--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: You cannot shame or belittle people into…" description: "\"You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.\" — Brené Brown" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/776/bren-brown-280_behavior_you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into_2100786.jpg" --- # You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their… ![“You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” quote by Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/776/bren-brown-280_behavior_you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into_2100786.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/776/bren-brown-280_behavior_you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into_2100786.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/776/bren-brown-280_behavior_you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into_2100786.jpg) > “You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Shaming cannot effectively change behavior; empathy and support are needed. **In simple terms:** Shame doesn’t change habits. Key Takeaway Lead with empathy, not shame. Themes leadership behavior change empathy Mood empathetic instructive Type advisory psychological When to use this quote - workplace training - parenting - coaching Key Concepts psychology social influence Questions to Reflect On - How can we foster intrinsic motivation? - What alternatives to shame exist? A Different Perspective Some may resist despite empathy. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) [Behaviors](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behaviors/) [Belittle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/belittle/) [Belittle People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/belittle-people-2135480/) [Changing Behaviors](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/changing-behaviors-3583777/) [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Shame](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/shame/) [Shame Belittle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/shame-belittle-2733624/) ## Related quotes > [“you cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behavior”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into-changing-their-behavior/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Little people belittle people. Great people make people feel great.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-warren/little-people-belittle-people-great-people-make-people-feel-great/) [Rick Warren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-warren/) > [“People who belittle people, will be LITTLE people, and will accomplish very Little”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/norman-vincent-peale/people-who-belittle-people-will-be-little-people-and-will-accomplish/) [Norman Vincent Peale](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/norman-vincent-peale/) > [When people are rude to other people. When people belittle other people. Bullies really bother me a lot. A lot, a lot.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-zylka/when-people-are-rude-to-other-people-when-people-belittle-other/) [Chris Zylka](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-zylka/) > [“Here’s why this matters for change: When people try to change things, they’re usually tinkering with behaviors that have become automatic, and changing those…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chip-heath/here-s-why-this-matters-for-change-when-people-try-to-change-things/) [Chip Heath](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chip-heath/) > [Start with changing behaviors, not mindsets. It is much easier to 'act your way into new thinking' than to 'think your way into new…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-katzenbach/start-with-changing-behaviors-not-mindsets-it-is-much-easier-to-act/) [Jon Katzenbach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-katzenbach/) > [“What behaviors are rewarded? Punished? Where and how are people actually spending their resources (time, money, attention)? What rules and expectations are followed, enforced,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/what-behaviors-are-rewarded-punished-where-and-how-are-people/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulnerability-we-engage-in/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Leaders are not modest, and more importantly, the extensive social science research on narcissism, self-promotion, and similar constructs shows that these qualities and behaviors…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-pfeffer/leaders-are-not-modest-and-more-importantly-the-extensive-social/) [Jeffrey Pfeffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-pfeffer/) > [“It’s extremely unlikely you will be magically transformed from a mediocre or average people manager to a Satya Nadella or a Ratan Tata. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/binod-shankar/it-s-extremely-unlikely-you-will-be-magically-transformed-from-a/) [Binod Shankar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/binod-shankar/) > [Learned behaviors have replaced the biologically given ones.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-mead/learned-behaviors-have-replaced-the-biologically-given-ones/) [Margaret Mead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-mead/) > [“If your child had only your behavior to watch, what would he see? Which of your behaviors does he copy most? Smoking a cigarette?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michele-borba/if-your-child-had-only-your-behavior-to-watch-what-would-he-see-which/) [Michele Borba](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michele-borba/) > [People are not their behaviors.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-robbins/people-are-not-their-behaviors/) [Tony Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-robbins/) > [Although our inattention can contribute to our lack of total well-being, we also have the power to choose positive behaviors and responses. In that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-anderson/although-our-inattention-can-contribute-to-our-lack-of-total-well/) [Greg Anderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-anderson/) > [I think the word 'soul' - it depends on what you define by 'soul.' If you're defining it as a mystical aura that is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miguel-nicolelis/i-think-the-word-soul-it-depends-on-what-you-define-by-soul-if-you-re/) [Miguel Nicolelis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miguel-nicolelis/) ## More by Brené Brown > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“always put off writing by reorganizing my entire house and spending way too much time and money buying office supplies and organizing systems. Every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/always-put-off-writing-by-reorganizing-my-entire-house-and-spending/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-you-ask-people-about-love-they-tell-you-about-heartbreak/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I can recognize shame when it’s happening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-can-recognize-shame-when-it-s-happening/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-carry-a-small-sheet-of-paper-in-my-wallet-that-has-written-on-it/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/courage-starts-with-showing-up-and-letting-ourselves-be-seen/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/waking-up-every-day-and-loving-someone-who-may-or-may-not-love-us/) [Brene Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“No matter how separated we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/no-matter-how-separated-we-are-by-what-we-think-and-believe-we-are/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/perfectionism-is-self-destructive-simply-because-there-is-no-such/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-corrodes-the-very-part-of-us-that-believes-we-are-capable-of/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [If you're also in the arena and you're putting your ideas out and you're owning them and you're saying "I disagree with you about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/if-you-re-also-in-the-arena-and-you-re-putting-your-ideas-out-and-you/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-levels-of-shame-resilience-share/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/connection-gives-purpose-and-meaning-to-our-lives/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“But here’s the tricky part about compassion and connecting: We can’t call just anyone. It’s not that simple. I have a lot of good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/but-here-s-the-tricky-part-about-compassion-and-connecting-we-can-t/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“It turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you'll stand.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-turns-out-to-be-the-place-of-true-belonging-and-it-s-the-bravest/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) [Explore all 759 Brené Brown quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## More Behavior quotes > [The vision of the left, full of envy and resentment, takes its worst toll on those at the bottom - whether black or white…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-sowell/the-vision-of-the-left-full-of-envy-and-resentment-takes-its-worst/) [Thomas Sowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-sowell/) > [By making conscious choices in our behavior and where we focus our attention, we can transform our experience of our body, decrease our biological…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/by-making-conscious-choices-in-our-behavior-and-where-we-focus-our/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [As you begin changing your thinking, start immediately to change your behaviour. Begin to act the part of the person you would like to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/as-you-begin-changing-your-thinking-start-immediately-to-change-your/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“I now know that deep within the human concept is something dark, selfish, and completely willing to do whatever is necessary to support the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-west/i-now-know-that-deep-within-the-human-concept-is-something-dark/) [Melissa West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-west/) > [“We are endowed with genes which code out our reaction to beavers and otters, maybe our reaction to each other as well. We are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-thomas/we-are-endowed-with-genes-which-code-out-our-reaction-to-beavers-and/) [Lewis Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-thomas/) > [The number of poor, and poorly prepared, students who succeed in college and beyond undercuts the simplistic notion that economic or educational disadvantage is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roland-merullo/the-number-of-poor-and-poorly-prepared-students-who-succeed-in/) [Roland Merullo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roland-merullo/) > [To behave creatively in art means behavior with skill; and skill comes from discipline, not derangement. The artist who knows the rules -and proportion…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/burne-hogarth/to-behave-creatively-in-art-means-behavior-with-skill-and-skill-comes/) [Burne Hogarth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/burne-hogarth/) > [You don't put milk in chamomile tea - that's disgusting behavior! That's not right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-fraser/you-don-t-put-milk-in-chamomile-tea-that-s-disgusting-behavior-that-s/) [Laura Fraser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-fraser/) > [The laws of thermodynamics, as empirically determined, express the approximate and probable behavior of systems of a great number of particles, or, more precisely,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-willard-gibbs/the-laws-of-thermodynamics-as-empirically-determined-express-the/) [J. Willard Gibbs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-willard-gibbs/) > [I started with the belief that every person who came to the laboratory was free to accept or to reject the dictates of authority.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stanley-milgram/i-started-with-the-belief-that-every-person-who-came-to-the/) [Stanley Milgram](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stanley-milgram/) > [The tipping point is that magic moment when an idea, trend, or social behavior crosses a threshold, tips, and spreads like wildfire.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/malcolm-gladwell/the-tipping-point-is-that-magic-moment-when-an-idea-trend-or-social/) [Malcolm Gladwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/malcolm-gladwell/) > [I think we've told a lot of lies about human behavior through film.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-arquette/i-think-we-ve-told-a-lot-of-lies-about-human-behavior-through-film/) [Patricia Arquette](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-arquette/) > [The strongest rebellion may be expressed in quiet, undramatic behavior.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-spock/the-strongest-rebellion-may-be-expressed-in-quiet-undramatic-behavior/) [Benjamin Spock](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-spock/) > [The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-conquest/the-behavior-of-any-bureaucratic-organization-can-best-be-understood/) [Robert Conquest](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-conquest/) > [If you want good behavior, don't pay on a commission basis. Our judges aren't paid so much a case. We keep them pretty well…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlie-munger/if-you-want-good-behavior-don-t-pay-on-a-commission-basis-our-judges/) [Charlie Munger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlie-munger/) [Browse all 4,218 Behavior quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brené Brown" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into-changing-their-behaviors/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Behavior" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into-changing-their-behaviors/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/776/bren-brown-280_behavior_you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into_2100786.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/776/bren-brown-280_behavior_you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into_2100786.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/776/bren-brown-280_behavior_you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into_2100786.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.” — Brené Brown", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Brené Brown", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "You cannot shame or belittle people...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into-changing-their-behaviors/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into-changing-their-behaviors/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```