--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It's crushing to realize you actually…" description: "\"It's crushing to realize you actually don't have control over what people think of you, and even as much as you think you do... That's a huge fear of m..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/cole-escola-6042_control_it-s-crushing-to-realize-you-actually-do_817744.jpg" --- # It's crushing to realize you actually don't have control… ![“It's crushing to realize you actually don't have control over what people think of you, and even as much as you think you do... That's a huge fear of mine. I think that's especially tied into queerness.” quote by Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/cole-escola-6042_control_it-s-crushing-to-realize-you-actually-do_817744.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/cole-escola-6042_control_it-s-crushing-to-realize-you-actually-do_817744.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/078/cole-escola-6042_control_it-s-crushing-to-realize-you-actually-do_817744.jpg) > “It's crushing to realize you actually don't have control over what people think of you, and even as much as you think you do... That's a huge fear of mine. I think that's especially tied into queerness.” [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Realizing we lack control over others' opinions reveals a deep fear, especially linked to queer identity. **In simple terms:** We can’t control thoughts about us. Key Takeaway Accept uncertainty and focus on self‑validation. Themes identity vulnerability fear Mood reflective empathetic Type personal candid When to use this quote - coming out - public performance - online interaction - personal relationships Key Concepts Self‑acceptance social perception Questions to Reflect On - How does external judgment affect your confidence? - What practices help you stay grounded? A Different Perspective Societal pressure can intensify this fear, making self‑acceptance harder. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Control](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/control/) [Crushing Realize](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crushing-realize-342586/) [Fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) [Fear Think](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear-think-342585/) [Huge Fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/huge-fear-342587/) [I think](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/i-think/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Queerness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/queerness/) [Realize](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/realize/) [Tied Queerness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tied-queerness-342584/) ## Related quotes > [It's fear, Jack. The man deals with a huge amount of fear.' Because he got hurt?' No, not entirely. Fear comes with imagination, it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-harris/it-s-fear-jack-the-man-deals-with-a-huge-amount-of-fear-because-he/) [Thomas Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-harris/) > [I was always shy and had a huge fear of being onstage.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/colbie-caillat/i-was-always-shy-and-had-a-huge-fear-of-being-onstage/) [Colbie Caillat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/colbie-caillat/) > [I'm a vegetarian, so I have a huge fear of blood.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lana-condor/i-m-a-vegetarian-so-i-have-a-huge-fear-of-blood/) [Lana Condor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lana-condor/) > [I have a huge fear of crowds. The irony is that my band is a therapeutic exercise. I hurl myself into thousands of people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/juliette-lewis/i-have-a-huge-fear-of-crowds-the-irony-is-that-my-band-is-a/) [Juliette Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/juliette-lewis/) > [I've always had a huge fear of dying or becoming ill. The thing I'm most afraid of, is being alone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-lopez/i-ve-always-had-a-huge-fear-of-dying-or-becoming-ill-the-thing-i-m-2/) [Jennifer Lopez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-lopez/) > [Strange, it is a huge nothing that we fear.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/seamus-heaney/strange-it-is-a-huge-nothing-that-we-fear/) [Seamus Heaney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/seamus-heaney/) > [Fear is fear of fear, I think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/grace-jones/fear-is-fear-of-fear-i-think/) [Grace Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/grace-jones/) > [My biggest fear, I think falling from a great height. If I want to keep myself awake at night I imagine I'm on the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-mcewan/my-biggest-fear-i-think-falling-from-a-great-height-if-i-want-to-keep/) [Ian Mcewan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-mcewan/) > [I fear if I cannot think again, if my mind suddenly goes blank. It will be embarrassing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/goenawan-mohamad/i-fear-if-i-cannot-think-again-if-my-mind-suddenly-goes-blank-it-will/) [Goenawan Mohamad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/goenawan-mohamad/) > [“When we think of fear, we think of a 'fear of' something. Far more daunting is the challenge of how to conduct ourselves in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/when-we-think-of-fear-we-think-of-a-fear-of-something-far-more/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [Stop saying yes out of fear about what others will think about you and say NO out of love for yourself!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suze-orman/stop-saying-yes-out-of-fear-about-what-others-will-think-about-you/) [Suze Orman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suze-orman/) > [What I fear most, I think, is the death of the imagination.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sylvia-plath/what-i-fear-most-i-think-is-the-death-of-the-imagination/) [Sylvia Plath](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sylvia-plath/) > [How do we get to equality? I don't think it comes from fear. I think it comes from understanding.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rooney-mara/how-do-we-get-to-equality-i-don-t-think-it-comes-from-fear-i-think-it/) [Rooney Mara](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rooney-mara/) > [“Do not fear to think even the most not-probable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bram-stoker/do-not-fear-to-think-even-the-most-not-probable/) [Bram Stoker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bram-stoker/) > [As a person life has always been a bit of a challenge for me and I have spent so much of my early years…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-sudol/as-a-person-life-has-always-been-a-bit-of-a-challenge-for-me-and-i/) [Alison Sudol](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-sudol/) ## More by Cole Escola > [I would love to write something that I'm not in and just be in a rehearsal room as a writer. But I love theater.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-would-love-to-write-something-that-i-m-not-in-and-just-be-in-a/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I grew up in Oregon. I have a younger brother and an older sister. We were very poor. VERY POOR. We lived in a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-grew-up-in-oregon-i-have-a-younger-brother-and-an-older-sister-we/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I tend to be very pessimistic and not let myself enjoy things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-tend-to-be-very-pessimistic-and-not-let-myself-enjoy-things/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I grew up in a trailer until I was 5 or 6, and then my dad chased us out with a gun.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-grew-up-in-a-trailer-until-i-was-5-or-6-and-then-my-dad-chased-us/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I do have that secret desire to be a cabaret star and just sing Cole Porter medleys.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-do-have-that-secret-desire-to-be-a-cabaret-star-and-just-sing-cole/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I just wanted to make the stupidest, funniest thing possible. My version of Mary Todd Lincoln is basically just me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-just-wanted-to-make-the-stupidest-funniest-thing-possible-my/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [The first Broadway show that I ever saw was 'Kiss Me, Kate.' I was in New York, on a school trip.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/the-first-broadway-show-that-i-ever-saw-was-kiss-me-kate-i-was-in-new/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [There's something so embarrassing about doing characters and talking about it. It's humiliating.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/there-s-something-so-embarrassing-about-doing-characters-and-talking/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [It's embarrassing to be ambitious.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/it-s-embarrassing-to-be-ambitious/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I went to school at Marymount Manhattan College for a year, and then I dropped out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-went-to-school-at-marymount-manhattan-college-for-a-year-and-then-i/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I like playing extremes. I don't really know how to not be a 10.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-like-playing-extremes-i-don-t-really-know-how-to-not-be-a-10/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I don't understand relationships. I feel like I'm pretending when I'm in one. Like, 'Oh yeah, I love eating with my left hand. This…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-don-t-understand-relationships-i-feel-like-i-m-pretending-when-i-m/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I used to run home after the pool closed in the summer to watch 'Newhart.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-used-to-run-home-after-the-pool-closed-in-the-summer-to-watch/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [Dirk Bogarde was very handsome, very hot, and a brilliant actor.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/dirk-bogarde-was-very-handsome-very-hot-and-a-brilliant-actor/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) > [I mean, I don't like horror movies. I just don't like being scared for the sake of being scared.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cole-escola/i-mean-i-don-t-like-horror-movies-i-just-don-t-like-being-scared-for/) [Cole Escola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) [Explore all 100 Cole Escola quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cole-escola/) ## More Control quotes > [We have to get control of our borders.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-coffman/we-have-to-get-control-of-our-borders/) [Mike Coffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-coffman/) > [Grit and self-control are related, but they're not the same thing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angela-duckworth/grit-and-self-control-are-related-but-they-re-not-the-same-thing/) [Angela Duckworth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angela-duckworth/) > [“You can't control who loves you...you can't let someone love you anymore than you can make someone love you”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-harmon/you-can-t-control-who-loves-you-you-can-t-let-someone-love-you/) [Amy Harmon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-harmon/) > [I thought I fought a really good Orlando Salido. I never let him get into his fight. I knew what I needed to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mikey-garcia/i-thought-i-fought-a-really-good-orlando-salido-i-never-let-him-get/) [Mikey Garcia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mikey-garcia/) > [Don't think you can...know you can! You human body is the most impressive tool you'll ever own. Even if you can't control everything, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeff-hardy/don-t-think-you-can-know-you-can-you-human-body-is-the-most/) [Jeff Hardy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeff-hardy/) > [If you have everything under control, you're not moving fast enough.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mario-andretti/if-you-have-everything-under-control-you-re-not-moving-fast-enough/) [Mario Andretti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mario-andretti/) > [“Without time management, you lose control of your life and do what other people tell you to do. You lose control and become a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-miller/without-time-management-you-lose-control-of-your-life-and-do-what/) [Thomas Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-miller/) > [I started off as a model maker, so the first part of my career was a model maker and then a motion control camera…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-knoll/i-started-off-as-a-model-maker-so-the-first-part-of-my-career-was-a/) [John Knoll](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-knoll/) > [Many of us rely on our own illusion of control. But when God makes it known to you that you're not the one steering…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yasmin-mogahed/many-of-us-rely-on-our-own-illusion-of-control-but-when-god-makes-it/) [Yasmin Mogahed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yasmin-mogahed/) > [In Congress, Florida Republicans worked with the Trump administration to secure funding for coastal restoration projects following the devastating impacts of Hurricanes Irma and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-waltz/in-congress-florida-republicans-worked-with-the-trump-administration/) [Michael Waltz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-waltz/) > [“He who can destroy a thing has the real control of it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-herbert/he-who-can-destroy-a-thing-has-the-real-control-of-it/) [Frank Herbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-herbert/) > [Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying or getting overly angry or to maintain control.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-haysbert/sometimes-you-have-to-laugh-to-keep-from-crying-or-getting-overly/) [Dennis Haysbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-haysbert/) > [My sister-in-law works for a group that supports orphanages in Cairo. She and her colleagues take care of children left behind by circumstances beyond…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mohamed-elbaradei/my-sister-in-law-works-for-a-group-that-supports-orphanages-in-cairo/) [Mohamed ElBaradei](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mohamed-elbaradei/) > [Some nights I'm funny with the between-song commentary, some nights I'm not. I have no control over this. I pace the stage a lot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-berman/some-nights-i-m-funny-with-the-between-song-commentary-some-nights-i/) [David Berman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-berman/) > [“Control never be a means to any practical end. It can never be a means to anything but more control… Like punk.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-s-burroughs/control-never-be-a-means-to-any-practical-end-it-can-never-be-a-means/) [William S. Burroughs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-s-burroughs/) [Browse all 6,032 Control quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/control/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It's crushing to realize you actually don't have control over what people think of you, and even as much as you think you do... That's a huge fear of mine. 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