--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I don't know why togetherness was ever…" description: "\"I don't know why togetherness was ever held up as an ideal of marriage. Away from home for both, then together, that's much better.\" — Carolyn Heilbrun" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/carolyn-heilbrun-11912_away-from-home_i-don-t-know-why-togetherness-was-ever-h_76361.jpg" --- # I don't know why togetherness was ever held up as an ideal… ![“I don't know why togetherness was ever held up as an ideal of marriage. Away from home for both, then together, that's much better.” quote by Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/carolyn-heilbrun-11912_away-from-home_i-don-t-know-why-togetherness-was-ever-h_76361.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/carolyn-heilbrun-11912_away-from-home_i-don-t-know-why-togetherness-was-ever-h_76361.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b06/carolyn-heilbrun-11912_away-from-home_i-don-t-know-why-togetherness-was-ever-h_76361.jpg) > “I don't know why togetherness was ever held up as an ideal of marriage. Away from home for both, then together, that's much better.” [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Marriage is often idealized as constant togetherness, but the speaker argues that shared time after periods apart creates deeper connection. **In simple terms:** Value of space before unity. Key Takeaway Absence can strengthen bonds. Themes relationship dynamics individual autonomy balance intimacy social expectations Mood reflective thoughtful Type philosophical observational When to use this quote - long‑distance couples - dual‑career families - married couples after sabbaticals - partners reconciling after separation Key Concepts personal growth emotional resilience communication commitment Practical Applications - Counseling on healthy boundaries - Designing relationship rituals that include solo time Questions to Reflect On - How does time apart affect trust? - What rituals can couples create to celebrate reunions? ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Home](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/home/) [Ideals](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ideals/) [Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/) [Single life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/single-life/) [Togetherness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/togetherness/) ## Related quotes > [People always say to me, 'Well, how can a marriage last when you're away as much as you are?' And I always say, 'Well,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-portnoy/people-always-say-to-me-well-how-can-a-marriage-last-when-you-re-away/) [Mike Portnoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-portnoy/) > [Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kimberly-broyles/adam-and-eve-had-an-ideal-marriage-he-didn-t-have-to-hear-about-all/) Kimberly Broyles > [“Here’s what I want you to ask yourself as you embark on your search for a vibrant sole mate: what will your ideal marriage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-l-thomas/here-s-what-i-want-you-to-ask-yourself-as-you-embark-on-your-search/) [Gary L. Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-l-thomas/) > [“An ideal marriage is a true partnership between two imperfect people, each striving to complement the other, to keep the commandments, and to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/an-ideal-marriage-is-a-true-partnership-between-two-imperfect-people/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The ideal that marriage aims at is that of spiritual union through the physical. The human love that it incarnates is intended to serve…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mahatma-gandhi/the-ideal-that-marriage-aims-at-is-that-of-spiritual-union-through/) [Mahatma Gandhi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mahatma-gandhi/) > [When I say we've had an ideal marriage, I'm not just talking about physical attraction, which I can imagine can wear pretty thin if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/betty-ford/when-i-say-we-ve-had-an-ideal-marriage-i-m-not-just-talking-about/) [Betty Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/betty-ford/) > [Even in the most ideal marriage problems and challenges will arise. There is a constant barrage of distractions and circumstances in our society working…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/even-in-the-most-ideal-marriage-problems-and-challenges-will-arise/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The ideal mother, like the ideal marriage, is a fiction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-sapirstein/the-ideal-mother-like-the-ideal-marriage-is-a-fiction/) [Milton Sapirstein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-sapirstein/) > [“I am coming to see that it is not so much a question of finding the right place, the right time, the ideal marriage.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-o-brien/i-am-coming-to-see-that-it-is-not-so-much-a-question-of-finding-the/) [Michael O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-o-brien/) > [“First she would try to kill him, but failing this give him food and her body, breast-feed him back to a state of childishness…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-g-ballard-2/first-she-would-try-to-kill-him-but-failing-this-give-him-food-and/) [J.G. Ballard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-g-ballard-2/) > [It seems like a cliche, but you do grow up a lot faster when you travel a lot, go through things like this interview,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-dillon/it-seems-like-a-cliche-but-you-do-grow-up-a-lot-faster-when-you/) [Matt Dillon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-dillon/) > [Our motor car is our supreme form of privacy when we are away from home.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-mcluhan/our-motor-car-is-our-supreme-form-of-privacy-when-we-are-away-from/) [Marshall McLuhan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-mcluhan/) > [Animal totems, like the tiger, come from the Other Side to protect us while we are away from Home.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sylvia-browne/animal-totems-like-the-tiger-come-from-the-other-side-to-protect-us/) [Sylvia Browne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sylvia-browne/) > [Once in a while, people enter our lives and lessen the loneliness of being away from Home.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yasmin-mogahed/once-in-a-while-people-enter-our-lives-and-lessen-the-loneliness-of/) [Yasmin Mogahed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yasmin-mogahed/) > [I don't like being away from home. That's one reason why I don't work as much as I used to \[when I started my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-powell/i-don-t-like-being-away-from-home-that-s-one-reason-why-i-don-t-work/) [Jane Powell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-powell/) ## More by Carolyn Heilbrun > [We cannot guess the outcome of our actions... Which is why our actions must always be acceptable in themselves, and not as strategies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/we-cannot-guess-the-outcome-of-our-actions-which-is-why-our-actions/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [In former days, everyone found the assumption of innocence so easy; today we find fatally easy the assumption of guilt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/in-former-days-everyone-found-the-assumption-of-innocence-so-easy/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [“. . . the less androgynous the person, the likelier he or she was to be incapable of action if the appropriate action was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/the-less-androgynous-the-person-the-likelier-he-or-she-was-to-be/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [“But will anyone again look at that tree, read that poem, love a dog in quite my way? I am a particular and, despite…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/but-will-anyone-again-look-at-that-tree-read-that-poem-love-a-dog-in/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [maturity ... is letting things happen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/maturity-is-letting-things-happen/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [one sank into the ancient sin of anomie when challenges failed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/one-sank-into-the-ancient-sin-of-anomie-when-challenges-failed/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [Ardent, intelligent, sweet, sensitive, cultivated, erudite. These are the adjectives of praise in an androgynous world. Those who consider them epithets of shame or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/ardent-intelligent-sweet-sensitive-cultivated-erudite-these-are-the/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [Quoting, like smoking, ... is a dirty habit to which I am devoted. But then ... I am a professor of English literature; it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/quoting-like-smoking-is-a-dirty-habit-to-which-i-am-devoted-but-then/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [That is the point of quotations. One can use another's words to be insulting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/that-is-the-point-of-quotations-one-can-use-another-s-words-to-be/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [ a revolutionary marriage ... \[is\] one in which both partners have work at the center of their lives and must find a delicate balance… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/a-revolutionary-marriage-is-one-in-which-both-partners-have-work-at/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [The rare, delicate flavor of a life after retiring in one's sixties, whatever one has "retired" from, the pleasure I experienced beyond my job…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/the-rare-delicate-flavor-of-a-life-after-retiring-in-one-s-sixties/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [What marks a writer is this: until she - or he, of course - writes down whatever happened, turns it into a story, it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/what-marks-a-writer-is-this-until-she-or-he-of-course-writes-down/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [Whether deliberately, unconsciously or accidentally, she seems to have composed her own life so that its fitful, rudderless, and self-doubting first half was alchemized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/whether-deliberately-unconsciously-or-accidentally-she-seems-to-have/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [Upon becoming fifty the one thing you can't afford is habit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/upon-becoming-fifty-the-one-thing-you-can-t-afford-is-habit/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) > [Why do long marriages occasionally endow their inhabitants with a rare kind of equilibrium otherwise almost unknown in human relations? My guess is that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-heilbrun/why-do-long-marriages-occasionally-endow-their-inhabitants-with-a/) [Carolyn Heilbrun](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) [Explore all 57 Carolyn Heilbrun quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-heilbrun/) ## More Away from home quotes > [I don't like being away from home. 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Living away from home, meeting so many new people, Learning new things, making a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maureen-johnson/she-had-always-thought-applying-to-college-would-be-exciting-living/) [Maureen Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maureen-johnson/) > [Lyon are the same away from home as they are at home, they have the same way of playing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carlo-ancelotti/lyon-are-the-same-away-from-home-as-they-are-at-home-they-have-the/) [Carlo Ancelotti](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carlo-ancelotti/) > [And what are you doing on it, I would like to know? Running away from home, yesno? If you were a boy I'd say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/and-what-are-you-doing-on-it-i-would-like-to-know-running-away-from/) [Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/) > [On the day I was signed, Mr. Finley, the owner of the Athletics at that time came up to me and said, 'When you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catfish-hunter/on-the-day-i-was-signed-mr-finley-the-owner-of-the-athletics-at-that/) [Catfish Hunter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catfish-hunter/) > [When script is written well, then you start to make decisions of, "Well, do I want to be away from home for that long?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-cudlitz/when-script-is-written-well-then-you-start-to-make-decisions-of-well/) [Michael Cudlitz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-cudlitz/) > [I graduated high school in 1989, and there was no alternative rock radio, and there wasn't really good college radio you could get on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-finn/i-graduated-high-school-in-1989-and-there-was-no-alternative-rock/) [Craig Finn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-finn/) > [When you become an artist you're working away from home for so much time. 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