--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It comes down to the deep and universal…" description: "\"“It comes down to the deep and universal human need for autonomy. People need to feel in control. When you preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly givi..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7fc/chris-voss-5746_freedom_it-comes-down-to-the-deep-and-universal_814335.jpg" --- # It comes down to the deep and universal human need for… ![“It comes down to the deep and universal human need for autonomy. People need to feel in control. When you preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas, the emotions calm, the effectiveness of the decisions go up, and the other party can really look at…” quote by Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7fc/chris-voss-5746_freedom_it-comes-down-to-the-deep-and-universal_814335.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7fc/chris-voss-5746_freedom_it-comes-down-to-the-deep-and-universal_814335.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7fc/chris-voss-5746_freedom_it-comes-down-to-the-deep-and-universal_814335.jpg) > ““It comes down to the deep and universal human need for autonomy. People need to feel in control. When you preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas, the emotions calm, the effectiveness of the decisions go up, and the other party can really look at your proposal. They’re allowed to hold it in their hands, to turn it around. And it gives you time to elaborate or pivot in order to convince your counterpart that the change you’re proposing is more advantageous than the status quo.”” [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Giving people explicit permission to say no reduces resistance, builds trust, and improves decision quality by allowing them to feel autonomous. **In simple terms:** Allowing a “no” makes others feel in control and more open to persuasion. Key Takeaway Offer a clear “no” option to increase cooperation. Themes autonomy trust communication influence Mood calm strategic confident Type advice strategic psychological When to use this quote - sales meetings - team brainstorming - conflict resolution - client pitches Key Concepts psychology negotiation human needs Questions to Reflect On - How does offering a “no” change the power dynamic? - When is it risky to give too much autonomy? A Different Perspective If overused, “no” can become a default refusal, stalling progress. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Autonomy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/autonomy/) [Autonomy People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/autonomy-people-298455/) [Freedom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/freedom/) [Giving Permission](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving-permission-298457/) [Need Autonomy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/need-autonomy-298458/) [Person Autonomy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/person-autonomy-298456/) [Status quo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/status-quo/) ## Related quotes > [This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy of people,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/this-objective-of-getting-what-we-want-from-other-people-or-getting/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [“Nature’s ultimate goal is to foster the growth of the individual from absolute dependence to independence — or, more exactly, to the interdependence of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/nature-s-ultimate-goal-is-to-foster-the-growth-of-the-individual-from/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Autonomous people assert themselves against the status quo. They don't accept the prevailing opinion just because it's the one given to them. Nothing creative…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-brito/autonomous-people-assert-themselves-against-the-status-quo-they-don-t/) [Maria Brito](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-brito/) > [I would say where I feel like I'm struggling the most in learning and giving myself permission to fail is in finding the balance…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-blakely/i-would-say-where-i-feel-like-i-m-struggling-the-most-in-learning-and/) [Sara Blakely](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-blakely/) > [“It is difficult to describe the peace that comes with giving yourself permission to know what you know. To have hard, complicated realities staring…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/valerie-tarico-ph-d/it-is-difficult-to-describe-the-peace-that-comes-with-giving-yourself/) [Valerie Tarico Ph.D](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/valerie-tarico-ph-d/) > [I really don't have any weaknesses. I do have areas of my life that I am working on to grow, heal and evolve. Giving…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iyanla-vanzant/i-really-don-t-have-any-weaknesses-i-do-have-areas-of-my-life-that-i/) [Iyanla Vanzant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iyanla-vanzant/) > [Believes that allowing someone to remain a part of your life after they've betrayed or hurt you is simply giving them permission and opportunity…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/believes-that-allowing-someone-to-remain-a-part-of-your-life-after/) [Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/) > [Giving yourself permission to open up and let the world in -even if just a crack - even if the situation isn't perfect -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/senora-roy/giving-yourself-permission-to-open-up-and-let-the-world-in-even-if/) [Senora Roy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/senora-roy/) > [Sometimes you just cant open up to someone. Not because you dont trust them. But because once you tell someone how you feel inside,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/sometimes-you-just-cant-open-up-to-someone-not-because-you-dont-trust/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [It's about you, giving yourself permission to be who you are, without giving a rip about what anybody else is thinking about it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-hicks/it-s-about-you-giving-yourself-permission-to-be-who-you-are-without/) [Esther Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-hicks/) > [“I really wanted something, giving myself permission to screw up wasn't an option”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-kelly/i-really-wanted-something-giving-myself-permission-to-screw-up-wasn-t/) [Tara Kelly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tara-kelly/) > [It’s not about finding your voice, it’s about giving yourself permission to use your voice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kris-carr/it-s-not-about-finding-your-voice-it-s-about-giving-yourself/) [Kris Carr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kris-carr/) > [“I’m giving you permission to take care of yourself first, so you can do a better job of being generous in the long run.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/scott-adams/i-m-giving-you-permission-to-take-care-of-yourself-first-so-you-can/) [Scott Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/scott-adams/) > [In the age of girl power, we're loath to send a message of surrender to our girls. To the contrary: we've doubled down on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-simmons/in-the-age-of-girl-power-we-re-loath-to-send-a-message-of-surrender/) [Rachel Simmons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-simmons/) > [I am giving myself permission to love - ALL of it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brenda-strong/i-am-giving-myself-permission-to-love-all-of-it/) [Brenda Strong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brenda-strong/) ## More by Chris Voss > [“Most of the time, you should be using the positive/playful voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/most-of-the-time-you-should-be-using-the-positive-playful-voice-it-s/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/by-repeating-back-what-people-say-you-trigger-this-mirroring-instinct/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Every case is new. We must let what we know - our known knowns - guide us but not blind us to what we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/every-case-is-new-we-must-let-what-we-know-our-known-knowns-guide-us/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“The Downs hijacking case came to epitomize everything not to do in a crisis situation, and inspired the development of today’s theories, training, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/the-downs-hijacking-case-came-to-epitomize-everything-not-to-do-in-a/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“In any interaction, it pleases us to feel that the other side is listening and acknowledging our situation. Whether you are negotiating a business…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/in-any-interaction-it-pleases-us-to-feel-that-the-other-side-is/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Here are some other great standbys that I use in almost every negotiation, depending on the situation: What about this is important to you?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/here-are-some-other-great-standbys-that-i-use-in-almost-every/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“If I just ask for a volunteer, my students sit on their hands and look away. You’ve been there. You can almost feel your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/if-i-just-ask-for-a-volunteer-my-students-sit-on-their-hands-and-look/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“when you phrase a label as a neutral statement of understanding, it encourages your counterpart to be responsive. They’ll usually give a longer answer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/when-you-phrase-a-label-as-a-neutral-statement-of-understanding-it/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“There are essentially three voice tones available to negotiators: the late-night FM DJ voice, the positive/playful voice, and the direct or assertive voice. Forget…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/there-are-essentially-three-voice-tones-available-to-negotiators-the/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Instead of addressing his grumpy behavior, you acknowledge his sadness in a nonjudgmental way. You head him off before he can really get started.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/instead-of-addressing-his-grumpy-behavior-you-acknowledge-his-sadness/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“Notice we said 'It sounds like . . .' and not 'I'm hearing that . . .' That's because the word 'I' gets people's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/notice-we-said-it-sounds-like-and-not-i-m-hearing-that-that-s-because/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“What were needed were simple psychological tactics and strategies that worked in the field to calm people down, establish rapport, gain trust, elicit the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/what-were-needed-were-simple-psychological-tactics-and-strategies/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“they should be teased out. Labeling is a helpful tactic in de-escalating angry confrontations, because it makes the person acknowledge their feelings rather than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/they-should-be-teased-out-labeling-is-a-helpful-tactic-in-de/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“List the worst things that the other party could say about you and say them before the other person can. Performing an accusation audit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/list-the-worst-things-that-the-other-party-could-say-about-you-and/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) > [“There’s one powerful way to quiet the voice in your head and the voice in their head at the same time: treat two schizophrenics…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-voss/there-s-one-powerful-way-to-quiet-the-voice-in-your-head-and-the/) [Chris Voss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) [Explore all 94 Chris Voss quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-voss/) ## More Autonomy quotes > [I don't want to be famous famous. I'm happy on the second tier, where I have autonomy on a professional level but I can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabrielle-reece/i-don-t-want-to-be-famous-famous-i-m-happy-on-the-second-tier-where-i/) [Gabrielle Reece](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabrielle-reece/) > [“The idea of autonomy denies that we are born into a world that existed prior to us. It posits an essential aloneness; an autonomous…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matthew-b-crawford/the-idea-of-autonomy-denies-that-we-are-born-into-a-world-that/) [Matthew B. Crawford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matthew-b-crawford/) > [It’s hard to feel attracted to someone who has abandoned her sense of autonomy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/it-s-hard-to-feel-attracted-to-someone-who-has-abandoned-her-sense-of/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [The first step toward maintaining autonomy in any programmed environment is to be aware that there's programming going on. It's as simple as understanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/douglas-rushkoff/the-first-step-toward-maintaining-autonomy-in-any-programmed/) [Douglas Rushkoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/douglas-rushkoff/) > [Autonomy is impossible as long as one is driven by anything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/autonomy-is-impossible-as-long-as-one-is-driven-by-anything/) [Gabor Mate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [“Father had stretched out his long legs and was tilting back in his chair. Mother sat with her knees crossed, in blue slacks, smoking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/annie-dillard/father-had-stretched-out-his-long-legs-and-was-tilting-back-in-his/) [Annie Dillard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/annie-dillard/) > [Throughout the last century there were multiple attempts at giving Afghan women more autonomy, to change marriage laws, to abolish the practice of bride…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/khaled-hosseini/throughout-the-last-century-there-were-multiple-attempts-at-giving/) [Khaled Hosseini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/khaled-hosseini/) > [We could encourage the best qualities of youthfulness - curiosity, adventure, resilience, the capacity for surprising insight simply by being more flexible about time,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-taylor-gatto/we-could-encourage-the-best-qualities-of-youthfulness-curiosity/) [John Taylor Gatto](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-taylor-gatto/) > [“She isn't anybody's,' Rook said darkly. 'Son. she's not yours, either," Sarah Fleet said.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jaida-jones/she-isn-t-anybody-s-rook-said-darkly-son-she-s-not-yours-either-sarah/) [Jaida Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jaida-jones/) > [The Palestinian Arabs will have their autonomy, we will have our security. We shall live together.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/menachem-begin/the-palestinian-arabs-will-have-their-autonomy-we-will-have-our/) [Menachem Begin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/menachem-begin/) > [Autonomy means women defining themselves and the values by which they will live, and beginning to think of institutional arrangements which will order their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerda-lerner/autonomy-means-women-defining-themselves-and-the-values-by-which-they/) [Gerda Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerda-lerner/) > [“Autonomous people assert themselves against the status quo. They don't accept the prevailing opinion just because it's the one given to them. Nothing creative…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-brito/autonomous-people-assert-themselves-against-the-status-quo-they-don-t/) [Maria Brito](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-brito/) > [Black people cannot and will not become integrated into American society on any terms but those of self-determination and autonomy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerda-lerner/black-people-cannot-and-will-not-become-integrated-into-american/) [Gerda Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerda-lerner/) > [The civil magistrate cannot function without some ethical guidance, without some standard of good and evil. If that standard is not to be the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/the-civil-magistrate-cannot-function-without-some-ethical-guidance/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Who hath desires must ever fearful be; Who lives in fear cannot be counted free.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-burton/who-hath-desires-must-ever-fearful-be-who-lives-in-fear-cannot-be/) [Robert Burton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-burton/) [Browse all 418 Autonomy quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/autonomy/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It comes down to the deep and universal human need for autonomy. People need to feel in control. When you preserve a person’s autonomy by clearly giving them permission to say “No” to your ideas, the emotions calm, the effectiveness of the decisions go up, and the other party can really look at your proposal. 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