--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I love both her and them. I have come to…" description: "\"“«I love both her and them. I have come to understand that she is what they are. A woman accepts a man, expecting that he will change. A man takes a wo..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/bruce-sterling-3596_feminism_i-love-both-her-and-them-i-have-come-to_2116884.png" --- # I love both her and them. I have come to understand that… ![“I love both her and them. I have come to understand that she is what they are. A woman accepts a man, expecting that he will change. A man takes a woman, expecting that she will never change. They are both disappointed. Yet within this very disappointment is the primal source of all new men and…” quote by Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/bruce-sterling-3596_feminism_i-love-both-her-and-them-i-have-come-to_2116884.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/bruce-sterling-3596_feminism_i-love-both-her-and-them-i-have-come-to_2116884.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/027/bruce-sterling-3596_feminism_i-love-both-her-and-them-i-have-come-to_2116884.png) > ““«I love both her and them. I have come to understand that she is what they are. A woman accepts a man, expecting that he will change. A man takes a woman, expecting that she will never change. They are both disappointed. Yet within this very disappointment is the primal source of all new men and all new women»”” [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Men and women hold unrealistic expectations of each other, leading to disappointment that fuels personal evolution. **In simple terms:** Unrealistic expectations cause disappointment, which can inspire growth. Key Takeaway Adjust expectations to foster mutual growth. Themes expectations disappointment evolution Mood contemplative hopeful Type reflective motivational When to use this quote - relationship counseling - self‑reflection - team building - creative collaboration Key Concepts gender dynamics psychology personal development Questions to Reflect On - How can expectations be balanced? - What lessons arise from disappointment? A Different Perspective It may oversimplify complex gender relations. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Accepts Man](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/accepts-man-4300343/) [Expecting Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/expecting-change-2697543/) [Feminism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feminism/) [Learning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/learning/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Sci fi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sci-fi/) [Steampunk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/steampunk/) [Takes Woman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/takes-woman-525395/) [Understand Woman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/understand-woman/) [Woman Accepts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/woman-accepts-2744584/) ## Related quotes > [A really strong woman accepts the war she went through and is ennobled by her scars.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carly-simon/a-really-strong-woman-accepts-the-war-she-went-through-and-is/) [Carly Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carly-simon/) > [The woman who accepts the limitations of womanhood finds in those very limitations her gifts, her special calling which bears her up into perfect…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elisabeth-elliot/the-woman-who-accepts-the-limitations-of-womanhood-finds-in-those/) [Elisabeth Elliot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elisabeth-elliot/) > [“It wasn't as if the flowers themselves held within them the ability to bring an abstract definition into physical reality. Instead, it seemed that...expecting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vanessa-diffenbaugh/it-wasn-t-as-if-the-flowers-themselves-held-within-them-the-ability/) [Vanessa Diffenbaugh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vanessa-diffenbaugh/) > [It took me years to realize expecting change and goodness in the world started with myself. To think the world will change and become…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rebekah-thornburg/it-took-me-years-to-realize-expecting-change-and-goodness-in-the/) [Rebekah Thornburg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rebekah-thornburg/) > [I find it hilarious that you ladies give bums 'one more chance' multiple times expecting change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-find-it-hilarious-that-you-ladies-give-bums-one-more-chance/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Once you change, change happens. This is a big lesson. 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Jerome](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerome-k-jerome/) > [Sometimes,' she said, 'it takes a woman to bring out the best in a man.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-mcdougall/sometimes-she-said-it-takes-a-woman-to-bring-out-the-best-in-a-man/) [Christopher McDougall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-mcdougall/) > [“When a man takes a woman as his property, it’s not about owning her,” he continues, eyes searching my face. “It’s about trusting her.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joanna-wylde/when-a-man-takes-a-woman-as-his-property-it-s-not-about-owning-her-he/) [Joanna Wylde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joanna-wylde/) > [It takes a woman to move on and a fool to hold on...but the sad part is sometimes theres women trapped inside of a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/montreal-pruitt/it-takes-a-woman-to-move-on-and-a-fool-to-hold-on-but-the-sad-part-is/) [Montreal Pruitt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/montreal-pruitt/) > [When a man takes a woman for granted, he still looks for reassurance that she is still right there.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherry-argov/when-a-man-takes-a-woman-for-granted-he-still-looks-for-reassurance/) [Sherry Argov](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherry-argov/) > [Woman takes her being from man, man takes his well being from woman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-adams/woman-takes-her-being-from-man-man-takes-his-well-being-from-woman/) [Thomas Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-adams/) > [The woman who takes a woman lover lives dangerously in patriarchy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-clarke/the-woman-who-takes-a-woman-lover-lives-dangerously-in-patriarchy/) [Cheryl Clarke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-clarke/) ## More by Bruce Sterling > [They used to be seen as insane or unthinkable acts of madmen. But if they take place they'll be called 'war' too. And there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/they-used-to-be-seen-as-insane-or-unthinkable-acts-of-madmen-but-if/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [“You give a guy a license to steal, you've got to expect him to use it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/you-give-a-guy-a-license-to-steal-you-ve-got-to-expect-him-to-use-it/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [“America hadn't really been suited for its long and tiresome role as the Last Superpower, the World's Policeman. As a patriotic American, Oscar was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/america-hadn-t-really-been-suited-for-its-long-and-tiresome-role-as/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [“But the economy's out of control. Money just doesn't need human beings anymore. Most of us only get in the way.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/but-the-economy-s-out-of-control-money-just-doesn-t-need-human-beings/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [It's going to be really interesting to see what the heroin market does in the next two years or so. One thing you can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/it-s-going-to-be-really-interesting-to-see-what-the-heroin-market/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [Information wants you to give me a dollar.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/information-wants-you-to-give-me-a-dollar/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [Architects thrive after massive urban disasters. The abject collapse of East Berlin gave us the only city in Europe with a mighty host of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/architects-thrive-after-massive-urban-disasters-the-abject-collapse/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [Information wants to be free. Believe it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/information-wants-to-be-free-believe-it/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [The internet brought many laudable things, but prosperity, stability, accountability and honest politics were not four of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/the-internet-brought-many-laudable-things-but-prosperity-stability/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [I was once a student in a punk T-Shirt hooked on screwed-up scenarios. That's how I became the esteemed cultural figure that I am…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/i-was-once-a-student-in-a-punk-t-shirt-hooked-on-screwed-up-scenarios/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [ “If America suffers from drugs, perhaps you should ask what America is lacking, \[“What an asshole,”\] Eric King commented suddenly. They ignored him.” ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/if-america-suffers-from-drugs-perhaps-you-should-ask-what-america-is/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [“Forget trying to pass for normal. Follow your geekdom. Embrace nerditude. In the immortal words of Lafcadio Hearn, a geek of incredible obscurity whose…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/forget-trying-to-pass-for-normal-follow-your-geekdom-embrace/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [I like to get paid for doing basic research, so it's pleasant to write some nonfiction about it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/i-like-to-get-paid-for-doing-basic-research-so-it-s-pleasant-to-write/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [Find a client and get a job.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/find-a-client-and-get-a-job/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) > [I wouldn't describe that "position" as "parasitic." I'd describe that experience as "edifying." I don't merely write from a critical intellectual distance. I actually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-sterling/i-wouldn-t-describe-that-position-as-parasitic-i-d-describe-that/) [Bruce Sterling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) [Explore all 126 Bruce Sterling quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-sterling/) ## More Feminism quotes > [“But benevolent patriarchy is still patriarchy.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/but-benevolent-patriarchy-is-still-patriarchy/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [It's easier to change a law than an age-old mentality. Deep down, many prejudices, many hostilities, many fears persist. But if we take a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dacia-maraini/it-s-easier-to-change-a-law-than-an-age-old-mentality-deep-down-many/) [Dacia Maraini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dacia-maraini/) > [“This story is not at all an uncommon one in tech circles, including gaming. 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Why? The “integrated” agency will be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yoram-wind/women-will-be-at-least-50-percent-of-the-communications-community/) [Yoram Wind](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yoram-wind/) [Browse all 15,705 Feminism quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feminism/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“«I love both her and them. I have come to understand that she is what they are. A woman accepts a man, expecting that he will change. A man takes a woman, expecting that she will never change. They are both disappointed. 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