--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I think what women are doing to…" description: "\"I think what women are doing to themselves is that they're seeing these different images of perfection - the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perf..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/debora-spar-24663_careers_i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselv_146942.png" --- # I think what women are doing to themselves is that they're… ![“I think what women are doing to themselves is that they're seeing these different images of perfection - the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect career person, the perfect movie star - and they're somehow thinking that they should be all of these things, and that's the problem.” quote by Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/debora-spar-24663_careers_i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselv_146942.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/debora-spar-24663_careers_i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselv_146942.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/debora-spar-24663_careers_i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselv_146942.png) > “I think what women are doing to themselves is that they're seeing these different images of perfection - the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect career person, the perfect movie star - and they're somehow thinking that they should be all of these things, and that's the problem.” [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Unrealistic perfection standards pressure women to fulfill multiple ideal roles. **In simple terms:** Impossible standards pressure women. Key Takeaway Reject impossible ideals. Themes gender expectations perfectionism identity Mood frustrated reflective empowering Type critical advice When to use this quote - career planning - parenting - media consumption Key Concepts Social psychology feminist theory Questions to Reflect On - How can you set realistic expectations? - What supports authentic self? A Different Perspective Society may resist change. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/) [Mother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mother/) [Movie star](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/movie-star/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Perfect wife](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/perfect-wife/) [Perfection](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/perfection/) [Problem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/problem/) [Stars](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/stars/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) [Wife](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wife/) ## Related quotes > [You cannot be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, and the perfect actor all at the same time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/blythe-danner/you-cannot-be-the-perfect-wife-the-perfect-mother-and-the-perfect/) [Blythe Danner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/blythe-danner/) > [I'm not a perfect Friend. I am not a perfect Mother. I am not a perfect Wife. I am not a perfect Person. I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-m-not-a-perfect-friend-i-am-not-a-perfect-mother-i-am-not-a-perfect/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [No mother is perfect and every good mom makes mistakes. What matters most is her heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/koena-mitra/no-mother-is-perfect-and-every-good-mom-makes-mistakes-what-matters/) [Koena Mitra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/koena-mitra/) > [People don't want to see women doing things they don't think women should do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-jett/people-don-t-want-to-see-women-doing-things-they-don-t-think-women/) [Joan Jett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-jett/) > [“Nobody's perfect,' my mother said. 'You'll have to learn to get along with him.' 'You can't learn to get along with him,' I said,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edith-konecky/nobody-s-perfect-my-mother-said-you-ll-have-to-learn-to-get-along/) [Edith Konecky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edith-konecky/) > [“Our God loves us with the fierce love of both a perfect mother and a blameless father; He wars for us violently and cradles…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-hawkes-valente/our-god-loves-us-with-the-fierce-love-of-both-a-perfect-mother-and-a/) [Sarah Hawkes Valente](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-hawkes-valente/) > [If I cannot give my children a perfect mother I can at least give them more of the one they've got--and make that one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-i-cannot-give-my-children-a-perfect-mother-i-can-at-least-give/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [There is no such thing as a perfect mother.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vicki-lawrence/there-is-no-such-thing-as-a-perfect-mother/) [Vicki Lawrence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vicki-lawrence/) > [My father was always telling himself no one was perfect, not even my mother.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/broderick-crawford/my-father-was-always-telling-himself-no-one-was-perfect-not-even-my/) [Broderick Crawford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/broderick-crawford/) > [“The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jill-churchill/the-most-important-thing-she-d-learned-over-the-years-was-that-there/) Jill Churchill > [Certainly, being a 'perfect' mother is unachievable.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sandra-tsing-loh/certainly-being-a-perfect-mother-is-unachievable/) [Sandra Tsing Loh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sandra-tsing-loh/) > [The greatest thing she'd learned over the years is that there's no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-greatest-thing-she-d-learned-over-the-years-is-that-there-s-no/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I never try to be the poster child for the perfect mother/wife... You prioritize, you do the best you can possibly do, and you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/candice-olson/i-never-try-to-be-the-poster-child-for-the-perfect-mother-wife-you/) [Candice Olson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/candice-olson/) > [I was a perfect mother.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maye-musk/i-was-a-perfect-mother/) [Maye Musk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maye-musk/) > [What writing ROOM taught me was that I know exactly how to be the perfect mother, but I'm not willing to do it for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-donoghue/what-writing-room-taught-me-was-that-i-know-exactly-how-to-be-the/) [Emma Donoghue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-donoghue/) ## More by Debora Spar > [I think sometimes by portraying our lives as being too perfect, as being too balanced, we're actually selling younger women a bill of goods…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-think-sometimes-by-portraying-our-lives-as-being-too-perfect-as/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [I think one thing that women can do is to just be more honest, with themselves and with their friends, and be more willing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-think-one-thing-that-women-can-do-is-to-just-be-more-honest-with/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [I really don't see any men sitting in the corner office plotting to keep women out. All the men I know are actively trying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-really-don-t-see-any-men-sitting-in-the-corner-office-plotting-to/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [Don't take too much credit for your children - or too much blame!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/don-t-take-too-much-credit-for-your-children-or-too-much-blame/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [We've reached the point where the demand for rules is about to replace the demand for chaos.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/we-ve-reached-the-point-where-the-demand-for-rules-is-about-to/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [I certainly wouldn't go back and blame feminism, because all that feminism was really trying to do, which was huge, was to create a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-certainly-wouldn-t-go-back-and-blame-feminism-because-all-that/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [It's oppressive. ... It's food, it's clothing, it's all the magazines that come under the heading of things looking simple. Men's magazines don't seem…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/it-s-oppressive-it-s-food-it-s-clothing-it-s-all-the-magazines-that/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [They're coming out of high school exhausted. The pressure in high school is killing these kids. By the time they get to college, they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/they-re-coming-out-of-high-school-exhausted-the-pressure-in-high/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [Feminism wasn’t supposed to make us miserable. It was supposed to make us free; to give women the power to shape their fortunes and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/feminism-wasn-t-supposed-to-make-us-miserable-it-was-supposed-to-make/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [We must...forge partnerships with those around us, and begin to dismantle the myth of solitary perfection.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/we-must-forge-partnerships-with-those-around-us-and-begin-to/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [If two people have a couple of kids, somebody does have to take care of the kids. Somebody does have to cook dinner; somebody…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/if-two-people-have-a-couple-of-kids-somebody-does-have-to-take-care/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [I think what we need to do is to step back as a society and say okay, we've kind of turned things upside-down. We…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-think-what-we-need-to-do-is-to-step-back-as-a-society-and-say-okay/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [Rather than seeing the opportunities that feminism created they very easy morph into expectations.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/rather-than-seeing-the-opportunities-that-feminism-created-they-very/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > ['Maybe' is what gets us into trouble, because I think constantly women are saying I'll try to do it, maybe I'll do it, I'll…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/maybe-is-what-gets-us-into-trouble-because-i-think-constantly-women/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) > [Women are racing all the time to try to have a perfect house and perfect kids and be a perfect cook. Men, somehow, for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/women-are-racing-all-the-time-to-try-to-have-a-perfect-house-and/) [Debora Spar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) [Explore all 24 Debora Spar quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/) ## More Careers quotes > [It is said that history turns on small hinges. A human career, too, results from an accumulating series of decisions about large and small…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norman-vincent-peale/it-is-said-that-history-turns-on-small-hinges-a-human-career-too/) [Norman Vincent Peale](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norman-vincent-peale/) > [I don't like being away from home. That's one reason why I don't work as much as I used to \[when I started my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-powell/i-don-t-like-being-away-from-home-that-s-one-reason-why-i-don-t-work/) [Jane Powell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-powell/) > [The only thing I try to watch carefully is that I never lose the love for the instrument. That's also why I decided against…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nils-frahm/the-only-thing-i-try-to-watch-carefully-is-that-i-never-lose-the-love/) [Nils Frahm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nils-frahm/) > [I'm a big fan of all the Boston guys that are acting - Matt Damon , Ben Affleck, Mark Wahlberg - they made a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenny-wormald/i-m-a-big-fan-of-all-the-boston-guys-that-are-acting-matt-damon-ben/) [Kenny Wormald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenny-wormald/) > [I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-jeselnik/i-have-that-need-in-me-i-want-everyone-to-love-me-but-i-m-embarrassed/) [Anthony Jeselnik](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-jeselnik/) > [The only regret I have in my career, is my managers wanted a big payday, and I wanted four or five more fights before…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerry-cooney/the-only-regret-i-have-in-my-career-is-my-managers-wanted-a-big/) [Gerry Cooney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerry-cooney/) > [The truth is I've just never had any kind of plan at all for my career, which is probably not a very flattering thing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ty-burrell/the-truth-is-i-ve-just-never-had-any-kind-of-plan-at-all-for-my/) [Ty Burrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ty-burrell/) > [I always knew I wanted to have a good career, so I made it happen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chord-overstreet/i-always-knew-i-wanted-to-have-a-good-career-so-i-made-it-happen/) [Chord Overstreet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chord-overstreet/) > [My non-career. My excuse for a career? Honestly, I never think about the word 'career.' I've had managers, the minute they say it to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-verlaine/my-non-career-my-excuse-for-a-career-honestly-i-never-think-about-the/) [Tom Verlaine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-verlaine/) > [Poetry has, in a way, been my bridge to my acting career.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/omari-hardwick/poetry-has-in-a-way-been-my-bridge-to-my-acting-career/) [Omari Hardwick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/omari-hardwick/) > [ The young man \[Turgot\] destined for an ecclesiastical career was placed within walls carefully designed to keep out all currents of new thought; his… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-dickson-white/the-young-man-turgot-destined-for-an-ecclesiastical-career-was-placed/) [Andrew Dickson White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-dickson-white/) > [What has drug addiction done for me? It's cost me my career, my fortune and basically my sex life when I found out I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robbin-crosby/what-has-drug-addiction-done-for-me-it-s-cost-me-my-career-my-fortune/) Robbin Crosby > [There is so much temptation to hold on to my career even more now. To try to micromanage and dictate every little aspect. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-lin/there-is-so-much-temptation-to-hold-on-to-my-career-even-more-now-to/) [Jeremy Lin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-lin/) > [Everything I've been through, everything I'm about to go through in my career and my life, if my family wasn't with me and didn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karl-malone/everything-i-ve-been-through-everything-i-m-about-to-go-through-in-my/) [Karl Malone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karl-malone/) > [An image has stuck for most of my career and it isn't flattering.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robbie-fowler/an-image-has-stuck-for-most-of-my-career-and-it-isn-t-flattering/) [Robbie Fowler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robbie-fowler/) Browse all 6,154 Careers quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I think what women are doing to themselves is that they're seeing these different images of perfection - the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect career person, the perfect movie star - and they're somehow thinking that they should be all of these things, and that's the problem.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Debora Spar" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselves-is-that-they-re-seeing/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Careers" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselves-is-that-they-re-seeing/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/debora-spar-24663_careers_i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselv_146942.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/debora-spar-24663_careers_i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselv_146942.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b5e/debora-spar-24663_careers_i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselv_146942.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I think what women are doing to themselves is that they're seeing these different images of perfection - the…” — Debora Spar", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Debora Spar", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debora-spar/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "I think what women are doing...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselves-is-that-they-re-seeing/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debora-spar/i-think-what-women-are-doing-to-themselves-is-that-they-re-seeing/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```