--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We can learn to use the pain in our…" description: "\"“We can learn to use the pain in our relationships to transform us thereby turning them into entities which heal not harm.”\" — Donna Goddard" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/223/donna-goddard-3029_conflict_we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-rela_2087341.jpg" --- # We can learn to use the pain in our relationships to… ![“We can learn to use the pain in our relationships to transform us thereby turning them into entities which heal not harm.” quote by Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/223/donna-goddard-3029_conflict_we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-rela_2087341.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/223/donna-goddard-3029_conflict_we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-rela_2087341.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/223/donna-goddard-3029_conflict_we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-rela_2087341.jpg) > ““We can learn to use the pain in our relationships to transform us thereby turning them into entities which heal not harm.”” [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Pain in relationships can be a catalyst for healing if consciously transformed. **In simple terms:** Turn relational pain into growth. Key Takeaway Use conflict as a growth tool. Themes growth relationships healing emotional intelligence Mood hopeful empathetic Type motivational inspirational When to use this quote - couples therapy - conflict resolution - self‑reflection - support groups Key Concepts psychology mindfulness Questions to Reflect On - What painful pattern can you reframe? - How can you support others in healing? A Different Perspective Transformation requires willingness to face discomfort. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Conflict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/conflict/) [Entities Heal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/entities-heal-4108327/) [Growth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/growth/) [Heal Harm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heal-harm-1194303/) [Healing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healing/) [Healing-in-relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healing-in-relationships-80421/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Pain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pain/) [Pain Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pain-relationships-3827628/) [Relationship problems](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship-problems/) [Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships/) [Relationships Transform](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships-transform-4108326/) [Transformation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/transformation/) [Use Pain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/use-pain-961757/) ## Related quotes > [“Relationships are used by the darkness to keep people revolving around the ego’s demands. For a moment, people see the light of the divine…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/relationships-are-used-by-the-darkness-to-keep-people-revolving/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [When we face pain in relationships our first response is often to sever bonds rather than to maintain commitment.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-first-response-is-often-to/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Family relationships trigger childhood wounds, and those wounds often trump our rational thinking. We can't 'rationally' transcend the kind of primal pain that such…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marianne-williamson/family-relationships-trigger-childhood-wounds-and-those-wounds-often/) [Marianne Williamson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marianne-williamson/) > [Those that can heal can harm; those that can cure can kill.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/celia-rees/those-that-can-heal-can-harm-those-that-can-cure-can-kill/) [Celia Rees](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/celia-rees/) > [“It is better to heal than harm.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/it-is-better-to-heal-than-harm/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [This much is certain: We have the power to damage the sea, but no sure way to heal the harm.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sylvia-earle/this-much-is-certain-we-have-the-power-to-damage-the-sea-but-no-sure/) [Sylvia Earle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sylvia-earle/) > [We are here to heal, not harm. We are here to love, not hate. We are here to create, not destroy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-d-williams/we-are-here-to-heal-not-harm-we-are-here-to-love-not-hate-we-are-here/) [Anthony D. Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-d-williams/) > [God told us that we are here to heal, not harm. we are here to love not harm. We are here to create not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tanin/god-told-us-that-we-are-here-to-heal-not-harm-we-are-here-to-love-not/) [Tanin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tanin/) > [“If you care about something enough, it's going to make you cry. But you have to use it. Use your tears. Use your pain.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherman-alexie/if-you-care-about-something-enough-it-s-going-to-make-you-cry-but-you-2/) [Sherman Alexie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherman-alexie/) > [One cannot get through life without pain...What we can do is choose how to use the pain life presents to us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bernie-siegel/one-cannot-get-through-life-without-pain-what-we-can-do-is-choose-how/) [Bernie Siegel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bernie-siegel/) > [If you care about something enough, it’s going to make you cry. But you have to use it. Use your tears. Use your pain.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherman-alexie/if-you-care-about-something-enough-it-s-going-to-make-you-cry-but-you/) [Sherman Alexie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherman-alexie/) > [Everybody feels pain in their lives. You either use that pain to become a better and stronger person or you use it as an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/everybody-feels-pain-in-their-lives-you-either-use-that-pain-to/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Use pain as a stepping stone, not a camp ground.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-cohen/use-pain-as-a-stepping-stone-not-a-camp-ground/) [Alan Cohen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-cohen/) > [“The experience of childhood sexual abuse leaves some survivors with a high tolerance for pain. Dysfunctional environments require endurance and thick skin. Child survivors…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rosenna-bakari/the-experience-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-leaves-some-survivors-with-a/) [Rosenna Bakari](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rosenna-bakari/) > [Don't always use PAIN that you receive as an excuse to GIVE PAIN...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/don-t-always-use-pain-that-you-receive-as-an-excuse-to-give-pain/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) ## More by Donna Goddard > [“SILENT LIKE SLEEP You appear by my side, silent like sleep. Soft hair, a little wild. No fear, gentle like a calm river. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/silent-like-sleep-you-appear-by-my-side-silent-like-sleep-soft-hair-a/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“It was true that common sense wasn’t her forte. It wasn’t that she was silly or stupid, but she heard so many more voices…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/it-was-true-that-common-sense-wasn-t-her-forte-it-wasn-t-that-she-was/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“Food for the ego is poison for the soul.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/food-for-the-ego-is-poison-for-the-soul/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“When we love someone, we make it our business to protect them.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/when-we-love-someone-we-make-it-our-business-to-protect-them/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“Wise individuals frequently say very little, but what they do say hits the mark. Such remarks often remain in the mind of the recipient…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/wise-individuals-frequently-say-very-little-but-what-they-do-say-hits/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“We have already said more goodbyes than are necessary. Those were goodbyes that brought about the end of partings. We taught each other that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/we-have-already-said-more-goodbyes-than-are-necessary-those-were/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“Good fiction writers have an instinctive understanding of human nature. That's what makes stories and characters captivating. Good spiritual writers share what they sincerely…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/good-fiction-writers-have-an-instinctive-understanding-of-human/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“When we are a spiritual student, our gender identity is omni-gender and our relationship status is omni-relationship-status.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/when-we-are-a-spiritual-student-our-gender-identity-is-omni-gender/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“There is a part of us that knows the timing of any relationship. It knows things that we cannot work out. It knows when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/there-is-a-part-of-us-that-knows-the-timing-of-any-relationship-it/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“We all see a different reality and we make decisions based on what we see. Everyone is trying to protect their interests in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/we-all-see-a-different-reality-and-we-make-decisions-based-on-what-we/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“Walking can become an opportunity to move the body easily, graciously, and freely while drawing within to the non-dimensional ease, grace, and freedom that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/walking-can-become-an-opportunity-to-move-the-body-easily-graciously/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“It is, often, in the utter despair of humanness that we become willing to consider deeply spiritual answers. Although the door and the guide…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/it-is-often-in-the-utter-despair-of-humanness-that-we-become-willing/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“Somewhere along the way, there develops within the soul a yearning that can no longer be ignored, a craving for the great love affair.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/somewhere-along-the-way-there-develops-within-the-soul-a-yearning/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“One must beckon the spiritual warrior inside oneself whenever it is necessary for the task at hand. Courage is the fuel. Healing is the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/one-must-beckon-the-spiritual-warrior-inside-oneself-whenever-it-is/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [“Dance allows people to connect, learn about each other, and learn about themselves without the rather orchestrated context of modern dating apps. It’s the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/dance-allows-people-to-connect-learn-about-each-other-and-learn-about/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) [Explore all 142 Donna Goddard quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) ## More Conflict quotes > [The history of mankind interests us only as it exhibits a steady gain of truth and right, in the incessant conflict which it records…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ralph-waldo-emerson/the-history-of-mankind-interests-us-only-as-it-exhibits-a-steady-gain/) [Ralph Waldo Emerson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ralph-waldo-emerson/) > [The U.S.-Mexican border es un herida abierta where the Third World grates against the first and bleeds. And before a scab forms it hemorrhages…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gloria-e-anzald-a/the-u-s-mexican-border-es-un-herida-abierta-where-the-third-world/) [Gloria E. Anzaldúa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gloria-e-anzald-a/) > [There is a conflict in the Middle East between two entities, and they're both right, each in their own way.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/reuven-rivlin/there-is-a-conflict-in-the-middle-east-between-two-entities-and-they/) [Reuven Rivlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/reuven-rivlin/) > [Conflict isn't negative, it just is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-crum/conflict-isn-t-negative-it-just-is/) [Thomas Crum](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-crum/) > [I have lived in countries that were coming out of conflict: Ireland, South Africa, the Czech republic. People there are overflowing with energy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-eno/i-have-lived-in-countries-that-were-coming-out-of-conflict-ireland/) [Brian Eno](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-eno/) > [Africa, being the major target of colonial plunder, therefore becomes a major source of conflict.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerald-horne/africa-being-the-major-target-of-colonial-plunder-therefore-becomes-a/) [Gerald Horne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerald-horne/) > [All drama is conflict. Without conflict, there is no action. Without action, there is no character. Without character, there is no story. And without…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/syd-field/all-drama-is-conflict-without-conflict-there-is-no-action-without/) [Syd Field](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/syd-field/) > [The irrepressible conflict propounded by abolitionism has produced now its legitimate fruits - disunion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-irrepressible-conflict-propounded-by-abolitionism-has-produced/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“These are all good things, I said. But no one knows where your country is or who you are. You don't have a familiar…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-shteyngart/these-are-all-good-things-i-said-but-no-one-knows-where-your-country/) [Gary Shteyngart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-shteyngart/) > [I understand the formula that producers hire directors and directors are hired to direct and actors are hired to act. I don't have any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/danny-trejo/i-understand-the-formula-that-producers-hire-directors-and-directors/) [Danny Trejo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/danny-trejo/) > [“While there is battle and hatred men have eyes for nothing save the fact that the enemy is the cause of all the troubles;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/herbert-butterfield/while-there-is-battle-and-hatred-men-have-eyes-for-nothing-save-the/) [Herbert Butterfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/herbert-butterfield/) > [UN peacekeeping operations are now increasingly complex and multi-dimensional, going beyond monitoring a ceasefire to actually bringing failed States back to life, often after…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kofi-annan/un-peacekeeping-operations-are-now-increasingly-complex-and-multi/) [Kofi Annan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kofi-annan/) > [All men have an instinct for conflict: at least, all healthy men.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hilaire-belloc/all-men-have-an-instinct-for-conflict-at-least-all-healthy-men/) [Hilaire Belloc](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hilaire-belloc/) > [I didnt like the Survivor shows because of the mean-spirited aspect, and women certainly were part of whatever conflict they would create.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sharon-lawrence/i-didnt-like-the-survivor-shows-because-of-the-mean-spirited-aspect/) [Sharon Lawrence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sharon-lawrence/) > [“How we traverse the space between us when conflict arises has a profound effect on the health and longevity of our relationships.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sharon-salzberg/how-we-traverse-the-space-between-us-when-conflict-arises-has-a/) [Sharon Salzberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sharon-salzberg/) [Browse all 3,969 Conflict quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/conflict/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“We can learn to use the pain in our relationships to transform us thereby turning them into entities which heal not harm.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Donna Goddard" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-relationships-to-transform-us/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Conflict" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-relationships-to-transform-us/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/223/donna-goddard-3029_conflict_we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-rela_2087341.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/223/donna-goddard-3029_conflict_we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-rela_2087341.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/223/donna-goddard-3029_conflict_we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-rela_2087341.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We can learn to use the pain in our relationships to transform us thereby turning them into entities which…” — Donna Goddard", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Donna Goddard", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“We can learn to use the...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-relationships-to-transform-us/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-relationships-to-transform-us/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```