--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When those closest to us respond to…" description: "\"When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say thin..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/deborah-tannen-9586_circumstances_when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-even_774296.jpg" --- # When those closest to us respond to events differently… ![“When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure.” quote by Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/deborah-tannen-9586_circumstances_when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-even_774296.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/deborah-tannen-9586_circumstances_when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-even_774296.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/deborah-tannen-9586_circumstances_when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-even_774296.jpg) > “When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure.” [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People interpret shared experiences differently, causing uncertainty and destabilizing our sense of reality. **In simple terms:** Different views can shake our confidence. Key Takeaway Recognize and discuss differing perspectives. Themes communication perception relationships Mood uney reflective Type advice observational When to use this quote - family gatherings - work meetings - conflict resolution - cross‑cultural interactions Key Concepts social psychology relativism Questions to Reflect On - How do you handle when someone's view feels threatening? - What strategies help maintain stability amid divergent interpretations? A Different Perspective Assumes all parties are willing to share openly, which may not hold. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Events](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/events/) [Play](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/play/) ## Related quotes > [The view of the local scene through the eyes of a native participant in that scene is a different window.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-view-of-the-local-scene-through-the-eyes-of-a-native-participant/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I'm aware that a film is different than a play, and that a film isn't going to be the filmed record of the play.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tracy-letts/i-m-aware-that-a-film-is-different-than-a-play-and-that-a-film-isn-t/) [Tracy Letts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tracy-letts/) > [One thing I know about myself is that I look different, so I have to play on what makes me different.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jade-cargill/one-thing-i-know-about-myself-is-that-i-look-different-so-i-have-to/) [Jade Cargill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jade-cargill/) > [But I'm not adverse to the idea of Torch Song as a musical. It would just be different. Because the play will always be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvey-fierstein/but-i-m-not-adverse-to-the-idea-of-torch-song-as-a-musical-it-would/) [Harvey Fierstein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvey-fierstein/) > [In Europe, matches are different because you play a lot on a one-on-one basis. There's less tactical importance in the Champions League. The value…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/massimiliano-allegri/in-europe-matches-are-different-because-you-play-a-lot-on-a-one-on/) [Massimiliano Allegri](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/massimiliano-allegri/) > [Also for me it was different because I play a lot of villains and in this one I play a dad and I play…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-walken/also-for-me-it-was-different-because-i-play-a-lot-of-villains-and-in/) [Christopher Walken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-walken/) > [Of course the positions are different, but I can play anything up front.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kai-havertz/of-course-the-positions-are-different-but-i-can-play-anything-up-front/) [Kai Havertz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kai-havertz/) > [It is totally different to play in the Premier League to the Champions League.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/willian/it-is-totally-different-to-play-in-the-premier-league-to-the/) [Willian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/willian/) > [It's different to play midfielder and striker or No. 10, but I enjoy all the positions I can play.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marouane-fellaini/it-s-different-to-play-midfielder-and-striker-or-no-10-but-i-enjoy/) [Marouane Fellaini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marouane-fellaini/) > [I've learned that every game is different. You could play one team and have a terrible game and the next time you play them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rj-barrett/i-ve-learned-that-every-game-is-different-you-could-play-one-team-and/) [RJ Barrett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rj-barrett/) > [On Jersey Shore, people got a glimpse through a keyhole of who I really am. But the world really started to see me on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/the-situation/on-jersey-shore-people-got-a-glimpse-through-a-keyhole-of-who-i/) [The Situation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/the-situation/) > [When you play a person who exists in real life, it is different than when you play fiction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joanna-kulig/when-you-play-a-person-who-exists-in-real-life-it-is-different-than/) [Joanna Kulig](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joanna-kulig/) > [It's fun for musicians to step into each other's world. It's like different football teams - it's the same game but a different play.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rob-halford/it-s-fun-for-musicians-to-step-into-each-other-s-world-it-s-like/) [Rob Halford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rob-halford/) > [I'm not a fan of everyone treating you different because you play a sport.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-rendon/i-m-not-a-fan-of-everyone-treating-you-different-because-you-play-a/) [Anthony Rendon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-rendon/) > [My personal style and public style are very different. When I go out, I play dress up.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sharon-stone/my-personal-style-and-public-style-are-very-different-when-i-go-out-i/) [Sharon Stone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sharon-stone/) ## More by Deborah Tannen > [In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/in-dialogue-there-is-opposition-yes-but-no-head-on-collision-smashing/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [Cooperation isn't the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/cooperation-isn-t-the-absence-of-conflict-but-a-means-of-managing/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/communication-is-a-continual-balancing-act-juggling-the-conflicting/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [“A woman will be inclined to repeat a request that doesn't get a response because she is convinced that her husband would do what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/a-woman-will-be-inclined-to-repeat-a-request-that-doesn-t-get-a/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [Like most men, my father is interested in action. And this is why he disappoints my mother when she tells him she doesn't feel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/like-most-men-my-father-is-interested-in-action-and-this-is-why-he/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [“...You're so real. That's why we love you." ... Her friend's response reflected the reciprocity of showing vulnerability. It is a gift not only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/you-re-so-real-that-s-why-we-love-you-her-friend-s-response-reflected/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [The desire for freedom and independence becomes more of an issue for many men in relationships, whereas interdependence and connection become more of an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/the-desire-for-freedom-and-independence-becomes-more-of-an-issue-for/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [To say anything about women and men without marking oneself as either feminist or anti-feminist, male-basher or apologist for men seems as impossible for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/to-say-anything-about-women-and-men-without-marking-oneself-as-either/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [Communication is a continualbalancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacyand independence. To survivein the world, we have to act in concert with others,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/communication-is-a-continualbalancing-act-juggling-the-conflicting/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/treating-people-the-same-is-not-equal-treatment-if-they-are-not-the/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [“One reason it's so difficult to decide what to say became immediately clear: comments and questions that some appreciated were not appreciated by others.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/one-reason-it-s-so-difficult-to-decide-what-to-say-became-immediately/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [All conversation, in addition to whatever else it does, displays, and asks for recognition of, our competence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/all-conversation-in-addition-to-whatever-else-it-does-displays-and/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/for-most-women-the-language-of-conversation-is-primarily-a-language-2/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/life-is-a-matter-of-dealing-with-other-people-in-little-matters-and/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [“So there it is: Boys and girls grow up in different worlds, but we think we're in the same one, so we judge each…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/so-there-it-is-boys-and-girls-grow-up-in-different-worlds-but-we/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) [Explore all 71 Deborah Tannen quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) ## More Circumstances quotes > [I'm often moved by the circumstances around some of my characters, but I don't think I've actually cried watching myself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-winslet/i-m-often-moved-by-the-circumstances-around-some-of-my-characters-but/) [Kate Winslet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-winslet/) > [Jobs and money are never the primary cause of stress. Thinking, negative thinking causes stress. The real cause of all problems lie in our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-proctor/jobs-and-money-are-never-the-primary-cause-of-stress-thinking/) [Bob Proctor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-proctor/) > [Although under particular circumstances, the violence method - any method - can be justified, nevertheless once you commit violence, then counterviolence will be returned.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dalai-lama/although-under-particular-circumstances-the-violence-method-any/) [Dalai Lama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dalai-lama/) > [Balance is the ability to be happy in the midst of the most chaotic or even boring or transient circumstance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/balance-is-the-ability-to-be-happy-in-the-midst-of-the-most-chaotic/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) > [Trust is about keeping commitments, but in many instances, circumstances change and organizations therefore shed commitments, things such as retiree medical benefits, pension obligations,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-pfeffer/trust-is-about-keeping-commitments-but-in-many-instances/) [Jeffrey Pfeffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-pfeffer/) > [The fortunate circumstances of our lives are generally found, at last, to be of our own producing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-goldsmith/the-fortunate-circumstances-of-our-lives-are-generally-found-at-last/) [Oliver Goldsmith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oliver-goldsmith/) > [“The set of circumstances that justifies the use of deadly force is a situation of immediate danger of death or great bodily harm to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/massad-ayoob/the-set-of-circumstances-that-justifies-the-use-of-deadly-force-is-a/) [Massad Ayoob](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/massad-ayoob/) > [My sister-in-law works for a group that supports orphanages in Cairo. She and her colleagues take care of children left behind by circumstances beyond…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mohamed-elbaradei/my-sister-in-law-works-for-a-group-that-supports-orphanages-in-cairo/) [Mohamed ElBaradei](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mohamed-elbaradei/) > [It's impossible to know who Donald might have been under different circumstances and with different parents.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-l-trump/it-s-impossible-to-know-who-donald-might-have-been-under-different/) [Mary L. Trump](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-l-trump/) > [When we watch a play under the standard circumstances, we've lost volition and time is passing. A still play feels like an existential threat.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-greenberg/when-we-watch-a-play-under-the-standard-circumstances-we-ve-lost/) [Richard Greenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-greenberg/) > [Being positive helps you to keep away negative thoughts. And helps you to stand in adverse circumstances with the hope that in the end…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anurag-prakash-ray/being-positive-helps-you-to-keep-away-negative-thoughts-and-helps-you/) [Anurag Prakash Ray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anurag-prakash-ray/) > [It seemed to me that the human beings I met reacted pretty much the same to the same stimuli. Different idioms,yes. Circumstances and conditions…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zora-neale-hurston/it-seemed-to-me-that-the-human-beings-i-met-reacted-pretty-much-the/) [Zora Neale Hurston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zora-neale-hurston/) > [I don't think you would have missed that putt, but in these circumstances, I would never give you the opportunity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-nicklaus/i-don-t-think-you-would-have-missed-that-putt-but-in-these/) [Jack Nicklaus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-nicklaus/) > [I used to think I could shape the circumstances around me, but now I know Jesus uses circumstances to shape me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-goff/i-used-to-think-i-could-shape-the-circumstances-around-me-but-now-i/) [Bob Goff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-goff/) > [Instead of complaining about your circumstances, get busy creating new ones. You either suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/instead-of-complaining-about-your-circumstances-get-busy-creating-new/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) Browse all 4,560 Circumstances quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as part of a different play, when they say things that we could not imagine saying in the same circumstances, the ground on which we stand seems to tremble and our footing is suddenly unsure.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Deborah Tannen" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-events-differently-than-we-do/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Circumstances" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-events-differently-than-we-do/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/deborah-tannen-9586_circumstances_when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-even_774296.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/deborah-tannen-9586_circumstances_when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-even_774296.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1ba/deborah-tannen-9586_circumstances_when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-even_774296.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When those closest to us respond to events differently than we do, when they seem to see the same scene as…” — Deborah Tannen", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Deborah Tannen", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "When those closest to us respond...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-events-differently-than-we-do/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/when-those-closest-to-us-respond-to-events-differently-than-we-do/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```