--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: What scares us ultimately may not be…" description: "\"“What scares us ultimately may not be closeness itself but the feelings it evokes. For someone with a fear of engulfment, closeness may set in motion a..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edd/david-richo-10322_abandonment_what-scares-us-ultimately-may-not-be-clo_2925976.jpg" --- # What scares us ultimately may not be closeness itself but… ![“What scares us ultimately may not be closeness itself but the feelings it evokes. For someone with a fear of engulfment, closeness may set in motion an old, familiar cycle in which closeness led to abandonment or abuse. Now we believe, cellularly though not necessarily intellectually, that if…” quote by David Richo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edd/david-richo-10322_abandonment_what-scares-us-ultimately-may-not-be-clo_2925976.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edd/david-richo-10322_abandonment_what-scares-us-ultimately-may-not-be-clo_2925976.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/edd/david-richo-10322_abandonment_what-scares-us-ultimately-may-not-be-clo_2925976.jpg) > ““What scares us ultimately may not be closeness itself but the feelings it evokes. For someone with a fear of engulfment, closeness may set in motion an old, familiar cycle in which closeness led to abandonment or abuse. Now we believe, cellularly though not necessarily intellectually, that if someone gets close, he will abandon or abuse us.”” [David Richo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-richo/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Fear of closeness stems from past abandonment, leading to avoidance despite desire for intimacy. **In simple terms:** Past hurts cause intimacy fear. Key Takeaway Address past wounds to embrace closeness. Themes psychology relationships trauma Mood reflective cautious Type therapeutic insightful When to use this quote - therapy - dating - family dynamics Key Concepts attachment theory emotional cycles Questions to Reflect On - What patterns repeat in your relationships? - How can you safely explore closeness? A Different Perspective Healing may be slow and painful. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abandonment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abandonment/) [Abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) [Closeness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/closeness/) [Closeness Feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/closeness-feelings-4288059/) [Closeness Led](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/closeness-led-4288061/) [Engulfment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/engulfment-55994/) [Engulfment Closeness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/engulfment-closeness-4288058/) [Fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) [Fear Engulfment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear-engulfment-4288060/) [Psychology](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/psychology/) [Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships/) ## Related quotes > [“I’ve read that, for some borderlines, the flip side of abandonment fear is the fear of engulfment. It’s another one of those “screwed if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kiera-van-gelder/i-ve-read-that-for-some-borderlines-the-flip-side-of-abandonment-fear/) [Kiera Van Gelder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kiera-van-gelder/) > [“Engulfment is a moment of hypnosis.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roland-barthes/engulfment-is-a-moment-of-hypnosis/) [Roland Barthes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roland-barthes/) > [Heartbreak has an archetypal core, all heartbroken individuals suffer from the same kind of torture.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ginette-paris/heartbreak-has-an-archetypal-core-all-heartbroken-individuals-suffer/) [Ginette Paris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ginette-paris/) > [“The introduction to horrors so young impressed on me just how helpless and vulnerable I was. 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It will always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-richo/love-is-the-possibility-of-possibilities-its-farthest-reach-is-beyond/) [David Richo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-richo/) > [“The foundation of adult trust is not "You will never hurt me." It is "I trust myself with whatever you do.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-richo/the-foundation-of-adult-trust-is-not-you-will-never-hurt-me-it-is-i/) [David Richo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-richo/) > [Early fear was felt cellularly and was indeed real. Defensive postures were necessary, but defenses generalize cellularly in adulthood and do not expire. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-richo/early-fear-was-felt-cellularly-and-was-indeed-real-defensive-postures/) [David Richo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-richo/) > [“Patriotism comes from the same Latin word as father. Blind patriotism is collective transference. In it the state becomes a parent and we citizens…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-richo/patriotism-comes-from-the-same-latin-word-as-father-blind-patriotism/) [David Richo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-richo/) [Explore all 66 David Richo quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-richo/) ## More Abandonment quotes > [If our faith in God is not the veriest sham, it demands, and will produce, the abandonment sometimes, the subordination always, of external helps…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexander-maclaren/if-our-faith-in-god-is-not-the-veriest-sham-it-demands-and-will/) [Alexander MacLaren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexander-maclaren/) > [I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe in various degrees of hatred, paranoia, and abandonment. 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But they have not accepted - they have scarcely even heard -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-monod/modern-societies-accepted-the-treasures-and-the-power-offered-them-by/) [Jacques Monod](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacques-monod/) > [Judaism is absolutely incompatible with the abandonment of the Torah.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/solomon-schechter/judaism-is-absolutely-incompatible-with-the-abandonment-of-the-torah/) [Solomon Schechter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/solomon-schechter/) > [“Abandonment is ugly.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-moore/abandonment-is-ugly/) [Michelle Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-moore/) > [In our culture of constant access and nonstop media, nothing feels more like a curse from God than time in the wilderness. To be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-martin/in-our-culture-of-constant-access-and-nonstop-media-nothing-feels/) [Jonathan Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-martin/) > [“When you give everything, you have nothing to lose.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-mcgahan/when-you-give-everything-you-have-nothing-to-lose/) [Kate McGahan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-mcgahan/) > [The only thing worse than being abandoned, is not being worthy of an explanation. It hurts to let go... but the feeling you're falling..…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joryneville/the-only-thing-worse-than-being-abandoned-is-not-being-worthy-of-an/) [JoryNeville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joryneville/) > [“I am not so different in my history of abandonment from anyone else after all. 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