--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: research shows that “firm but kind” is…" description: "\"“research shows that “firm but kind” is the smarter play. People trained in self-compassion meditation are more likely to quit smoking and stick to a d..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e59/dan-harris-7769_compassion_research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the_3050869.jpg" --- # research shows that “firm but kind” is the smarter play… ![“research shows that “firm but kind” is the smarter play. People trained in self-compassion meditation are more likely to quit smoking and stick to a diet. They are better able to bounce back from missteps. All successful people fail. If you can create an inner environment where your mistakes are…” quote by Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e59/dan-harris-7769_compassion_research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the_3050869.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e59/dan-harris-7769_compassion_research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the_3050869.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e59/dan-harris-7769_compassion_research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the_3050869.jpg) > ““research shows that “firm but kind” is the smarter play. People trained in self-compassion meditation are more likely to quit smoking and stick to a diet. They are better able to bounce back from missteps. All successful people fail. If you can create an inner environment where your mistakes are forgiven and flaws are candidly confronted, your resilience expands exponentially.”” [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Treating yourself with firm kindness boosts resilience, helping you recover from setbacks and maintain healthy habits. **In simple terms:** Kindness with firmness builds resilience. Key Takeaway Adopt firm kindness for better recovery. Themes self‑compassion resilience habit change mindset growth Mood reflective motivational Type advice inspirational When to use this quote - quitting smoking - dieting - career setbacks - relationship conflicts - personal development Key Concepts psychology behavioral change self‑regulation Questions to Reflect On - How can you balance firmness with compassion? - What habits need firm kindness to improve? A Different Perspective May overlook accountability if kindness is over‑emphasized. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Compassion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/compassion/) [Resilience](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/resilience/) [Self compassion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-compassion/) [Successful people](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/successful-people/) ## Related quotes > [Each of us has a genuine capacity for love, forgiveness, wisdom and compassion. Meditation awakens these qualities so that we can discover for ourselves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sharon-salzberg/each-of-us-has-a-genuine-capacity-for-love-forgiveness-wisdom-and/) [Sharon Salzberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sharon-salzberg/) > [“Some people are late bloomers because they didn’t think they were going to be here. How can someone plan for a future they never…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sammy-sky/some-people-are-late-bloomers-because-they-didn-t-think-they-were/) Sammy Sky > [“There will be days when light feels far. But still — your heart will rise, your breath will steady, and hope will find you again.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roche-uccello/there-will-be-days-when-light-feels-far-but-still-your-heart-will/) [Roche Uccello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roche-uccello/) > [“Our deepest wounds are often invisible.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurie-e-smith/our-deepest-wounds-are-often-invisible/) [Laurie E. Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurie-e-smith/) > [“We now know that happiness, resilience, and compassion are skills, susceptible to training. You don't have to resign yourself to your current level of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/we-now-know-that-happiness-resilience-and-compassion-are-skills/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“Don't make homes out of hollow hero's that don't know how to save themselves.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nikki-rowe/don-t-make-homes-out-of-hollow-hero-s-that-don-t-know-how-to-save/) [Nikki Rowe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nikki-rowe/) > [“Each wave that rolls onto the shore must release back to the ocean. You are the same. Each wave of action you take must…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vironika-tugaleva/each-wave-that-rolls-onto-the-shore-must-release-back-to-the-ocean/) [Vironika Tugaleva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vironika-tugaleva/) > [“Rejoice in good times, but always remember that, sooner or later, good times will end, as will the bad times.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amar-ochani/rejoice-in-good-times-but-always-remember-that-sooner-or-later-good/) [Amar Ochani](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amar-ochani/) > [“Make every picture a #loveselfie and fill every moment with soul.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-leigh-mercree/make-every-picture-a-loveselfie-and-fill-every-moment-with-soul/) [Amy Leigh Mercree](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-leigh-mercree/) > [“Being cut off from our own natural self-compassion is one of the greatest impairments we can suffer. Along with our ability to feel our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/being-cut-off-from-our-own-natural-self-compassion-is-one-of-the/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bindi-irwin/you-don-t-need-to-be-accepted-by-others-you-need-to-accept-yourself/) [Bindi Irwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bindi-irwin/) > [To make yourself magnificent practice self compassion. Having self compassion means to honor and accept your own respectable self being. Self compassion is having…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anil-kumar-sinha/to-make-yourself-magnificent-practice-self-compassion-having-self/) [Anil Kumar Sinha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anil-kumar-sinha/) > [“set up an appointment with yourself in the morning, during a busy work schedule, or at night to find a quiet space and practice…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-owens/set-up-an-appointment-with-yourself-in-the-morning-during-a-busy-work/) Sarah Owens > [“Mental health professionals have their own blocks, distraction, prejudices, and cultural upbringing, all of which color the work that they do, no matter how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurie-e-smith/mental-health-professionals-have-their-own-blocks-distraction/) [Laurie E. Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurie-e-smith/) > [“The love you share with yourself pays immediate and lifelong dividends of peace.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-leigh-mercree/the-love-you-share-with-yourself-pays-immediate-and-lifelong/) [Amy Leigh Mercree](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-leigh-mercree/) ## More by Dan Harris > [“Imagine a world where people were 10% happier and less reactive. Marriage, parenting, road rage, politics - all would be improved upon. Public health…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/imagine-a-world-where-people-were-10-happier-and-less-reactive/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“retreat, with nothing to look forward to, nowhere to be, nothing to do, we are forced to confront the “wound of existence” head-on, to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/retreat-with-nothing-to-look-forward-to-nowhere-to-be-nothing-to-do/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“It’s like we’ve been enchanted,” he says. “We’ve been put under a spell—believing that this or that is going to be the source of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/it-s-like-we-ve-been-enchanted-he-says-we-ve-been-put-under-a-spell/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [Prepare like no other, know that there was nothing left for you to do when it's all said and done. This way a loss…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/prepare-like-no-other-know-that-there-was-nothing-left-for-you-to-do/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“Picture the mind like a waterfall, they said: the water is the torrent of thoughts and emotions; mindfulness is the space behind the waterfall.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/picture-the-mind-like-a-waterfall-they-said-the-water-is-the-torrent/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“They had a term, too, for that thing I did where something would bother me and I would immediately project forward to an unpleasant…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/they-had-a-term-too-for-that-thing-i-did-where-something-would-bother/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“patients saw their health improve if they did volunteer work.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/patients-saw-their-health-improve-if-they-did-volunteer-work/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“Marturano recommended something radical: do only one thing at a time. When you’re on the phone, be on the phone. When you’re in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/marturano-recommended-something-radical-do-only-one-thing-at-a-time/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“I’m thinking: Yes, right—there is a point to sitting around all day with your eyes closed: to gain some control over the mind, to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/i-m-thinking-yes-right-there-is-a-point-to-sitting-around-all-day/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“in our seat, every bite of food, every pleasant daydream—is designed to avoid pain or seek pleasure. But if we can drop all that,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/in-our-seat-every-bite-of-food-every-pleasant-daydream-is-designed-to/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [Meditation is just simple brain exercise. I exercise and this made sense to me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/meditation-is-just-simple-brain-exercise-i-exercise-and-this-made/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“Perhaps the most meaningful exchange I had on the subject was a completely random discussion with my uncle Martin at my parents’ annual summer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/perhaps-the-most-meaningful-exchange-i-had-on-the-subject-was-a/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“While I may not have been physically addicted, I was certainly psychologically hooked. I missed getting high so badly that it was the first…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/while-i-may-not-have-been-physically-addicted-i-was-certainly/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“was elated and relieved, light-headed with glee. It was as if I had totally forgotten all of Joseph’s dharma talks about the impossibility of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/was-elated-and-relieved-light-headed-with-glee-it-was-as-if-i-had/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) > [“The route of true happiness, the Buddha argued, was to achieve a visceral understanding of impermanence, which would take you off the emotional roller…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/the-route-of-true-happiness-the-buddha-argued-was-to-achieve-a/) [Dan Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) [Explore all 87 Dan Harris quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/) ## More Compassion quotes > [Half the misery of human life might be extinguished if men would alleviate the general curse they lie under by mutual offices of compassion,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-addison/half-the-misery-of-human-life-might-be-extinguished-if-men-would/) [Joseph Addison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-addison/) > [“I fight with love and kindness as my weapons and compassion as my defense.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debasish-mridha/i-fight-with-love-and-kindness-as-my-weapons-and-compassion-as-my/) [Debasish Mridha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debasish-mridha/) > [I really enjoy making people laugh; I've discovered that's a great technique. That's as powerful as stirring their sorrow, stirring their compassion, because that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/max-lucado/i-really-enjoy-making-people-laugh-i-ve-discovered-that-s-a-great/) [Max Lucado](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/max-lucado/) > [“If you refuse to use physical force, then you will be at the mercy of your oppressor!”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/segun-magbagbeola/if-you-refuse-to-use-physical-force-then-you-will-be-at-the-mercy-of/) Segun Magbagbeola > [For some reason, we are truly convinced that if we criticize ourselves, the criticism will lead to change. If we are harsh, we believe…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geneen-roth/for-some-reason-we-are-truly-convinced-that-if-we-criticize-ourselves/) [Geneen Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/geneen-roth/) > [I could not have slept tonight if I had left that helpless little creature to perish on the ground.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abraham-lincoln/i-could-not-have-slept-tonight-if-i-had-left-that-helpless-little/) [Abraham Lincoln](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abraham-lincoln/) > [We are puzzled and bewildered whenever we see suffering in this world because we have become accustomed to the mercy and the long-suffering of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-c-sproul/we-are-puzzled-and-bewildered-whenever-we-see-suffering-in-this-world/) [R. C. Sproul](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/r-c-sproul/) > [“Helpers in every corner, helpers in every hood. That's how we'll make the move, to reform from rude.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/helpers-in-every-corner-helpers-in-every-hood-that-s-how-we-ll-make/) [Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/) > [There are a number of qualities which are important for mental peace, but from the little experience I have, I believe that one of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dalai-lama/there-are-a-number-of-qualities-which-are-important-for-mental-peace/) [Dalai Lama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dalai-lama/) > [May the gods have mercy on whoever pisses them off, because Zarek and Jericho will have none for them. (Madoc) You’d better be glad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/may-the-gods-have-mercy-on-whoever-pisses-them-off-because-zarek-and/) [Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/) > [When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/when-you-need-empathy-you-cannot-give-empathy/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [But victimhood was seductive, a release from responsibility and caring. Fear would be transmuted into weary resignation; failure would no longer generate guilt but,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dean-koontz/but-victimhood-was-seductive-a-release-from-responsibility-and-caring/) [Dean Koontz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dean-koontz/) > [“No one has any right to tell you that the way you perceive yourself is wrong. Because by doing so, they also discourage the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kamand-kojouri/no-one-has-any-right-to-tell-you-that-the-way-you-perceive-yourself/) [Kamand Kojouri](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kamand-kojouri/) > [“la ilaha ilallah muhammadun rasulullah, alaihi salatullah wa alihi wal ahibba "shine your mercy like the sun, and be gracious as the earth let…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/talib-al-habib/la-ilaha-ilallah-muhammadun-rasulullah-alaihi-salatullah-wa-alihi-wal/) Talib al Habib > [The love for all living creatures is the most noble attribute of man.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-darwin/the-love-for-all-living-creatures-is-the-most-noble-attribute-of-man/) [Charles Darwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-darwin/) [Browse all 9,892 Compassion quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/compassion/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“research shows that “firm but kind” is the smarter play. People trained in self-compassion meditation are more likely to quit smoking and stick to a diet. They are better able to bounce back from missteps. All successful people fail. If you can create an inner environment where your mistakes are forgiven and flaws are candidly confronted, your resilience expands exponentially.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Dan Harris" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the-smarter-play-people-trained/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Compassion" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the-smarter-play-people-trained/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e59/dan-harris-7769_compassion_research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the_3050869.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e59/dan-harris-7769_compassion_research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the_3050869.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e59/dan-harris-7769_compassion_research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the_3050869.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“research shows that “firm but kind” is the smarter play. People trained in self-compassion meditation are…” — Dan Harris", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Dan Harris", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-harris/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“research shows that “firm but kind”...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the-smarter-play-people-trained/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-harris/research-shows-that-firm-but-kind-is-the-smarter-play-people-trained/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```