--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Ella finds this story inside herself: A…" description: "\"“Ella finds this story inside herself: A woman, loved by a man who criticises her throughout their long relationship for being unfaithful to him and fo..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c2c/doris-lessing-501_affair_ella-finds-this-story-inside-herself-a-w_2826332.png" --- # Ella finds this story inside herself: A woman, loved by a… ![“Ella finds this story inside herself: A woman, loved by a man who criticises her throughout their long relationship for being unfaithful to him and for longing for the social life which his jealousy bars her from and for being “a career woman.” This woman who, throughout the five years of their…” quote by Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c2c/doris-lessing-501_affair_ella-finds-this-story-inside-herself-a-w_2826332.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c2c/doris-lessing-501_affair_ella-finds-this-story-inside-herself-a-w_2826332.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c2c/doris-lessing-501_affair_ella-finds-this-story-inside-herself-a-w_2826332.png) > ““Ella finds this story inside herself: A woman, loved by a man who criticises her throughout their long relationship for being unfaithful to him and for longing for the social life which his jealousy bars her from and for being “a career woman.” This woman who, throughout the five years of their affair, in fact never looks at another man, never goes out, and neglects her career becomes everything he has criticised her for being at that moment when he drops her. She becomes promiscuous, lives only for parties, and is ruthless about her career, sacrificing her men and her friends for it. The point of the story is that this new personality has been created by him; and that everything she does—sexual acts, acts of betrayal for the sake of her career, etc., are with the revengeful thought: There, that’s what you wanted, that’s what you wanted me to be. And, meeting this man again after an interval, when her new personality is firmly established, he falls in love with her again. This is what he always wanted her to be; and the reason why he left her was in fact because she was quiet, compliant and faithful. But now, when he falls in love with her again, she rejects him and in bitter contempt: what she is now is not what she “really” is. He has rejected her “real” self. He has betrayed a real love and now loves a counterfeit. When she rejects him, she is preserving her real self, whom he has betrayed and rejected”” [Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-lessing/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. A woman's transformation into a persona shaped by her partner's criticism reveals how external expectations can corrupt authentic self. **In simple terms:** External pressure reshapes identity. Key Takeaway Guard personal authenticity. Themes identity power revenge authenticity Mood introspective cautionary Type literary psychological When to use this quote - relationship counseling - career planning - self‑reflection - boundary setting Key Concepts psychological manipulation gender dynamics Questions to Reflect On - How do you maintain selfhood under pressure? - What limits does revenge impose on growth? A Different Perspective Changing self may cause new conflicts; external influence isn’t sole cause. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Affair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affair/) [Betrayal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/betrayal/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Long relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/long-relationship/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Real self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/real-self/) [Social life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/social-life/) [Unfaithful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/unfaithful/) ## Related quotes > [“Pray that you may be open to any painful memories that arise and to His healing presence in your life. Now think about your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-c-ortman/pray-that-you-may-be-open-to-any-painful-memories-that-arise-and-to/) Dennis C. Ortman > [The self you have betrayed is your mind; self-esteem is reliance on one’s power to think. 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I've been much happier unmarried than married.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-lessing/i-do-not-think-that-marriage-is-one-of-my-talents-i-ve-been-much/) [Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-lessing/) > [I haven't got the energy to write now.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-lessing/i-haven-t-got-the-energy-to-write-now/) [Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-lessing/) > [What really fascinates me is this need that is so strong now that if you read a work of the imagination you instantly have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-lessing/what-really-fascinates-me-is-this-need-that-is-so-strong-now-that-if/) [Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-lessing/) > [“The charge that the United Nations are using bacteriological warfare in Korea cannot be dismissed merely because it would be insane.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-lessing/the-charge-that-the-united-nations-are-using-bacteriological-warfare/) [Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-lessing/) > [What I did have, which others perhaps didn't, was a capacity for sticking at it, which really is the point, not the talent at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-lessing/what-i-did-have-which-others-perhaps-didn-t-was-a-capacity-for/) [Doris Lessing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-lessing/) > [The human community is evolving... . 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She becomes promiscuous, lives only for parties, and is ruthless about her career, sacrificing her men and her friends for it. The point of the story is that this new personality has been created by him; and that everything she does—sexual acts, acts of betrayal for the sake of her career, etc., are with the revengeful thought: There, that’s what you wanted, that’s what you wanted me to be. And, meeting this man again after an interval, when her new personality is firmly established, he falls in love with her again. This is what he always wanted her to be; and the reason why he left her was in fact because she was quiet, compliant and faithful. But now, when he falls in love with her again, she rejects him and in bitter contempt: what she is now is not what she “really” is. He has rejected her “real” self. He has betrayed a real love and now loves a counterfeit. 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