---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: and declining all efforts at closeness or…"
description: "\"“and declining all efforts at closeness or intimacy. “James just doesn’t seem to want me,” I wrote in my diary. “Bastard, I hate him. Why do I love him..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f83/carly-simon-9969_love_and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-o_1973864.jpg"
---

#  and declining all efforts at closeness or intimacy. “James…

![“and declining all efforts at closeness or intimacy. “James just doesn’t seem to want me,” I wrote in my diary. “Bastard, I hate him. Why do I love him so? Why don’t I love a Giver? I suppose I need enough elusiveness to keep me feeling as unworthy as I believe myself to be. Perhaps James has” quote by Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f83/carly-simon-9969_love_and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-o_1973864.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f83/carly-simon-9969_love_and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-o_1973864.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f83/carly-simon-9969_love_and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-o_1973864.jpg)

> ““and declining all efforts at closeness or intimacy. “James just doesn’t seem to want me,” I wrote in my diary. “Bastard, I hate him. Why do I love him so? Why don’t I love a Giver? I suppose I need enough elusiveness to keep me feeling as unworthy as I believe myself to be. Perhaps James has””

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

The speaker feels conflicted love and resentment toward James, questioning why they love someone who seems distant and unworthy.

**In simple terms:** Love can coexist with hate and self‑doubt.

Key Takeaway

Accept feelings, seek self‑worth.

Themes

love self‑esteem conflict

Mood

conflicted reflective

Type

personal emotional

When to use this quote

- romantic relationship
- self‑reflection
- therapy
- journaling

Key Concepts

attachment theory self‑worth emotional paradox

Questions to Reflect On

- What does unworthiness teach you about love?
- How can you balance desire and self‑respect?

A Different Perspective

Self‑worth issues may hinder healthy intimacy.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Romance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/romance/)

## Related quotes

> [I don't want to take all the time. I just want to do what you wrote and let me go from there. I don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jackee-harry/i-don-t-want-to-take-all-the-time-i-just-want-to-do-what-you-wrote/)

[Jackee Harry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jackee-harry/)

> [You say you love me miss me want me back but you never once call wrote me a letter not even on my birthday…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/juan-spelaez/you-say-you-love-me-miss-me-want-me-back-but-you-never-once-call/)

Juan Spelaez

> [Victims may be defensive, submissive, over-accommodating to others, passive-aggressive in conflict, dependent on others for self-worth, overly sensitive, even manipulative. They're often angry, resentful,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-emerald-womeldorff/victims-may-be-defensive-submissive-over-accommodating-to-others/)

[David Emerald Womeldorff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-emerald-womeldorff/)

> [Feeling unworthy is like putting a huge obstacle into the God force, into the life force which is everywhere.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wayne-dyer/feeling-unworthy-is-like-putting-a-huge-obstacle-into-the-god-force/)

[Wayne Dyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wayne-dyer/)

> [ “\[THE DAILY BREATH\] Do you feel unworthy? Undeserving to be loved, to feel enough, to fulfil your dreams? A scientific study performed worldwide during… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dragos-bratasanu/the-daily-breath-do-you-feel-unworthy-undeserving-to-be-loved-to-feel/)

[Dragos Bratasanu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dragos-bratasanu/)

> [Dedicating some time to meditation is a meaningful expression of caring for yourself that can help you move through the mire of feeling unworthy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sharon-salzberg/dedicating-some-time-to-meditation-is-a-meaningful-expression-of/)

[Sharon Salzberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sharon-salzberg/)

> [My husband cooks fancier food for himself than I've ever cooked on-air. I call him from the road, and he's making champagne-vanilla salmon or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachael-ray/my-husband-cooks-fancier-food-for-himself-than-i-ve-ever-cooked-on/)

[Rachael Ray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachael-ray/)

> [“I’ve learned how important it is for me to rule my emotions instead of letting my emotions rule me. While I don’t always do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chrystal-evans-hurst/i-ve-learned-how-important-it-is-for-me-to-rule-my-emotions-instead/)

[Chrystal Evans Hurst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chrystal-evans-hurst/)

> [You need to keep reminding yourself that you are a Divine piece of God. Feeling as if you're unworthy of God's abundance is the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wayne-dyer/you-need-to-keep-reminding-yourself-that-you-are-a-divine-piece-of/)

[Wayne Dyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wayne-dyer/)

> [“Emma saw in her night dreams that she was creating a reality: she took some visual components, having combined them with a little live…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sahara-sanders/emma-saw-in-her-night-dreams-that-she-was-creating-a-reality-she-took/)

[Sahara Sanders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sahara-sanders/)

> [“Patton wrote in his diary on April 15th, the morning after his departure from II Corps: “War is very simple, direct and ruthless. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ladislas-farago/patton-wrote-in-his-diary-on-april-15th-the-morning-after-his/)

[Ladislas Farago](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ladislas-farago/)

> [“On May 5, 1896, he wrote in his diary; “I have no longer anything to say; everything is alike in its horrible cruelty.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mile-zola/on-may-5-1896-he-wrote-in-his-diary-i-have-no-longer-anything-to-say/)

[Émile Zola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mile-zola/)

> [“Richard wrote a diary entry in his head. Dear Diary, he began. On Friday I had a job, a fiancée, a home, and a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-gaiman/richard-wrote-a-diary-entry-in-his-head-dear-diary-he-began-on-friday/)

[Neil Gaiman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-gaiman/)

> [“Aujourd’hui, rien. That’s what Louis XVI wrote in his diary on the day of the storming of the Bastille.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jo-walton/aujourd-hui-rien-that-s-what-louis-xvi-wrote-in-his-diary-on-the-day/)

[Jo Walton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jo-walton/)

> [“For once, he could look back at the past without regret, and at the future without bewilderment. Simply and touchingly, he wrote in his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edmund-morris/for-once-he-could-look-back-at-the-past-without-regret-and-at-the/)

[Edmund Morris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edmund-morris/)

## More by Carly Simon

> [Sometimes, but the year I lived in France I started to write songs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/sometimes-but-the-year-i-lived-in-france-i-started-to-write-songs/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [I remember being onstage once when I didn't have fear: I got so scared I didn't have fear that it brought on an anxiety…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/i-remember-being-onstage-once-when-i-didn-t-have-fear-i-got-so-scared/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [I'm still more comfortable with standards than with my own songs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/i-m-still-more-comfortable-with-standards-than-with-my-own-songs/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [The advancements that women have made are very threatening to men in the job place. There haven't been that many women in politics. If…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/the-advancements-that-women-have-made-are-very-threatening-to-men-in/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [As a singer I tried on all these hats, these voices, these clothes, and eventually out came me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/as-a-singer-i-tried-on-all-these-hats-these-voices-these-clothes-and/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [We change our opinions of ourselves so often. What the outside world thinks is only a small part of our image.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/we-change-our-opinions-of-ourselves-so-often-what-the-outside-world/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [You usually can't tell what's inspiring until you look back on it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/you-usually-can-t-tell-what-s-inspiring-until-you-look-back-on-it/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/i-had-some-dreams-they-were-clouds-in-my-coffee/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [I had this terrible stammer, so I couldn't really speak properly until I was 16 or 17.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/i-had-this-terrible-stammer-so-i-couldn-t-really-speak-properly-until/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [You know, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1997 I realized I had spent too long arranging my attitude.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/you-know-when-i-was-diagnosed-with-breast-cancer-in-1997-i-realized-i/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [Do you know how many concerts I've done in my whole life, in more than 35 years of performing? Sixty-four.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/do-you-know-how-many-concerts-i-ve-done-in-my-whole-life-in-more-than/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [Sometimes my boyfriend would write the lyrics and I would write the melody, and other times I would start from scratch. Or sometimes I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/sometimes-my-boyfriend-would-write-the-lyrics-and-i-would-write-the/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [Life is a dream even in its most painful moments, it's a dream that we can dance to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/life-is-a-dream-even-in-its-most-painful-moments-it-s-a-dream-that-we/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [But when we listened to the radio, it was Bill Haley and the Comets or the Everly Brothers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/but-when-we-listened-to-the-radio-it-was-bill-haley-and-the-comets-or/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

> [It's like The Mold in Dr. Florey's Coat, about the discovery of penicillin. Out of these strange accidents come huge discoveries. A certain purple…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/it-s-like-the-mold-in-dr-florey-s-coat-about-the-discovery-of/)

[Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

[Explore all 69 Carly Simon quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/)

## More Love quotes

> [Whatever meaning 'Annie's Song' had for me on a personal level, there was also a larger context. It could just as easily have been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-denver/whatever-meaning-annie-s-song-had-for-me-on-a-personal-level-there/)

[John Denver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-denver/)

> [Life is full of change. That's how we learn and grow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/life-is-full-of-change-that-s-how-we-learn-and-grow/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [I need a bath." He chuckled. "You smell of smoke, as do I." The duke turned, leaning heavily on his cane. "Jameson, open the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-hawkins/i-need-a-bath-he-chuckled-you-smell-of-smoke-as-do-i-the-duke-turned/)

[Karen Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-hawkins/)

> [I love going to Columbia, Missouri. That is a really underrated campus. It shocked me when I went there because I really didn't know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kirk-herbstreit/i-love-going-to-columbia-missouri-that-is-a-really-underrated-campus/)

[Kirk Herbstreit](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kirk-herbstreit/)

> [Life works most perfectly when a reciprocal love relationship is in place between man and God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-moore/life-works-most-perfectly-when-a-reciprocal-love-relationship-is-in/)

[Beth Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-moore/)

> [We talk to God--that is prayer; God talks to us--that is inspiration.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/h-emilie-cady/we-talk-to-god-that-is-prayer-god-talks-to-us-that-is-inspiration/)

[H. Emilie Cady](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/h-emilie-cady/)

> [I fell in love with social work, and that was my undoing as a poet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-rakosi/i-fell-in-love-with-social-work-and-that-was-my-undoing-as-a-poet/)

[Carl Rakosi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-rakosi/)

> [You cant be controlling in improv.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-walsh/you-cant-be-controlling-in-improv/)

[Matt Walsh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-walsh/)

> [Everyone needs someone to love, and I choose you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/everyone-needs-someone-to-love-and-i-choose-you/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-interviewing-people-and-i-ve/)

[Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/)

> [“To be loved by a man, truly loved, made a woman feel as if she could burst. Of course, Lia was strong and could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-anne/to-be-loved-by-a-man-truly-loved-made-a-woman-feel-as-if-she-could/)

[Melody Anne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-anne/)

> [So when you take those tears, don't look to see I'm alright. …\*Seal - Violet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-nickel/so-when-you-take-those-tears-don-t-look-to-see-i-m-alright-seal-violet/)

[Eric Nickel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-nickel/)

> [Two things revolutionised life: moving to the countryside and falling in love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-love/two-things-revolutionised-life-moving-to-the-countryside-and-falling/)

[Nick Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-love/)

> [“That horrible stinging sensation returned, the muscles behind my eyes straining as the first tear began to fall. “I’m scared, too. For eighteen months…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/devon-ashley/that-horrible-stinging-sensation-returned-the-muscles-behind-my-eyes/)

[Devon Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/devon-ashley/)

> [I could program a 'fabulous, I love it' kind of hit season right now. I'm more interested in breaking boundaries, telling a story, defying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-c-wolfe/i-could-program-a-fabulous-i-love-it-kind-of-hit-season-right-now-i-m/)

[George C. Wolfe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-c-wolfe/)

[Browse all 233,035 Love quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "“and declining all efforts at closeness or intimacy. “James just doesn’t seem to want me,” I wrote in my diary. “Bastard, I hate him. Why do I love him so? Why don’t I love a Giver? I suppose I need enough elusiveness to keep me feeling as unworthy as I believe myself to be. Perhaps James has”",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "Carly Simon"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-or-intimacy-james-just-doesn-t/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Love"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-or-intimacy-james-just-doesn-t/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f83/carly-simon-9969_love_and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-o_1973864.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f83/carly-simon-9969_love_and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-o_1973864.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f83/carly-simon-9969_love_and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-o_1973864.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“and declining all efforts at closeness or intimacy. “James just doesn’t seem to want me,” I wrote in my…” — Carly Simon",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Carly Simon",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "“and declining all efforts at closeness...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-or-intimacy-james-just-doesn-t/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/and-declining-all-efforts-at-closeness-or-intimacy-james-just-doesn-t/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
