--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We cannot grow when we are in shame, and…" description: "\"We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use shame to change ourselves or others.\" — Brené Brown" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a2/bren-brown-280_change_we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and_2872033.jpg" --- # We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use… ![“We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use shame to change ourselves or others.” quote by Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a2/bren-brown-280_change_we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and_2872033.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a2/bren-brown-280_change_we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and_2872033.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a2/bren-brown-280_change_we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and_2872033.jpg) > “We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use shame to change ourselves or others.” [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Shame hinders growth and cannot be used as a tool for change. **In simple terms:** Shame blocks growth; not a tool. Key Takeaway Release shame to foster growth. Themes psychology shame personal development growth vulnerability Mood empathetic encouraging Type self-help motivational When to use this quote - therapy sessions - self-help workshops - personal reflection Key Concepts Self-awareness emotional health Questions to Reflect On - How does shame affect your progress? - What alternatives to shame can motivate change? A Different Perspective May underestimate shame's complexity. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/) [Shame](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/shame/) ## Related quotes > [“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-levels-of-shame-resilience-share/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Along with many other professionals, I’ve come to the conclusion that shame is much more likely to lead to destructive and hurtful behaviors than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/along-with-many-other-professionals-i-ve-come-to-the-conclusion-that/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Accept you are a work in progress, that there are things which you cannot change, others which take time to change and some which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carol-vorvain/accept-you-are-a-work-in-progress-that-there-are-things-which-you/) [Carol Vorvain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carol-vorvain/) > [I think as a gay person, there was no way in my generation to not grow up with shame and a sense of being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ira-sachs/i-think-as-a-gay-person-there-was-no-way-in-my-generation-to-not-grow/) [Ira Sachs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ira-sachs/) > [“I’ve gotten pretty good at making myself feel ashamed. I can even use shame in a theoretical sense to make myself do the right…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/allie-brosh/i-ve-gotten-pretty-good-at-making-myself-feel-ashamed-i-can-even-use/) [Allie Brosh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/allie-brosh/) > [After all, you put a lot into creating a universe and everything that goes with it, and it seems a shame to use it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-brooks/after-all-you-put-a-lot-into-creating-a-universe-and-everything-that/) [Terry Brooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-brooks/) > [“When those in power use shame to bully the weak into compliance, they are stealing from us. They tell us that they will expose…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/seth-godin/when-those-in-power-use-shame-to-bully-the-weak-into-compliance-they/) [Seth Godin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/seth-godin/) > [God can take what Satan meant for shame and use it for His glory. Just when we think we've messed up so badly that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lysa-terkeurst/god-can-take-what-satan-meant-for-shame-and-use-it-for-his-glory-just/) [Lysa TerKeurst](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lysa-terkeurst/) > [“The way to fight shame and to honor who we are is by sharing our experience with someone who has earned the right to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/the-way-to-fight-shame-and-to-honor-who-we-are-is-by-sharing-our/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“When shame becomes a management style, engagement dies. When failure is not an option we can forget about learning, creativity, and innovation .”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-shame-becomes-a-management-style-engagement-dies-when-failure-is/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“Knowing what I do now, I think about shame and worthiness in this way: 'It's the album, not the picture.' If you imagine opening…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/knowing-what-i-do-now-i-think-about-shame-and-worthiness-in-this-way/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot tolerate having words wrapped around it. What it craves is secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you stay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-cannot-survive-being-spoken-it-cannot-tolerate-having-words/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“In Jungian circles, shame is often referred to as the swampland of the soul. I’m not suggesting that we wade out into the swamp…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/in-jungian-circles-shame-is-often-referred-to-as-the-swampland-of-the/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-corrodes-the-very-part-of-us-that-believes-we-are-capable-of/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I can recognize shame when it’s happening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-can-recognize-shame-when-it-s-happening/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## More by Brené Brown > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“always put off writing by reorganizing my entire house and spending way too much time and money buying office supplies and organizing systems. Every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/always-put-off-writing-by-reorganizing-my-entire-house-and-spending/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-you-ask-people-about-love-they-tell-you-about-heartbreak/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I can recognize shame when it’s happening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-can-recognize-shame-when-it-s-happening/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-carry-a-small-sheet-of-paper-in-my-wallet-that-has-written-on-it/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/courage-starts-with-showing-up-and-letting-ourselves-be-seen/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/waking-up-every-day-and-loving-someone-who-may-or-may-not-love-us/) [Brene Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“No matter how separated we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/no-matter-how-separated-we-are-by-what-we-think-and-believe-we-are/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. 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That's how we learn and grow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/life-is-full-of-change-that-s-how-we-learn-and-grow/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I can't believe that I'm sitting in meetings with Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, and Annette Bening. I want to take on that responsibility to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-ross-williams/i-can-t-believe-that-i-m-sitting-in-meetings-with-steven-spielberg/) [Roger Ross Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-ross-williams/) > [“…progress isn't necessarily about change but about things turning out as we want them to”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phil-hogan/progress-isn-t-necessarily-about-change-but-about-things-turning-out/) Phil Hogan > [Nobody can tell me that no changes are necessary in Washington.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-weld/nobody-can-tell-me-that-no-changes-are-necessary-in-washington/) [William Weld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-weld/) > [If my campaign is not in the debate, we will not be talking about how we really fix this problem of endless and expanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jill-stein/if-my-campaign-is-not-in-the-debate-we-will-not-be-talking-about-how/) [Jill Stein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jill-stein/) > [When you walk down the street of Kabul your values for life changes, they do change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marco-pierre-white/when-you-walk-down-the-street-of-kabul-your-values-for-life-changes/) [Marco Pierre White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marco-pierre-white/) > [Your world will change whether or not you choose to change, but you have the power to choose it's direction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/napoleon-hill/your-world-will-change-whether-or-not-you-choose-to-change-but-you/) [Napoleon Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/napoleon-hill/) > [I hope I continue to evolve.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-flair/i-hope-i-continue-to-evolve/) [Charlotte Flair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-flair/) > [“Stay focused on bringing people together and more on positive messaging so that you can be the change you wish to see in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/germany-kent/stay-focused-on-bringing-people-together-and-more-on-positive/) [Germany Kent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/germany-kent/) > [The biggest change for me as a mom was realizing I needed to put someone else before me. Now the hardest part about the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kim-alexis/the-biggest-change-for-me-as-a-mom-was-realizing-i-needed-to-put/) [Kim Alexis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kim-alexis/) > [“After the funeral, my life changed. I felt as if time were suddenly precious, water going down an open drain, and I could not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-albom/after-the-funeral-my-life-changed-i-felt-as-if-time-were-suddenly/) [Mitch Albom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-albom/) > [You practice mindfulness, on the one hand, to be calm and peaceful. On the other hand, as you practice mindfulness and live a life…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-practice-mindfulness-on-the-one-hand-to-be-calm-and-peaceful-on/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Irish research will contribute to global progress and have the potential to help all countries realise the potential of their land sectors in addressing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/enda-kenny/irish-research-will-contribute-to-global-progress-and-have-the/) [Enda Kenny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/enda-kenny/) > [No man can change himself into anything from sheer reason; he can only change into what he potentially is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-jung/no-man-can-change-himself-into-anything-from-sheer-reason-he-can-only/) [Carl Jung](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-jung/) [Browse all 33,920 Change quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use shame to change ourselves or others.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brené Brown" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and-we-can-t-use-shame-to-change/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Change" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and-we-can-t-use-shame-to-change/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a2/bren-brown-280_change_we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and_2872033.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a2/bren-brown-280_change_we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and_2872033.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6a2/bren-brown-280_change_we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and_2872033.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use shame to change ourselves or others.” — Brené Brown", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Brené Brown", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "We cannot grow when we are...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and-we-can-t-use-shame-to-change/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-cannot-grow-when-we-are-in-shame-and-we-can-t-use-shame-to-change/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```