--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: But the reality is we often become our…" description: "\"But the reality is we often become our kindest, most ethical selves only by seeing what it feels like to be a selfish jackass first.\" — Cheryl Strayed" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/002/cheryl-strayed-605_character_but-the-reality-is-we-often-become-our-k_2824277.png" --- # But the reality is we often become our kindest, most… ![“But the reality is we often become our kindest, most ethical selves only by seeing what it feels like to be a selfish jackass first.” quote by Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/002/cheryl-strayed-605_character_but-the-reality-is-we-often-become-our-k_2824277.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/002/cheryl-strayed-605_character_but-the-reality-is-we-often-become-our-k_2824277.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/002/cheryl-strayed-605_character_but-the-reality-is-we-often-become-our-k_2824277.png) > “But the reality is we often become our kindest, most ethical selves only by seeing what it feels like to be a selfish jackass first.” [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Self‑interest can precede ethical growth; experiencing selfishness reveals moral potential. **In simple terms:** Selfishness can lead to ethics. Key Takeaway Embrace selfishness to grow ethically. Themes ethics self‑reflection growth Mood introspective candid Type philosophical self‑help When to use this quote - therapy - journaling - mindful practice Key Concepts selfishness moral development personal journey Questions to Reflect On - When does selfishness become constructive? - How to balance self‑care and altruism? A Different Perspective Selfish behavior may harm others before lessons learned. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Character](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/character/) [Reality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/reality/) [Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self/) [Selfishness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/selfishness/) ## Related quotes > [We like to pretend that our generous impulses come naturally. But the reality is we often become our kindest, most ethical selves only by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/we-like-to-pretend-that-our-generous-impulses-come-naturally-but-the/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [So release yourself from that. Don't be strategic or coy. Strategic and coy are for jackasses. Be brave. Be authentic. Practice saying the word…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/so-release-yourself-from-that-don-t-be-strategic-or-coy-strategic-and/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [No' is golden. 'No' is the kind of power the good witch wields. It's the way whole, healthy, emotionally evolved people manage to have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/no-is-golden-no-is-the-kind-of-power-the-good-witch-wields-it-s-the/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [I was really conflicted. I had always planned to help the world. Instead, I was going to become an actress? That seemed like such…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-bello/i-was-really-conflicted-i-had-always-planned-to-help-the-world/) [Maria Bello](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-bello/) > ['Wild Hope' just felt like such a selfish venture to me. It was a way for me to get out of my head, get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mandy-moore/wild-hope-just-felt-like-such-a-selfish-venture-to-me-it-was-a-way/) [Mandy Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mandy-moore/) > [“I was thinking about attraction. I have this theory on it. On love." She wouldn't look at me. I swallowed, but managed, "This ought…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maggie-stiefvater/i-was-thinking-about-attraction-i-have-this-theory-on-it-on-love-she/) [maggie stiefvater](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maggie-stiefvater/) > [You know, it's time for me to start living for myself...I just feel like I'm being selfish though.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-know-it-s-time-for-me-to-start-living-for-myself-i-just-feel-like/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I'm throwing all your stuff away and deleting your number. I can't believe 4 years of being best friends ends like this. You're so selfish.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-m-throwing-all-your-stuff-away-and-deleting-your-number-i-can-t/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [We make music for a living. Like I've always said, if you like what you're doing, you're halfway there; if someone else likes it,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-van-halen/we-make-music-for-a-living-like-i-ve-always-said-if-you-like-what-you/) [Eddie Van Halen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-van-halen/) > [“We've been down the road of your hasty exits too many times, Mrs. Danvers. You married your master, and you married a sadist--of your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lizbeth-dusseau/we-ve-been-down-the-road-of-your-hasty-exits-too-many-times-mrs/) Lizbeth Dusseau > [I think sometimes for me that sounds like almost being selfish. I am not about personal records.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pat-summitt/i-think-sometimes-for-me-that-sounds-like-almost-being-selfish-i-am/) [Pat Summitt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pat-summitt/) > [“It's like you don't get that she's not gone yet, like you think her time left isn't meaningful anymore. 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"My favorite uncle is a jackass.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eoin-colfer/and-i-will-not-be-beaten-by-that-jackass-jackass-said-foaly-wounded/) [Eoin Colfer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eoin-colfer/) ## More by Cheryl Strayed > [“She understands that attention is the first and final act of love, and that the ultimate dwindling resource in the human arrangement isn’t cheap…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/she-understands-that-attention-is-the-first-and-final-act-of-love-and/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“The most terrible and beautiful and interesting things happen in life. For some of you, those things have already happened. Whatever happens to you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/the-most-terrible-and-beautiful-and-interesting-things-happen-in-life/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [Of course you want someone special to love you. A majority of the people who write to me inquire about how they can get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/of-course-you-want-someone-special-to-love-you-a-majority-of-the/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [It's still true that literary works by women, gays, and writers of color are often framed as specific, rather than universal, small rather than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/it-s-still-true-that-literary-works-by-women-gays-and-writers-of/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [My whole life sort of ended when my mom died.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/my-whole-life-sort-of-ended-when-my-mom-died/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“And you have to do it no matter what is true. No matter what is hard.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/and-you-have-to-do-it-no-matter-what-is-true-no-matter-what-is-hard/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“Don’t listen to those people who suggest you should be “over” your daughter’s death by now. The people who squawk the loudest about such…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/don-t-listen-to-those-people-who-suggest-you-should-be-over-your/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“. . . there was the actual doing it, quickly followed by the grim realization of what it meant to do it, followed by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/there-was-the-actual-doing-it-quickly-followed-by-the-grim/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“The sky didn't wonder where it was.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/the-sky-didn-t-wonder-where-it-was/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [He was the most ordinary man in all the world, and yet in her memory he'd become luminous, like the prince in a fairy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/he-was-the-most-ordinary-man-in-all-the-world-and-yet-in-her-memory/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [Love is our essential nutrient. Without it, life has little meaning. It's the best thing we have to give and the most valuable thing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/love-is-our-essential-nutrient-without-it-life-has-little-meaning-it/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“I never believed the boys were angry. I believed they were hurt and anger was the safest manifestation of their sorrow. It was the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/i-never-believed-the-boys-were-angry-i-believed-they-were-hurt-and/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“It’s wrong that this is required of you. It’s wrong that your son died. It will always be wrong.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/it-s-wrong-that-this-is-required-of-you-it-s-wrong-that-your-son-died/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“Your ultimatum is simple. It’s fair. And it’s stating your own intentions, not what you hope theirs will be.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/your-ultimatum-is-simple-it-s-fair-and-it-s-stating-your-own/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“We aren't poor," my mother said, again and again. 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