--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It was December 15, 2012, the day after…" description: "\"“It was December 15, 2012, the day after twenty-year-old Adam Lanza fatally shot twenty children between six and seven years old, as well as six adult ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81f/bren-brown-280_anxiety-and-fear_it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-tw_2886413.jpg" --- # It was December 15, 2012, the day after twenty-year-old… ![“It was December 15, 2012, the day after twenty-year-old Adam Lanza fatally shot twenty children between six and seven years old, as well as six adult staff members, at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. I remember thinking, Maybe if all the mothers in the world crawled on their…” quote by Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81f/bren-brown-280_anxiety-and-fear_it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-tw_2886413.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81f/bren-brown-280_anxiety-and-fear_it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-tw_2886413.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81f/bren-brown-280_anxiety-and-fear_it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-tw_2886413.jpg) > ““It was December 15, 2012, the day after twenty-year-old Adam Lanza fatally shot twenty children between six and seven years old, as well as six adult staff members, at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. I remember thinking, Maybe if all the mothers in the world crawled on their hands and knees toward those parents in Newtown, we could take some of the pain away. We could spread their pain across all of our hearts. I would do it. Can’t we find a way to hold some of it for them? I’ll take my share. Even if it adds sadness to all my days. My friends and I didn’t rush to start a fund that day. We didn’t storm the principal’s office at our kids’ school asking for increased security measures. We didn’t call politicians or post on Facebook. We would do all that in the days to come. But the day right after the shooting, we just sat together with nothing but the sound of occasional weeping cutting through the silence. Leaning in to our shared pain and fear comforted us. Being alone in the midst of a widely reported trauma, watching endless hours of twenty-four-hour news or reading countless articles on the Internet, is the quickest way for anxiety and fear to tiptoe into your heart and plant their roots of secondary trauma. That day after the mass killing, I chose to cry with my friends, then I headed to church to cry with strangers. I couldn’t have known then that in 2017 I would speak at a fund-raiser for the Resiliency Center of Newtown and spend time sitting with a group of parents whose children were killed at Sandy Hook. What I’ve learned through my work and what I heard that night in Newtown makes one thing clear: Not enough of us know how to sit in pain with others. Worse, our discomfort shows up in ways that can hurt people and reinforce their own isolation. I have started to believe that crying with strangers in person could save the world. Today there’s a sign that welcomes you to Newtown: WE ARE SANDY HOOK. WE CHOOSE LOVE. That day when I sat in a room with other mothers from my neighborhood and cried, I wasn’t sure what we were doing or why. Today I’m pretty sure we were choosing love in our own small way.”” [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Acknowledging shared grief and vulnerability can transform personal pain into collective healing and connection. **In simple terms:** Sharing pain helps heal both self and others. Key Takeaway Sit with others in pain. Themes vulnerability grief community healing empathy Mood reflective hopeful somber Type inspirational philosophical When to use this quote - support groups - counseling sessions - community memorials - faith gatherings Key Concepts psychology social connection trauma response Questions to Reflect On - How can we create safe spaces for collective mourning? - What barriers prevent people from sharing vulnerability? A Different Perspective Not everyone is comfortable with public emotional expression; cultural norms may discourage open crying. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Anxiety and fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anxiety-and-fear/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Choose love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choose-love/) [Choosing Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choosing-love/) [Elementary school](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/elementary-school/) [End time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/end-time/) [Hurt People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hurt-people/) [Newtown Pain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/newtown-pain-4029668/) [Parents Newtown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parents-newtown-4029666/) [Post On Facebook](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/post-on-facebook/) [Sandy hook](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sandy-hook/) [Sandy Hook Elementary](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sandy-hook-elementary-221404/) [Save the world](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/save-the-world/) [School Newtown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/school-newtown-4029670/) [Spend time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/spend-time/) [Welcomes Newtown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/welcomes-newtown-4029672/) ## Related quotes > [The senseless killing of 20 children and their teachers and principal at Sandy Hook Elementary School was not part of God's grand plan. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-hamilton/the-senseless-killing-of-20-children-and-their-teachers-and-principal/) [Adam Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adam-hamilton/) > [Senators say they fear the N.R.A. and the gun lobby. But I think that fear must be nothing compared to the fear the first…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabrielle-giffords/senators-say-they-fear-the-n-r-a-and-the-gun-lobby-but-i-think-that/) [Gabrielle Giffords](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabrielle-giffords/) > [“CNN and The New York Times are called fake news by some people on our side, while the president personally thanks infowars.com and its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeff-flake/cnn-and-the-new-york-times-are-called-fake-news-by-some-people-on-our/) [Jeff Flake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeff-flake/) > [I think after Sandy Hook, when Obama went out, and he talked a lot about gun control and met with the parents, there was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/doris-kearns-goodwin/i-think-after-sandy-hook-when-obama-went-out-and-he-talked-a-lot/) [Doris Kearns Goodwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/doris-kearns-goodwin/) > [Citizenship means standing up for the lives that gun violence steals from us each day. I have seen the courage of parents, students, pastors,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barack-obama/citizenship-means-standing-up-for-the-lives-that-gun-violence-steals-2/) [Barack Obama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barack-obama/) > [President Obama was deeply and clearly affected by the Sandy Hook disaster.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/irwin-redlener/president-obama-was-deeply-and-clearly-affected-by-the-sandy-hook/) [Irwin Redlener](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/irwin-redlener/) > [9/11, sandy hook, movie shooting, Boston, bomb threats from N. Korea, and other tragedies. And I'm still under the age 21. prayforboston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kaylaquotes/9-11-sandy-hook-movie-shooting-boston-bomb-threats-from-n-korea-and/) [Kaylaquotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kaylaquotes/) > [I'll never forget coming home after covering Sandy Hook. Seeing the faces of family members. The firefighters who could never unsee the unthinkable. Those…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brooke-baldwin/i-ll-never-forget-coming-home-after-covering-sandy-hook-seeing-the/) [Brooke Baldwin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brooke-baldwin/) > [My career in Congress is a story of before Sandy Hook and after Sandy Hook.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-murphy/my-career-in-congress-is-a-story-of-before-sandy-hook-and-after-sandy/) [Chris Murphy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-murphy/) > [Since Sandy Hook, I have sat back as a father and been mesmerized by the inability of the federal government to do anything substantively…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gavin-newsom/since-sandy-hook-i-have-sat-back-as-a-father-and-been-mesmerized-by/) [Gavin Newsom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gavin-newsom/) > [High taxes on guns and strong restrictions on their availability are the only realistic hope for avoiding many more Sandy Hooks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-seligman/high-taxes-on-guns-and-strong-restrictions-on-their-availability-are/) [Martin Seligman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-seligman/) > [“And it’s because of the Sandy Hook parents, the Mothers of the Movement, Gabby and Mark, and so many other incredibly brave survivors and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hillary-rodham-clinton/and-it-s-because-of-the-sandy-hook-parents-the-mothers-of-the/) [Hillary Rodham Clinton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hillary-rodham-clinton/) > [I have hardly begun to live on Staten Island yet; but, like the man who, when forbidden to tread on English ground, carried Scottish…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-david-thoreau/i-have-hardly-begun-to-live-on-staten-island-yet-but-like-the-man-who/) [Henry David Thoreau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-david-thoreau/) > [The people who stood out in the Sandy Hook incident, the heroes, were the normal, ordinary people who went to save those children.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marcia-gay-harden/the-people-who-stood-out-in-the-sandy-hook-incident-the-heroes-were/) [Marcia Gay Harden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marcia-gay-harden/) > [I will consider my time in the Senate a failure if we don't pass some meaningful legislation to reduce the likelihood that Sandy Hook…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-murphy/i-will-consider-my-time-in-the-senate-a-failure-if-we-don-t-pass-some/) [Chris Murphy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-murphy/) ## More by Brené Brown > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“always put off writing by reorganizing my entire house and spending way too much time and money buying office supplies and organizing systems. Every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/always-put-off-writing-by-reorganizing-my-entire-house-and-spending/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/when-you-ask-people-about-love-they-tell-you-about-heartbreak/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I can recognize shame when it’s happening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-can-recognize-shame-when-it-s-happening/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-carry-a-small-sheet-of-paper-in-my-wallet-that-has-written-on-it/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/courage-starts-with-showing-up-and-letting-ourselves-be-seen/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/waking-up-every-day-and-loving-someone-who-may-or-may-not-love-us/) [Brene Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“No matter how separated we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/no-matter-how-separated-we-are-by-what-we-think-and-believe-we-are/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/perfectionism-is-self-destructive-simply-because-there-is-no-such/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/shame-corrodes-the-very-part-of-us-that-believes-we-are-capable-of/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [If you're also in the arena and you're putting your ideas out and you're owning them and you're saying "I disagree with you about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/if-you-re-also-in-the-arena-and-you-re-putting-your-ideas-out-and-you/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/i-found-that-men-and-women-with-high-levels-of-shame-resilience-share/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/connection-gives-purpose-and-meaning-to-our-lives/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“But here’s the tricky part about compassion and connecting: We can’t call just anyone. It’s not that simple. I have a lot of good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/but-here-s-the-tricky-part-about-compassion-and-connecting-we-can-t/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [“It turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it's the bravest and most sacred place you'll stand.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-turns-out-to-be-the-place-of-true-belonging-and-it-s-the-bravest/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) [Explore all 759 Brené Brown quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) ## More Anxiety and fear quotes > [When you look fear in the face, you are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eleanor-roosevelt/when-you-look-fear-in-the-face-you-are-able-to-say-to-yourself-i/) [Eleanor Roosevelt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eleanor-roosevelt/) > [The only thing we have to fear is fear itself-and possibly teh bogey man.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pat-paulsen/the-only-thing-we-have-to-fear-is-fear-itself-and-possibly-teh-bogey/) [Pat Paulsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pat-paulsen/) > [None of us, remember, knew that 9/11 was gonna happen. We didn't live in a state of anxiety and fear about Osama Bin Laden.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/damian-lewis/none-of-us-remember-knew-that-9-11-was-gonna-happen-we-didn-t-live-in/) [Damian Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/damian-lewis/) > [“...nothing is more blissful than to occupy the heights effectively fortified by the teaching of the wise, tranquil sanctuaries from which you can look…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lucretius/nothing-is-more-blissful-than-to-occupy-the-heights-effectively/) [Lucretius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lucretius/) > [I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-maraboli/i-promise-you-nothing-is-as-chaotic-as-it-seems-nothing-is-worth-your/) [Steve Maraboli](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-maraboli/) > [“THE WORD suchness describes reality as it is. Concepts and ideas are incapable of expressing reality as it is. Nirvana, the ultimate reality, cannot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/th-ch-nh-t-h-nh/the-word-suchness-describes-reality-as-it-is-concepts-and-ideas-are/) [Thich Nhat Hanh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/th-ch-nh-t-h-nh/) > [“And so we see people who are spiritually disconnected, living in boxes and driving in boxes, perhaps once a year going "out to nature"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thom-hartmann/and-so-we-see-people-who-are-spiritually-disconnected-living-in-boxes/) [Thom Hartmann](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thom-hartmann/) > [There are elements of Piglet that are me: the shyness and the anxieties and fears. Even after all these years. The more you know,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-fiedler/there-are-elements-of-piglet-that-are-me-the-shyness-and-the/) [John Fiedler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-fiedler/) > [“Evolutionarily, the function of attachment has been to protect the organism from danger. The attachment figure, an older, kinder, stronger, wiser other (Bowlby, 1982),…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-j-siegel-m-d-2/evolutionarily-the-function-of-attachment-has-been-to-protect-the/) [Daniel J. Siegel M.D](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-j-siegel-m-d-2/) > [Anxiety and fear are cousins but not twins. Fear sees a threat. Anxiety imagines one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/max-lucado/anxiety-and-fear-are-cousins-but-not-twins-fear-sees-a-threat-anxiety/) [Max Lucado](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/max-lucado/) > [“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-maraboli/i-promise-you-nothing-is-as-chaotic-as-it-seems-nothing-is-worth/) [Steve Maraboli](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-maraboli/) > [Courage is not the absence of fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-stengel/courage-is-not-the-absence-of-fear/) [Richard Stengel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-stengel/) > [I'll have all of the thoughts, from anxiety and fear to confidence, excitement, exhilaration, joy, celebration with my teammates and my coaches. All of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/justin-tucker/i-ll-have-all-of-the-thoughts-from-anxiety-and-fear-to-confidence/) [Justin Tucker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/justin-tucker/) > [Throughout evolutionary history, anxiety and fear have helped every species to be wary and to survive. Fear can signal us to act, or, alternatively,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harriet-lerner/throughout-evolutionary-history-anxiety-and-fear-have-helped-every/) [Harriet Lerner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harriet-lerner/) > [The other side of every fear is a freedom.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-ferguson/the-other-side-of-every-fear-is-a-freedom/) [Marilyn Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilyn-ferguson/) [Browse all 44 Anxiety and fear quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anxiety-and-fear/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It was December 15, 2012, the day after twenty-year-old Adam Lanza fatally shot twenty children between six and seven years old, as well as six adult staff members, at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. I remember thinking, Maybe if all the mothers in the world crawled on their hands and knees toward those parents in Newtown, we could take some of the pain away. We could spread their pain across all of our hearts. I would do it. Can’t we find a way to hold some of it for them? I’ll take my share. Even if it adds sadness to all my days. My friends and I didn’t rush to start a fund that day. We didn’t storm the principal’s office at our kids’ school asking for increased security measures. We didn’t call politicians or post on Facebook. We would do all that in the days to come. But the day right after the shooting, we just sat together with nothing but the sound of occasional weeping cutting through the silence. Leaning in to our shared pain and fear comforted us. Being alone in the midst of a widely reported trauma, watching endless hours of twenty-four-hour news or reading countless articles on the Internet, is the quickest way for anxiety and fear to tiptoe into your heart and plant their roots of secondary trauma. That day after the mass killing, I chose to cry with my friends, then I headed to church to cry with strangers. I couldn’t have known then that in 2017 I would speak at a fund-raiser for the Resiliency Center of Newtown and spend time sitting with a group of parents whose children were killed at Sandy Hook. What I’ve learned through my work and what I heard that night in Newtown makes one thing clear: Not enough of us know how to sit in pain with others. Worse, our discomfort shows up in ways that can hurt people and reinforce their own isolation. I have started to believe that crying with strangers in person could save the world. Today there’s a sign that welcomes you to Newtown: WE ARE SANDY HOOK. WE CHOOSE LOVE. That day when I sat in a room with other mothers from my neighborhood and cried, I wasn’t sure what we were doing or why. Today I’m pretty sure we were choosing love in our own small way.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Brené Brown" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-twenty-year-old-adam-lanza/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Anxiety and fear" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-twenty-year-old-adam-lanza/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81f/bren-brown-280_anxiety-and-fear_it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-tw_2886413.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81f/bren-brown-280_anxiety-and-fear_it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-tw_2886413.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/81f/bren-brown-280_anxiety-and-fear_it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-tw_2886413.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It was December 15, 2012, the day after twenty-year-old Adam Lanza fatally shot twenty children between six…” — Brené Brown", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Brené Brown", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“It was December 15, 2012, the...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-twenty-year-old-adam-lanza/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/it-was-december-15-2012-the-day-after-twenty-year-old-adam-lanza/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```