--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and…" description: "\"“Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and not 'I'm hearing that . . .' That's because the word 'I' gets people's guard up. When you say 'I,' it says y..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/454/chris-voss-5746_negotiation_notice-we-said-it-sounds-like-and-not-i_424291.jpg" --- # Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and not 'I'm hearing… ![“Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and not 'I'm hearing that . . .' That's because the word 'I' gets people's guard up. When you say 'I,' it says you're more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow—and the offense…” quote by Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/454/chris-voss-5746_negotiation_notice-we-said-it-sounds-like-and-not-i_424291.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/454/chris-voss-5746_negotiation_notice-we-said-it-sounds-like-and-not-i_424291.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/454/chris-voss-5746_negotiation_notice-we-said-it-sounds-like-and-not-i_424291.jpg) > ““Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and not 'I'm hearing that . . .' That's because the word 'I' gets people's guard up. When you say 'I,' it says you're more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow—and the offense they might cause.”” [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Using “I” makes listeners defensive; avoiding it keeps focus on the issue, not the speaker. **In simple terms:** Saying “I” can trigger defensiveness. Key Takeaway Use neutral language to stay objective. Themes negotiation psychology communication Mood thoughtful strategic Type advisory practical When to use this quote - sales pitches - conflict resolution - team meetings - customer service Key Concepts self-reference defensiveness responsibility Questions to Reflect On - When is personal pronoun appropriate? - How does tone affect outcomes? A Different Perspective Some contexts require personal accountability. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Negotiation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/negotiation/) [Personal responsibility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/personal-responsibility/) [Psychology](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/psychology/) ## Related quotes > [“Veeva squirmed up and down the length of me, vibrating like a coin operated motel bed. 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It comes by hearing the word of God through Jesus.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-piper/belief-in-jesus-does-not-come-by-the-waving-of-a-magic-wand-it-comes/) [John Piper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-piper/) > [You may as well quit reading and hearing the Word of God, and give it to the devil, if you do not desire to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-luther/you-may-as-well-quit-reading-and-hearing-the-word-of-god-and-give-it/) [Martin Luther](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-luther/) > [“We are silent after hearing the Word because the Word is still speaking and dwelling within us. We are silent at the beginning of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-j-foster/we-are-silent-after-hearing-the-word-because-the-word-is-still/) [Richard J. Foster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-j-foster/) > ['Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God' (Rom. 10:17). That is whence faith comes. 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Everyone has a reason for whatever it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tyga/at-the-end-of-the-day-i-don-t-know-what-makes-any-artist-say-what-he/) [Tyga](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tyga/) > [We must allow the Bible to say what is says, not what we think it ought to say.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-bridges/we-must-allow-the-bible-to-say-what-is-says-not-what-we-think-it/) [Jerry Bridges](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-bridges/) ## More by Chris Voss > [“Most of the time, you should be using the positive/playful voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/most-of-the-time-you-should-be-using-the-positive-playful-voice-it-s/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/by-repeating-back-what-people-say-you-trigger-this-mirroring-instinct/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Every case is new. We must let what we know - our known knowns - guide us but not blind us to what we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/every-case-is-new-we-must-let-what-we-know-our-known-knowns-guide-us/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“The Downs hijacking case came to epitomize everything not to do in a crisis situation, and inspired the development of today’s theories, training, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/the-downs-hijacking-case-came-to-epitomize-everything-not-to-do-in-a/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“In any interaction, it pleases us to feel that the other side is listening and acknowledging our situation. 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They’ll usually give a longer answer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/when-you-phrase-a-label-as-a-neutral-statement-of-understanding-it/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“There are essentially three voice tones available to negotiators: the late-night FM DJ voice, the positive/playful voice, and the direct or assertive voice. Forget…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/there-are-essentially-three-voice-tones-available-to-negotiators-the/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Instead of addressing his grumpy behavior, you acknowledge his sadness in a nonjudgmental way. You head him off before he can really get started.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/instead-of-addressing-his-grumpy-behavior-you-acknowledge-his-sadness/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“What were needed were simple psychological tactics and strategies that worked in the field to calm people down, establish rapport, gain trust, elicit the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/what-were-needed-were-simple-psychological-tactics-and-strategies/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“they should be teased out. Labeling is a helpful tactic in de-escalating angry confrontations, because it makes the person acknowledge their feelings rather than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/they-should-be-teased-out-labeling-is-a-helpful-tactic-in-de/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“List the worst things that the other party could say about you and say them before the other person can. 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The fastest and most efficient means of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/try-this-the-next-time-you-have-to-apologize-for-a-bone-headed/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) [Explore all 94 Chris Voss quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) ## More Negotiation quotes > [A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ludwig-erhard/a-compromise-is-the-art-of-dividing-a-cake-in-such-a-way-that/) Ludwig Erhard > [“Simple answers, reductionist politics, are the most prone to compromise, to saying we’re addressing the essential issue and all that other stuff can slide.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-allison/simple-answers-reductionist-politics-are-the-most-prone-to-compromise/) [Dorothy Allison](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-allison/) > [We're always willing to look at ways NAFTA can work better. But it's a fine line between looking at ways to make it work…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-harper/we-re-always-willing-to-look-at-ways-nafta-can-work-better-but-it-s-a/) [Stephen Harper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-harper/) > [“Duty is a done deal.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/duty-is-a-done-deal/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [“All the major players were our clients. I had handled the conflicting demands, pacified the volatile tempers, and anticipated and circumvented the irrational tantrums.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/juliann-garey/all-the-major-players-were-our-clients-i-had-handled-the-conflicting/) [Juliann Garey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/juliann-garey/) > [Donald Trump so far is sending a signal that he's going to run the government like his business and maybe that's going to work.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-o-reilly/donald-trump-so-far-is-sending-a-signal-that-he-s-going-to-run-the/) [Bill O'Reilly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-o-reilly/) > [The human spirit will not invest itself in a compromise.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-fritz/the-human-spirit-will-not-invest-itself-in-a-compromise/) [Robert Fritz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-fritz/) > [A lasting relationship consists of the 3 C's: Commitment. Communication. Compromise.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/a-lasting-relationship-consists-of-the-3-c-s-commitment-communication/) [Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/) > [As a politician - particularly as a politician in a coalition - you quickly realise that compromise is a part of the game. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-davey/as-a-politician-particularly-as-a-politician-in-a-coalition-you/) [Edward Davey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-davey/) > [When you give your 100% to your compromises then they become sacrifices… And sacrifices never hurt us,they give us a smile on our face,a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melchor-lim/when-you-give-your-100-to-your-compromises-then-they-become/) [Melchor Lim](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melchor-lim/) > [You don't bargain with terrorists. You don't appease terrorists. And anybody who believes that this is about something we've done has to ask themselves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-chertoff/you-don-t-bargain-with-terrorists-you-don-t-appease-terrorists-and/) [Michael Chertoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-chertoff/) > [“Shortly before we closed the deal, Randy Michaels and Terry Jacobs, who were running Jacor, came to me to finance the acquisition of a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sam-zell/shortly-before-we-closed-the-deal-randy-michaels-and-terry-jacobs-who/) [Sam Zell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sam-zell/) > ['Fair' is, like, this incredibly overused term in negotiations: 'I just want what's fair.' 'What's the fair market price?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/fair-is-like-this-incredibly-overused-term-in-negotiations-i-just/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) > [The Fundamental Principle that governs - or ought to govern -human affairs if we wish to avoid misunderstandings, conflicts, or pointless utopias, is negotiation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/umberto-eco/the-fundamental-principle-that-governs-or-ought-to-govern-human/) [Umberto Eco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/umberto-eco/) > [Negotiation is often described as the art of letting the other side have your way. You have to give the other side a chance…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-voss/negotiation-is-often-described-as-the-art-of-letting-the-other-side/) [Christopher Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-voss/) [Browse all 1,728 Negotiation quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/negotiation/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and not 'I'm hearing that . . .' That's because the word 'I' gets people's guard up. 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