--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we fail to set boundaries and hold…" description: "\"When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far mor..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c83/bren-brown-280_behavior_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1790298.jpg" --- # When we fail to set boundaries and hold people… ![“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” quote by Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c83/bren-brown-280_behavior_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1790298.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c83/bren-brown-280_behavior_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1790298.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c83/bren-brown-280_behavior_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1790298.jpg) > “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Lack of boundaries leads to feeling exploited; attacking character is more damaging than addressing actions. **In simple terms:** Boundaries prevent feeling used; focus on behavior, not identity. Key Takeaway Set clear limits and address actions, not personal attacks. Themes boundaries accountability respect communication Mood cautious empathetic Type advisory inspirational When to use this quote - workplace - family - friendships - team dynamics Key Concepts psychology leadership conflict resolution Questions to Reflect On - What boundaries are essential for you? - How can you address behavior without attacking identity? A Different Perspective People may resist boundaries, fearing conflict. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Addressing Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/addressing-behavior-1940490/) [Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) [Boundaries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boundaries/) [Choices](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choices/) [Failing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failing/) [Feel Used](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-used-231729/) [Feels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feels/) [Hurtful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hurtful/) [Hurtful Addressing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hurtful-addressing-1940491/) [Mistreated](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mistreated/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [People Accountable](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people-accountable-850186/) [Set Boundaries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/set-boundaries/) [Sometimes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sometimes/) [Used](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/used/) ## Related quotes > [When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold-people-accountable-we-feel-2/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/authenticity-is-the-daily-practice-of-letting-go-of-who-we-think-we-3/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/authenticity-is-the-daily-practice-of-letting-go-of-who-we-think-we/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/daring-to-set-boundaries-is-about-having-the-courage-to-love/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I feel so used. I find I like it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-d-robb/i-feel-so-used-i-find-i-like-it/) [J.D. Robb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-d-robb/) > [Anyone who allows other people to control and guide their destiny will eventually become bitter and feel used and taken advantage of.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/innah-delos-angeles/anyone-who-allows-other-people-to-control-and-guide-their-destiny/) [Innah Delos Angeles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/innah-delos-angeles/) > [“If you feel so empty So used up, so let down If you feel so angry So ripped off so stepped on You're not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/three-days-grace/if-you-feel-so-empty-so-used-up-so-let-down-if-you-feel-so-angry-so/) [Three Days Grace](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/three-days-grace/) > [I'm just not having a very good time and I don't have any reason to think it'll get anything but worse. I'm tired. I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marsha-norman/i-m-just-not-having-a-very-good-time-and-i-don-t-have-any-reason-to/) [Marsha Norman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marsha-norman/) > [“I don't know how I feel yet. I'm so used to pretending, to shoving it all away and pasting a smile that sometimes I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cora-carmack-finding-it/i-don-t-know-how-i-feel-yet-i-m-so-used-to-pretending-to-shoving-it/) [Cora Carmack Finding It](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cora-carmack-finding-it/) > [You feel used because you're giving the wrong person everything you've got, and they aren't giving you anything in return.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-parker/you-feel-used-because-you-re-giving-the-wrong-person-everything-you/) [Sonya Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-parker/) > [You don't feel Pretty. You just feel Used.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-don-t-feel-pretty-you-just-feel-used/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I feel used for some reason =/](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-feel-used-for-some-reason/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The wrong person will make you feel used, but the right person will make you feel loved.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-parker/the-wrong-person-will-make-you-feel-used-but-the-right-person-will/) [Sonya Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-parker/) > [Do not ever treat her as she were merely an item. No one likes to feel used and unloved.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-whyte/do-not-ever-treat-her-as-she-were-merely-an-item-no-one-likes-to-feel/) [Jonathan Whyte](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-whyte/) > [I have been in situations where actors are treated like robots: say the lines, say it like this, we don't have time for conversations.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nia-long/i-have-been-in-situations-where-actors-are-treated-like-robots-say/) [Nia Long](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nia-long/) ## More by Brené Brown > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“always put off writing by reorganizing my entire house and spending way too much time and money buying office supplies and organizing systems. Every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/always-put-off-writing-by-reorganizing-my-entire-house-and-spending/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-you-ask-people-about-love-they-tell-you-about-heartbreak/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I can recognize shame when it’s happening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-can-recognize-shame-when-it-s-happening/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-carry-a-small-sheet-of-paper-in-my-wallet-that-has-written-on-it/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/courage-starts-with-showing-up-and-letting-ourselves-be-seen/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/waking-up-every-day-and-loving-someone-who-may-or-may-not-love-us/) [Brene Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“No matter how separated we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/no-matter-how-separated-we-are-by-what-we-think-and-believe-we-are/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/perfectionism-is-self-destructive-simply-because-there-is-no-such/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-corrodes-the-very-part-of-us-that-believes-we-are-capable-of/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [If you're also in the arena and you're putting your ideas out and you're owning them and you're saying "I disagree with you about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/if-you-re-also-in-the-arena-and-you-re-putting-your-ideas-out-and-you/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-levels-of-shame-resilience-share/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/connection-gives-purpose-and-meaning-to-our-lives/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“But here’s the tricky part about compassion and connecting: We can’t call just anyone. It’s not that simple. I have a lot of good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/but-here-s-the-tricky-part-about-compassion-and-connecting-we-can-t/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“It turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you'll stand.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-turns-out-to-be-the-place-of-true-belonging-and-it-s-the-bravest/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) [Explore all 759 Brené Brown quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## More Behavior quotes > [The vision of the left, full of envy and resentment, takes its worst toll on those at the bottom - whether black or white…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-sowell/the-vision-of-the-left-full-of-envy-and-resentment-takes-its-worst/) [Thomas Sowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-sowell/) > [By making conscious choices in our behavior and where we focus our attention, we can transform our experience of our body, decrease our biological…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/by-making-conscious-choices-in-our-behavior-and-where-we-focus-our/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [As you begin changing your thinking, start immediately to change your behaviour. Begin to act the part of the person you would like to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/as-you-begin-changing-your-thinking-start-immediately-to-change-your/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“I now know that deep within the human concept is something dark, selfish, and completely willing to do whatever is necessary to support the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-west/i-now-know-that-deep-within-the-human-concept-is-something-dark/) [Melissa West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-west/) > [“We are endowed with genes which code out our reaction to beavers and otters, maybe our reaction to each other as well. We are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-thomas/we-are-endowed-with-genes-which-code-out-our-reaction-to-beavers-and/) [Lewis Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-thomas/) > [The number of poor, and poorly prepared, students who succeed in college and beyond undercuts the simplistic notion that economic or educational disadvantage is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roland-merullo/the-number-of-poor-and-poorly-prepared-students-who-succeed-in/) [Roland Merullo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roland-merullo/) > [To behave creatively in art means behavior with skill; and skill comes from discipline, not derangement. The artist who knows the rules -and proportion…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/burne-hogarth/to-behave-creatively-in-art-means-behavior-with-skill-and-skill-comes/) [Burne Hogarth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/burne-hogarth/) > [You don't put milk in chamomile tea - that's disgusting behavior! That's not right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-fraser/you-don-t-put-milk-in-chamomile-tea-that-s-disgusting-behavior-that-s/) [Laura Fraser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-fraser/) > [The laws of thermodynamics, as empirically determined, express the approximate and probable behavior of systems of a great number of particles, or, more precisely,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-willard-gibbs/the-laws-of-thermodynamics-as-empirically-determined-express-the/) [J. Willard Gibbs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-willard-gibbs/) > [I started with the belief that every person who came to the laboratory was free to accept or to reject the dictates of authority.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stanley-milgram/i-started-with-the-belief-that-every-person-who-came-to-the/) [Stanley Milgram](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stanley-milgram/) > [The tipping point is that magic moment when an idea, trend, or social behavior crosses a threshold, tips, and spreads like wildfire.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/malcolm-gladwell/the-tipping-point-is-that-magic-moment-when-an-idea-trend-or-social/) [Malcolm Gladwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/malcolm-gladwell/) > [I think we've told a lot of lies about human behavior through film.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-arquette/i-think-we-ve-told-a-lot-of-lies-about-human-behavior-through-film/) [Patricia Arquette](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-arquette/) > [The strongest rebellion may be expressed in quiet, undramatic behavior.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-spock/the-strongest-rebellion-may-be-expressed-in-quiet-undramatic-behavior/) [Benjamin Spock](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-spock/) > [The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-conquest/the-behavior-of-any-bureaucratic-organization-can-best-be-understood/) [Robert Conquest](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-conquest/) > [If you want good behavior, don't pay on a commission basis. Our judges aren't paid so much a case. We keep them pretty well…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlie-munger/if-you-want-good-behavior-don-t-pay-on-a-commission-basis-our-judges/) [Charlie Munger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlie-munger/) [Browse all 4,218 Behavior quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. 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