--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The most reliable ways to make oneself…" description: "\"The most reliable ways to make oneself miserable are attempting to change people and not attempting to change circumstances.\" — Carolyn Hax" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/662/carolyn-hax-9229_attempting_the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-m_3004589.jpg" --- # The most reliable ways to make oneself miserable are… ![“The most reliable ways to make oneself miserable are attempting to change people and not attempting to change circumstances.” quote by Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/662/carolyn-hax-9229_attempting_the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-m_3004589.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/662/carolyn-hax-9229_attempting_the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-m_3004589.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/662/carolyn-hax-9229_attempting_the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-m_3004589.jpg) > “The most reliable ways to make oneself miserable are attempting to change people and not attempting to change circumstances.” [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Attempting to change others while ignoring circumstances leads to unhappiness; focus on what you can control. **In simple terms:** Changing people, not situations, makes you miserable. Key Takeaway Prioritize personal growth over trying to control others. Themes control happiness personal responsibility Mood thoughtful calm Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - relationship conflicts - workplace dynamics Key Concepts cognitive psychology behavioral change Questions to Reflect On - What circumstances are truly immutable? - How can you influence others positively? A Different Perspective Changing others can be necessary for safety. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Happiness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/happiness/) [Miserable](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/miserable/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) ## Related quotes > [What if happiness is in fact more about remembering who we are, rather than attempting to change anything or anyone at all?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lee-l-jampolsky/what-if-happiness-is-in-fact-more-about-remembering-who-we-are-rather/) [Lee L Jampolsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lee-l-jampolsky/) > [“Before attempting to change God's heart, first try changing your own.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/danny-l-deaub/before-attempting-to-change-god-s-heart-first-try-changing-your-own/) [Danny L Deaubé](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/danny-l-deaub/) > [It seems to me that people cannot be divided into two groups on the basis of whether or not they are attempting to change,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jo-coudert/it-seems-to-me-that-people-cannot-be-divided-into-two-groups-on-the/) [Jo Coudert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jo-coudert/) > [Politics resemble religion; attempting to divest either of ceremony is the most certain mode of bringing either into contempt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-goldsmith/politics-resemble-religion-attempting-to-divest-either-of-ceremony-is/) [Oliver Goldsmith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oliver-goldsmith/) > [The danger to which the success of revolutions is most exposed, is that of attempting them before the principles on which they proceed, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-paine/the-danger-to-which-the-success-of-revolutions-is-most-exposed-is/) [Thomas Paine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-paine/) > [I have told you of the Spaniard who always put on his spectacles when about to eat cherries, that they might look bigger and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-southey/i-have-told-you-of-the-spaniard-who-always-put-on-his-spectacles-when/) [Robert Southey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-southey/) > [To approach a city, or even a city neighborhood, as if it were a larger architectural problem, capable of being given order by converting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-jacobs/to-approach-a-city-or-even-a-city-neighborhood-as-if-it-were-a-larger/) [Jane Jacobs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-jacobs/) > [I swear you’re a woman. (Devyn) I would respond to that, but I don’t want to distract you while you’re attempting to drive and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/i-swear-you-re-a-woman-devyn-i-would-respond-to-that-but-i-don-t-want/) [Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/) > [I'm a dreamer and continue to dream of what can and will be, "Expecting great things from God, Attempting great things for God](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-carey/i-m-a-dreamer-and-continue-to-dream-of-what-can-and-will-be-expecting/) [William Carey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-carey/) > [Daphne," he said with controlled gentleness, "what is wrong?" She sat down opposite him and placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm so insensitive,"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julia-quinn/daphne-he-said-with-controlled-gentleness-what-is-wrong-she-sat-down/) [Julia Quinn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julia-quinn/) > [Ewan McGregor stars as Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi, again doing a fine Alec Guinness impersonation but otherwise seeming lost and alone in the galaxy as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephanie-zacharek/ewan-mcgregor-stars-as-jedi-obi-wan-kenobi-again-doing-a-fine-alec/) [Stephanie Zacharek](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephanie-zacharek/) > [To attempt to be religious without practicing a specific religion is as possible as attempting to speak without a specific language.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-santayana/to-attempt-to-be-religious-without-practicing-a-specific-religion-is/) [George Santayana](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-santayana/) > [Lobbying' is the activity of attempting to influence legislation by privately influencing the legislators. It is the result and creation of a mixed economy-of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ayn-rand/lobbying-is-the-activity-of-attempting-to-influence-legislation-by/) [Ayn Rand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ayn-rand/) > [In terms of style, too, I think I've been working with a somewhat limited -- although intentionally limited -- set of tools. So I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kelly-link/in-terms-of-style-too-i-think-i-ve-been-working-with-a-somewhat/) [Kelly Link](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kelly-link/) > [Each man is capable of doing one thing well. If he attempts several, he will fail to achieve distinction in any.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/plato/each-man-is-capable-of-doing-one-thing-well-if-he-attempts-several-he/) [Plato](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/plato/) ## More by Carolyn Hax > [I actually recommend as little actual counting as possible in a life partnership. But, when there's a sense of injustice brewing between you, some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/i-actually-recommend-as-little-actual-counting-as-possible-in-a-life/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [There has been, for some reason (or more likely an unfortunate accumulation of reasons) a trend over the past several decades for parents to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/there-has-been-for-some-reason-or-more-likely-an-unfortunate/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [People who make babies surrender their right to behave like them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/people-who-make-babies-surrender-their-right-to-behave-like-them/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [There's nothing like a good family when you're really up a tree.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/there-s-nothing-like-a-good-family-when-you-re-really-up-a-tree/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [It takes awareness that it's not only not a bad thing to let others do things their own way, it is in fact an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/it-takes-awareness-that-it-s-not-only-not-a-bad-thing-to-let-others/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [The sudden death of a partner while expecting a child is so universally understood as awful that I don't think anyone with any other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/the-sudden-death-of-a-partner-while-expecting-a-child-is-so/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [I do crosswords when I have time to kill somewhere, and am 100 percent successful on filling in the spots I get stuck on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/i-do-crosswords-when-i-have-time-to-kill-somewhere-and-am-100-percent/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [Unfortunately, I think the expectation is that birthday girls don't pay.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/unfortunately-i-think-the-expectation-is-that-birthday-girls-don-t-pay/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [When you fail to see something, that doesn't mean I'm hiding it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/when-you-fail-to-see-something-that-doesn-t-mean-i-m-hiding-it/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [All of us assign different values to things, and not all of those values are going to line up with others'.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/all-of-us-assign-different-values-to-things-and-not-all-of-those/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [Don't freight your answers with any notions of what you're "supposed" to do, and just see where your feelings point you. It can feel…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/don-t-freight-your-answers-with-any-notions-of-what-you-re-supposed/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [There's nothing wrong with being happy somewhere, even if it's the little pond you grew up in, as long as you are in fact…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/there-s-nothing-wrong-with-being-happy-somewhere-even-if-it-s-the/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [Being negative is easy. There will always be a downside to everything good, a hurdle to everything desirable, a con to every pro. The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/being-negative-is-easy-there-will-always-be-a-downside-to-everything/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [You need to make plans for your future, so plan your own future.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/you-need-to-make-plans-for-your-future-so-plan-your-own-future/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) > [First group impressions can mask a lot of individual variations in the members.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/first-group-impressions-can-mask-a-lot-of-individual-variations-in/) [Carolyn Hax](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) [Explore all 74 Carolyn Hax quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/) ## More Attempting quotes > [Each man is capable of doing one thing well. If he attempts several, he will fail to achieve distinction in any.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/plato/each-man-is-capable-of-doing-one-thing-well-if-he-attempts-several-he/) [Plato](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/plato/) > [In terms of style, too, I think I've been working with a somewhat limited -- although intentionally limited -- set of tools. So I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kelly-link/in-terms-of-style-too-i-think-i-ve-been-working-with-a-somewhat/) [Kelly Link](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kelly-link/) > [Lobbying' is the activity of attempting to influence legislation by privately influencing the legislators. 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She sat down opposite him and placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm so insensitive,"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julia-quinn/daphne-he-said-with-controlled-gentleness-what-is-wrong-she-sat-down/) [Julia Quinn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julia-quinn/) > [I'm a dreamer and continue to dream of what can and will be, "Expecting great things from God, Attempting great things for God](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-carey/i-m-a-dreamer-and-continue-to-dream-of-what-can-and-will-be-expecting/) [William Carey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-carey/) > [I swear you’re a woman. (Devyn) I would respond to that, but I don’t want to distract you while you’re attempting to drive and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/i-swear-you-re-a-woman-devyn-i-would-respond-to-that-but-i-don-t-want/) [Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/) > [To approach a city, or even a city neighborhood, as if it were a larger architectural problem, capable of being given order by converting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-jacobs/to-approach-a-city-or-even-a-city-neighborhood-as-if-it-were-a-larger/) [Jane Jacobs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-jacobs/) > [I have told you of the Spaniard who always put on his spectacles when about to eat cherries, that they might look bigger and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-southey/i-have-told-you-of-the-spaniard-who-always-put-on-his-spectacles-when/) [Robert Southey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-southey/) > [The danger to which the success of revolutions is most exposed, is that of attempting them before the principles on which they proceed, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-paine/the-danger-to-which-the-success-of-revolutions-is-most-exposed-is/) [Thomas Paine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-paine/) > [Politics resemble religion; attempting to divest either of ceremony is the most certain mode of bringing either into contempt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oliver-goldsmith/politics-resemble-religion-attempting-to-divest-either-of-ceremony-is/) [Oliver Goldsmith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oliver-goldsmith/) > [“failure is not an outcome, but involves a lack of trying—not stretching yourself far enough out of your comfort zone and attempting to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/liz-wiseman/failure-is-not-an-outcome-but-involves-a-lack-of-trying-not/) [Liz Wiseman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/liz-wiseman/) > [It is strange to reflect how much energy is thrown away in attempting to know the unknowable.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-barber-lightfoot/it-is-strange-to-reflect-how-much-energy-is-thrown-away-in-attempting/) [Joseph Barber Lightfoot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-barber-lightfoot/) > [I am not attempting to preserve culture, or record actual events or stories. Instead I bow my head in gratitude to those storytellers who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-briggs/i-am-not-attempting-to-preserve-culture-or-record-actual-events-or/) [Patricia Briggs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-briggs/) Browse all 513 Attempting quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "The most reliable ways to make oneself miserable are attempting to change people and not attempting to change circumstances.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Carolyn Hax" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-miserable-are-attempting-to/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Attempting" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-miserable-are-attempting-to/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/662/carolyn-hax-9229_attempting_the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-m_3004589.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/662/carolyn-hax-9229_attempting_the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-m_3004589.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/662/carolyn-hax-9229_attempting_the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-m_3004589.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“The most reliable ways to make oneself miserable are attempting to change people and not attempting to…” — Carolyn Hax", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Carolyn Hax", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-hax/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "The most reliable ways to make...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-miserable-are-attempting-to/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-hax/the-most-reliable-ways-to-make-oneself-miserable-are-attempting-to/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```