--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Don’t be so hard on yourself, You’re…" description: "\"“Don’t be so hard on yourself, You’re doing the same thing, trying to reconcile all the moms that Mom ever was - The one you wanted, the one she was wh..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92c/christopher-moore-353_death-of-a-loved-one_don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doin_2315959.png" --- # Don’t be so hard on yourself, You’re doing the same thing… ![“Don’t be so hard on yourself, You’re doing the same thing, trying to reconcile all the moms that Mom ever was - The one you wanted, the one she was when you needed her and she was there, the one she was when she didn’t understand. Most of us don’t live our lives with one, integrated self that…” quote by Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92c/christopher-moore-353_death-of-a-loved-one_don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doin_2315959.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92c/christopher-moore-353_death-of-a-loved-one_don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doin_2315959.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92c/christopher-moore-353_death-of-a-loved-one_don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doin_2315959.png) > ““Don’t be so hard on yourself, You’re doing the same thing, trying to reconcile all the moms that Mom ever was - The one you wanted, the one she was when you needed her and she was there, the one she was when she didn’t understand. Most of us don’t live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we’re a whole bunch of selves. When someone dies, they all integrate into the soul - the essence of who we are, beyond the different faces we wear throughout our lives. You’re just hating the selves you’ve always hated, and loving the ones you’ve always loved. It’s bound to mess you up.”” [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Human identity is fragmented into multiple selves that integrate after death, causing internal conflict when we judge ourselves harshly. **In simple terms:** We have many selves that blend over time. Key Takeaway Accept all parts of yourself. Themes identity self‑acceptance psychology Mood reflective empathetic Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - therapy - personal growth - grief counseling Key Concepts integrated self existentialism Questions to Reflect On - Which self do you reject most? - How can you honor each self? A Different Perspective May oversimplify complex psychology. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Death of a loved one](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death-of-a-loved-one/) [Different faces](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/different-faces/) [Doing The Same Thing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doing-the-same-thing/) [Hating Selves](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hating-selves-5518202/) [Integrated Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/integrated-self-4202741/) [Mother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mother/) [Reconcile Moms](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/reconcile-moms-5518200/) [Selves](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/selves/) [Selves Dies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/selves-dies-5518201/) [Soul](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/soul/) ## Related quotes > [Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/most-of-us-don-t-live-our-lives-with-one-integrated-self-that-meets/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“There are life events that can destroy the personality, which is a lot more fragile than most people imagine, constructed as it is from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-gruber/there-are-life-events-that-can-destroy-the-personality-which-is-a-lot/) [Michael Gruber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-gruber/) > [“It was the sound of a thousand hungry children crying, ten thousand widows tearing their hair over their husband's graves, a chorus of angels…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/it-was-the-sound-of-a-thousand-hungry-children-crying-ten-thousand/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [Hmmm! and many say that we have different faces,although most share the same common eyes, ears, tongue and the rest, the wonder is still…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sardar-hyder-abbas/hmmm-and-many-say-that-we-have-different-faces-although-most-share/) [Sardar Hyder Abbas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sardar-hyder-abbas/) > [“We attack whatever is different, anything we don’t understand, anything that might change our world, our environment, reduce our chances of survival. Racism, class…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-g-riddle/we-attack-whatever-is-different-anything-we-don-t-understand-anything/) [A.G. Riddle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-g-riddle/) > [I pledge to set out to live a thousand lives between printed pages. I pledge to use books as doors to other minds, old…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cornelia-funke/i-pledge-to-set-out-to-live-a-thousand-lives-between-printed-pages-i/) [Cornelia Funke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cornelia-funke/) > [Iove can make you drop to your knees,and make you reach for the sky. Love has many different faces.goodandbad.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/iove-can-make-you-drop-to-your-knees-and-make-you-reach-for-the-sky/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [God is infinitely creative, and everyone's different, and everyone has a different path, a different lesson, a different song, a different face, a different…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/india-arie-2/god-is-infinitely-creative-and-everyone-s-different-and-everyone-has/) [India.Arie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/india-arie-2/) > [Saints and mystics throughout history have adorned their realisations with different names and given them different faces and interpretations, but what they are all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sogyal-rinpoche/saints-and-mystics-throughout-history-have-adorned-their-realisations/) [Sogyal Rinpoche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sogyal-rinpoche/) > [You have to wear a different face when you're interacting with the larger culture. And you can be more of yourself at home or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nguyen-viet-thang/you-have-to-wear-a-different-face-when-you-re-interacting-with-the/) [Nguyen Viet Thang](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nguyen-viet-thang/) > [I think I'm a million different faces](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachael-leigh-cook/i-think-i-m-a-million-different-faces/) [Rachael Leigh Cook](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachael-leigh-cook/) > [She finds love in all the wrong places. Same situation, just different faces.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/she-finds-love-in-all-the-wrong-places-same-situation-just-different/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [“The human race is the biggest mass murderer of all time. Think about it: we’re hard-coded to survive. Even our ancient ancestors were driven…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-g-riddle/the-human-race-is-the-biggest-mass-murderer-of-all-time-think-about/) [A.G. Riddle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-g-riddle/) > [And if I can't be with you I would rather have a different face And if I can't be near you I would rather…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-finn/and-if-i-can-t-be-with-you-i-would-rather-have-a-different-face-and/) [Neil Finn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-finn/) > [Life is like the dice that, falling, still show a different face. So life, though it remains the same, is always presenting different aspects.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexis-sanchez/life-is-like-the-dice-that-falling-still-show-a-different-face-so/) [Alexis Sanchez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexis-sanchez/) ## More by Christopher Moore > [“Love them all," said Renoir. "That is the secret, young man. Love them all." The painter let go of his arm and shrugged. "Then,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/love-them-all-said-renoir-that-is-the-secret-young-man-love-them-all/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“I tried cutting myself to express my heartbreak over Tommy (Lord Flood) rejecting me, but OMFG it hurts like flaming fuck.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/i-tried-cutting-myself-to-express-my-heartbreak-over-tommy-lord-flood/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/canada-is-a-myth-people-made-up-to-entertain-children-like-the-tooth/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/sarcasm-will-make-your-tits-fall-off/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“I hope you are not here to ask me to do my bawdy business- the monkey has a nosebleed and the circus, sir, is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/i-hope-you-are-not-here-to-ask-me-to-do-my-bawdy-business-the-monkey/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/the-prospect-of-change-is-a-many-fanged-beast-my-dear/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“The night was crisp and the stars shone with a cold blue light like loneliness or infinity.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/the-night-was-crisp-and-the-stars-shone-with-a-cold-blue-light-like/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [Children see magic because they look for it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/children-see-magic-because-they-look-for-it/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, "Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/abby-von-normal-and-i-m-like-don-t-change-the-subject-kung-pao-what-i/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's syndrome.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/you-can-t-just-go-around-blurting-out-the-truth-like-a-prophet-with/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/how-could-you-deal-with-a-creature-as-devious-as-woman/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“…turning your ankle hurts like hell, even if you're a superhero.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/turning-your-ankle-hurts-like-hell-even-if-you-re-a-superhero/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/lonliness-evaporated-off-of-them-like-the-steam-off-dry-ice-and-by/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“Give us a call or you know, flash a searchlight in the sky with your logo on it, because we monitor everything.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/give-us-a-call-or-you-know-flash-a-searchlight-in-the-sky-with-your/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) > [“it wasn't so much like the hands of time had stood still here, more like they'd been thrown in the air in exasperation, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/it-wasn-t-so-much-like-the-hands-of-time-had-stood-still-here-more/) [Christopher Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) [Explore all 591 Christopher Moore quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/) ## More Death of a loved one quotes > [A man is not completely born until he is dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-franklin/a-man-is-not-completely-born-until-he-is-dead/) [Benjamin Franklin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-franklin/) > [My off-the-cuff remarks at the University of Virginia were with regard to global macro traders, who are on-call 24/7 and of whom there are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tudor-jones/my-off-the-cuff-remarks-at-the-university-of-virginia-were-with/) [Paul Tudor Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tudor-jones/) > [“And a soul would run by a living being, touch them softly on the shoulder or cheek, and continue on its way to heaven.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-sebold/and-a-soul-would-run-by-a-living-being-touch-them-softly-on-the/) [Alice Sebold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-sebold/) > [“The major fear of man is the fear of death. Death is not the end of existence, death is separation. A man doesn’t stop…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kingsley-opuwari-manuel/the-major-fear-of-man-is-the-fear-of-death-death-is-not-the-end-of/) [Kingsley Opuwari Manuel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kingsley-opuwari-manuel/) > [“When I reflect on the stories of death supported by hospice care and contrast it with our story depicting an absence of support, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-j-shultz/when-i-reflect-on-the-stories-of-death-supported-by-hospice-care-and/) [Lisa J. Shultz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-j-shultz/) > [“Pain, unless it is physical, was sold to you (by your culture).”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mokokoma-mokhonoana/pain-unless-it-is-physical-was-sold-to-you-by-your-culture/) [Mokokoma Mokhonoana](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mokokoma-mokhonoana/) > [“She had thought that when someone died, it would be like they went into a different room. She had not known that life itself…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheila-heti/she-had-thought-that-when-someone-died-it-would-be-like-they-went/) [Sheila Heti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheila-heti/) > [“Two weeks. Everything you love, own, and cherish, can be gone, liquidated, and lost forever in two weeks. Give or take a day.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-lincoln-fenn/two-weeks-everything-you-love-own-and-cherish-can-be-gone-liquidated/) [J. Lincoln Fenn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-lincoln-fenn/) > [“Whenever something scary happens or I want to comment on something, like Joyce and Hopper’s constant bickering, which is getting annoying, I glance toward…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexandra-latos/whenever-something-scary-happens-or-i-want-to-comment-on-something/) [Alexandra Latos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexandra-latos/) > [“The world didn't end with a whimper or a bang. Your life finished in complete silence. Gone in a blink. And then there was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/f-k-preston/the-world-didn-t-end-with-a-whimper-or-a-bang-your-life-finished-in/) [F.K. Preston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/f-k-preston/) > [“When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madeline-miller/when-he-died-all-things-soft-and-beautiful-and-bright-would-be-buried/) [Madeline Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madeline-miller/) > [“Lay down Your tired & weary head my friend. We have wept too long Night is falling And you are only sleeping We have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jos-n-harris/lay-down-your-tired-weary-head-my-friend-we-have-wept-too-long-night/) [José N. Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jos-n-harris/) > [Even the rich aren't often happy. Their wealth is at best only a temporary distraction. It doesn't make them immune to emotional and mental…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/even-the-rich-aren-t-often-happy-their-wealth-is-at-best-only-a/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) > [Good-night! good-night! as we so oft have said Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days That are no more, and shall no more…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-wadsworth-longfellow/good-night-good-night-as-we-so-oft-have-said-beneath-this-roof-at/) [Henry Wadsworth Longfellow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-wadsworth-longfellow/) > [“A four foot box, a foot for every year.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/seamus-heaney/a-four-foot-box-a-foot-for-every-year/) [Seamus Heaney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/seamus-heaney/) [Browse all 210 Death of a loved one quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death-of-a-loved-one/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Don’t be so hard on yourself, You’re doing the same thing, trying to reconcile all the moms that Mom ever was - The one you wanted, the one she was when you needed her and she was there, the one she was when she didn’t understand. Most of us don’t live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we’re a whole bunch of selves. When someone dies, they all integrate into the soul - the essence of who we are, beyond the different faces we wear throughout our lives. You’re just hating the selves you’ve always hated, and loving the ones you’ve always loved. It’s bound to mess you up.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Christopher Moore" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doing-the-same-thing-trying-to/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Death of a loved one" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doing-the-same-thing-trying-to/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92c/christopher-moore-353_death-of-a-loved-one_don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doin_2315959.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92c/christopher-moore-353_death-of-a-loved-one_don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doin_2315959.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92c/christopher-moore-353_death-of-a-loved-one_don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doin_2315959.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Don’t be so hard on yourself, You’re doing the same thing, trying to reconcile all the moms that Mom ever…” — Christopher Moore", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Christopher Moore", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-moore/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“Don’t be so hard on yourself,...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doing-the-same-thing-trying-to/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-moore/don-t-be-so-hard-on-yourself-you-re-doing-the-same-thing-trying-to/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```