--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When women display the necessary…" description: "\"“When women display the necessary confidence in their skills and comfort with power, they run the risk of being regarded as ‘competent but cold’: the b..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a9/cordelia-fine-22225_confidence_when-women-display-the-necessary-confide_1923888.jpg" --- # When women display the necessary confidence in their… ![“When women display the necessary confidence in their skills and comfort with power, they run the risk of being regarded as ‘competent but cold’: the bitch, the ice queen, the iron maiden, the ballbuster, the battle axe, the dragon lady … The sheer number of synonyms is telling. Put bluntly, we…” quote by Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a9/cordelia-fine-22225_confidence_when-women-display-the-necessary-confide_1923888.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a9/cordelia-fine-22225_confidence_when-women-display-the-necessary-confide_1923888.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2a9/cordelia-fine-22225_confidence_when-women-display-the-necessary-confide_1923888.jpg) > ““When women display the necessary confidence in their skills and comfort with power, they run the risk of being regarded as ‘competent but cold’: the bitch, the ice queen, the iron maiden, the ballbuster, the battle axe, the dragon lady … The sheer number of synonyms is telling. Put bluntly, we don’t like the look of self-promotion and power on a woman. In experimental studies, women who behave in an agentic fashion experience backlash: they are rated as less socially skilled, and thus less hireable for jobs that require people skills as well as competence than are men who behave in an identical fashion. And yet if women don’t show confidence, ambition and competitiveness then evaluators may use gender stereotypes to fill in the gaps, and assume that these are important qualities she lacks. Thus, the alternative to being competent but cold is to be regarded as ‘nice but incompetent’.15 This catch-22 positions women who seek leadership roles on a ‘tightrope of impression management’.16”” [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Women who assert confidence and power are often judged harshly, labeled as cold or unapproachable, creating a double bind between competence and likability. **In simple terms:** Confident women are unfairly seen as cold, limiting their career prospects. Key Takeaway Balance confidence with warmth to avoid backlash. Themes gender bias leadership impression management stereotypes Mood frustrated determined hopeful Type analytical motivational When to use this quote - job interviews - team leadership - networking events - performance reviews Key Concepts double bind backlash social perception Questions to Reflect On - How can organizations redesign evaluation criteria to reduce gendered backlash? - What personal strategies help maintain authenticity while navigating stereotypes? A Different Perspective Women may still be penalized despite efforts to appear warm. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Confidence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/confidence/) [Feminism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feminism/) [Gender stereotypes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gender-stereotypes/) [Ice queen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ice-queen/) [People skills](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people-skills/) [Stereotypes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/stereotypes/) [War](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/war/) ## Related quotes > [From a rational standpoint, it might be expected that man should be far more willing to express financial confidence in his skills rather than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-arnold-epstein/from-a-rational-standpoint-it-might-be-expected-that-man-should-be/) [Richard Arnold Epstein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-arnold-epstein/) > [Great communication, Character, Competitive drive, Consistency, Compassion, Confidence -- skills successful leaders share.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/avery-johnson/great-communication-character-competitive-drive-consistency/) [Avery Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/avery-johnson/) > [“blatant, intentional discrimination against women is far from being something merely to be read about in history books.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/blatant-intentional-discrimination-against-women-is-far-from-being/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [When the environment makes gender salient, there is a ripple effect on the mind. We start to think of ourselves in terms of our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/when-the-environment-makes-gender-salient-there-is-a-ripple-effect-on/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“In other words, both the descriptive (‘women are gentle’) and the prescriptive (‘women should be gentle’) elements of gender stereotypes create a problem for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/in-other-words-both-the-descriptive-women-are-gentle-and-the/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [Men have been adjudicating on what women are, and how they should behave, for millennia through the institutions of social control such as religion,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheila-jeffreys/men-have-been-adjudicating-on-what-women-are-and-how-they-should/) [Sheila Jeffreys](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheila-jeffreys/) > [Even if society dictates that men and women should behave in certain ways, it is fathers and mothers who teach those ways to children…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/even-if-society-dictates-that-men-and-women-should-behave-in-certain/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [There is a lot of research out there, which shows that when women behave like men they are penalized for it. Both socially and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katty-kay/there-is-a-lot-of-research-out-there-which-shows-that-when-women/) [Katty Kay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katty-kay/) > [If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gloria-steinem/if-women-are-supposed-to-be-less-rational-and-more-emotional-at-the/) [Gloria Steinem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gloria-steinem/) > [I like movies about women behaving badly, because women behave badly just like men, and we're not always adorable and cute about it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greta-gerwig/i-like-movies-about-women-behaving-badly-because-women-behave-badly/) [Greta Gerwig](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greta-gerwig/) > [Premenstrual Syndrome: Just before their periods women behave the way men do all the time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-a-heinlein/premenstrual-syndrome-just-before-their-periods-women-behave-the-way/) [Robert A. Heinlein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-a-heinlein/) > [You are thinking about where your brain is at any time. It's very tricky but it's why women are very well suited to rule…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meryl-streep/you-are-thinking-about-where-your-brain-is-at-any-time-it-s-very/) [Meryl Streep](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meryl-streep/) > [You do the best you can. But it's hard. When I find things egregiously misrepresentative of women, I'll make a point to say to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/reese-witherspoon/you-do-the-best-you-can-but-it-s-hard-when-i-find-things-egregiously/) [Reese Witherspoon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/reese-witherspoon/) > [“The next thing I knew Jamie was in my lap wrapping her arms around my neck as if she planned on keeping me hostage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kelly-oram/the-next-thing-i-knew-jamie-was-in-my-lap-wrapping-her-arms-around-my/) [Kelly Oram](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kelly-oram/) > [“I'll say this one more time. I will be gentle. I will be slow. But you don't have the reins.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joey-w-hill/i-ll-say-this-one-more-time-i-will-be-gentle-i-will-be-slow-but-you/) [Joey W. Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joey-w-hill/) ## More by Cordelia Fine > [“Some day, I must ask him what it's like to be married to someone who, eyes narrowed in thought, peers at him over the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/some-day-i-must-ask-him-what-it-s-like-to-be-married-to-someone-who/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [A member of my family, who shall remain nameless, refers to all newborns as ‘blobs’.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/a-member-of-my-family-who-shall-remain-nameless-refers-to-all/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [Although self-reported endorsement of sexist attitudes didn’t predict hiring bias, self-reported objectivity in decision making did.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/although-self-reported-endorsement-of-sexist-attitudes-didn-t-predict/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“While parenthood served as no disadvantage at all to men, there was evidence of a substantial "motherhood penalty". Mothers received only half as many…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/while-parenthood-served-as-no-disadvantage-at-all-to-men-there-was/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“As it happens, there’s a way of presenting data, called the funnel plot, that indicates whether or not the scientific literature is biased in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/as-it-happens-there-s-a-way-of-presenting-data-called-the-funnel-plot/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [Both women and computer science are the losers when a geeky stereotype serves as an unnecessary gatekeeper to the profession.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/both-women-and-computer-science-are-the-losers-when-a-geeky/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“As Harvard University psychologist Mahzarin Banaji puts it, there is no “bright line separating self from culture,” and the culture in which we develop…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/as-harvard-university-psychologist-mahzarin-banaji-puts-it-there-is/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“My husband would probably like you to know that, for the sake of my research for this chapter, he has had to put up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/my-husband-would-probably-like-you-to-know-that-for-the-sake-of-my/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“University of Otago social historian Hera Cook provides a beautiful illustration of exactly this point in her rich account of the sexual revolution.49 Cook…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/university-of-otago-social-historian-hera-cook-provides-a-beautiful/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“Here’s another example that some overworked mothers might find inspiring. We saw in Chapter 2 that being the one who produces the sperm doesn’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/here-s-another-example-that-some-overworked-mothers-might-find/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“In other words, both the descriptive (‘women are gentle’) and the prescriptive (‘women should be gentle’) elements of gender stereotypes create a problem for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/in-other-words-both-the-descriptive-women-are-gentle-and-the/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“Our minds, society and neurosexism create difference. Together, they wire gender. But the wiring is soft, not hard. It is flexible, malleable and changeable.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/our-minds-society-and-neurosexism-create-difference-together-they/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“The tape measures and weighing scales of the Victorian brain scientists have been supplanted by powerful neuroimaging technologies, but there is still a lesson…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/the-tape-measures-and-weighing-scales-of-the-victorian-brain/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“With a particular person in mind, or in anticipation of interacting with them, self-conception adjusts to create a shared reality. This means that when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/with-a-particular-person-in-mind-or-in-anticipation-of-interacting/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) > [“Consider, for example, a cichlid fish known as Haplochromis burtoni that comes from the lakes of East Africa.9 In this species, only a small…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cordelia-fine/consider-for-example-a-cichlid-fish-known-as-haplochromis-burtoni/) [Cordelia Fine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) [Explore all 28 Cordelia Fine quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cordelia-fine/) ## More Confidence quotes > [The CIA has concluded in a secret assessment that Russia intervened in the 2016 election to help Donald Trump win the presidency rather than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-maddow/the-cia-has-concluded-in-a-secret-assessment-that-russia-intervened/) [Rachel Maddow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-maddow/) > [I was just confident my work was good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bunny-yeager/i-was-just-confident-my-work-was-good/) [Bunny Yeager](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bunny-yeager/) > [I am confident when I take the penalty otherwise I would pass for somebody else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruno-fernandes/i-am-confident-when-i-take-the-penalty-otherwise-i-would-pass-for/) [Bruno Fernandes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruno-fernandes/) > [I started out dancing on a reality TV show, but always with the intention of making my way over to film. I transitioned into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julianne-hough/i-started-out-dancing-on-a-reality-tv-show-but-always-with-the/) [Julianne Hough](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julianne-hough/) > [One of the ways that I discovered my confidence and my ability to overpower is becoming a mother. Suddenly, my world wasn't about myself…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lights/one-of-the-ways-that-i-discovered-my-confidence-and-my-ability-to/) [Lights](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lights/) > [My friend made me a leather dress for the MTV awards. It gives you confidence, wearing something you love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cat-deeley/my-friend-made-me-a-leather-dress-for-the-mtv-awards-it-gives-you/) [Cat Deeley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cat-deeley/) > [Confidence comes from cutting yourself some slack.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tess-daly/confidence-comes-from-cutting-yourself-some-slack/) [Tess Daly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tess-daly/) > [I would rather regret the things that I have done than the things that I have not.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lucille-ball/i-would-rather-regret-the-things-that-i-have-done-than-the-things/) [Lucille Ball](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lucille-ball/) > [You want to remain hungry and stay in a good place as a competitor; at the same time, you want to be confident but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lamar-odom/you-want-to-remain-hungry-and-stay-in-a-good-place-as-a-competitor-at/) [Lamar Odom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lamar-odom/) > [Get to know yourself well enough to not only expect, but also control, your response to the unexpected challenges in life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/senoraroy/get-to-know-yourself-well-enough-to-not-only-expect-but-also-control/) Senoraroy > [The four Cs of making dreams come true: Curiosity, Courage, Consistency, Confidence.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/walt-disney/the-four-cs-of-making-dreams-come-true-curiosity-courage-consistency/) [Walt Disney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/walt-disney/) > [I look for someone who has confidence. Also someone whose energetic, cause I'm NOT that energetic.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-jonas/i-look-for-someone-who-has-confidence-also-someone-whose-energetic/) [Nick Jonas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-jonas/) > [Why shouldn't I be confident? I'm well educated, I can deliver a line, and I have more than three expressions. That's good right?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonakshi-sinha/why-shouldn-t-i-be-confident-i-m-well-educated-i-can-deliver-a-line/) [Sonakshi Sinha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonakshi-sinha/) > [I was very confident on the stage, and I stood out in a red gown.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicole-johnson/i-was-very-confident-on-the-stage-and-i-stood-out-in-a-red-gown/) [Nicole Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicole-johnson/) > [If you go to any nunnery and ask them what the main obstacle is, they'll always say low self-esteem and lack of confidence. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tenzin-palmo/if-you-go-to-any-nunnery-and-ask-them-what-the-main-obstacle-is-they/) [Tenzin Palmo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tenzin-palmo/) [Browse all 11,290 Confidence quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/confidence/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“When women display the necessary confidence in their skills and comfort with power, they run the risk of being regarded as ‘competent but cold’: the bitch, the ice queen, the iron maiden, the ballbuster, the battle axe, the dragon lady … The sheer number of synonyms is telling. Put bluntly, we don’t like the look of self-promotion and power on a woman. In experimental studies, women who behave in an agentic fashion experience backlash: they are rated as less socially skilled, and thus less hireable for jobs that require people skills as well as competence than are men who behave in an identical fashion. 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