--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we pretend that we can avoid…" description: "\"“When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be.”\" — Brené Brown" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/bren-brown-280_behaviors_when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulner_3144215.jpg" --- # When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage… ![“When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be.” quote by Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/bren-brown-280_behaviors_when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulner_3144215.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/bren-brown-280_behaviors_when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulner_3144215.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/bren-brown-280_behaviors_when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulner_3144215.jpg) > ““When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be.”” [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Avoiding vulnerability leads to actions that conflict with our true selves. **In simple terms:** Shunning vulnerability creates inner conflict. Key Takeaway Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Themes vulnerability authenticity growth Mood courageous reflective Type motivational psychological When to use this quote - relationships - leadership - personal development Key Concepts psychology self‑acceptance Questions to Reflect On - What fears hold you back from being vulnerable? - How can vulnerability improve your relationships? A Different Perspective Vulnerability can feel risky and expose one to hurt. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [Vulnerability](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/vulnerability/) ## Related quotes > [“What behaviors are rewarded? Punished? Where and how are people actually spending their resources (time, money, attention)? What rules and expectations are followed, enforced,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/what-behaviors-are-rewarded-punished-where-and-how-are-people/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/you-cannot-shame-or-belittle-people-into-changing-their-behaviors/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I think the word 'soul' - it depends on what you define by 'soul.' If you're defining it as a mystical aura that is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miguel-nicolelis/i-think-the-word-soul-it-depends-on-what-you-define-by-soul-if-you-re/) [Miguel Nicolelis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miguel-nicolelis/) > [Although our inattention can contribute to our lack of total well-being, we also have the power to choose positive behaviors and responses. In that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-anderson/although-our-inattention-can-contribute-to-our-lack-of-total-well/) [Greg Anderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-anderson/) > [People are not their behaviors.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-robbins/people-are-not-their-behaviors/) [Tony Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-robbins/) > [Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/vulnerability-pushed-i-pushed-back-i-lost-the-fight-but-probably-won/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Vulnerability is not weakness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/vulnerability-is-not-weakness/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/vulnerability-is-not-weakness-and-the-uncertainty-risk-and-emotional/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-cultivate-love-when-we-allow-our-most-vulnerable-and-powerful/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world, that’s pretty extraordinary.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/ordinary-courage-is-about-putting-our-vulnerability-on-the-line-in/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we're afraid to let them see it in us. We're afraid that our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-love-seeing-raw-truth-and-openness-in-other-people-but-we-re/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Vulnerability is not about fear and grief and disappointment; it is the birthplace of everything we're hungry for.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/vulnerability-is-not-about-fear-and-grief-and-disappointment-it-is/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experience.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/vulnerability-is-the-core-the-heart-the-center-of-meaningful-human/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Love is a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them - we can only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/love-is-a-connection-that-can-only-be-cultivated-between-two-people/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/courage-starts-with-showing-up-and-letting-ourselves-be-seen/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## More by Brené Brown > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“always put off writing by reorganizing my entire house and spending way too much time and money buying office supplies and organizing systems. Every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/always-put-off-writing-by-reorganizing-my-entire-house-and-spending/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-you-ask-people-about-love-they-tell-you-about-heartbreak/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I can recognize shame when it’s happening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-can-recognize-shame-when-it-s-happening/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-carry-a-small-sheet-of-paper-in-my-wallet-that-has-written-on-it/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/courage-starts-with-showing-up-and-letting-ourselves-be-seen/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/waking-up-every-day-and-loving-someone-who-may-or-may-not-love-us/) [Brene Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“No matter how separated we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/no-matter-how-separated-we-are-by-what-we-think-and-believe-we-are/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/perfectionism-is-self-destructive-simply-because-there-is-no-such/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-corrodes-the-very-part-of-us-that-believes-we-are-capable-of/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [If you're also in the arena and you're putting your ideas out and you're owning them and you're saying "I disagree with you about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/if-you-re-also-in-the-arena-and-you-re-putting-your-ideas-out-and-you/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-levels-of-shame-resilience-share/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/connection-gives-purpose-and-meaning-to-our-lives/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“But here’s the tricky part about compassion and connecting: We can’t call just anyone. It’s not that simple. I have a lot of good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/but-here-s-the-tricky-part-about-compassion-and-connecting-we-can-t/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“It turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you'll stand.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-turns-out-to-be-the-place-of-true-belonging-and-it-s-the-bravest/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) [Explore all 759 Brené Brown quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## More Behaviors quotes > [I think the word 'soul' - it depends on what you define by 'soul.' If you're defining it as a mystical aura that is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miguel-nicolelis/i-think-the-word-soul-it-depends-on-what-you-define-by-soul-if-you-re/) [Miguel Nicolelis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miguel-nicolelis/) > [Although our inattention can contribute to our lack of total well-being, we also have the power to choose positive behaviors and responses. In that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/greg-anderson/although-our-inattention-can-contribute-to-our-lack-of-total-well/) [Greg Anderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/greg-anderson/) > [People are not their behaviors.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-robbins/people-are-not-their-behaviors/) [Tony Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-robbins/) > [“If your child had only your behavior to watch, what would he see? Which of your behaviors does he copy most? Smoking a cigarette?…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michele-borba/if-your-child-had-only-your-behavior-to-watch-what-would-he-see-which/) [Michele Borba](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michele-borba/) > [“Police officers are well known for their aggressive behaviors, search "Police Officer Angry Aggression Theory". I can speak from personal experience that they do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-magee/police-officers-are-well-known-for-their-aggressive-behaviors-search/) [Steven Magee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-magee/) > [“It is the leader’s job to model and enforce the values and behaviors that make up the company culture. “Model” the behaviors is key.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-ramsay/it-is-the-leader-s-job-to-model-and-enforce-the-values-and-behaviors/) [Beth Ramsay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-ramsay/) > [Learned behaviors have replaced the biologically given ones.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-mead/learned-behaviors-have-replaced-the-biologically-given-ones/) [Margaret Mead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-mead/) > [You, I, we all encounter behaviors that we might say, I wouldn't do that. But she has a huge amount of contact with how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/prince-andrew/you-i-we-all-encounter-behaviors-that-we-might-say-i-wouldn-t-do-that/) [Prince Andrew](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/prince-andrew/) > [“It’s extremely unlikely you will be magically transformed from a mediocre or average people manager to a Satya Nadella or a Ratan Tata. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/binod-shankar/it-s-extremely-unlikely-you-will-be-magically-transformed-from-a/) Binod Shankar > [You can learn what you want to learn through hard work. And a good employer will teach you what you want to learn as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerald-chertavian/you-can-learn-what-you-want-to-learn-through-hard-work-and-a-good/) [Gerald Chertavian](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerald-chertavian/) > [“For design thinkers, however, behaviors are never right or wrong, but they are always meaningful. The”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-brown/for-design-thinkers-however-behaviors-are-never-right-or-wrong-but/) [Tim Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-brown/) > [Leaders are not modest, and more importantly, the extensive social science research on narcissism, self-promotion, and similar constructs shows that these qualities and behaviors…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-pfeffer/leaders-are-not-modest-and-more-importantly-the-extensive-social/) [Jeffrey Pfeffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-pfeffer/) > [“It is the leader’s job to lead by example and enforce the values and the behaviors to set the culture for any company or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-ramsay/it-is-the-leader-s-job-to-lead-by-example-and-enforce-the-values-and/) [Beth Ramsay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-ramsay/) > [I started working with brain sensing tech in labs over a decade ago and was immediately fascinated by the potential to help people peer…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ariel-garten/i-started-working-with-brain-sensing-tech-in-labs-over-a-decade-ago/) [Ariel Garten](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ariel-garten/) > [“Dear haters, You’re never going to catch up. Because while you’re talking about how “lucky” I am, I’m working. While you’re talking about what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-maraboli/dear-haters-you-re-never-going-to-catch-up-because-while-you-re/) [Steve Maraboli](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-maraboli/) Browse all 112 Behaviors quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brené Brown" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulnerability-we-engage-in/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Behaviors" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulnerability-we-engage-in/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/bren-brown-280_behaviors_when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulner_3144215.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/bren-brown-280_behaviors_when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulner_3144215.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e89/bren-brown-280_behaviors_when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulner_3144215.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who…” — Brené Brown", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Brené Brown", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“When we pretend that we can...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulnerability-we-engage-in/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-pretend-that-we-can-avoid-vulnerability-we-engage-in/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```