--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I masturbate! I do it like I think if I…" description: "\"I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.\" — Dave Attell" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa4/dave-attell-6101_doing_i-masturbate-i-do-it-like-i-think-if-i-k_172528.png" --- # I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm… ![“I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.” quote by Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa4/dave-attell-6101_doing_i-masturbate-i-do-it-like-i-think-if-i-k_172528.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa4/dave-attell-6101_doing_i-masturbate-i-do-it-like-i-think-if-i-k_172528.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa4/dave-attell-6101_doing_i-masturbate-i-do-it-like-i-think-if-i-k_172528.png) > “I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.” [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The speaker uses humor to admit a compulsive habit, implying it feels like a futile competition. **In simple terms:** He jokes about a habit that seems like a pointless race. Key Takeaway Recognize humor as a coping tool, not a solution. Themes addiction humor self‑deprecation Mood wry self‑aware Type comedic confessional When to use this quote - personal confession - stand‑up comedy - self‑reflection Key Concepts coping mechanisms behavioral loops Questions to Reflect On - What does the habit represent for you? - Can humor help change the behavior? A Different Perspective Humor may mask underlying issues. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Doing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doing/) [Doing Gonna](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doing-gonna-1348039/) [Funny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funny/) [Humor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/) [Ifs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/) [Masturbate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/masturbate/) [Masturbate Like](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/masturbate-like-1865535/) [Think Doing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/think-doing/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) [Winning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/winning/) ## Related quotes > [Choosing not to masturbate is like owning a playground but never playing on it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nikhil-saluja/choosing-not-to-masturbate-is-like-owning-a-playground-but-never/) [Nikhil Saluja](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nikhil-saluja/) > [I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-m-very-romantic-when-i-masturbate-sometimes-i-light-a-candle-then-i/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Whatever it is we doing, we gonna do it to our very best.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/young-dolph/whatever-it-is-we-doing-we-gonna-do-it-to-our-very-best/) [Young Dolph](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/young-dolph/) > [Sometimes it just doesn’t seem to matter that I know what I should be doing. I still do what I am gonna do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-andersen/sometimes-it-just-doesn-t-seem-to-matter-that-i-know-what-i-should-be/) [Susan Andersen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-andersen/) > [I'm a very vengeful person - if someone didn't wanna get on board with me and I'm doing it well I'm gonna rub it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aj-tracey/i-m-a-very-vengeful-person-if-someone-didn-t-wanna-get-on-board-with/) [AJ Tracey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aj-tracey/) > [If you're doing something and keep doing it, you're gonna get better results.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/king-von/if-you-re-doing-something-and-keep-doing-it-you-re-gonna-get-better/) [King Von](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/king-von/) > [I'm just gonna be doing stuff that I really enjoy doing. I'm not gonna attempt to be current in any way other than the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pat-travers/i-m-just-gonna-be-doing-stuff-that-i-really-enjoy-doing-i-m-not-gonna/) [Pat Travers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pat-travers/) > [If you're having fun doing what you're doing, you're gonna really want to work hard at it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ted-ligety/if-you-re-having-fun-doing-what-you-re-doing-you-re-gonna-really-want/) [Ted Ligety](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ted-ligety/) > [Ask her what shes doing when its done. were gonna kick it, have a little fun play me a...for a...one](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/xv/ask-her-what-shes-doing-when-its-done-were-gonna-kick-it-have-a/) [XV](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/xv/) > [I have my method when it comes to my work. I don't think about who has done what, rather what I am doing is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/diana-penty/i-have-my-method-when-it-comes-to-my-work-i-don-t-think-about-who-has/) [Diana Penty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/diana-penty/) > [What do you think you're doing?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-aaronovitch/what-do-you-think-you-re-doing/) [Ben Aaronovitch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-aaronovitch/) > [“When you think it is you who are doing something, that is when you get attached to how it all works out in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-viljoen/when-you-think-it-is-you-who-are-doing-something-that-is-when-you-get/) [Edward Viljoen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-viljoen/) > [If you think you're doing everything right, then you have a tendency to stand pat.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-stockton/if-you-think-you-re-doing-everything-right-then-you-have-a-tendency/) [John Stockton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-stockton/) > [Never try to be funny right before people are about to masturbate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-walloch/never-try-to-be-funny-right-before-people-are-about-to-masturbate/) [Greg Walloch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-walloch/) > [Motivation is bullshit, what you need to do is masturbate that is doing something.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeremy-limn/motivation-is-bullshit-what-you-need-to-do-is-masturbate-that-is/) [Jeremy Limn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeremy-limn/) ## More by Dave Attell > [If you take off your pants and her first reaction is, "Awwww, look at it...like a little baby Jesus." Time to buy a Porsche.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/if-you-take-off-your-pants-and-her-first-reaction-is-awwww-look-at-it/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/you-see-a-guy-with-one-leg-he-s-got-a-story-land-mine-69-you-see-a/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-gotta-quit-smoking-doctor-s-orders-and-the-drinking-court-orders/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/you-ever-make-fun-of-someone-so-much-you-think-you-should-thank-them/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Men are having sex with animals and we wonder why the animals attack us. And I'll tell you why: it's cuz of that one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/men-are-having-sex-with-animals-and-we-wonder-why-the-animals-attack/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Jesse Joyce is a great writer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/jesse-joyce-is-a-great-writer/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Why do they collect garbarge at 5am? Why? It's garbage. It's not going to go bad again.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/why-do-they-collect-garbarge-at-5am-why-it-s-garbage-it-s-not-going/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/what-s-the-two-things-they-tell-you-are-healthiest-to-eat-chicken-and/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [This one guy, the worst guy in the music. The Yanni man. You know Yanni? First of all, anyone who looks like a magician…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/this-one-guy-the-worst-guy-in-the-music-the-yanni-man-you-know-yanni/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Pre-mature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/pre-mature-ejaculation-let-s-talk-about-it-pre-mature-ejaculation/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/it-s-a-horrible-economy-but-i-m-trying-to-do-my-part-i-just-bought-a/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [I never wanted to be famous.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-never-wanted-to-be-famous/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/i-keep-getting-these-people-at-my-shows-who-only-know-me-from/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [Friends are important, dontcha think? Hmmm? I think so. The way I see it, you got friends, and you got your best friend, big…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/friends-are-important-dontcha-think-hmmm-i-think-so-the-way-i-see-it/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) > [My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dave-attell/my-cousin-had-a-baby-and-i-was-watching-her-breastfeed-for-a-couple/) [Dave Attell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) [Explore all 100 Dave Attell quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dave-attell/) ## More Doing quotes > [I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm damn well gonna do it!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geri-halliwell/i-don-t-know-what-i-m-doing-but-i-m-damn-well-gonna-do-it/) [Geri Halliwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/geri-halliwell/) > [I love casting against type and doing things you wouldn't expect, because I think you get more interesting performances that way. Hollywood loves to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-s-goyer/i-love-casting-against-type-and-doing-things-you-wouldn-t-expect/) [David S. Goyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-s-goyer/) > [If you think you're doing everything right, then you have a tendency to stand pat.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-stockton/if-you-think-you-re-doing-everything-right-then-you-have-a-tendency/) [John Stockton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-stockton/) > [It took me 20 years to buy an electric typewriter, because I was afraid it would be too sensitive. I like to bang the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elmore-leonard/it-took-me-20-years-to-buy-an-electric-typewriter-because-i-was/) [Elmore Leonard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elmore-leonard/) > [Focus on becoming more to achieve more while doing less](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hal-elrod/focus-on-becoming-more-to-achieve-more-while-doing-less/) [Hal Elrod](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hal-elrod/) > [Doing the right things is more important than doing things right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ko-wen-je/doing-the-right-things-is-more-important-than-doing-things-right/) [Ko Wen-je](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ko-wen-je/) > [I was in high school and I had an independent album out, and we kept sending that out, and I was doing shows. No…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tyler-hilton/i-was-in-high-school-and-i-had-an-independent-album-out-and-we-kept/) [Tyler Hilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tyler-hilton/) > [If I'm not thinking about you then I am texting you , if I am not texting you then I am on the phone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-i-m-not-thinking-about-you-then-i-am-texting-you-if-i-am-not/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [.\*. why u hate me..Bitches be doing the most](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kitty/why-u-hate-me-bitches-be-doing-the-most/) [Kitty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kitty/) > [“dances with mine as if we’ve been doing this our whole”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/corinne-michaels/dances-with-mine-as-if-we-ve-been-doing-this-our-whole/) [Corinne Michaels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/corinne-michaels/) > [“I take my actions because of my passion not because of compulsion.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amit-kalantri/i-take-my-actions-because-of-my-passion-not-because-of-compulsion/) [Amit Kalantri](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amit-kalantri/) > [When the dollar collapses, it's not doing it in a vacuum. If the dollar loses value, it's doing so relative to some other currency.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-schiff/when-the-dollar-collapses-it-s-not-doing-it-in-a-vacuum-if-the-dollar/) [Peter Schiff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-schiff/) > [When I made it, I still didn't wave the flag and say, Yeah go Asian people. I do want people to know that about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chad-hugo/when-i-made-it-i-still-didn-t-wave-the-flag-and-say-yeah-go-asian/) [Chad Hugo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chad-hugo/) > [I really can't live without my In-N-Out burgers. Honestly, I can't. 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