--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: That’s when I had my “Holy shit!” moment…" description: "\"“That’s when I had my “Holy shit!” moment and realized that this is the technique I’d been waiting for. Instead of asking some closed-ended question wi..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e7/chris-voss-5746_asked_that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-an_2502418.jpg" --- # That’s when I had my “Holy shit!” moment and realized that… ![“That’s when I had my “Holy shit!” moment and realized that this is the technique I’d been waiting for. Instead of asking some closed-ended question with a single correct answer, he’d asked an open-ended, yet calibrated one that forced the other guy to pause and actually think about how to solve…” quote by Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e7/chris-voss-5746_asked_that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-an_2502418.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e7/chris-voss-5746_asked_that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-an_2502418.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e7/chris-voss-5746_asked_that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-an_2502418.jpg) > ““That’s when I had my “Holy shit!” moment and realized that this is the technique I’d been waiting for. Instead of asking some closed-ended question with a single correct answer, he’d asked an open-ended, yet calibrated one that forced the other guy to pause and actually think about how to solve the problem. I thought to myself, This is perfect! It’s a natural and normal question, not a request for a fact. It’s a “how” question, and “how” engages because “how” asks for help.”” [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The quote describes a breakthrough realization that open‑ended, calibrated questions prompt deeper thinking and collaboration, unlike closed‑ended factual queries. **In simple terms:** Open questions spark thoughtful problem solving. Key Takeaway Use calibrated “how” questions to engage others. Themes communication problem solving collaboration negotiation Mood curious strategic empathetic Type advice insightful practical When to use this quote - team meetings - client negotiations - brainstorming sessions - conflict resolution Key Concepts calibrated questioning open‑ended inquiry psychology of dialogue Questions to Reflect On - How can you frame a “how” question to avoid resistance? - When is a closed‑ended question more effective? A Different Perspective If the other party is uncooperative, a “how” question may still be deflected. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Answer Asked](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/answer-asked-1073716/) [Asked](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asked/) [Asks Help](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asks-help-466374/) [Question](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/question/) [Question Engages](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/question-engages-1073715/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [I am constantly asked why I never made other films after 'There's No Business Like Show Business,' the answer is I was never asked.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/johnnie-ray/i-am-constantly-asked-why-i-never-made-other-films-after-there-s-no/) [Johnnie Ray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johnnie-ray/) > [“You're the answer before I even asked the question.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nora-roberts/you-re-the-answer-before-i-even-asked-the-question/) [Nora Roberts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nora-roberts/) > [“Confucius sat down to rest, and his students immediately started asking him questions. On that day, he was in a good mood and so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/confucius-sat-down-to-rest-and-his-students-immediately-started/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [If I asked you to do something for me, I don't suppose you'd listen?" When he had my attention, he continued, "I'm going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/becca-fitzpatrick/if-i-asked-you-to-do-something-for-me-i-don-t-suppose-you-d-listen/) [Becca Fitzpatrick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/becca-fitzpatrick/) > [I asked God why lifes like this. He gave me no answer. I asked why Im still here. Again, He gave me no answer.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-asked-god-why-lifes-like-this-he-gave-me-no-answer-i-asked-why-im/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [An old Zen rule of thumb is not to answer until one has been asked three times.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joko-beck/an-old-zen-rule-of-thumb-is-not-to-answer-until-one-has-been-asked/) [Joko Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joko-beck/) > [“What do you think the Order is going to do?" he asks. "Help us open a door to Hell, if we're lucky," I reply.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kendare-blake/what-do-you-think-the-order-is-going-to-do-he-asks-help-us-open-a/) [Kendare Blake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kendare-blake/) > [If someone comes to you and asks for help, and you can help them, you're supposed to help them. Why wouldn't you? You have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gil-scott-heron/if-someone-comes-to-you-and-asks-for-help-and-you-can-help-them-you/) [Gil Scott-Heron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gil-scott-heron/) > [The winner asks, "May I help?" The loser asks, "Do you expect me to do that?"](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-arthur-ward/the-winner-asks-may-i-help-the-loser-asks-do-you-expect-me-to-do-that/) [William Arthur Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-arthur-ward/) > [I say no when Dora asks for my help. THUG LIFE.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-say-no-when-dora-asks-for-my-help-thug-life/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“When a stuffed bear asks you for help, you can … ignore him, check your sanity, or give in.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suzanne-lafleur/when-a-stuffed-bear-asks-you-for-help-you-can-ignore-him-check-your/) [Suzanne LaFleur](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suzanne-lafleur/) > [The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he's got an abscess on his knee…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rona-barrett/the-healthy-and-strong-individual-is-the-one-who-asks-for-help-when/) [Rona Barrett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rona-barrett/) > [When a dad admits he is wrong or asks for help, he allows the child to see him- or herself as adequate even when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/warren-farrell/when-a-dad-admits-he-is-wrong-or-asks-for-help-he-allows-the-child-to/) [Warren Farrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/warren-farrell/) > [...When someone asks me to help create a room my first reaction, if I do not already know the person, is to try to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sister-parish/when-someone-asks-me-to-help-create-a-room-my-first-reaction-if-i-do/) [Sister Parish](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sister-parish/) > [“Harry Potter asks if he can help Dobby . . . Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-k-rowling/harry-potter-asks-if-he-can-help-dobby-dobby-has-heard-of-your/) [J.K. Rowling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-k-rowling/) ## More by Chris Voss > [“Most of the time, you should be using the positive/playful voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/most-of-the-time-you-should-be-using-the-positive-playful-voice-it-s/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/by-repeating-back-what-people-say-you-trigger-this-mirroring-instinct/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Every case is new. We must let what we know - our known knowns - guide us but not blind us to what we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/every-case-is-new-we-must-let-what-we-know-our-known-knowns-guide-us/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“The Downs hijacking case came to epitomize everything not to do in a crisis situation, and inspired the development of today’s theories, training, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/the-downs-hijacking-case-came-to-epitomize-everything-not-to-do-in-a/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“In any interaction, it pleases us to feel that the other side is listening and acknowledging our situation. Whether you are negotiating a business…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/in-any-interaction-it-pleases-us-to-feel-that-the-other-side-is/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Here are some other great standbys that I use in almost every negotiation, depending on the situation: What about this is important to you?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/here-are-some-other-great-standbys-that-i-use-in-almost-every/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“If I just ask for a volunteer, my students sit on their hands and look away. You’ve been there. You can almost feel your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/if-i-just-ask-for-a-volunteer-my-students-sit-on-their-hands-and-look/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“when you phrase a label as a neutral statement of understanding, it encourages your counterpart to be responsive. They’ll usually give a longer answer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/when-you-phrase-a-label-as-a-neutral-statement-of-understanding-it/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“There are essentially three voice tones available to negotiators: the late-night FM DJ voice, the positive/playful voice, and the direct or assertive voice. Forget…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/there-are-essentially-three-voice-tones-available-to-negotiators-the/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Instead of addressing his grumpy behavior, you acknowledge his sadness in a nonjudgmental way. You head him off before he can really get started.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/instead-of-addressing-his-grumpy-behavior-you-acknowledge-his-sadness/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and not 'I'm hearing that . . .' That's because the word 'I' gets people's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/notice-we-said-it-sounds-like-and-not-i-m-hearing-that-that-s-because/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“What were needed were simple psychological tactics and strategies that worked in the field to calm people down, establish rapport, gain trust, elicit the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/what-were-needed-were-simple-psychological-tactics-and-strategies/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“they should be teased out. Labeling is a helpful tactic in de-escalating angry confrontations, because it makes the person acknowledge their feelings rather than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/they-should-be-teased-out-labeling-is-a-helpful-tactic-in-de/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“List the worst things that the other party could say about you and say them before the other person can. Performing an accusation audit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/list-the-worst-things-that-the-other-party-could-say-about-you-and/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“There’s one powerful way to quiet the voice in your head and the voice in their head at the same time: treat two schizophrenics…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/there-s-one-powerful-way-to-quiet-the-voice-in-your-head-and-the/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) [Explore all 94 Chris Voss quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) ## More Asked quotes > [“Are you sure?" he asked in a low voice. "Because if I had the chance... I would spend every moment of every day with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexandra-monir/are-you-sure-he-asked-in-a-low-voice-because-if-i-had-the-chance-i/) [Alexandra Monir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexandra-monir/) > [“Who tricked me into this whole thing and leaves me standing here? Who am I? How did I get into the world? Why was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/s-ren-kierkegaard/who-tricked-me-into-this-whole-thing-and-leaves-me-standing-here-who/) [Søren Kierkegaard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/s-ren-kierkegaard/) > [“The best questions are ones never asked.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-cory-molloy/the-best-questions-are-ones-never-asked/) [Robert Cory Molloy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-cory-molloy/) > [A lot of people think I'm snotty. So what? They never asked me out when I was serving cheeseburgers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cathy-moriarty/a-lot-of-people-think-i-m-snotty-so-what-they-never-asked-me-out-when/) [Cathy Moriarty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cathy-moriarty/) > [I've been so lucky with the people I've worked with, but I'm such a fan girl. When I moved to London at 16, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheridan-smith/i-ve-been-so-lucky-with-the-people-i-ve-worked-with-but-i-m-such-a/) [Sheridan Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheridan-smith/) > [For me to even be talking about bikini confidence is crazy. If you had asked me a couple of months ago, I probably would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jordin-sparks/for-me-to-even-be-talking-about-bikini-confidence-is-crazy-if-you-had/) [Jordin Sparks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jordin-sparks/) > [Only once have I been made mute. It was when a man asked me, 'Who are you?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/khalil-gibran/only-once-have-i-been-made-mute-it-was-when-a-man-asked-me-who-are-you/) [Khalil Gibran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/khalil-gibran/) > [The only thing Steve Jobs has ever asked me in all the years we've been together and have been partners, the only thing he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-lasseter/the-only-thing-steve-jobs-has-ever-asked-me-in-all-the-years-we-ve/) [John Lasseter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-lasseter/) > [“A girl likes to be asked, dumbass.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matthew-stover/a-girl-likes-to-be-asked-dumbass/) [Matthew Stover](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matthew-stover/) > [I've been asked to school dances.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/finn-wolfhard/i-ve-been-asked-to-school-dances/) [Finn Wolfhard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/finn-wolfhard/) > [“Which to you have?' Mel asked, blocking the entry with his body. 'Talent or issues?' I paused for a moment, thought about this. 'Both,'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leila-sales/which-to-you-have-mel-asked-blocking-the-entry-with-his-body-talent/) [Leila Sales](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leila-sales/) > [“Did you find someone who makes you feel all those things?” she asked, not wanting to think of her own failed union. He locked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mila-rossi/did-you-find-someone-who-makes-you-feel-all-those-things-she-asked/) [Mila Rossi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mila-rossi/) > [Hang on, did you just call me Angel?” I asked. “If I did?” “I don’t like it.” He grinned. “It stays. Angel.” He leaned…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/becca-fitzpatrick/hang-on-did-you-just-call-me-angel-i-asked-if-i-did-i-don-t-like-it/) [Becca Fitzpatrick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/becca-fitzpatrick/) > [At first, I asked, Why me? Then I thought, Why not me?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-jonas/at-first-i-asked-why-me-then-i-thought-why-not-me/) [Nick Jonas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-jonas/) > [When scientists are asked what they are working on, their response is seldom 'Finding the origin of the universe' or 'Seeking to cure cancer.'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-rees/when-scientists-are-asked-what-they-are-working-on-their-response-is/) [Martin Rees](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-rees/) [Browse all 2,259 Asked quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asked/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“That’s when I had my “Holy shit!” moment and realized that this is the technique I’d been waiting for. Instead of asking some closed-ended question with a single correct answer, he’d asked an open-ended, yet calibrated one that forced the other guy to pause and actually think about how to solve the problem. I thought to myself, This is perfect! It’s a natural and normal question, not a request for a fact. It’s a “how” question, and “how” engages because “how” asks for help.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Chris Voss" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-and-realized-that-this-is-the/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Asked" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-and-realized-that-this-is-the/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e7/chris-voss-5746_asked_that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-an_2502418.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e7/chris-voss-5746_asked_that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-an_2502418.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7e7/chris-voss-5746_asked_that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-an_2502418.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“That’s when I had my “Holy shit!” moment and realized that this is the technique I’d been waiting for…” — Chris Voss", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Chris Voss", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“That’s when I had my “Holy...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-and-realized-that-this-is-the/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/that-s-when-i-had-my-holy-shit-moment-and-realized-that-this-is-the/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```