--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: You give too much attention to things…" description: "\"“You give too much attention to things that make you unhappy,' Allison says. No doubt she is right. And yet attending to things that make Hannah unhapp..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17e/curtis-sittenfeld-1731_small-talk_you-give-too-much-attention-to-things-th_2548653.jpg" --- # You give too much attention to things that make you… ![“You give too much attention to things that make you unhappy,' Allison says. No doubt she is right. And yet attending to things that make Hannah unhappy--it's such a natural reflex. It feels so intrinsic, it feels in some ways like who she is. The unflattering observations she makes about other…” quote by Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17e/curtis-sittenfeld-1731_small-talk_you-give-too-much-attention-to-things-th_2548653.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17e/curtis-sittenfeld-1731_small-talk_you-give-too-much-attention-to-things-th_2548653.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17e/curtis-sittenfeld-1731_small-talk_you-give-too-much-attention-to-things-th_2548653.jpg) > ““You give too much attention to things that make you unhappy,' Allison says. No doubt she is right. And yet attending to things that make Hannah unhappy--it's such a natural reflex. It feels so intrinsic, it feels in some ways like who she is. The unflattering observations she makes about other people, the comments that get her in trouble, aren't these truer than small talk and thank-you notes? Worse, but truer. And underneath all the decorum, isn't most everyone judgmental and disappointed? Or is it only certain people, and can she choose not to be one of them--can she choose this without also, like her mother, just giving in?”” [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. We often focus on sources of unhappiness, mistaking them for identity, while neglecting kinder, more constructive interactions. **In simple terms:** Unhappiness can dominate our attention and sense of self. Key Takeaway Choose to shift focus toward positive actions. Themes self-awareness emotional regulation social expectations Mood reflective thoughtful Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - personal relationships - workplace dynamics - family interactions Key Concepts identity reflection judgment Questions to Reflect On - What habits can you replace with more uplifting ones? - How does self‑judgment affect your relationships? A Different Perspective Changing focus is difficult when negative patterns feel innate. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Small talk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/small-talk/) ## Related quotes > [Help me,' Allison says, but she is soft-spoken, and everyone she loves is so far away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-handler/help-me-allison-says-but-she-is-soft-spoken-and-everyone-she-loves-is/) [Daniel Handler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-handler/) > [“Sports contained the truth, I decided, the unspoken truth (how quickly we damn ourselves when we start to talk, how small and inglorious we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/sports-contained-the-truth-i-decided-the-unspoken-truth-how-quickly/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [On the subway today, a man came up to me to start a conversation. 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And I remember…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rodney-crowell/my-father-took-me-to-see-hank-williams-on-december-14th-1952-i-was/) [Rodney Crowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rodney-crowell/) > [“It is a common occurrence to sit with a precious but struggling son or daughter of God who shares that while they have many…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-ammons/it-is-a-common-occurrence-to-sit-with-a-precious-but-struggling-son/) Chuck Ammons > [“The Gift of Gab She continued by saying, “Many people dismiss small talk as being a waste of time. If you think small talk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-c-young/the-gift-of-gab-she-continued-by-saying-many-people-dismiss-small/) [Susan C. Young](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-c-young/) > [“I just predicted the future, Small talk = Short Term Relationships.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deyth-banger/i-just-predicted-the-future-small-talk-short-term-relationships/) Deyth Banger > [“When I arrived, I immediately saw the mother of an ex-boyfriend, the kind of ex-boyfriend that would make you want to look as good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/when-i-arrived-i-immediately-saw-the-mother-of-an-ex-boyfriend-the/) [Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/) > [“the year of letting go, of understanding loss. grace. of the word ‘no’ and also being able to say ‘you are not kind’. the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/warsan-shire/the-year-of-letting-go-of-understanding-loss-grace-of-the-word-no-and/) [Warsan Shire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/warsan-shire/) > [“I might have hasked a question..., except that 1. I didn't know what it was, and 2. I didn't care to learn, and 3.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-might-have-hasked-a-question-except-that-1-i-didn-t-know-what-it/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [“Risking a glance at the dignified young man beside her- what was his name?- Mr. Arthurson, Arterton?- Pandora decided to try her hand at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/risking-a-glance-at-the-dignified-young-man-beside-her-what-was-his/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“I am not going to make small talk with the enemy, let's be clear about that.' - ppg 31”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/annabel-pitcher/i-am-not-going-to-make-small-talk-with-the-enemy-let-s-be-clear-about/) [Annabel Pitcher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/annabel-pitcher/) > [“Angel clicked on a few more pictures on the screen, and Alex made small talk about the place. Then he finally walked away. He…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-reyes/angel-clicked-on-a-few-more-pictures-on-the-screen-and-alex-made/) [Elizabeth Reyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-reyes/) ## More by Curtis Sittenfeld > [The best part of being a writer for me is immersing myself in a fictional world, which is the opposite of being on social…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/the-best-part-of-being-a-writer-for-me-is-immersing-myself-in-a/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [“I think adults forget just how much faith teenagers can have in them, just how willing to believe that adults, by virtue of being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/i-think-adults-forget-just-how-much-faith-teenagers-can-have-in-them/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [“She came down to my dorm that night, knocking on the door around nine o'clock. Martha was at the library, and I was eating…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/she-came-down-to-my-dorm-that-night-knocking-on-the-door-around-nine/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [My boarding school experience was the only thing I had strong enough feelings to write about for hundreds and hundreds of pages. I can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/my-boarding-school-experience-was-the-only-thing-i-had-strong-enough/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [Of course a magazine is usually more interesting than a conversation, because so much more time and preparation has gone into it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/of-course-a-magazine-is-usually-more-interesting-than-a-conversation/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [I feel that Pride and Prejudice is an incredibly well constructed novel on every level. 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I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/i-should-probably-be-careful-admitting-this-but-sometimes-when-my/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [“Approaching each other, him from the gym, me from the library- this was when I walked down the aisle and he was waiting, this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/approaching-each-other-him-from-the-gym-me-from-the-library-this-was/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [After I’d told her – the mall, the taxi, Cross stroking my hair – she said, ‘Did he kiss you?’ ‘John and Martin totally…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/after-i-d-told-her-the-mall-the-taxi-cross-stroking-my-hair-she-said/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [There's an ongoing 'water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink' situation at my house in terms of both pens and paper.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/there-s-an-ongoing-water-water-everywhere-and-not-a-drop-to-drink/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [She opened her mouth but did not immediately speak, and I felt, simultaneously, the impulse to coax the words from her and the impulse…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/she-opened-her-mouth-but-did-not-immediately-speak-and-i-felt/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [“But the truth was that I didn't want to stay in Riley. 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Noi ne percepem ca individualitati distincte, dar in ochii lor nu suntem decat o masa de nevoi…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/profii-de-aici-le-au-vazut-pe-toate-noi-ne-percepem-ca/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [When I was writing my first two books I was also freelancing and teaching and doing other odd jobs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/when-i-was-writing-my-first-two-books-i-was-also-freelancing-and/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) > [“When I think of Henry and Oliver and Mike, I feel as if they are three different models - templates, almost - and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/curtis-sittenfeld/when-i-think-of-henry-and-oliver-and-mike-i-feel-as-if-they-are-three/) [Curtis Sittenfeld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) [Explore all 212 Curtis Sittenfeld quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/curtis-sittenfeld/) ## More Small talk quotes > [“Angel clicked on a few more pictures on the screen, and Alex made small talk about the place. Then he finally walked away. He…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-reyes/angel-clicked-on-a-few-more-pictures-on-the-screen-and-alex-made/) [Elizabeth Reyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-reyes/) > [“I am not going to make small talk with the enemy, let's be clear about that.' - ppg 31”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/annabel-pitcher/i-am-not-going-to-make-small-talk-with-the-enemy-let-s-be-clear-about/) [Annabel Pitcher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/annabel-pitcher/) > [“Risking a glance at the dignified young man beside her- what was his name?- Mr. Arthurson, Arterton?- Pandora decided to try her hand at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/risking-a-glance-at-the-dignified-young-man-beside-her-what-was-his/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“I might have hasked a question..., except that 1. I didn't know what it was, and 2. I didn't care to learn, and 3.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-green/i-might-have-hasked-a-question-except-that-1-i-didn-t-know-what-it/) [John Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-green/) > [“the year of letting go, of understanding loss. grace. of the word ‘no’ and also being able to say ‘you are not kind’. the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/warsan-shire/the-year-of-letting-go-of-understanding-loss-grace-of-the-word-no-and/) [Warsan Shire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/warsan-shire/) > [“When I arrived, I immediately saw the mother of an ex-boyfriend, the kind of ex-boyfriend that would make you want to look as good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ree-drummond/when-i-arrived-i-immediately-saw-the-mother-of-an-ex-boyfriend-the/) [Ree Drummond](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ree-drummond/) > [“I just predicted the future, Small talk = Short Term Relationships.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deyth-banger/i-just-predicted-the-future-small-talk-short-term-relationships/) Deyth Banger > [“The Gift of Gab She continued by saying, “Many people dismiss small talk as being a waste of time. If you think small talk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-c-young/the-gift-of-gab-she-continued-by-saying-many-people-dismiss-small/) [Susan C. Young](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-c-young/) > [“It is a common occurrence to sit with a precious but struggling son or daughter of God who shares that while they have many…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-ammons/it-is-a-common-occurrence-to-sit-with-a-precious-but-struggling-son/) Chuck Ammons > [My father took me to see Hank Williams on December 14th, 1952. I was two years and four months of age. 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This morning I found sand in my shoe and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-angelou/i-dreamt-we-walked-together-along-the-shore-we-made-satisfying-small/) [Maya Angelou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-angelou/) [Browse all 249 Small talk quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/small-talk/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“You give too much attention to things that make you unhappy,' Allison says. No doubt she is right. And yet attending to things that make Hannah unhappy--it's such a natural reflex. It feels so intrinsic, it feels in some ways like who she is. The unflattering observations she makes about other people, the comments that get her in trouble, aren't these truer than small talk and thank-you notes? Worse, but truer. And underneath all the decorum, isn't most everyone judgmental and disappointed? 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