--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we fail to set boundaries and hold…" description: "\"When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.\" — Brené Brown" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dcf/bren-brown-280_boundaries_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1892820.jpg" --- # When we fail to set boundaries and hold people… ![“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” quote by Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dcf/bren-brown-280_boundaries_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1892820.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dcf/bren-brown-280_boundaries_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1892820.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dcf/bren-brown-280_boundaries_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1892820.jpg) > “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Without clear limits, others can exploit us, leading to feelings of being used. **In simple terms:** Setting boundaries prevents feeling used. Key Takeaway Define and enforce personal limits. Themes boundaries accountability self‑respect Mood cautious determined Type practical motivational When to use this quote - workplace interactions - family relationships - friendships - dating Key Concepts emotional intelligence relationship dynamics Questions to Reflect On - What limits do you need to set today? - How can you communicate boundaries without alienating others? A Different Perspective Boundaries can be perceived as rejection. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Accountable Feel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/accountable-feel-2745397/) [Boundaries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boundaries/) [Boundaries Hold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boundaries-hold-2745396/) [Failing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failing/) [Feel Used](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-used-231729/) [Feels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feels/) [Mistreated](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mistreated/) [Old people](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/old-people/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [People Accountable](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people-accountable-850186/) [Set Boundaries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/set-boundaries/) [Used](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/used/) ## Related quotes > [When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold-people-accountable-we-feel/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/authenticity-is-the-daily-practice-of-letting-go-of-who-we-think-we-3/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/authenticity-is-the-daily-practice-of-letting-go-of-who-we-think-we/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/daring-to-set-boundaries-is-about-having-the-courage-to-love/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I feel so used. I find I like it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-d-robb/i-feel-so-used-i-find-i-like-it/) [J.D. Robb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-d-robb/) > [Anyone who allows other people to control and guide their destiny will eventually become bitter and feel used and taken advantage of.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/innah-delos-angeles/anyone-who-allows-other-people-to-control-and-guide-their-destiny/) [Innah Delos Angeles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/innah-delos-angeles/) > [“If you feel so empty So used up, so let down If you feel so angry So ripped off so stepped on You're not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/three-days-grace/if-you-feel-so-empty-so-used-up-so-let-down-if-you-feel-so-angry-so/) [Three Days Grace](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/three-days-grace/) > [I'm just not having a very good time and I don't have any reason to think it'll get anything but worse. I'm tired. I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marsha-norman/i-m-just-not-having-a-very-good-time-and-i-don-t-have-any-reason-to/) [Marsha Norman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marsha-norman/) > [“I don't know how I feel yet. I'm so used to pretending, to shoving it all away and pasting a smile that sometimes I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cora-carmack-finding-it/i-don-t-know-how-i-feel-yet-i-m-so-used-to-pretending-to-shoving-it/) [Cora Carmack Finding It](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cora-carmack-finding-it/) > [You feel used because you're giving the wrong person everything you've got, and they aren't giving you anything in return.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-parker/you-feel-used-because-you-re-giving-the-wrong-person-everything-you/) [Sonya Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-parker/) > [You don't feel Pretty. You just feel Used.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-don-t-feel-pretty-you-just-feel-used/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I feel used for some reason =/](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-feel-used-for-some-reason/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The wrong person will make you feel used, but the right person will make you feel loved.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-parker/the-wrong-person-will-make-you-feel-used-but-the-right-person-will/) [Sonya Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-parker/) > [Do not ever treat her as she were merely an item. No one likes to feel used and unloved.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-whyte/do-not-ever-treat-her-as-she-were-merely-an-item-no-one-likes-to-feel/) [Jonathan Whyte](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-whyte/) > [I have been in situations where actors are treated like robots: say the lines, say it like this, we don't have time for conversations.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nia-long/i-have-been-in-situations-where-actors-are-treated-like-robots-say/) [Nia Long](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nia-long/) ## More by Brené Brown > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“always put off writing by reorganizing my entire house and spending way too much time and money buying office supplies and organizing systems. Every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/always-put-off-writing-by-reorganizing-my-entire-house-and-spending/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-you-ask-people-about-love-they-tell-you-about-heartbreak/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I can recognize shame when it’s happening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-can-recognize-shame-when-it-s-happening/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-carry-a-small-sheet-of-paper-in-my-wallet-that-has-written-on-it/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/courage-starts-with-showing-up-and-letting-ourselves-be-seen/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/waking-up-every-day-and-loving-someone-who-may-or-may-not-love-us/) [Brene Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“No matter how separated we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/no-matter-how-separated-we-are-by-what-we-think-and-believe-we-are/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/perfectionism-is-self-destructive-simply-because-there-is-no-such/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-corrodes-the-very-part-of-us-that-believes-we-are-capable-of/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [If you're also in the arena and you're putting your ideas out and you're owning them and you're saying "I disagree with you about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/if-you-re-also-in-the-arena-and-you-re-putting-your-ideas-out-and-you/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-levels-of-shame-resilience-share/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/connection-gives-purpose-and-meaning-to-our-lives/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“But here’s the tricky part about compassion and connecting: We can’t call just anyone. It’s not that simple. I have a lot of good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/but-here-s-the-tricky-part-about-compassion-and-connecting-we-can-t/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“It turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you'll stand.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-turns-out-to-be-the-place-of-true-belonging-and-it-s-the-bravest/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) [Explore all 759 Brené Brown quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## More Boundaries quotes > [I think the next 50 years are going to present the human race with challenges that so far exceed the limitations of geopolitical boundaries…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zachary-quinto/i-think-the-next-50-years-are-going-to-present-the-human-race-with/) [Zachary Quinto](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zachary-quinto/) > [A man could be a lover and defender of the wilderness without ever in his lifetime leaving the boundaries of asphalt, powerlines, and right-angled…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-abbey/a-man-could-be-a-lover-and-defender-of-the-wilderness-without-ever-in/) [Edward Abbey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-abbey/) > [God's Word does provide life lessons to teach us how to live. And it gives us beautiful poetry that gives voice to our human…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-rothschild/god-s-word-does-provide-life-lessons-to-teach-us-how-to-live-and-it/) [Jennifer Rothschild](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-rothschild/) > [While the world of reality has its limits, the world of your imagination is without boundaries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wayne-dyer/while-the-world-of-reality-has-its-limits-the-world-of-your/) [Wayne Dyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wayne-dyer/) > [There's always that discussion about fiction about how do you market it - these are books for boys, these are books for girls, these…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/l-a-weatherly/there-s-always-that-discussion-about-fiction-about-how-do-you-market/) [L.A. Weatherly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/l-a-weatherly/) > [... informed ignorance provides the natural state of mind for research scientists at the ever-shifting frontiers of knowledge. People who believe themselves ignorant of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-degrasse-tyson/informed-ignorance-provides-the-natural-state-of-mind-for-research/) [Neil deGrasse Tyson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-degrasse-tyson/) > [I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/i-never-go-anywhere-or-do-anything-that-transports-me-outside-the/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [As a kid, in the Runaways, I would see the interviewers start to ask about our personal lives and what we did — and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-jett/as-a-kid-in-the-runaways-i-would-see-the-interviewers-start-to-ask/) [Joan Jett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-jett/) > [Understanding science and pushing the boundaries of science is what makes me immensely satisfied.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-gates/understanding-science-and-pushing-the-boundaries-of-science-is-what/) [Bill Gates](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-gates/) > [A language possesses utility only insofar as it can construct conventional boundaries. A language of no boundaries is no language at all, and thus…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ken-wilber/a-language-possesses-utility-only-insofar-as-it-can-construct/) [Ken Wilber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ken-wilber/) > [“Let us not subside into a single mandatory way of thinking or feeling, immersed by a spirit of self-gratification. But let’s dig into the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erik-pevernagie/let-us-not-subside-into-a-single-mandatory-way-of-thinking-or-feeling/) [Erik Pevernagie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erik-pevernagie/) > [The question of boundaries is a major question of the Jewish people because the Jews are the great experts of crossing boundaries. They have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-b-yehoshua/the-question-of-boundaries-is-a-major-question-of-the-jewish-people/) [A. B. 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The film critics don't know my artwork and the art world doesn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/agnes-varda/the-boundaries-between-contemporary-art-and-cinema-are-so-rigid-it-s/) [Agnes Varda](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/agnes-varda/) [Browse all 2,012 Boundaries quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boundaries/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brené Brown" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold-people-accountable-we-feel-2/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Boundaries" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold-people-accountable-we-feel-2/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dcf/bren-brown-280_boundaries_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1892820.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dcf/bren-brown-280_boundaries_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1892820.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dcf/bren-brown-280_boundaries_when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold_1892820.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” — Brené Brown", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Brené Brown", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "When we fail to set boundaries...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold-people-accountable-we-feel-2/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-we-fail-to-set-boundaries-and-hold-people-accountable-we-feel-2/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```