--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: He is never going to be here , I thought…" description: "\"“ He is never going to be here , I thought. He is never coming back . Was I okay with it? No. But missing him every day for the rest of my life was sti..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/541/christina-lauren-976_every-day_he-is-never-going-to-be-here-i-thought-h_2070877.jpg" --- # He is never going to be here , I thought. He is never… ![“He is never going to be here , I thought. He is never coming back . Was I okay with it? No. But missing him every day for the rest of my life was still easier than the fight Sebastian had: to stuff himself inside a box every morning and tuck that box inside his heart and pray that his heart kept…” quote by Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/541/christina-lauren-976_every-day_he-is-never-going-to-be-here-i-thought-h_2070877.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/541/christina-lauren-976_every-day_he-is-never-going-to-be-here-i-thought-h_2070877.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/541/christina-lauren-976_every-day_he-is-never-going-to-be-here-i-thought-h_2070877.jpg) > ““ He is never going to be here , I thought. He is never coming back . Was I okay with it? No. But missing him every day for the rest of my life was still easier than the fight Sebastian had: to stuff himself inside a box every morning and tuck that box inside his heart and pray that his heart kept beating around the obstacle. Every day I could go to class as exactly the person I am, and meet new people, and come outside later for some fresh air and Frisbee. Every day I would be grateful that no one who matters to me questions whether I am too masculine, too feminine, too open, too closed. Every day I would be grateful for what I have, and that I can be who I am without judgment. So every day I would fight for Sebastian, and people in the same boat, who don’t have what I do, who struggle to find themselves in a world that tells them white and straight and narrow gets first pick in the schoolyard game of life. My chest was congested with regret, and relief, and resolve. Give me more of those , I thought to whoever was listening—whether it was God, or Oz, or the three sisters of Fate. Give me those moments where I think he’s coming back. I can take the hurt. The reminder that he’s not coming back—and why—will keep me fighting .”” [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator reflects on loss, identity, and the struggle of those who feel marginalized, choosing to fight for acceptance and self‑expression. **In simple terms:** Grieving loss while embracing self‑acceptance and solidarity. Key Takeaway Embrace identity, support others. Themes identity grief solidarity self‑acceptance resilience Mood hopeful determined reflective Type personal motivational inspirational When to use this quote - college life - personal growth - advocacy - mental health support Key Concepts masculinity gender social pressure mental health Questions to Reflect On - How can we create inclusive spaces? - What actions support marginalized peers? A Different Perspective The narrative may romanticize struggle without addressing systemic change. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Day Grateful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/day-grateful-674545/) [Every day](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/every-day/) [Every morning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/every-morning/) [Fight Sebastian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fight-sebastian-3997408/) [Fresh air](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fresh-air/) [Game Of Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/game-of-life/) [Hurt Reminder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hurt-reminder-3997409/) [Meet New People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/meet-new-people/) [Sebastian Stuff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sebastian-stuff-3997410/) [Thought Coming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thought-coming-2256013/) [Three sisters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/three-sisters/) ## Related quotes > [“But missing him every day for the rest of my life was still easier than the fight Sebastian had: to stuff himself inside a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/but-missing-him-every-day-for-the-rest-of-my-life-was-still-easier/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [Every fear, every night terror, every hour I cried for Liev, every fight with Sebastian is registered as a neat white scar.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-forrest/every-fear-every-night-terror-every-hour-i-cried-for-liev-every-fight/) [Emma Forrest](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-forrest/) > [I thought that coming out was going to be the end of my religious life but actually it was the beginning. Because it only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-michaelson/i-thought-that-coming-out-was-going-to-be-the-end-of-my-religious/) [Jay Michaelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-michaelson/) > [Mr. Shepherd, ye cannot stop a bad thought from coming into your head. But ye need not pull up a chair and bide it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barbara-kingsolver/mr-shepherd-ye-cannot-stop-a-bad-thought-from-coming-into-your-head/) [Barbara Kingsolver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barbara-kingsolver/) > [“It was not boring, said Majnoun, but it was strange. The people were always looking away to where you couldn't see. The whole time,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-alexis/it-was-not-boring-said-majnoun-but-it-was-strange-the-people-were/) [André Alexis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-alexis/) > [“You understood my soul, I thought, and now others are coming only to sack my heart of all its riches. What am I to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-rice/you-understood-my-soul-i-thought-and-now-others-are-coming-only-to/) [Anne Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-rice/) > [It's always a nice thought to be coming against the best managers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-hughton/it-s-always-a-nice-thought-to-be-coming-against-the-best-managers/) [Chris Hughton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-hughton/) > [You're just grateful for every day, grateful for every game you get to play in because you never know when it's going to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/clint-dempsey/you-re-just-grateful-for-every-day-grateful-for-every-game-you-get-to/) [Clint Dempsey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/clint-dempsey/) > [Good morning lovelies. Remember to start each day with a grateful heart. Have an amazing day full of blessings.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/good-morning-lovelies-remember-to-start-each-day-with-a-grateful/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [So every single day, I found something to be grateful for and that's a powerful lesson.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-barrett/so-every-single-day-i-found-something-to-be-grateful-for-and-that-s-a/) [Alice Barrett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-barrett/) > [“the end of the day we’re all animals. We need to be shown our pee ell a see ee. A little clarity will go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arundhati-roy/the-end-of-the-day-we-re-all-animals-we-need-to-be-shown-our-pee-ell/) [Arundhati Roy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arundhati-roy/) > [We have thousands of opportunities every day to be grateful: for having good weather, to have slept well last night, to be able to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-steindl-rast/we-have-thousands-of-opportunities-every-day-to-be-grateful-for/) [David Steindl-Rast](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-steindl-rast/) > [“We don't realise how lucky we are until we see someone struggling for basic blessings like our body, food and shelter every day. Be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anamika-mishra/we-don-t-realise-how-lucky-we-are-until-we-see-someone-struggling-for/) [Anamika Mishra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anamika-mishra/) > [“Today is blessed gift. Today is your day. Be grateful for today.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-giftyakita/today-is-blessed-gift-today-is-your-day-be-grateful-for-today/) [Lailah GiftyAkita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-giftyakita/) > [Some aspects of the fame are annoying, but at the end of the day it's something we're most grateful for. It's certainly opened the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ryan-ross/some-aspects-of-the-fame-are-annoying-but-at-the-end-of-the-day-it-s/) [Ryan Ross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ryan-ross/) ## More by Christina Lauren > [“I set my glass down and met his eyes, feeling an overwhelming surge of affection for this man. "That ... makes sense," I said,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/i-set-my-glass-down-and-met-his-eyes-feeling-an-overwhelming-surge-of/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“But this...writing about how it feels to listen to music, to have found him--it almost feels like I'm writing a description of how my organs work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/but-this-writing-about-how-it-feels-to-listen-to-music-to-have-found/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“It's possible I mentally calculate the danger of being relatively drunk for the entirety of the next few weeks.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/it-s-possible-i-mentally-calculate-the-danger-of-being-relatively/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“Bennett was here. And he looked terrible. He'd lost weight, and although he was neatly dressed and clean-shaven, his clothes hung all wrong on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/bennett-was-here-and-he-looked-terrible-he-d-lost-weight-and-although/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“(...) loving someone isn't enough, that you must wait until you find your heart.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/loving-someone-isn-t-enough-that-you-must-wait-until-you-find-your/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“He shakes his head, and I think this moment, right here, is when it really hits me that Sebastian's identity isn't queer. It's not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/he-shakes-his-head-and-i-think-this-moment-right-here-is-when-it/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“ Mmpf . You’re so heavy. Do you have bricks in your pocket? Get off me.” “But you’re so warm,” he whines. “And soft.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/mmpf-you-re-so-heavy-do-you-have-bricks-in-your-pocket-get-off-me-but/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“One month flies by when you're falling love with the woman you're using for sex. Two is an eternity when the woman you love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/one-month-flies-by-when-you-re-falling-love-with-the-woman-you-re/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“I’ve never seen him arrive or leave, because I always walk past him, drop a dollar bill in his case, and keep moving. Then,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/i-ve-never-seen-him-arrive-or-leave-because-i-always-walk-past-him/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“He nodded again and I was tempted to tell him the rule of silence: sometimes an awkward silence is actually far less awkward than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/he-nodded-again-and-i-was-tempted-to-tell-him-the-rule-of-silence/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“You obviously don;t understand a thing about men. Or, more specifically, this man." "I don't?" "No, I'm not scared of periods, and you could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/you-obviously-don-t-understand-a-thing-about-men-or-more-specifically/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“Mike Hawk!” Bennett practically yelled at me, dropping his hand. His eyes were red from laughing. “How am I supposed to keep it together…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/mike-hawk-bennett-practically-yelled-at-me-dropping-his-hand-his-eyes/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“You are an exceptional human, with depth and heart. Don’t let anyone–or anything–dim that light inside you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/you-are-an-exceptional-human-with-depth-and-heart-don-t-let-anyone-or/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“After a quick glance around, he pulled me into the ladies' room and locked the door. Fantastic, another bathroom.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/after-a-quick-glance-around-he-pulled-me-into-the-ladies-room-and/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“Don't break me, okay?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/don-t-break-me-okay/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) [Explore all 308 Christina Lauren quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) ## More Every day quotes > [“Don’t allow anyone to pressure you into taking a job in a field that doesn’t feel right in your gut. You are the one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-james/don-t-allow-anyone-to-pressure-you-into-taking-a-job-in-a-field-that/) [Alison James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-james/) > [OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ambrose-bierce/obsessed-p-p-vexed-by-an-evil-spirit-like-the-gadarene-swine-and/) [Ambrose Bierce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ambrose-bierce/) > [I loved the game so much that even though our playing field was muddy and we had many trees on it, I used to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roberto-clemente/i-loved-the-game-so-much-that-even-though-our-playing-field-was-muddy/) [Roberto Clemente](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roberto-clemente/) > [On stage, you can bring all those strong emotions that you don't have the opportunity to live. You don't want to die for love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sylvie-guillem/on-stage-you-can-bring-all-those-strong-emotions-that-you-don-t-have/) [Sylvie Guillem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sylvie-guillem/) > [A real Christian in an odd number anyway. He feels supreme love for One whom he has never seen, talks familiarly every day to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/a-real-christian-in-an-odd-number-anyway-he-feels-supreme-love-for/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I think naturally I've been kind of a lead-by-doing guy. Just showing up to work every day. You never ask teammates something you wouldn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terrell-suggs/i-think-naturally-i-ve-been-kind-of-a-lead-by-doing-guy-just-showing/) [Terrell Suggs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terrell-suggs/) > [Love is the Key started in 1994 with a simple idea: that Love is the Key that would open all the doors in life.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/love-is-the-key/love-is-the-key-started-in-1994-with-a-simple-idea-that-love-is-the/) [Love Is The Key®](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/love-is-the-key/) > [Being under-recruited coming out of Highland, I've carried that with me. I keep pushing forward, keep working hard every day, keep my head on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-daniels/being-under-recruited-coming-out-of-highland-i-ve-carried-that-with/) [Mike Daniels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-daniels/) > [“(one would say yes, if not every day, at least fairly regularly), whether only for yourself or also for others (often only for yourself,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/italo-calvino/one-would-say-yes-if-not-every-day-at-least-fairly-regularly-whether/) [Italo Calvino](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/italo-calvino/) > [“Are you sure?" he asked in a low voice. "Because if I had the chance... I would spend every moment of every day with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexandra-monir/are-you-sure-he-asked-in-a-low-voice-because-if-i-had-the-chance-i/) [Alexandra Monir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexandra-monir/) > [I don't think I've ever bench-pressed anything in my life. Until about two years ago I swam a mile almost every day. Then I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-antosca/i-don-t-think-i-ve-ever-bench-pressed-anything-in-my-life-until-about/) [Nick Antosca](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-antosca/) > [I have to justify my job every day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marco-silva/i-have-to-justify-my-job-every-day/) [Marco Silva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marco-silva/) > [Merlin' was awesome, but the costumes would drive you insane. Every day, you'd get into chain mail and wear 30 pounds of that stuff.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-macken/merlin-was-awesome-but-the-costumes-would-drive-you-insane-every-day/) [Eoin Macken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-macken/) > [This cold weather has set all the young Folks to providing Bedfellows. I have signed two or three Licences every Day \[as a Fairfax…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-mason/this-cold-weather-has-set-all-the-young-folks-to-providing-bedfellows/) [George Mason](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-mason/) > [I work every day. Sometimes I don't accomplish anything every day, but if I don't work every day, I get depressed and get afraid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-didion/i-work-every-day-sometimes-i-don-t-accomplish-anything-every-day-but/) [Joan Didion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-didion/) [Browse all 16,614 Every day quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/every-day/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“ He is never going to be here , I thought. He is never coming back . Was I okay with it? No. But missing him every day for the rest of my life was still easier than the fight Sebastian had: to stuff himself inside a box every morning and tuck that box inside his heart and pray that his heart kept beating around the obstacle. Every day I could go to class as exactly the person I am, and meet new people, and come outside later for some fresh air and Frisbee. Every day I would be grateful that no one who matters to me questions whether I am too masculine, too feminine, too open, too closed. Every day I would be grateful for what I have, and that I can be who I am without judgment. So every day I would fight for Sebastian, and people in the same boat, who don’t have what I do, who struggle to find themselves in a world that tells them white and straight and narrow gets first pick in the schoolyard game of life. My chest was congested with regret, and relief, and resolve. Give me more of those , I thought to whoever was listening—whether it was God, or Oz, or the three sisters of Fate. Give me those moments where I think he’s coming back. I can take the hurt. 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