--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Not being gay felt like a failing…" description: "\"“Not being gay felt like a failing, somehow, less evolved.”\" — Catherine Lacey" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/catherine-lacey-3511_failure_not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-someho_2131793.jpg" --- # Not being gay felt like a failing, somehow, less evolved. ![“Not being gay felt like a failing, somehow, less evolved.” quote by Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/catherine-lacey-3511_failure_not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-someho_2131793.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/catherine-lacey-3511_failure_not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-someho_2131793.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/catherine-lacey-3511_failure_not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-someho_2131793.jpg) > ““Not being gay felt like a failing, somehow, less evolved.”” [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Feeling that not being gay is a personal failure reflects internalized stigma and societal pressure, highlighting the need for self‑acceptance and cultural change. **In simple terms:** Self‑acceptance is essential. Key Takeaway Challenge internalized stigma and embrace identity. Themes identity stigma self‑acceptance Lity Mood reflective hopeful Type personal social When to use this quote - counseling - support groups - education campaigns Key Concepts psychology social norms personal growth Questions to Reflect On - What steps help overcome internalized stigma? - How can society reduce pressure on sexual identity? A Different Perspective Self‑acceptance can be a long process. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Failing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failing/) [Failing Evolved](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failing-evolved-4397582/) [Failure](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failure/) [Felt Like](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/felt-like/) [Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gay/) [Gay Felt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gay-felt-1655257/) [Homosexuality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/homosexuality/) [Like Failing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like-failing-1016699/) ## Related quotes > [When I was 14, I felt very rundown; I had a home to go to, but I felt like I was 60 or something,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gus-van-sant/when-i-was-14-i-felt-very-rundown-i-had-a-home-to-go-to-but-i-felt/) [Gus Van Sant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gus-van-sant/) > [I have been kicked out of my home for being gay. I felt that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brooke-candy/i-have-been-kicked-out-of-my-home-for-being-gay-i-felt-that/) [Brooke Candy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brooke-candy/) > [I couldn't imagine a book with many characters in it and one of them not being gay. It would have felt like a glaring…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ayana-mathis/i-couldn-t-imagine-a-book-with-many-characters-in-it-and-one-of-them/) [Ayana Mathis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ayana-mathis/) > [I think I was probably looking for gay role models when I was younger, before I even knew or thought I was gay. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brandi-carlile/i-think-i-was-probably-looking-for-gay-role-models-when-i-was-younger/) [Brandi Carlile](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brandi-carlile/) > [I struggled tremendously with anxiety and depression related in part to my sexuality and growing up in a time when to be gay felt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/darren-hayes/i-struggled-tremendously-with-anxiety-and-depression-related-in-part/) [Darren Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/darren-hayes/) > [If you feel like you're failing because you haven't gotten there yet, that just means you keep pressing on ahead until you DO get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/if-you-feel-like-you-re-failing-because-you-haven-t-gotten-there-yet/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [Certainly, with my giant overinflated ego, playing in the CFL would have been like failing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ryan-leaf/certainly-with-my-giant-overinflated-ego-playing-in-the-cfl-would/) [Ryan Leaf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ryan-leaf/) > [I don't like failing, but I also understand that there is grace in the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/myha-la/i-don-t-like-failing-but-i-also-understand-that-there-is-grace-in-the/) [Myha'la](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/myha-la/) > [I don't like failing at anything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/liam-mcintyre/i-don-t-like-failing-at-anything/) [Liam McIntyre](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/liam-mcintyre/) > [If you feel like you're in control of everything, and then things aren't going well, you feel like you're failing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tracy-letts/if-you-feel-like-you-re-in-control-of-everything-and-then-things-aren/) [Tracy Letts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tracy-letts/) > [“Mind your business" had been the motto of her childhood. But now that seemed like a failing in a friend.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anita-diamant/mind-your-business-had-been-the-motto-of-her-childhood-but-now-that/) [Anita Diamant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anita-diamant/) > [Passing out while you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maddox/passing-out-while-you-try-to-kill-yourself-is-like-failing-at-failing/) [Maddox](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maddox/) > [Cheating on a good woman is like failing an open book test.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/cheating-on-a-good-woman-is-like-failing-an-open-book-test/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“She missed his nothing. It had felt like something.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/she-missed-his-nothing-it-had-felt-like-something/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [As a child, I had a lot of older gay men taking care of me. There's a trust there. I feel like little girls…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-cho/as-a-child-i-had-a-lot-of-older-gay-men-taking-care-of-me-there-s-a/) [Margaret Cho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-cho/) ## More by Catherine Lacey > [“Isn’t everyone on the planet or at least everyone on the planet called me stuck between the two impulses of wanting to walk away…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/isn-t-everyone-on-the-planet-or-at-least-everyone-on-the-planet/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“...no moment cares, and the ones you wish could stretch out like a hammock for you to lie in, well, those moments leave the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/no-moment-cares-and-the-ones-you-wish-could-stretch-out-like-a/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“The late-afternoon light was thick and orange and she passed four different couples taking photos of themselves on the same cobblestoned block, all their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/the-late-afternoon-light-was-thick-and-orange-and-she-passed-four/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“Every few minutes or so I would remember the look from the man who had wanted fifty cents, and I'd look at that framed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/every-few-minutes-or-so-i-would-remember-the-look-from-the-man-who/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“How someone wants to explain catastrophe isn't important--that's what I know now. When shit happens, it doesn't really matter what asshole is responsible.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/how-someone-wants-to-explain-catastrophe-isn-t-important-that-s-what/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“Eventually she got out of bed, took a long shower, gargling and spitting mouthfuls of water, then screaming, just a little and quietly.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/eventually-she-got-out-of-bed-took-a-long-shower-gargling-and/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“I couldn't decide how to feel about what he was saying, whether it was all nonsense or just more evidence that I would never…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/i-couldn-t-decide-how-to-feel-about-what-he-was-saying-whether-it-was/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“She missed his nothing. It had felt like something.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/she-missed-his-nothing-it-had-felt-like-something/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“I wasn't sure if it was safe for me to be sharing time and space with other people, who all seemed so much gentler…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/i-wasn-t-sure-if-it-was-safe-for-me-to-be-sharing-time-and-space-with/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“Why were we never together anymore, just alone in each other's vicinity?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/why-were-we-never-together-anymore-just-alone-in-each-other-s-vicinity/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“And I began to believe that you could exchange your life, send it back for a different model, and I knew that wasn’t really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/and-i-began-to-believe-that-you-could-exchange-your-life-send-it-back/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“I thought that if I could ever do a background check on myself, I knew exactly what I'd do with it. I wouldn't even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/i-thought-that-if-i-could-ever-do-a-background-check-on-myself-i-knew/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“ We have reached a point as a culture, where the predominant view of romantic partnership is no longer about survival or wealth or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/we-have-reached-a-point-as-a-culture-where-the-predominant-view-of/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“There was at least one morning I was certain, though only for a few hours, that everything that could ever really happen to me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/there-was-at-least-one-morning-i-was-certain-though-only-for-a-few/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) > [“I closed my eyes, tried to get as far away from myself as I could.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/i-closed-my-eyes-tried-to-get-as-far-away-from-myself-as-i-could/) [Catherine Lacey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) [Explore all 129 Catherine Lacey quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/) ## More Failing quotes > [Many individuals spend a considerable portion of their lifetimes in terror of one imagined catastrophe or another. 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How could a government based on such principles fail?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-ambrose/trial-by-jury-live-wherever-you-can-make-a-living-how-could-a/) [Stephen Ambrose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-ambrose/) > [Each man is capable of doing one thing well. If he attempts several, he will fail to achieve distinction in any.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/plato/each-man-is-capable-of-doing-one-thing-well-if-he-attempts-several-he/) [Plato](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/plato/) > [My willingness to fail gives me the ability to succeed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vinod-khosla/my-willingness-to-fail-gives-me-the-ability-to-succeed/) [Vinod Khosla](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vinod-khosla/) > [I would warn against holsters with devices for quick-draw. Devices always fail when you need them most.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-powell/i-would-warn-against-holsters-with-devices-for-quick-draw-devices/) [William Powell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-powell/) > [You can’t bake a cake without getting the kitchen messy. Halfway through surgery it looks like there’s been a murder in the operating room.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/price-pritchett/you-can-t-bake-a-cake-without-getting-the-kitchen-messy-halfway/) [Price Pritchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/price-pritchett/) > [We can't afford any president to fail.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glenn-beck/we-can-t-afford-any-president-to-fail/) [Glenn Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glenn-beck/) > [When I paint, I never think of selling. People simply fail to understand that we paint in order to experiment and to develop ourselves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edvard-munch/when-i-paint-i-never-think-of-selling-people-simply-fail-to/) [Edvard Munch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edvard-munch/) > [Either dragons should exist completely or fail to exist at all, he felt. A dragon only half-existing was worse than the extremes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/either-dragons-should-exist-completely-or-fail-to-exist-at-all-he/) [Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/) > [I wake up every morning fearing I am going to fail. But I love a challenge, big or small. There's so much I want…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michelle-mone/i-wake-up-every-morning-fearing-i-am-going-to-fail-but-i-love-a/) [Michelle Mone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michelle-mone/) > [What I want is to be willing to fail rather than stagnate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-dickey/what-i-want-is-to-be-willing-to-fail-rather-than-stagnate/) [James Dickey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-dickey/) > [In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post office. You may depend on it, that the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-david-thoreau/in-proportion-as-our-inward-life-fails-we-go-more-constantly-and/) [Henry David Thoreau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-david-thoreau/) > [The very first company I started failed with a great bang. The second one failed a little bit less, but still failed. The third…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/max-levchin/the-very-first-company-i-started-failed-with-a-great-bang-the-second/) [Max Levchin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/max-levchin/) [Browse all 5,634 Failing quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failing/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Not being gay felt like a failing, somehow, less evolved.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Catherine Lacey" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-somehow-less-evolved/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Failing" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-somehow-less-evolved/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/catherine-lacey-3511_failure_not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-someho_2131793.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/catherine-lacey-3511_failure_not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-someho_2131793.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/22f/catherine-lacey-3511_failure_not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-someho_2131793.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Not being gay felt like a failing, somehow, less evolved.” — Catherine Lacey", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Catherine Lacey", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-lacey/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“Not being gay felt like a...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-somehow-less-evolved/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-lacey/not-being-gay-felt-like-a-failing-somehow-less-evolved/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```