--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is…" description: "\"The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself hostage. People do this to themselves all the time by being desperate for 'yes' or afraid of '..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/christopher-voss-13010_negotiation_the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don_2871186.jpg" --- # The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself… ![“The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself hostage. People do this to themselves all the time by being desperate for 'yes' or afraid of 'no,' so they don't ask for what they really want. Instead, they ask for what they can realistically get. I've heard many people say, 'Well, that's…” quote by Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/christopher-voss-13010_negotiation_the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don_2871186.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/christopher-voss-13010_negotiation_the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don_2871186.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/christopher-voss-13010_negotiation_the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don_2871186.jpg) > “The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself hostage. People do this to themselves all the time by being desperate for 'yes' or afraid of 'no,' so they don't ask for what they really want. Instead, they ask for what they can realistically get. I've heard many people say, 'Well, that's a non-starter, so we won't even bring it up.'” [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Negotiators should avoid desperation and fear of rejection, focusing on realistic goals rather than ideal outcomes. **In simple terms:** Don’t let fear dictate your demands. Key Takeaway Seek realistic outcomes, not idealized ones. Themes negotiation selfcontrol realism Mood cautious strategic Type advice motivational When to use this quote - business deals - personal relationships - salary discussions - conflict resolution Key Concepts psychology power dynamics confidence Questions to Reflect On - What realistic outcome can you propose today? - How does fear limit your negotiating power? A Different Perspective Over‑optimism can blind you to feasible compromises. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Ask Realistically](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ask-realistically-3928838/) [Desperate Yes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/desperate-yes-3928839/) [Instead Ask](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/instead-ask-721419/) [Negotiation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/negotiation/) [Negotiation Don](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/negotiation-don-2086661/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Rule Negotiation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/rule-negotiation-3042296/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) [Up](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/up/) [Yourself](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/yourself/) ## Related quotes > [The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/the-most-dangerous-negotiation-is-the-one-you-don-t-know-you-re-in/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [The first rule of negotiation is to always be willing to walk away from the deal. The first rule of happiness is to not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-stiles/the-first-rule-of-negotiation-is-to-always-be-willing-to-walk-away/) [Tara Stiles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tara-stiles/) > [If you sincerely want to know if you're "going too far," don't ask yourself, "Is this bad?" Instead ask yourself, "Is this pure?"](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jason-evert/if-you-sincerely-want-to-know-if-you-re-going-too-far-don-t-ask/) [Jason Evert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jason-evert/) > [If you ask people to do things and they usually don't get around to them, stop asking yourself, "What's the matter with people these…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ed-bliss/if-you-ask-people-to-do-things-and-they-usually-don-t-get-around-to/) [Ed Bliss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ed-bliss/) > [Don't demand from the world everything that you want. Instead, ask the Universe to provide everything that you need.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ces-peta/don-t-demand-from-the-world-everything-that-you-want-instead-ask-the/) [Ces Peta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ces-peta/) > [“Don't ask me to pray, instead ask me to act.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/moonshine-noire/don-t-ask-me-to-pray-instead-ask-me-to-act/) [Moonshine Noire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/moonshine-noire/) > [Stop asking if the glass is half full or half empty. Instead ask "What's in it? How did it get there? What can I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-kaufman/stop-asking-if-the-glass-is-half-full-or-half-empty-instead-ask-what/) [David Kaufman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-kaufman/) > [“Don’t ask what it will cost or how much of your time you will have to sacrifice. Instead, ask what it’s worth.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mensah-oteh/don-t-ask-what-it-will-cost-or-how-much-of-your-time-you-will-have-to/) [Mensah Oteh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mensah-oteh/) > [“If you want to freak someone out, don't ask them... What's the least you can do? Instead ask them... What's the most you can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jos-n-harris/if-you-want-to-freak-someone-out-don-t-ask-them-what-s-the-least-you/) [José N. Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jos-n-harris/) > [Don't ask GOD to take away your problems, instead ask GOD to guide you and give you faith, strength and courage to face the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/don-t-ask-god-to-take-away-your-problems-instead-ask-god-to-guide-you/) [Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/) > [“Any time in life you’re tempted to think, ‘Should I do this OR that?’ instead, ask yourself, ‘Is there a way I can do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chip-heath/any-time-in-life-you-re-tempted-to-think-should-i-do-this-or-that/) [Chip Heath](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chip-heath/) > [“I want to just DO SOMETHING instead of ask someone else to start a process to investigate the possibility of someday possibly maybe doing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cory-doctorow/i-want-to-just-do-something-instead-of-ask-someone-else-to-start-a/) [Cory Doctorow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cory-doctorow/) > [Dont ask God for easy life, cuz nothing good come easy, instead ask Him for strength and wisdom to face whatever challenges life may…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/blaze-olamiday/dont-ask-god-for-easy-life-cuz-nothing-good-come-easy-instead-ask-him/) [Blaze Olamiday](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/blaze-olamiday/) > [“Do not let your to-do list (written or mental) become an idol directing your life. Instead, ask My Spirit to guide you moment by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-young/do-not-let-your-to-do-list-written-or-mental-become-an-idol-directing/) [Sarah Young](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-young/) > [Don't ask 'Should I ...?'. Instead, 'Ask what happens if I ...?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-paul-caponigro/don-t-ask-should-i-instead-ask-what-happens-if-i/) [John Paul Caponigro](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-paul-caponigro/) ## More by Christopher Voss > ['Fair' is, like, this incredibly overused term in negotiations: 'I just want what's fair.' 'What's the fair market price?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/fair-is-like-this-incredibly-overused-term-in-negotiations-i-just/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [Negotiation is often described as the art of letting the other side have your way. You have to give the other side a chance…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/negotiation-is-often-described-as-the-art-of-letting-the-other-side/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [When you expect to get into a negotiation, you expect to be faced by a guy that's going to attack you, a guy or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/when-you-expect-to-get-into-a-negotiation-you-expect-to-be-faced-by-a/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [If your first objective in the negotiation, instead of making your argument, is to hear the other side out, that's the only way you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/if-your-first-objective-in-the-negotiation-instead-of-making-your/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [What I really think of myself as is a person who's great at negotiation coaching and consulting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/what-i-really-think-of-myself-as-is-a-person-who-s-great-at/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [Successful negotiation is not about getting to 'yes'; it's about mastering 'no' and understanding what the path to an agreement is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/successful-negotiation-is-not-about-getting-to-yes-it-s-about/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [There's great power in deference. You ask somebody 'what' or 'how' questions. People love to be asked how to do something. They feel powerful,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/there-s-great-power-in-deference-you-ask-somebody-what-or-how/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [You're supposed to have a passionate purpose as a CEO.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/you-re-supposed-to-have-a-passionate-purpose-as-a-ceo/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [Emotions aren't the obstacles to a successful negotiation; they are the means.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/emotions-aren-t-the-obstacles-to-a-successful-negotiation-they-are/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [Every job that you take, the term that you should always include is, 'How can I be involved in the strategic projects that are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/every-job-that-you-take-the-term-that-you-should-always-include-is/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [What drives you? What's your motivation? That's not emotion. That's passion. It's a different word.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/what-drives-you-what-s-your-motivation-that-s-not-emotion-that-s/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [People typically only believe they're in a negotiation when dollars are involved. And maybe sometimes they're smart enough to see if there's a commodity…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/people-typically-only-believe-they-re-in-a-negotiation-when-dollars/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [There are a lot of negotiators that really will give in on a deal because being understood is more important than getting what they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/there-are-a-lot-of-negotiators-that-really-will-give-in-on-a-deal/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [The first and best way to say 'no' to anyone is, 'How am I supposed to do that?' Now the other side actually has…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/the-first-and-best-way-to-say-no-to-anyone-is-how-am-i-supposed-to-do/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [There are three kinds of yeses. There's commitment, confirmation, and counterfeit. People are most used to giving the counterfeit yes because they've been trapped…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/there-are-three-kinds-of-yeses-there-s-commitment-confirmation-and/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) [Explore all 52 Christopher Voss quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) ## More Negotiation quotes > [A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ludwig-erhard/a-compromise-is-the-art-of-dividing-a-cake-in-such-a-way-that/) [Ludwig Erhard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ludwig-erhard/) > [“Simple answers, reductionist politics, are the most prone to compromise, to saying we’re addressing the essential issue and all that other stuff can slide.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/simple-answers-reductionist-politics-are-the-most-prone-to-compromise/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [We're always willing to look at ways NAFTA can work better. But it's a fine line between looking at ways to make it work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-harper/we-re-always-willing-to-look-at-ways-nafta-can-work-better-but-it-s-a/) [Stephen Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-harper/) > [“Duty is a done deal.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/duty-is-a-done-deal/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [“All the major players were our clients. I had handled the conflicting demands, pacified the volatile tempers, and anticipated and circumvented the irrational tantrums.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/juliann-garey/all-the-major-players-were-our-clients-i-had-handled-the-conflicting/) [Juliann Garey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/juliann-garey/) > [Donald Trump so far is sending a signal that he's going to run the government like his business and maybe that's going to work.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-o-reilly/donald-trump-so-far-is-sending-a-signal-that-he-s-going-to-run-the/) [Bill O'Reilly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-o-reilly/) > [The human spirit will not invest itself in a compromise.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-fritz/the-human-spirit-will-not-invest-itself-in-a-compromise/) [Robert Fritz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-fritz/) > [A lasting relationship consists of the 3 C's: Commitment. Communication. Compromise.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/a-lasting-relationship-consists-of-the-3-c-s-commitment-communication/) [Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/) > [As a politician - particularly as a politician in a coalition - you quickly realise that compromise is a part of the game. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-davey/as-a-politician-particularly-as-a-politician-in-a-coalition-you/) [Edward Davey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-davey/) > [When you give your 100% to your compromises then they become sacrifices… And sacrifices never hurt us,they give us a smile on our face,a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melchor-lim/when-you-give-your-100-to-your-compromises-then-they-become/) [Melchor Lim](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melchor-lim/) > [You don't bargain with terrorists. You don't appease terrorists. And anybody who believes that this is about something we've done has to ask themselves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-chertoff/you-don-t-bargain-with-terrorists-you-don-t-appease-terrorists-and/) [Michael Chertoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-chertoff/) > [“Shortly before we closed the deal, Randy Michaels and Terry Jacobs, who were running Jacor, came to me to finance the acquisition of a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sam-zell/shortly-before-we-closed-the-deal-randy-michaels-and-terry-jacobs-who/) [Sam Zell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sam-zell/) > ['Fair' is, like, this incredibly overused term in negotiations: 'I just want what's fair.' 'What's the fair market price?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/fair-is-like-this-incredibly-overused-term-in-negotiations-i-just/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [The Fundamental Principle that governs - or ought to govern -human affairs if we wish to avoid misunderstandings, conflicts, or pointless utopias, is negotiation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/umberto-eco/the-fundamental-principle-that-governs-or-ought-to-govern-human/) [Umberto Eco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/umberto-eco/) > [Negotiation is often described as the art of letting the other side have your way. You have to give the other side a chance…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/negotiation-is-often-described-as-the-art-of-letting-the-other-side/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) [Browse all 1,728 Negotiation quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/negotiation/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself hostage. People do this to themselves all the time by being desperate for 'yes' or afraid of 'no,' so they don't ask for what they really want. Instead, they ask for what they can realistically get. I've heard many people say, 'Well, that's a non-starter, so we won't even bring it up.'", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Christopher Voss" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don-t-take-yourself-hostage/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Negotiation" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don-t-take-yourself-hostage/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/christopher-voss-13010_negotiation_the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don_2871186.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/christopher-voss-13010_negotiation_the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don_2871186.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c5/christopher-voss-13010_negotiation_the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don_2871186.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The No. 1 rule in any negotiation is don't take yourself hostage. People do this to themselves all the time…” — Christopher Voss", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Christopher Voss", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "The No. 1 rule in any...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don-t-take-yourself-hostage/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/the-no-1-rule-in-any-negotiation-is-don-t-take-yourself-hostage/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```