--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Both of us had grown up believing that…" description: "\"“Both of us had grown up believing that being beaten is normal, that being backhanded is ordinary, that being called names is a regular part of life. T..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/363/dorothy-allison-2041_art-of-life_both-of-us-had-grown-up-believing-that-b_121347.jpg" --- # Both of us had grown up believing that being beaten is… ![“Both of us had grown up believing that being beaten is normal, that being backhanded is ordinary, that being called names is a regular part of life. That everyone does it, that they just don’t talk about it in public.” quote by Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/363/dorothy-allison-2041_art-of-life_both-of-us-had-grown-up-believing-that-b_121347.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/363/dorothy-allison-2041_art-of-life_both-of-us-had-grown-up-believing-that-b_121347.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/363/dorothy-allison-2041_art-of-life_both-of-us-had-grown-up-believing-that-b_121347.jpg) > ““Both of us had grown up believing that being beaten is normal, that being backhanded is ordinary, that being called names is a regular part of life. That everyone does it, that they just don’t talk about it in public.”” [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Societal norms normalize verbal and emotional abuse, making it invisible despite its prevalence. **In simple terms:** Abuse is often hidden as normal behavior. Key Takeaway Normalization hides harm. Themes abuse social norms silence psychology Mood somber empathetic Type social critique personal When to use this quote - school bullying - workplace harassment - family dynamics Key Concepts cultural conditioning power imbalance Practical Applications - Create safe spaces for reporting. - Educate on healthy communication. Questions to Reflect On - How can we differentiate normal conflict from systemic abuse? - What role does public discourse play in exposing hidden harm? A Different Perspective Not all harsh interactions are abusive; context matters. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Art of life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art-of-life/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Part of life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/part-of-life/) ## Related quotes > [Not all women like being beaten up. Only the normal ones.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nelson-rodrigues/not-all-women-like-being-beaten-up-only-the-normal-ones/) [Nelson Rodrigues](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nelson-rodrigues/) > [I find it to be the ultimate backhanded compliment when you are compared against yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elvis-costello/i-find-it-to-be-the-ultimate-backhanded-compliment-when-you-are/) [Elvis Costello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elvis-costello/) > [“NR, Master of the backhanded compliment/putdown strikes again!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-j-nicholls/nr-master-of-the-backhanded-compliment-putdown-strikes-again/) M.J. Nicholls > [Dark Fantasy" was my long, backhanded apology. You know how people give a backhanded compliment? It was a backhanded apology. It was like, all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kanye-west/dark-fantasy-was-my-long-backhanded-apology-you-know-how-people-give/) [Kanye West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kanye-west/) > [Don't give me backhanded compliments. I can see right through them. Don't make empty promises that you know you won't keep. I've let this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/don-t-give-me-backhanded-compliments-i-can-see-right-through-them-don/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [My whole life story is kind of a backhanded compliment.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tori-spelling/my-whole-life-story-is-kind-of-a-backhanded-compliment/) [Tori Spelling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tori-spelling/) > [Growing up, people would always say, 'You have such a pretty face.' It's kind of backhanded. That's the kind of things we have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paloma-elsesser/growing-up-people-would-always-say-you-have-such-a-pretty-face-it-s/) [Paloma Elsesser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paloma-elsesser/) > [On 'Veep,' people are connecting with each other, even if they're making backhanded comments about somebody behind someone else's back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sam-richardson/on-veep-people-are-connecting-with-each-other-even-if-they-re-making/) [Sam Richardson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sam-richardson/) > [“It's a part of life. You never know what you are going to get; you just have to be strong enough to deal with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-hill/it-s-a-part-of-life-you-never-know-what-you-are-going-to-get-you-just/) [Melissa Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-hill/) > [The easy part of life is finding someone to love you. The hard part of life is finding some to love you back!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-easy-part-of-life-is-finding-someone-to-love-you-the-hard-part-of/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I need someone...to be half of myself...to carry my 2nd part of life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/singu/i-need-someone-to-be-half-of-myself-to-carry-my-2nd-part-of-life/) [SINGU](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/singu/) > [“Everywhere you go you'll see highs and lows These things are just part of life and its flows It helps to understand that no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-marques/everywhere-you-go-you-ll-see-highs-and-lows-these-things-are-just/) [Joan Marques](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-marques/) > [New teachers were just a part of life, for a few days after one arrived, squawks of interest were emitted from various corners, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meg-wolitzer/new-teachers-were-just-a-part-of-life-for-a-few-days-after-one/) [Meg Wolitzer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meg-wolitzer/) > [Part of life is doing stuff that you don't want to do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/one-who-does-not-wish-to-be-named/part-of-life-is-doing-stuff-that-you-don-t-want-to-do/) One Who Does Not Wish To Be Named > [Failure is a part of life and you have to learn to deal with it. Failure is something that is part of life's cycle…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colin-powell/failure-is-a-part-of-life-and-you-have-to-learn-to-deal-with-it/) [Colin Powell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colin-powell/) ## More by Dorothy Allison > [she got a reputation for an easy smile and a sharp tongue, and using one to balance the other, she seemed friendly but distant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/she-got-a-reputation-for-an-easy-smile-and-a-sharp-tongue-and-using/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [“Simple answers, reductionist politics, are the most prone to compromise, to saying we’re addressing the essential issue and all that other stuff can slide.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/simple-answers-reductionist-politics-are-the-most-prone-to-compromise/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [People don't do right because of the fear of God or love of him. You do right because the world doesn't make sense if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/people-don-t-do-right-because-of-the-fear-of-god-or-love-of-him-you/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [“I had to say to her that it isn’t just men, and it isn’t just men “like that.” I had to talk to her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/i-had-to-say-to-her-that-it-isn-t-just-men-and-it-isn-t-just-men-like/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [“Entitlement, I have told them, is a matter of feeling like we rather than they.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/entitlement-i-have-told-them-is-a-matter-of-feeling-like-we-rather/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [“Love was something I would not have to worry about - the whole mystery of love, heartbreak songs, and family legends. Women who pined,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/love-was-something-i-would-not-have-to-worry-about-the-whole-mystery/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [“Behind the story I tell is the one I don't. Behind the story you hear is the one I wish I could make you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/behind-the-story-i-tell-is-the-one-i-don-t-behind-the-story-you-hear/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [Hunger makes you restless. you dream about food - not just any food, but perfect food, the best food, magical meals, famous and awe-inspiring,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/hunger-makes-you-restless-you-dream-about-food-not-just-any-food-but/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [I think I would have died if there hadn't been the women's movement. It gave me a vision that I could do something different,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/i-think-i-would-have-died-if-there-hadn-t-been-the-women-s-movement/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [People begin to write in order to create what they have not found and, a little bit, to give something back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/people-begin-to-write-in-order-to-create-what-they-have-not-found-and/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [The hardest thing to teach young writers is that it's wonderful to tell your truth. And that's what you should do. But it damn…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/the-hardest-thing-to-teach-young-writers-is-that-it-s-wonderful-to/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [“The horror of class stratification, racism, and prejudice is that some people begin to believe that the security of their families and communities depends…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/the-horror-of-class-stratification-racism-and-prejudice-is-that-some/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [I did not begin with craft, I began with strong feelings and worked toward craft.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/i-did-not-begin-with-craft-i-began-with-strong-feelings-and-worked/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [I think I would have died if there hadn't been the women's movement.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/i-think-i-would-have-died-if-there-hadn-t-been-the-women-s-movement-2/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [When I was growing up, I always read horror books, while my sister read romance novels. My sister became unmarried and pregnant during high…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/when-i-was-growing-up-i-always-read-horror-books-while-my-sister-read/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) [Explore all 189 Dorothy Allison quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) ## More Art of life quotes > [Failure is a part of life and you have to learn to deal with it. Failure is something that is part of life's cycle…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colin-powell/failure-is-a-part-of-life-and-you-have-to-learn-to-deal-with-it/) [Colin Powell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colin-powell/) > [Part of life is doing stuff that you don't want to do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/one-who-does-not-wish-to-be-named/part-of-life-is-doing-stuff-that-you-don-t-want-to-do/) One Who Does Not Wish To Be Named > [Having depression is tough, but surviving every day and telling yourself to go one more day longer is truly courageous. Amidst, all the pain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-limn/having-depression-is-tough-but-surviving-every-day-and-telling/) [Jeremy Limn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-limn/) > [“The mistaken and unhappy notion that a man is an enduring unity is known to you. It is also known to you that a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hermann-hesse/the-mistaken-and-unhappy-notion-that-a-man-is-an-enduring-unity-is/) [Hermann Hesse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hermann-hesse/) > [The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-hazlitt/the-art-of-life-is-to-know-how-to-enjoy-a-little-and-to-endure-very/) [William Hazlitt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-hazlitt/) > [“Learning what to want is the most radical, the most painful and the most creative art of life.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geoffrey-vickers/learning-what-to-want-is-the-most-radical-the-most-painful-and-the/) Geoffrey Vickers > [New teachers were just a part of life, for a few days after one arrived, squawks of interest were emitted from various corners, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meg-wolitzer/new-teachers-were-just-a-part-of-life-for-a-few-days-after-one/) [Meg Wolitzer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meg-wolitzer/) > [“Everywhere you go you'll see highs and lows These things are just part of life and its flows It helps to understand that no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-marques/everywhere-you-go-you-ll-see-highs-and-lows-these-things-are-just/) [Joan Marques](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-marques/) > [I need someone...to be half of myself...to carry my 2nd part of life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/singu/i-need-someone-to-be-half-of-myself-to-carry-my-2nd-part-of-life/) [SINGU](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/singu/) > [The easy part of life is finding someone to love you. The hard part of life is finding some to love you back!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-easy-part-of-life-is-finding-someone-to-love-you-the-hard-part-of/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“It's a part of life. You never know what you are going to get; you just have to be strong enough to deal with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-hill/it-s-a-part-of-life-you-never-know-what-you-are-going-to-get-you-just/) [Melissa Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-hill/) > [Experience is the only real teacher and if you keep a diary you get three bites at educating yourself - when it happens, when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-benn/experience-is-the-only-real-teacher-and-if-you-keep-a-diary-you-get/) [Tony Benn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-benn/) > [“You didn’t get it. Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-albom/you-didn-t-get-it-sacrifice-is-a-part-of-life-it-s-supposed-to-be-it/) [Mitch Albom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-albom/) > [Mistakes are a part of life, everyone makes them, everyone regrets them, but no one notices them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil/mistakes-are-a-part-of-life-everyone-makes-them-everyone-regrets-them/) [Neil](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil/) > [“What advice would you give to a smart, driven college student about to enter the “real world”? What advice should they ignore? Nobody really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/timothy-ferriss/what-advice-would-you-give-to-a-smart-driven-college-student-about-to/) [Timothy Ferriss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/timothy-ferriss/) [Browse all 957 Art of life quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art-of-life/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Both of us had grown up believing that being beaten is normal, that being backhanded is ordinary, that being called names is a regular part of life. 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