--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a…" description: "\"“A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a distinguished emeritus professor of child psychology at Harvard, say to the Dalai Lama that for every act of c..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/297/bessel-a-van-der-kolk-21299_acts-of-kindness_a-few-years-ago-i-heard-jerome-kagan-a-d_2779342.jpg" --- # A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a distinguished… ![“A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a distinguished emeritus professor of child psychology at Harvard, say to the Dalai Lama that for every act of cruelty in this world there are hundreds of small acts of kindness and connection. His conclusion: "To be benevolent rather than malevolent is…” quote by Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/297/bessel-a-van-der-kolk-21299_acts-of-kindness_a-few-years-ago-i-heard-jerome-kagan-a-d_2779342.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/297/bessel-a-van-der-kolk-21299_acts-of-kindness_a-few-years-ago-i-heard-jerome-kagan-a-d_2779342.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/297/bessel-a-van-der-kolk-21299_acts-of-kindness_a-few-years-ago-i-heard-jerome-kagan-a-d_2779342.jpg) > ““A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a distinguished emeritus professor of child psychology at Harvard, say to the Dalai Lama that for every act of cruelty in this world there are hundreds of small acts of kindness and connection. His conclusion: "To be benevolent rather than malevolent is probably a true feature of our species." Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Numerous studies of disaster response around the globe have shown that social support is the most powerful protection against becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma. Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else's mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love: These are complex and hard-earned capacities. You don't need a history of trauma to feel self-conscious and even panicked at a party with strangers - but trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens.”” [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Highlights that reciprocal, safe social connections are essential for mental health and resilience, more than mere presence. **In simple terms:** Safe, mutual relationships protect mental health. Key Takeaway Cultivate reciprocal, supportive bonds. Themes mental health social support reciprocity connection well‑being Mood empathetic hopeful Type reflective inspirational When to use this quote - therapy groups - community building - peer support - mindfulness practices Key Concepts emotional safety human bonding psychological resilience Questions to Reflect On - How can you foster deeper listening in your relationships? - What steps can you take to create safe spaces? A Different Perspective Reciprocity can be hard to achieve in strained environments. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Acts of kindness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/acts-of-kindness/) [Alienation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alienation/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Connection](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/connection/) [Feel Safe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-safe/) [Feeling Safety](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feeling-safety-784253/) [Friendship and love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/friendship-and-love/) [Kindness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kindness/) [Kindness Connection](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kindness-connection-863038/) [Mental health](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mental-health/) [Mind and heart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mind-and-heart/) [Small acts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/small-acts/) [Small acts of kindness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/small-acts-of-kindness/) [Strangers Trauma](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/strangers-trauma-3297996/) [Trauma](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/trauma/) [Trauma Social](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/trauma-social-3297995/) [Whole world](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/whole-world/) [Years ago](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/years-ago/) ## Related quotes > [You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. 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Robert has arranged everything she needs: a plate, a knife, a bowl with a spoon, a pat…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maggie-o-farrell/gretta-sits-herself-down-at-the-table-robert-has-arranged-everything/) [Maggie O'Farrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maggie-o-farrell/) > [Our seemingly small acts of kindness have the power to impact every measure of our lives and help our communities thrive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cynthia-germanotta/our-seemingly-small-acts-of-kindness-have-the-power-to-impact-every/) [Cynthia Germanotta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cynthia-germanotta/) > [There is no small act of kindness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-anne-radmacher/there-is-no-small-act-of-kindness/) [Mary Anne Radmacher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-anne-radmacher/) > [“Just like small acts of kindness can pave the way for a better world, small acts of corruption open the road for a corrupt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charbel-tadros/just-like-small-acts-of-kindness-can-pave-the-way-for-a-better-world/) [Charbel Tadros](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charbel-tadros/) > [“Schedule kindness in your day. Watch how small acts of  kindness can change your mood, bring someone else joy, and give both of you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/germany-kent/schedule-kindness-in-your-day-watch-how-small-acts-of-kindness-can/) [Germany Kent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/germany-kent/) > [Dating is about grand romantic gestures that mean little over the long term. Marriage is about small acts of kindness that bond you over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lori-gottlieb/dating-is-about-grand-romantic-gestures-that-mean-little-over-the/) [Lori Gottlieb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lori-gottlieb/) > [Even small acts of kindness can make a profound difference to somebody else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/misha-collins/even-small-acts-of-kindness-can-make-a-profound-difference-to/) [Misha Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/misha-collins/) > [There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner. Of course, not everyone feels guilt over the bad things they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ash-sweeney/there-is-a-widely-read-book-that-tells-us-everyone-is-a-sinner-of/) [Ash Sweeney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ash-sweeney/) > [“Let love flow out of you in big and small acts of kindness. Love is kindness with its work clothes on.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/annette-vaillancourt/let-love-flow-out-of-you-in-big-and-small-acts-of-kindness-love-is/) [Annette Vaillancourt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/annette-vaillancourt/) > [When autumn darkness falls, what we will remember are the small acts of kindness: a cake, a hug, an invitation to talk, and every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jens-stoltenberg/when-autumn-darkness-falls-what-we-will-remember-are-the-small-acts/) [Jens Stoltenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jens-stoltenberg/) > [“We, human beings don't always need an intelligent mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens. Supportive relationships are very much needed. Know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jyoti-patel/we-human-beings-don-t-always-need-an-intelligent-mind-that-speaks-but/) [Jyoti Patel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jyoti-patel/) > [“Small Acts of Kindness are Priceless”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mg-wells/small-acts-of-kindness-are-priceless/) [MG Wells](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mg-wells/) > [The holiday season promotes a heightened sense of community. It draws our chins up and helps us look above and over the limiting fence…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-anne-radmacher/the-holiday-season-promotes-a-heightened-sense-of-community-it-draws/) [Mary Anne Radmacher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-anne-radmacher/) ## More by Bessel A. van der Kolk > [“While trauma keeps us dumbfounded, the path out of it is paved with words, carefully assembled, piece by piece, until the whole story can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/while-trauma-keeps-us-dumbfounded-the-path-out-of-it-is-paved-with/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“. I was often surprised by the dispassionate way patients’ symptoms were discussed and by how much time was spent on trying to manage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/i-was-often-surprised-by-the-dispassionate-way-patients-symptoms-were/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“In April 2013, a few weeks before DSM-V was formally released, NIMH director Thomas Insel announced that his agency could no longer support DSM’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/in-april-2013-a-few-weeks-before-dsm-v-was-formally-released-nimh/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“The brain-disease model takes control over people’s fate out of their own hands and puts doctors and insurance companies in charge of fixing their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/the-brain-disease-model-takes-control-over-people-s-fate-out-of-their/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“It was early in my career, and I had been seeing Mary, a shy, lonely, and physically collapsed young woman, for about three months in weekly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/it-was-early-in-my-career-and-i-had-been-seeing-mary-a-shy-lonely-and/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“Unlike other forms of psychological disorders, the core issue in trauma is reality.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/unlike-other-forms-of-psychological-disorders-the-core-issue-in/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“Beneath the surface of the protective parts of trauma survivors there exists an undamaged essence, a Self that is confident, curious, and calm, a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/beneath-the-surface-of-the-protective-parts-of-trauma-survivors-there/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“trauma produces actual physiological changes, including a recalibration of the brain’s alarm system, an increase in stress hormone activity, and alterations in the system…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/trauma-produces-actual-physiological-changes-including-a/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“The brain-disease model takes control over people’s fate out of their own hands and puts doctors and insurance companies in charge of fixing their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/the-brain-disease-model-takes-control-over-people-s-fate-out-of-their-2/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [ “The ACE study group concluded: “Although widely understood to be harmful to health, each adaptation \[such as smoking, drinking, drugs, obesity\] is notably difficult… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/the-ace-study-group-concluded-although-widely-understood-to-be/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“Like so many survivors of childhood abuse, Marilyn exemplified the power of the life force, the will to live and to own one's life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/like-so-many-survivors-of-childhood-abuse-marilyn-exemplified-the/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“The internal system of an abuse victim differs from the non-abuse system with regard to the consistent absence of the effective leadership, the extreme…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/the-internal-system-of-an-abuse-victim-differs-from-the-non-abuse/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/as-long-as-you-keep-secrets-and-suppress-information-you-are/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“... stress hormones are meant to give us the strength and endurance to respond to extraordinary conditions. People who actively do something to deal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/stress-hormones-are-meant-to-give-us-the-strength-and-endurance-to/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) > [“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/as-long-as-you-keep-secrets-and-suppress-information-you-are-2/) [Bessel A. van der Kolk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) [Explore all 29 Bessel A. van der Kolk quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bessel-a-van-der-kolk/) ## More Acts of kindness quotes > [Our acts of kindness we reserve for our friends, our bounties for our dependants, our riches for our children and relations, our praises for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-baptiste-massillon/our-acts-of-kindness-we-reserve-for-our-friends-our-bounties-for-our/) [Jean Baptiste Massillon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-baptiste-massillon/) > [Great people create great acts of kindness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miguel-de-cervantes/great-people-create-great-acts-of-kindness/) [Miguel de Cervantes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miguel-de-cervantes/) > [“My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-angelou/my-wish-for-you-is-that-you-continue-continue-to-be-who-and-how-you/) [Maya Angelou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-angelou/) > [On the whole, mental archaeology was a sordid digging proposition. The evil men did endured, the good was infinitely more ephemeral. You could generally…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/helen-kieran-reilly/on-the-whole-mental-archaeology-was-a-sordid-digging-proposition-the/) [Helen Kieran Reilly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/helen-kieran-reilly/) > [Every act of kindness and compassion toward others gets multiplied when they, in turn, pass it on. One by one the world becomes a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-z-borysenko/every-act-of-kindness-and-compassion-toward-others-gets-multiplied/) [Joan Z. Borysenko](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-z-borysenko/) > [There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-anne-radmacher/there-is-no-small-act-of-kindness-every-compassionate-act-makes-large/) [Mary Anne Radmacher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-anne-radmacher/) > [If we serve Jesus then every act & thought has meaning. Acts of kindness aren’t just niceties, they become acts of worship..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-wimber/if-we-serve-jesus-then-every-act-thought-has-meaning-acts-of-kindness/) [John Wimber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-wimber/) > [Freeedom ain't free...Continue to pay dues with Random acts of kindness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/freeedom-ain-t-free-continue-to-pay-dues-with-random-acts-of-kindness/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-wordsworth/the-best-portion-of-a-good-man-s-life-is-his-little-nameless/) [William Wordsworth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-wordsworth/) > [“Random acts of kindness show that even amidst the hustle and bustle, Paris inhabitants are more welcoming that their reputation gives them credit for.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vicki-lesage/random-acts-of-kindness-show-that-even-amidst-the-hustle-and-bustle/) [Vicki Lesage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vicki-lesage/) > [What are you doing for others?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-luther-king-jr/what-are-you-doing-for-others/) [Martin Luther King, Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-luther-king-jr/) > [You know, you can steel your heart against any kind of trouble, any kind of horror. But the simple act of kindness from a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-abani/you-know-you-can-steel-your-heart-against-any-kind-of-trouble-any/) [Chris Abani](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-abani/) > [“The smallest act of kindness makes you more beautiful than any expensive dress or make up.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debasish-mridha/the-smallest-act-of-kindness-makes-you-more-beautiful-than-any/) [Debasish Mridha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debasish-mridha/) > [I realized that social media can be powerful force for good in the world and that acts of kindness can be scaled globally.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-jo-martin/i-realized-that-social-media-can-be-powerful-force-for-good-in-the/) [Amy Jo Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-jo-martin/) > [“It was once said that violence is the language of the incompetent. This is something to ponder while remembering that little acts of kindness…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sean-azimov/it-was-once-said-that-violence-is-the-language-of-the-incompetent/) [Sean Azimov](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sean-azimov/) [Browse all 264 Acts of kindness quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/acts-of-kindness/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“A few years ago I heard Jerome Kagan, a distinguished emeritus professor of child psychology at Harvard, say to the Dalai Lama that for every act of cruelty in this world there are hundreds of small acts of kindness and connection. His conclusion: \"To be benevolent rather than malevolent is probably a true feature of our species.\" Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Numerous studies of disaster response around the globe have shown that social support is the most powerful protection against becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma. Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else's mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love: These are complex and hard-earned capacities. 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