---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: How could they say that they truly loved…"
description: "\"How could they say that they truly loved each other? They had simply grown up together, been children together, and the proximity of it, the closeness ..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14d/david-guterson-8456_children_how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved_7344.png"
---

#  How could they say that they truly loved each other? They…

![“How could they say that they truly loved each other? They had simply grown up together, been children together, and the proximity of it, the closeness of it, had produced in them love s illusion. And yet--on the other hand--what was love if it wasn't this instinct she felt...” quote by David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14d/david-guterson-8456_children_how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved_7344.png)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14d/david-guterson-8456_children_how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved_7344.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14d/david-guterson-8456_children_how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved_7344.png)

> “How could they say that they truly loved each other? They had simply grown up together, been children together, and the proximity of it, the closeness of it, had produced in them love s illusion. And yet--on the other hand--what was love if it wasn't this instinct she felt...”

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

It questions whether love can be a product of shared history and proximity rather than a conscious, deliberate choice, suggesting that deep familiarity may masquerade as romantic love.

**In simple terms:** Love may be an illusion formed by lifelong closeness.

Key Takeaway

Familiarity can be mistaken for love.

Themes

identity intimacy illusion choice instinct

Mood

nostalgic reflective questioning

Type

philosophical narrative contemplative

When to use this quote

- long-term friendships evolving into romance
- siblings feeling romantic tension
- partners reflecting on their shared past

Key Concepts

attachment memory social conditioning emotional perception

Practical Applications

- relationship counseling to differentiate affection types
- creative writing exploring love origins

Questions to Reflect On

- How do we differentiate love from deep friendship?
- What role does intentionality play in sustaining love?

A Different Perspective

Some argue that love is a conscious, intentional bond, not merely a byproduct of proximity.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Closeness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/closeness/) [Closeness Produced](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/closeness-produced-326799/) [Hands](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hands/) [Illusion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/illusion/) [Instinct](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/instinct/) [Instinct Felt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/instinct-felt-326800/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Love Illusion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-illusion-309969/) [Love Wasn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-wasn/) [Loved](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loved/) [Proximity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/proximity/) [Together](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/together/) [Truly love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/truly-love/)

## Related quotes

> [“Proximity and closeness are not the same.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thi-bui/proximity-and-closeness-are-not-the-same/)

[Thi Bui](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thi-bui/)

> [Sean settles swiftly behind me, and I'm startled by the sudden closeness of him, my back suddenly warm against his chest, the press of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maggie-stiefvater/sean-settles-swiftly-behind-me-and-i-m-startled-by-the-sudden/)

[Maggie Stiefvater](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maggie-stiefvater/)

> [Science boasts of the distance of its stars; of the terrific remoteness of the things of which it has to speak. But poetry and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gilbert-k-chesterton/science-boasts-of-the-distance-of-its-stars-of-the-terrific/)

[Gilbert K. Chesterton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gilbert-k-chesterton/)

> [Over and over again in my life, I find closeness to other people and proximity to other people really painful; that's part of my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-duritz/over-and-over-again-in-my-life-i-find-closeness-to-other-people-and/)

[Adam Duritz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-duritz/)

> [Love is an illusion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/love-is-an-illusion/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [For those in love with an illusion often refuse to accept reality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sanal-edamaruku/for-those-in-love-with-an-illusion-often-refuse-to-accept-reality/)

[Sanal Edamaruku](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sanal-edamaruku/)

> [“Love? I always thought love was just something that ate away your sanity, left you with an inferiority complex, and filled you with jealousy...and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tomoko-hayakawa/love-i-always-thought-love-was-just-something-that-ate-away-your/)

[Tomoko Hayakawa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tomoko-hayakawa/)

> [I don't know if it was love or an illusion. I don't know if there's ever a way to be certain.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/i-don-t-know-if-it-was-love-or-an-illusion-i-don-t-know-if-there-s/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [I regard as a mortal sin not only the lying of the senses in matters of love, but also the illusion which the senses…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-sand/i-regard-as-a-mortal-sin-not-only-the-lying-of-the-senses-in-matters/)

[George Sand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-sand/)

> [Ah, love. That’s what the world has lost. There’s no more love, only the illusion of it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/ah-love-that-s-what-the-world-has-lost-there-s-no-more-love-only-the/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [“Magic is always an illusion and love an illusion of magic.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amit-abraham/magic-is-always-an-illusion-and-love-an-illusion-of-magic/)

[Amit Abraham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amit-abraham/)

> [Too late for changes, too late perhaps for explanations and ideological webs, but the love goes on, the love goes on, blind to laws…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anais-nin/too-late-for-changes-too-late-perhaps-for-explanations-and/)

[Anais Nin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anais-nin/)

> [“I'm going to tell you something that no magazine or novel or television show will ever let on. Love wears you down. We think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathleen-tessaro/i-m-going-to-tell-you-something-that-no-magazine-or-novel-or/)

[Kathleen Tessaro](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathleen-tessaro/)

> [“Ownership, even in love, is an illusion. No woman owned any man and no man owned any woman.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-jerome-dickey/ownership-even-in-love-is-an-illusion-no-woman-owned-any-man-and-no/)

[Eric Jerome Dickey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-jerome-dickey/)

> [“Love is the illusion you get in the mids of infatuation and happiness.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tia-clark/love-is-the-illusion-you-get-in-the-mids-of-infatuation-and-happiness/)

[Tia Clark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tia-clark/)

## More by David Guterson

> [He decided then that he would love her forever no matter what came to pass. It was not so much a matter of deciding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/he-decided-then-that-he-would-love-her-forever-no-matter-what-came-to/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [There's a certain nostalgia and romance in a place you left.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/there-s-a-certain-nostalgia-and-romance-in-a-place-you-left/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [Hemingway said the only way to write about a place is to leave it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/hemingway-said-the-only-way-to-write-about-a-place-is-to-leave-it/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [It doesn't matter who you are, how many awards you've won, how popular you are, or how much critical acclaim you've had.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/it-doesn-t-matter-who-you-are-how-many-awards-you-ve-won-how-popular/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [accident ruled every corner of the universe except the chambers of the human heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/accident-ruled-every-corner-of-the-universe-except-the-chambers-of/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [“Ben remembered that in Italy, he and Rachel had slipped down between rows of apple trees on the plain of the Po, deep into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/ben-remembered-that-in-italy-he-and-rachel-had-slipped-down-between/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [“The color of the sky was like a length of white chalk turned on its side and rubbed into asphalt. Sanded--that was how the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/the-color-of-the-sky-was-like-a-length-of-white-chalk-turned-on-its/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [To deny that there was this dark side of life would be like pretending that the cold of winter was somehow only a temporary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/to-deny-that-there-was-this-dark-side-of-life-would-be-like/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [We should recognize that schools will never solve the bedrock problems of education because the problems are problems of families, of cultural pressures that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/we-should-recognize-that-schools-will-never-solve-the-bedrock/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [“It ate at whatever was warm nearby, and then the coldness settled in permanently. You learned to live with it”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/it-ate-at-whatever-was-warm-nearby-and-then-the-coldness-settled-in/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [“The trick was to live here without hating yourself because all around you was hatred. The trick was to refuse to allow your pain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/the-trick-was-to-live-here-without-hating-yourself-because-all-around/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [I grew up in Seattle, but I always knew I wanted to leave.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/i-grew-up-in-seattle-but-i-always-knew-i-wanted-to-leave/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [A literary achievement of the highest order.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/a-literary-achievement-of-the-highest-order/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [Well, I think it’s extraordinarily fun to write, and I look forward to it every day, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s easy.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/well-i-think-it-s-extraordinarily-fun-to-write-and-i-look-forward-to/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

> [“He hoped it would snow recklessly and bring to the island the impossible winter purity, so rare and precious, he remembered fondly from his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/he-hoped-it-would-snow-recklessly-and-bring-to-the-island-the/)

[David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

[Explore all 80 David Guterson quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/)

## More Children quotes

> [I am certain that children always know more than they are able to tell, and that makes the big difference between them and adults,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-lusseyran/i-am-certain-that-children-always-know-more-than-they-are-able-to/)

[Jacques Lusseyran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacques-lusseyran/)

> [Behind every successful child is an adult who believed in him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-warren/behind-every-successful-child-is-an-adult-who-believed-in-him/)

[Rick Warren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-warren/)

> [I believe in freedom to do what you want if you aren't hurting others, but pictures of obese protesters giving their children big gulps.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/philip-defranco/i-believe-in-freedom-to-do-what-you-want-if-you-aren-t-hurting-others/)

[Philip DeFranco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/philip-defranco/)

> [If the audience likes your work, if they like you, they don't think whether you are married or have children or not. I made…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dimple-kapadia/if-the-audience-likes-your-work-if-they-like-you-they-don-t-think/)

[Dimple Kapadia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dimple-kapadia/)

> [It doesnt seem to me strange that children should like the macabre, the sensational, and the forbidden.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-hecht/it-doesnt-seem-to-me-strange-that-children-should-like-the-macabre/)

[Anthony Hecht](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-hecht/)

> [Let children support their parents or be imprisoned.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/let-children-support-their-parents-or-be-imprisoned/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [Gratitude isn't just a feeling, it's an action. Expressing gratitude by writing in a journal, taking a photo, or shooting a video creates a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janice-kaplan/gratitude-isn-t-just-a-feeling-it-s-an-action-expressing-gratitude-by/)

[Janice Kaplan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janice-kaplan/)

> [My embarrassing confession is that my father is a 'Camelot: The Musical' obsessive. So as a child, when we were going to visit relatives…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-chibnall/my-embarrassing-confession-is-that-my-father-is-a-camelot-the-musical/)

[Chris Chibnall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-chibnall/)

> [I have many who keep me going, I am very fortunate in this sense. There is nothing like a child who knows more about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/floyd-cooper/i-have-many-who-keep-me-going-i-am-very-fortunate-in-this-sense-there/)

[Floyd Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/floyd-cooper/)

> [My school was one of the most beautiful places a child can grow up in. You are surrounded by nature - cats, dogs, birds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amala-akkineni/my-school-was-one-of-the-most-beautiful-places-a-child-can-grow-up-in/)

[Amala Akkineni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amala-akkineni/)

> [A lesser complaint: hair extensions. There are moments on 'All My Children' when half the women actors, young and old, seem to be afflicted…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/camille-paglia/a-lesser-complaint-hair-extensions-there-are-moments-on-all-my/)

[Camille Paglia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/camille-paglia/)

> [As a child, I had a lot of older gay men taking care of me. There's a trust there. I feel like little girls…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-cho/as-a-child-i-had-a-lot-of-older-gay-men-taking-care-of-me-there-s-a/)

[Margaret Cho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-cho/)

> [If my child had prejudice in his head, I'd be ashamed. I would see it as my failure as a parent.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/salman-rushdie/if-my-child-had-prejudice-in-his-head-i-d-be-ashamed-i-would-see-it/)

[Salman Rushdie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/salman-rushdie/)

> [“Children's lives are always beginning and adults' lives are always ending. Or is it the opposite? Your childhood is always ending and your adult…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-espach/children-s-lives-are-always-beginning-and-adults-lives-are-always/)

[Alison Espach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-espach/)

> [As a child I was very involved with sports and I knew at age 9 that I wanted to be an Olympic champion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marion-jones/as-a-child-i-was-very-involved-with-sports-and-i-knew-at-age-9-that-i/)

[Marion Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marion-jones/)

[Browse all 62,396 Children quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "How could they say that they truly loved each other? They had simply grown up together, been children together, and the proximity of it, the closeness of it, had produced in them love s illusion. And yet--on the other hand--what was love if it wasn't this instinct she felt...",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "David Guterson"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved-each-other-they-had-simply/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Children"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved-each-other-they-had-simply/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14d/david-guterson-8456_children_how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved_7344.png",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14d/david-guterson-8456_children_how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved_7344.png",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14d/david-guterson-8456_children_how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved_7344.png",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“How could they say that they truly loved each other? They had simply grown up together, been children…” — David Guterson",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "David Guterson",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "How could they say that they...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved-each-other-they-had-simply/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/how-could-they-say-that-they-truly-loved-each-other-they-had-simply/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
