--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It was only months after my time with…" description: "\"“It was only months after my time with Haaken that I realized he also didn’t care whether I was gay or not. I was too stunned by the horror of being ou..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6e/charles-benedict-3426_family_it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-ha_1556539.jpg" --- # It was only months after my time with Haaken that I… ![“It was only months after my time with Haaken that I realized he also didn’t care whether I was gay or not. I was too stunned by the horror of being outed to see his ambivalence on the matter. I was terrified of what my family would do, how my family would react, and the whole ordeal of Reese’s…” quote by Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6e/charles-benedict-3426_family_it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-ha_1556539.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6e/charles-benedict-3426_family_it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-ha_1556539.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6e/charles-benedict-3426_family_it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-ha_1556539.jpg) > ““It was only months after my time with Haaken that I realized he also didn’t care whether I was gay or not. I was too stunned by the horror of being outed to see his ambivalence on the matter. I was terrified of what my family would do, how my family would react, and the whole ordeal of Reese’s family scared me into burying my attraction toward men.”” [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. He was indifferent to the narrator's sexual orientation, but the narrator's fear of family reaction and being outed caused deep distress. **In simple terms:** Indifference met with personal fear. Key Takeaway Address internal fears before judging others. Themes acceptance family dynamics LGBTQ+ fear Mood empathetic reflective Type personal social When to use this quote - coming out - family conversations - support groups - mental health counseling Key Concepts social stigma identity crisis Questions to Reflect On - How can one seek support when family reactions are uncertain? - What steps can reduce fear of being outed? A Different Perspective The narrative overlooks the possibility of allies within families. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family/) [Homosexuality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/homosexuality/) [Terrified](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/terrified/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [I never really got nightmares from movies. In fact, I recall my father saying when I was three years old that I would be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-burton/i-never-really-got-nightmares-from-movies-in-fact-i-recall-my-father/) [Tim Burton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-burton/) > [When computers came online and people found out people weren't mixing there was uproar, and outed. But now that hasn't happened. People don't seem…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erick-morillo/when-computers-came-online-and-people-found-out-people-weren-t-mixing/) [Erick Morillo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erick-morillo/) > [When I was outed, it was like, That's done.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/billie-jean-king/when-i-was-outed-it-was-like-that-s-done/) [Billie Jean King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/billie-jean-king/) > [Any therapist will tell you that when you're ready, you will come out. To be outed means you weren't ready.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/billie-jean-king/any-therapist-will-tell-you-that-when-you-re-ready-you-will-come-out/) [Billie Jean King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/billie-jean-king/) > [Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dov-davidoff/everybody-s-angry-with-me-because-apparently-i-outed-my-cousin-during/) [Dov Davidoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dov-davidoff/) > [Why is being outed such a big deal? When I find out that someone's gay, my respect for them increases tenfold.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/scott-thompson/why-is-being-outed-such-a-big-deal-when-i-find-out-that-someone-s-gay/) [Scott Thompson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/scott-thompson/) > [“You know, people always look at that headline as me being "outed," but you can ask anyone, I couldn't even find a closet with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ashlyn-kane/you-know-people-always-look-at-that-headline-as-me-being-outed-but/) [Ashlyn Kane](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ashlyn-kane/) > [I want the public to know how it feels, the fear of being scrutinized, of being outed. The fear of what happens when you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fallon-fox/i-want-the-public-to-know-how-it-feels-the-fear-of-being-scrutinized/) [Fallon Fox](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fallon-fox/) > [When we get to the point where a gay pro athlete is no longer forced to live in fear that he'll be shunned by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jason-collins/when-we-get-to-the-point-where-a-gay-pro-athlete-is-no-longer-forced/) [Jason Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jason-collins/) > [When I was outed on July 14th, 2003, I was, until that moment, covert. That means no one outside of a very small circle…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/valerie-plame/when-i-was-outed-on-july-14th-2003-i-was-until-that-moment-covert/) [Valerie Plame](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/valerie-plame/) > [“You totally just outed us to the criminals. -Ty to Zane”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abigail-roux/you-totally-just-outed-us-to-the-criminals-ty-to-zane/) [Abigail Roux](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abigail-roux/) > [When I was outed by Perez Hilton as bisexual, I suddenly started being asked personal questions, which was really difficult.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sia/when-i-was-outed-by-perez-hilton-as-bisexual-i-suddenly-started-being/) [Sia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sia/) > [Surprise! Surprise! An Academy Award nomination and suddenly you're outed? Did I mind? Oh, very, very much.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nigel-hawthorne/surprise-surprise-an-academy-award-nomination-and-suddenly-you-re/) [Nigel Hawthorne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nigel-hawthorne/) > [I've been outed as a Christian.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-gaffigan/i-ve-been-outed-as-a-christian/) [Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-gaffigan/) > [I have never been outed by anyone but myself!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-knight/i-have-never-been-outed-by-anyone-but-myself/) [Jonathan Knight](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-knight/) ## More by Charles Benedict > [“Am I really going to hell for being gay?” Or, “I think I was born a woman in a man’s body. Does that make…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/am-i-really-going-to-hell-for-being-gay-or-i-think-i-was-born-a-woman/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“When we reconnected, he was there to guide me as I navigated the uncharted waters of dating”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/when-we-reconnected-he-was-there-to-guide-me-as-i-navigated-the/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“Clearly, my grandfather had paved the way for me.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/clearly-my-grandfather-had-paved-the-way-for-me/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“Could I survive in the world as an ex-priest that no one wanted anything to do with?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/could-i-survive-in-the-world-as-an-ex-priest-that-no-one-wanted/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“As a teenager, his teachers recognized his academic prowess and brilliant intelligence. They suggested he move into monastic life in order to further his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/as-a-teenager-his-teachers-recognized-his-academic-prowess-and/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“She could not handle telling people I had left priesthood, that I was gay, and she refused to use words associated with my sexuality.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/she-could-not-handle-telling-people-i-had-left-priesthood-that-i-was/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“I found the courage to admit I was gay. This is when I said the words in my head and said them out loud…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/i-found-the-courage-to-admit-i-was-gay-this-is-when-i-said-the-words/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“I finally left Ministry in mid-March 2009.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/i-finally-left-ministry-in-mid-march-2009/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“They were astute enough to know that I needed someone to share my life with…and they were right.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/they-were-astute-enough-to-know-that-i-needed-someone-to-share-my/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“The particular rectory I moved in to was attached to the church. This was arguably one of the worst setups possible because living above…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/the-particular-rectory-i-moved-in-to-was-attached-to-the-church-this/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“We did, however, deliver and expel many homosexual and sodomitic demons from my body, mind, heart, mouth, soul, penis, and anus.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/we-did-however-deliver-and-expel-many-homosexual-and-sodomitic-demons/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“Every so often, Zach would say things like, “I like you,” or, “We think a lot alike.” I naively agreed with him because even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/every-so-often-zach-would-say-things-like-i-like-you-or-we-think-a/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“From that moment on, I never had another heated argument or conversation about my sexuality because my mother could not understand how anyone could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/from-that-moment-on-i-never-had-another-heated-argument-or/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“Though I wholeheartedly supported celibacy at the start of my seminary career, my opinion changed as I made my way toward and through priesthood.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/though-i-wholeheartedly-supported-celibacy-at-the-start-of-my/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) > [“I am not meant to be alone in life, and that the type of committed, indissoluble partnership in which I am engaged presently is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/i-am-not-meant-to-be-alone-in-life-and-that-the-type-of-committed/) [Charles Benedict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) [Explore all 131 Charles Benedict quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/) ## More Family quotes > [I was 3-years-old - to this day it is a vivid memory. My family and I were on a boat, catching fish. As one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joaquin-phoenix/i-was-3-years-old-to-this-day-it-is-a-vivid-memory-my-family-and-i/) [Joaquin Phoenix](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joaquin-phoenix/) > [One can put some trust in the gratitude of a sovereign, and also in that of his family; under certain conditions, one can even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/otto-von-bismarck/one-can-put-some-trust-in-the-gratitude-of-a-sovereign-and-also-in/) [Otto von Bismarck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/otto-von-bismarck/) > [Social responsibility above the level of family, or at most of tribe, requires imagination-- devotion, loyalty, all the higher virtues -- which a man…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-a-heinlein/social-responsibility-above-the-level-of-family-or-at-most-of-tribe/) [Robert A. Heinlein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-a-heinlein/) > [“ever day Maureen is Selfish To her friend and Family One she get mad at her friend and family and She need to Grad…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maureen-andeson/ever-day-maureen-is-selfish-to-her-friend-and-family-one-she-get-mad/) Maureen Andeson > [Our concept of a family holiday was going to a guest house in the Lake district or Wales where walking was part of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-bannister/our-concept-of-a-family-holiday-was-going-to-a-guest-house-in-the/) [Roger Bannister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-bannister/) > [“So Jace is my actual family," Kit said. "But I can't go live with him, because him and his hot girlfriend are going off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/so-jace-is-my-actual-family-kit-said-but-i-can-t-go-live-with-him/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [I have friends and family that identify as LGBTQ.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nancy-mace/i-have-friends-and-family-that-identify-as-lgbtq/) [Nancy Mace](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nancy-mace/) > [Her dignity consists in being unknown to the world; her glory is in the esteem of her husband; her pleasures in the happiness of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-jacques-rousseau/her-dignity-consists-in-being-unknown-to-the-world-her-glory-is-in/) [Jean-Jacques Rousseau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-jacques-rousseau/) > [It's not just that families can't buy a home or start a business without some savings tucked away.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-cooper/it-s-not-just-that-families-can-t-buy-a-home-or-start-a-business/) [Jim Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-cooper/) > [“She knew how to play him so very well. He slipped his hand around hers. "Friends," he repeated roughly. Her smile was bright enough…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathryn-smith/she-knew-how-to-play-him-so-very-well-he-slipped-his-hand-around-hers/) [Kathryn Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathryn-smith/) > [As a family, we all loved the Flyers. To me, rooting for the Flyers were how I bonded with my dad especially.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-f-goldberg/as-a-family-we-all-loved-the-flyers-to-me-rooting-for-the-flyers-were/) [Adam F. Goldberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-f-goldberg/) > [The people have always been family to me here in Las Vegas. The people have always been very, very kind to me, and it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randall-cunningham/the-people-have-always-been-family-to-me-here-in-las-vegas-the-people/) [Randall Cunningham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randall-cunningham/) > [“Your relationship with your brother will be, in many ways, the most complex and bewildering of all the interpersonal connections you will form. An…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ron-currie-jr/your-relationship-with-your-brother-will-be-in-many-ways-the-most/) [Ron Currie Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ron-currie-jr/) > [I've long believed one of the mainsprings of our own liberty has been the widespread ownership of property among our people and the expectation…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ronald-reagan/i-ve-long-believed-one-of-the-mainsprings-of-our-own-liberty-has-been/) [Ronald Reagan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ronald-reagan/) > [Family over friends, because real friends are family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/family-over-friends-because-real-friends-are-family/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) [Browse all 36,913 Family quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It was only months after my time with Haaken that I realized he also didn’t care whether I was gay or not. I was too stunned by the horror of being outed to see his ambivalence on the matter. I was terrified of what my family would do, how my family would react, and the whole ordeal of Reese’s family scared me into burying my attraction toward men.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Charles Benedict" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-haaken-that-i-realized-he-also/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Family" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-haaken-that-i-realized-he-also/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6e/charles-benedict-3426_family_it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-ha_1556539.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6e/charles-benedict-3426_family_it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-ha_1556539.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6e/charles-benedict-3426_family_it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-ha_1556539.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It was only months after my time with Haaken that I realized he also didn’t care whether I was gay or not. I…” — Charles Benedict", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Charles Benedict", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-benedict/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“It was only months after my...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-haaken-that-i-realized-he-also/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-benedict/it-was-only-months-after-my-time-with-haaken-that-i-realized-he-also/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```