give myself male capacities. I thought I had to know everything, be concerned with everything. What did I care about politics, about struggles. I wanted to make a good impression on men, be at their level. I had been conditioned by my education, which had shaped my mind, my voice. To what secret pacts with myself had I consented, just to excel. And now, after the hard work of learning, what must I unlearn. Also, I had been forced by the powerful presence of Lila to imagine myself as I was not. I was added to her, and I felt mutilated as soon as I removed myself. Not an idea, without Lila. Not a thought I trusted, without the support of her thoughts. Not an image. I had to accept myself outside of her. The gist was that. Accept that I was an average person. What should I do. Try again to write. Maybe I didn’t have the passion. I merely limited myself to carrying out a task. So don’t write anymore. Find some job. Or act the lady, as my mother said. Shut myself up in the family. Or turn everything upside down. Home. Children. Husband.”” [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator confronts gendered expectations, unlearning imposed identities to embrace authentic self. **In simple terms:** She learns to shed imposed roles and accept herself. Key Takeaway Question societal expectations and reclaim personal identity. Themes gender identity self-acceptance growth Mood introspective empathetic Type literary psychological When to use this quote - career choices - creative pursuits - family dynamics - personal development Key Concepts social conditioning internal conflict self-discovery Questions to Reflect On - What identities have I adopted from others? - How can I nurture my authentic self? A Different Perspective Unlearning ingrained norms can be painful and uncertain. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Average person](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/average-person/) [Idea Lila](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/idea-lila-3420197/) [Lila Imagine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lila-imagine-3420198/) [Lila Thought](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lila-thought-3420195/) [Mother Said](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mother-said/) [Nature](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/nature/) [Presence Lila](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/presence-lila-3420196/) ## Related quotes > [“Your shoes, mother,” he said. He had never called her mother, not in his whole life.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kyle-minor/your-shoes-mother-he-said-he-had-never-called-her-mother-not-in-his/) [Kyle Minor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kyle-minor/) > [I had no education whatsoever, and my mother said, 'Oh, you'll get a much better education in life.' I did to some extent, though…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-andrews/i-had-no-education-whatsoever-and-my-mother-said-oh-you-ll-get-a-much/) [Julie Andrews](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-andrews/) > [“Don’t psychoanalyze me,” her mother said. “I already have. And I say again, ‘ah.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maggie-stiefvater/don-t-psychoanalyze-me-her-mother-said-i-already-have-and-i-say-again/) [Maggie Stiefvater](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maggie-stiefvater/) > [“a large chifforobe wedged into a small closet that their mother said they’d have to pay Tom Robinson a nickel to bust up.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karin-slaughter/a-large-chifforobe-wedged-into-a-small-closet-that-their-mother-said/) [Karin Slaughter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karin-slaughter/) > [“We aren't poor," my mother said, again and again. "Because we're rich in love.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/we-aren-t-poor-my-mother-said-again-and-again-because-we-re-rich-in/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [I'm very glad my mother didn't let me quit piano lessons at age 10. She said I wasn't old enough or good enough to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/condoleezza-rice/i-m-very-glad-my-mother-didn-t-let-me-quit-piano-lessons-at-age-10/) [Condoleezza Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/condoleezza-rice/) > [“Clare could bear this no longer. His eyes were full of tears, which seemed like drops of molten lead. He bade a quick good-night…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-hardy/clare-could-bear-this-no-longer-his-eyes-were-full-of-tears-which/) [Thomas Hardy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-hardy/) > [“I am not certain that Lord Carson and I will suit one another." Mostly because she knew she was falling in love with his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/megan-frampton/i-am-not-certain-that-lord-carson-and-i-will-suit-one-another-mostly/) [Megan Frampton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/megan-frampton/) > [“I don't want to sleep,' my mother said. 'I want -- for God's sake, I want to wake up.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/claire-messud/i-don-t-want-to-sleep-my-mother-said-i-want-for-god-s-sake-i-want-to/) [Claire Messud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/claire-messud/) > [“She had to think about the future, her mother said. Marriage. She was sixteen now. It was time. 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Zach had to think about that one for a few…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nalini-singh/morgan-said-that-his-mother-said-that-miss-kildaire-is-sitting-on-a/) [Nalini Singh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nalini-singh/) > [A few months ago I was visiting my mother, and she said that as a child I had always wanted to learn everything, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-jason-dominus/a-few-months-ago-i-was-visiting-my-mother-and-she-said-that-as-a/) [Mark Jason Dominus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-jason-dominus/) > [“My mother said my father had a drop of dragon blood.” “Two drops. That, or a cock six feet long.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-r-r-martin/my-mother-said-my-father-had-a-drop-of-dragon-blood-two-drops-that-or/) [George R.R. Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-r-r-martin/) > [When I found out I was pregnant, my mother said, 'Don't separate your life, the life that you're going to make with this child,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neneh-cherry/when-i-found-out-i-was-pregnant-my-mother-said-don-t-separate-your/) [Neneh Cherry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neneh-cherry/) ## More by Elena Ferrante > [The circle of an empty day is brutal and at night it tightens around your neck like a noose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/the-circle-of-an-empty-day-is-brutal-and-at-night-it-tightens-around/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“Quanto a mim, várias vezes ao dia me acontece de gostar de alguém. Você não? Durante pouco tempo, depois passa.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/quanto-a-mim-v-rias-vezes-ao-dia-me-acontece-de-gostar-de-algu-m-voc/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“Svakog dana sam sebi ponavljala: to sam što sam, i nema mi druge nego da se s tim pomirim; takva sam rođena, u ovom…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/svakog-dana-sam-sebi-ponavljala-to-sam-to-sam-i-nema-mi-druge-nego-da/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“We have too much stuff inside and it swells us, breaks us.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/we-have-too-much-stuff-inside-and-it-swells-us-breaks-us/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“To be born in that city is useful for only one thing: to have always known, almost instinctively, what today, with endless fine distinctions,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/to-be-born-in-that-city-is-useful-for-only-one-thing-to-have-always/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [As a girl - twelve, thirteen years old - I was absolutely certain that a good book had to have a man as its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/as-a-girl-twelve-thirteen-years-old-i-was-absolutely-certain-that-a/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“Religion will disappear from men's consciousness when, finally, we have constructed a world of equals, without class distinctions, and with a sound of scientific…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/religion-will-disappear-from-men-s-consciousness-when-finally-we-have/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [Elena Ferrante is the author of several novels. There is nothing mysterious about her, given how she manifests herself - perhaps even too much…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/elena-ferrante-is-the-author-of-several-novels-there-is-nothing/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [Women, in all fields - whether mothers or not - still encounter an extraordinary number of obstacles. They have to hold too many things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/women-in-all-fields-whether-mothers-or-not-still-encounter-an/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“Once, she closed the book abruptly and said with annoyance, "That's enough." "Why?" "Because I've had it, it's always the same story: inside something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/once-she-closed-the-book-abruptly-and-said-with-annoyance-that-s/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“She became transparent skin over bones, her eyes drowning in violet wells, her hands damp spider webs.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/she-became-transparent-skin-over-bones-her-eyes-drowning-in-violet/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“When you haven’t been in the world long, it’s hard to comprehend what disasters are at the origin of a sense of disaster: maybe…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/when-you-haven-t-been-in-the-world-long-it-s-hard-to-comprehend-what/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“As long as one writes only for oneself, writing is a free act by means of which, to use an oxymoron, one secretly opens…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/as-long-as-one-writes-only-for-oneself-writing-is-a-free-act-by-means/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [“We had the same sensitivity to beautiful things, the same need to enjoy them, the same need to search for the right words to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/we-had-the-same-sensitivity-to-beautiful-things-the-same-need-to/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) > [Writers, because they write, are condemned never to be readers of their own stories...The memory of first putting a story into words will always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-ferrante/writers-because-they-write-are-condemned-never-to-be-readers-of-their/) [Elena Ferrante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) [Explore all 122 Elena Ferrante quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-ferrante/) ## More Average person quotes > [“She'd always been a little excitable, a little more passionate about books than your average person, but she was supposed to be -- she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-beth-durst/she-d-always-been-a-little-excitable-a-little-more-passionate-about/) [Sarah Beth Durst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-beth-durst/) > [I feel like what motivates me is what would motivate the regular average person.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rico-nasty/i-feel-like-what-motivates-me-is-what-would-motivate-the-regular/) [Rico Nasty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rico-nasty/) > [We're trying to do something so that when the average person uses Pinterest, it has to make the service better.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-silbermann/we-re-trying-to-do-something-so-that-when-the-average-person-uses/) [Ben Silbermann](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-silbermann/) > [My dad was not a footballer. He wasn't anything remotely what the average person would say was a role model - but in my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/troy-deeney/my-dad-was-not-a-footballer-he-wasn-t-anything-remotely-what-the/) [Troy Deeney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/troy-deeney/) > [The harsh truth is that Trump is a living co-morbidity, he's over 70, out of shape, eats terribly and doesn't believe in science. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jason-johnson/the-harsh-truth-is-that-trump-is-a-living-co-morbidity-he-s-over-70/) [Jason Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jason-johnson/) > [The average person would have quit at the first failure. That’s why there have been many average men and only one Edison.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/napoleon-hill/the-average-person-would-have-quit-at-the-first-failure-that-s-why/) [Napoleon Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/napoleon-hill/) > [There's barely any aspect of our modern lives that hasn't had a mathematical contribution at some point and yet, if you asked the average…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hannah-fry/there-s-barely-any-aspect-of-our-modern-lives-that-hasn-t-had-a/) [Hannah Fry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hannah-fry/) > [I'd like to think that maybe the average person is rational, and they realise that I'm not this crazy monster that, at times, I've…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-arthur/i-d-like-to-think-that-maybe-the-average-person-is-rational-and-they/) [James Arthur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-arthur/) > [I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demetri-martin/i-know-about-woodstock-probably-as-much-as-your-average-person-who-is/) [Demetri Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demetri-martin/) > [I get a little angry about this highhanded scrapping of the look of things. 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Most of them are made for personal satisfaction, to impress…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-day/some-of-the-downbeat-pictures-in-my-opinion-should-never-be-made-at/) [Doris Day](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-day/) [Browse all 443 Average person quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/average-person/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I concluded that first of all I had to understand better what I was. Investigate my nature as a woman. I had been excessive, I had striven to give myself male capacities. I thought I had to know everything, be concerned with everything. What did I care about politics, about struggles. I wanted to make a good impression on men, be at their level. I had been conditioned by my education, which had shaped my mind, my voice. To what secret pacts with myself had I consented, just to excel. And now, after the hard work of learning, what must I unlearn. Also, I had been forced by the powerful presence of Lila to imagine myself as I was not. I was added to her, and I felt mutilated as soon as I removed myself. Not an idea, without Lila. Not a thought I trusted, without the support of her thoughts. Not an image. I had to accept myself outside of her. The gist was that. Accept that I was an average person. What should I do. Try again to write. Maybe I didn’t have the passion. I merely limited myself to carrying out a task. So don’t write anymore. Find some job. Or act the lady, as my mother said. Shut myself up in the family. Or turn everything upside down. Home. Children. 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