--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: But once when she was chatting with some…" description: "\"“But once when she was chatting with some stupid boy online, she described herself as the color of coffee with not enough milk. There was a pause in th..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/daniel-jos-older-26925_sweet-smile_but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some_69367.jpg" --- # But once when she was chatting with some stupid boy… ![“But once when she was chatting with some stupid boy online, she described herself as the color of coffee with not enough milk. There was a pause in the conversation, and the words glared back at her strangely, like the echo of a burp in an empty auditorium. She wondered if what she’d typed was…” quote by Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/daniel-jos-older-26925_sweet-smile_but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some_69367.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/daniel-jos-older-26925_sweet-smile_but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some_69367.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/daniel-jos-older-26925_sweet-smile_but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some_69367.jpg) > ““But once when she was chatting with some stupid boy online, she described herself as the color of coffee with not enough milk. There was a pause in the conversation, and the words glared back at her strangely, like the echo of a burp in an empty auditorium. She wondered if what she’d typed was burning holes in her chat partner too. Then he typed o thas hot yo and she’d quickly slammed her laptop shut. In the sudden darkness of her bedroom, the words had lingered as if imprinted in her forehead: not enough. The worst part about it, the part she couldn’t let go of, was that the thought came from her. Not from one of the teachers or guidance counselors whose eyes said it again and again over sticky-sweet smiles. Not from some cop on Marcy Avenue or Tía Rosa. It came from somewhere deep inside her. And that meant that for all the times she’d shrugged off one of those slurs, some little tentacle of them still crawled its way toward her heart. Not enough milk. Not light enough. Morena. Negra. No matter what she did, that little voice came creeping back, persistent and unsatisfied. Not enough.”” [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator confronts an internalized voice of inadequacy that persists despite external validation, illustrating how self‑criticism can be a relentless, self‑generated torment. **In simple terms:** Internalized self‑criticism Key Takeaway Self‑talk can become a painful, persistent echo Themes identity self‑esteem internal conflict language social media race Mood melancholy reflective defiant Type personal narrative social commentary psychological insight When to use this quote - online dating - personal reflection after a negative comment - quiet moments of self‑doubt - post‑school counseling - nighttime introspection Key Concepts self‑concept psychological trauma cultural identity digital communication Practical Applications - therapy for self‑esteem - writing exercises to reframe self‑talk Questions to Reflect On - What internal narratives do we accept without questioning? - How can we distinguish our own voice from imposed criticism? ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Chatting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/chatting/) [Coffee Milk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/coffee-milk-914478/) [Deep inside](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/deep-inside/) [Glared](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/glared-264046/) [Guidance counselor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/guidance-counselor/) [Sweet smile](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sweet-smile/) [Words Glared](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/words-glared-914479/) ## Related quotes > [“The hell of it is that my son, my only child, has to turn out to be,” he added with a return of his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/diana-palmer/the-hell-of-it-is-that-my-son-my-only-child-has-to-turn-out-to-be-he/) [Diana Palmer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/diana-palmer/) > [“Soy milk and two sugars." 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When she described it, a light clicked on in my head, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/grant-imahara/i-only-learned-what-an-engineer-was-from-a-college-guidance-counselor/) [Grant Imahara](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/grant-imahara/) > [That was a mistake, I guess, going out to California. They have these things called guidance counselors in high school. They drink a lot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bonnie-jo-campbell/that-was-a-mistake-i-guess-going-out-to-california-they-have-these/) [Bonnie Jo Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bonnie-jo-campbell/) > [If you know a good player who is tempted by pool hustling, introduce him at once to a career guidance counselor, a psychotherapist, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-byrne/if-you-know-a-good-player-who-is-tempted-by-pool-hustling-introduce/) [Robert Byrne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-byrne/) > [1. We are here to help you. 2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings. 3. The dress…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joanna-mae-lagud/1-we-are-here-to-help-you-2-you-will-have-time-to-get-to-your-class/) [Joanna Mae Lagud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joanna-mae-lagud/) > [I think I was in high school, actually, and it was a guidance counselor or someone said, you know, you're just too loud; like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jessica-valenti/i-think-i-was-in-high-school-actually-and-it-was-a-guidance-counselor/) [Jessica Valenti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jessica-valenti/) ## More by Daniel José Older > [“This Book is Dedicated to Black Girls Everywhere. You are Powerful. You are Beautiful. You are Loved.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/this-book-is-dedicated-to-black-girls-everywhere-you-are-powerful-you/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“Tee shook her head. “You know how like … but then sometimes … and you’re just … ya know? Without any kinda … whatsoever.”…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/tee-shook-her-head-you-know-how-like-but-then-sometimes-and-you-re/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“Tee shook her head. “You know how like … but then sometimes … and you’re just … ya know? Without any kinda … whatsoever.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/tee-shook-her-head-you-know-how-like-but-then-sometimes-and-you-re-2/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“Spirits flitted through the red-and-orange sky like leaves blown on the October wind. They dipped and darted over the brownstones and housing projects, swooped…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/spirits-flitted-through-the-red-and-orange-sky-like-leaves-blown-on/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“And then, like a dick, he's gone.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/and-then-like-a-dick-he-s-gone/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“...and night would be falling over the ocean and all the lights would find her in the midst of the darkening world and the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/and-night-would-be-falling-over-the-ocean-and-all-the-lights-would/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“So, sure – maybe I don’t know how I’m going to change the world yet… but whatever it is, it begins with what we’re…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/so-sure-maybe-i-don-t-know-how-i-m-going-to-change-the-world-yet-but/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“The same word anyone said when they didn’t understand something. Crazy was a way to shut people up, disregard them entirely.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/the-same-word-anyone-said-when-they-didn-t-understand-something-crazy/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“My mama told me not to take freaky magic cards from strange white girls I meet in the woods.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/my-mama-told-me-not-to-take-freaky-magic-cards-from-strange-white/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“Alright, beats,” Tee said. “Mina — you want crime?” “Actually …” She squirmed in her chair and tugged at the scarf she had wrapped…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/alright-beats-tee-said-mina-you-want-crime-actually-she-squirmed-in/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“But it was hard work making suggestions and not blatant declarations with her ever-changing Puerto Rican body.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/but-it-was-hard-work-making-suggestions-and-not-blatant-declarations/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“If we didn’t we’d be summarily executed, remember? Or long-distance choke-smashed by your beloved archwizard woo-woo-in-chief.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/if-we-didn-t-we-d-be-summarily-executed-remember-or-long-distance/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“If you take any longer,” Rutilio chortled, “Sierra here will be in the nursing home by the time you’re done. Anyway, your entire family…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/if-you-take-any-longer-rutilio-chortled-sierra-here-will-be-in-the/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“Ghosts can be really out of line sometimes. It's one thing to come back for true love and cause a little hubbub. Or some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/ghosts-can-be-really-out-of-line-sometimes-it-s-one-thing-to-come/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) > [“Maybe the word hasn’t been invented yet – that thing beyond diversity. We often define movements by what they’re against, but the final goal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/maybe-the-word-hasn-t-been-invented-yet-that-thing-beyond-diversity/) [Daniel José Older](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) [Explore all 20 Daniel José Older quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/) ## More Chatting quotes > [“People were sitting together, talking and telling stories face-to-face again, instead of staring at a cell phone screens while texting or chatting with someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-foster/people-were-sitting-together-talking-and-telling-stories-face-to-face/) [Mike Foster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-foster/) > [I spend a fair amount of time chatting to black cab drivers in London.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katie-hopkins/i-spend-a-fair-amount-of-time-chatting-to-black-cab-drivers-in-london/) [Katie Hopkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katie-hopkins/) > [What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-holden/what-was-funny-if-you-were-there-is-that-we-were-all-immensely/) [Anthony Holden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-holden/) > [I'm not good at chatting right away. Women have to be very patient with me, I suppose.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garrett-hedlund/i-m-not-good-at-chatting-right-away-women-have-to-be-very-patient/) [Garrett Hedlund](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garrett-hedlund/) > [I find acting tough, but sitting around chatting - that's easy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-frost/i-find-acting-tough-but-sitting-around-chatting-that-s-easy/) [Nick Frost](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-frost/) > [Many desire to kill me, and many wish to spend an hour chatting with me. The law protects me from the former.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karl-kraus/many-desire-to-kill-me-and-many-wish-to-spend-an-hour-chatting-with/) [Karl Kraus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karl-kraus/) > [I've been giving a little gamble on the roulette and just sitting having a coffee with the fans, chatting away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ricky-hatton/i-ve-been-giving-a-little-gamble-on-the-roulette-and-just-sitting/) [Ricky Hatton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ricky-hatton/) > [One night, I was chatting with a group of 16-year-old girls over a few drinks about a name for the record store ... A…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-branson/one-night-i-was-chatting-with-a-group-of-16-year-old-girls-over-a-few/) [Richard Branson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-branson/) > [“There's a lot of haters out there. Instead of focusing on improving themselves they prefer to spend their time chatting shit about you. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-newton/there-s-a-lot-of-haters-out-there-instead-of-focusing-on-improving/) [Lisa Newton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-newton/) > [Christina Ricci is amazing, the most professional actor I think I've ever met. You can be chatting with her and when they call action,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kudrow/christina-ricci-is-amazing-the-most-professional-actor-i-think-i-ve/) [Lisa Kudrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kudrow/) > [I like chatting with people. If people ask me a direct question, I give them a direct answer and I feel I've always done…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kiefer-sutherland/i-like-chatting-with-people-if-people-ask-me-a-direct-question-i-give/) [Kiefer Sutherland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kiefer-sutherland/) > [I'm quite the nagger too. I nag at the others when their chatting makes our rehearsals finish later than scheduled.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/seohyun/i-m-quite-the-nagger-too-i-nag-at-the-others-when-their-chatting/) [Seohyun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/seohyun/) > [I still do lots of gigs where I'm the support act and people are chatting through my set, but I've got better at grabbing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/teddy-thompson/i-still-do-lots-of-gigs-where-i-m-the-support-act-and-people-are/) [Teddy Thompson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/teddy-thompson/) > [ \[President George W.\] Bush - never mind his well-crafted set speeches; listen to him as he leans on a lectern, chatting to an audience… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-will/president-george-w-bush-never-mind-his-well-crafted-set-speeches/) [George Will](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-will/) > [The second guy I met on the Internet was Tom, who I dated for around 6 months, which is by far the longest relationship…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marie-calloway/the-second-guy-i-met-on-the-internet-was-tom-who-i-dated-for-around-6/) [Marie Calloway](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marie-calloway/) [Browse all 130 Chatting quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/chatting/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“But once when she was chatting with some stupid boy online, she described herself as the color of coffee with not enough milk. There was a pause in the conversation, and the words glared back at her strangely, like the echo of a burp in an empty auditorium. She wondered if what she’d typed was burning holes in her chat partner too. Then he typed o thas hot yo and she’d quickly slammed her laptop shut. In the sudden darkness of her bedroom, the words had lingered as if imprinted in her forehead: not enough. The worst part about it, the part she couldn’t let go of, was that the thought came from her. Not from one of the teachers or guidance counselors whose eyes said it again and again over sticky-sweet smiles. Not from some cop on Marcy Avenue or Tía Rosa. It came from somewhere deep inside her. And that meant that for all the times she’d shrugged off one of those slurs, some little tentacle of them still crawled its way toward her heart. Not enough milk. Not light enough. Morena. Negra. No matter what she did, that little voice came creeping back, persistent and unsatisfied. Not enough.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Daniel José Older" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some-stupid-boy-online-she/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Chatting" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some-stupid-boy-online-she/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/daniel-jos-older-26925_sweet-smile_but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some_69367.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/daniel-jos-older-26925_sweet-smile_but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some_69367.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fff/daniel-jos-older-26925_sweet-smile_but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some_69367.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“But once when she was chatting with some stupid boy online, she described herself as the color of coffee…” — Daniel José Older", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Daniel José Older", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-jos-older/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“But once when she was chatting...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some-stupid-boy-online-she/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-jos-older/but-once-when-she-was-chatting-with-some-stupid-boy-online-she/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```