--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Mostly we're motivated to control…" description: "\"Mostly we're motivated to control ourselves in public. Mostly. At home the motivation is much less clear. At home there's a bit of a lab for bad behavi..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/ben-marcus-7492_bad-behavior_mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-oursel_1908385.jpg" --- # Mostly we're motivated to control ourselves in public… ![“Mostly we're motivated to control ourselves in public. Mostly. At home the motivation is much less clear. At home there's a bit of a lab for bad behavior. You can test things out without terrible consequences. Or maybe the consequences are there, but they are deferred, buried, much harder to detect.” quote by Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/ben-marcus-7492_bad-behavior_mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-oursel_1908385.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/ben-marcus-7492_bad-behavior_mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-oursel_1908385.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/ben-marcus-7492_bad-behavior_mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-oursel_1908385.jpg) > “Mostly we're motivated to control ourselves in public. Mostly. At home the motivation is much less clear. At home there's a bit of a lab for bad behavior. You can test things out without terrible consequences. Or maybe the consequences are there, but they are deferred, buried, much harder to detect.” [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Public life demands self‑control, while private spaces allow experimentation with behavior. **In simple terms:** Public restraint vs private experimentation. Key Takeaway Balance control and freedom. Themes self‑control privacy behavior experiment Mood thoughtful analytical Type philosophical critical When to use this quote - workplace - home - online interactions - social media Key Concepts psychology social norms identity Questions to Reflect On - What limits should private experiments have? - How does public pressure shape authenticity? A Different Perspective Private experimentation can harm relationships if unchecked. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Bad behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad-behavior/) [Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) [Buried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/buried/) [Clear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/clear/) [Consequence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/consequence/) [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [Harder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/harder/) [Home](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/home/) [Home Motivation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/home-motivation-2858393/) [Labs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/labs/) [Motivated](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/motivated/) [Motivated Control](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/motivated-control-2858394/) [Motivation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/motivation/) [Terrible](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/terrible/) [Tests](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tests/) ## Related quotes > [“It is chilling to know that some accepted ways of being with children can leave them vulnerable to suffering from anxiety, depression, or rage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natalie-taylor/it-is-chilling-to-know-that-some-accepted-ways-of-being-with-children/) [Natalie Taylor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natalie-taylor/) > [“I became a student of my own depressed experience, trying to unthread its causes. What was the root of all this despair? Was it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/i-became-a-student-of-my-own-depressed-experience-trying-to-unthread/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [I think writers are excited by stupidity and bad behavior, generally.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-amis/i-think-writers-are-excited-by-stupidity-and-bad-behavior-generally/) [Martin Amis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-amis/) > [The end result of positively reinforcing bad behavior is that you get more of it. The culmination of a failure to punish predators is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ilana-mercer/the-end-result-of-positively-reinforcing-bad-behavior-is-that-you-get/) [Ilana Mercer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ilana-mercer/) > [ “\[T\]here are some human rights that are so deep that we can't negotiate them away. I mean people do heinous, terrible things. But there… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sister-helen-prejean/t-here-are-some-human-rights-that-are-so-deep-that-we-can-t-negotiate/) [Sister Helen Prejean](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sister-helen-prejean/) > [Most bad behavior comes from insecurity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debra-winger/most-bad-behavior-comes-from-insecurity/) [Debra Winger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debra-winger/) > [The Fox News that I know and work in is a team of producers, technicians, photographers, truck operators and production managers who barely have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-maccallum/the-fox-news-that-i-know-and-work-in-is-a-team-of-producers/) [Martha MacCallum](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-maccallum/) > [“It’s extremely unlikely you will be magically transformed from a mediocre or average people manager to a Satya Nadella or a Ratan Tata. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/binod-shankar/it-s-extremely-unlikely-you-will-be-magically-transformed-from-a/) [Binod Shankar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/binod-shankar/) > [“We need to get our minds right, because right now we are behaving as if we are out of our right minds.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carlos-wallace/we-need-to-get-our-minds-right-because-right-now-we-are-behaving-as/) [Carlos Wallace](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carlos-wallace/) > [“wen am good you will not accept, now don't blame me for my bad behaviors ...”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sakhiabbas/wen-am-good-you-will-not-accept-now-don-t-blame-me-for-my-bad/) [sakhiabbas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sakhiabbas/) > [If you do anything today: trade in that bad behavior for a new and improved one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kaoru/if-you-do-anything-today-trade-in-that-bad-behavior-for-a-new-and/) [Kaoru](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kaoru/) > [“Admit it—own up to the fact you have an undesirable habit. Tell the Lord about it (He already knows; it just helps you to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/al-fike/admit-it-own-up-to-the-fact-you-have-an-undesirable-habit-tell-the/) [Al Fike](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/al-fike/) > [The desire to keep doing what we love supersedes the desire to penalize bad behavior.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nell-scovell/the-desire-to-keep-doing-what-we-love-supersedes-the-desire-to/) [Nell Scovell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nell-scovell/) > [More often than not, the belief that you are bad contributes to the "bad" behavior. Change and learning occur most readily when you (a)…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-d-burns/more-often-than-not-the-belief-that-you-are-bad-contributes-to-the/) [David D. Burns](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-d-burns/) > [“She leaned down so she was looking right in my eyes. "You hear me, child. you can't use other folks' bad behavior to excuse…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-crandall/she-leaned-down-so-she-was-looking-right-in-my-eyes-you-hear-me-child/) [susan crandall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-crandall/) ## More by Ben Marcus > [To refrain from storytelling is perhaps one of the highest forms of respect we can pay. Those people, with no stories to circle them,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/to-refrain-from-storytelling-is-perhaps-one-of-the-highest-forms-of/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [My goal, with whatever I'm working on, is to lose track of time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/my-goal-with-whatever-i-m-working-on-is-to-lose-track-of-time/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“..., and he told a story once after intercourse, to the person who had just politely hoisted him while he hyperventilated in their space…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/and-he-told-a-story-once-after-intercourse-to-the-person-who-had-just/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“Terms BEN MARCUS, THE 1. False map, scroll, caul, or parchment. It is comprised of the first skin. In ancient times, it hung from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/terms-ben-marcus-the-1-false-map-scroll-caul-or-parchment-it-is/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“We can contain such secret misery, perversion.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/we-can-contain-such-secret-misery-perversion/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“Loud people have thin, hollow bones. They can be broken in half and discarded into a pit. They snap as easily as children do,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/loud-people-have-thin-hollow-bones-they-can-be-broken-in-half-and/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [I like big doses of grief when I read: Richard Yates, Flannery O'Connor, Kenzabaro Oe, Thomas Bernhard.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/i-like-big-doses-of-grief-when-i-read-richard-yates-flannery-o-connor/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“This first. To understand this. Then maybe." Julian was impressed. The doctor had devised a pretty good tombstone. This first. To understand this. Then…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/this-first-to-understand-this-then-maybe-julian-was-impressed-the/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“Who is setting the bar for what you call accessibility? The definition of “accessible” is “easy to understand,” and so much of the fiction…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/who-is-setting-the-bar-for-what-you-call-accessibility-the-definition/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“People are considered as areas that resist light, mistakes in the air, collision sweet spots.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/people-are-considered-as-areas-that-resist-light-mistakes-in-the-air/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“The true elitists in the literary world are the ones who have become annoyed by literary ambition in any form, who have converted the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/the-true-elitists-in-the-literary-world-are-the-ones-who-have-become/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“Together we were something less, which felt like such a relief, to not be ourselves for a while.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/together-we-were-something-less-which-felt-like-such-a-relief-to-not/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [“I prefer men who don't fall down and weep, who absorb a blow, who do not scamper and yell when chased, but stand firm,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/i-prefer-men-who-don-t-fall-down-and-weep-who-absorb-a-blow-who-do/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [I love the way dates in a text make us think that truth will follow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/i-love-the-way-dates-in-a-text-make-us-think-that-truth-will-follow/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) > [Judaism to me, as badly as I practiced it, what I've always loved about it was its total embrace of complexity, its admission of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/judaism-to-me-as-badly-as-i-practiced-it-what-i-ve-always-loved-about/) [Ben Marcus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) [Explore all 90 Ben Marcus quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/) ## More Bad behavior quotes > [“It is chilling to know that some accepted ways of being with children can leave them vulnerable to suffering from anxiety, depression, or rage…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natalie-taylor/it-is-chilling-to-know-that-some-accepted-ways-of-being-with-children/) [Natalie Taylor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natalie-taylor/) > [More often than not, the belief that you are bad contributes to the "bad" behavior. Change and learning occur most readily when you (a)…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-d-burns/more-often-than-not-the-belief-that-you-are-bad-contributes-to-the/) [David D. Burns](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-d-burns/) > [The desire to keep doing what we love supersedes the desire to penalize bad behavior.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nell-scovell/the-desire-to-keep-doing-what-we-love-supersedes-the-desire-to/) [Nell Scovell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nell-scovell/) > [“Admit it—own up to the fact you have an undesirable habit. Tell the Lord about it (He already knows; it just helps you to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/al-fike/admit-it-own-up-to-the-fact-you-have-an-undesirable-habit-tell-the/) [Al Fike](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/al-fike/) > [If you do anything today: trade in that bad behavior for a new and improved one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kaoru/if-you-do-anything-today-trade-in-that-bad-behavior-for-a-new-and/) [Kaoru](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kaoru/) > [“wen am good you will not accept, now don't blame me for my bad behaviors ...”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sakhiabbas/wen-am-good-you-will-not-accept-now-don-t-blame-me-for-my-bad/) [sakhiabbas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sakhiabbas/) > [“We need to get our minds right, because right now we are behaving as if we are out of our right minds.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carlos-wallace/we-need-to-get-our-minds-right-because-right-now-we-are-behaving-as/) [Carlos Wallace](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carlos-wallace/) > [“It’s extremely unlikely you will be magically transformed from a mediocre or average people manager to a Satya Nadella or a Ratan Tata. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/binod-shankar/it-s-extremely-unlikely-you-will-be-magically-transformed-from-a/) [Binod Shankar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/binod-shankar/) > [The Fox News that I know and work in is a team of producers, technicians, photographers, truck operators and production managers who barely have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martha-maccallum/the-fox-news-that-i-know-and-work-in-is-a-team-of-producers/) [Martha MacCallum](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martha-maccallum/) > [Most bad behavior comes from insecurity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debra-winger/most-bad-behavior-comes-from-insecurity/) [Debra Winger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debra-winger/) > [ “\[T\]here are some human rights that are so deep that we can't negotiate them away. I mean people do heinous, terrible things. But there… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sister-helen-prejean/t-here-are-some-human-rights-that-are-so-deep-that-we-can-t-negotiate/) [Sister Helen Prejean](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sister-helen-prejean/) > [The end result of positively reinforcing bad behavior is that you get more of it. The culmination of a failure to punish predators is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ilana-mercer/the-end-result-of-positively-reinforcing-bad-behavior-is-that-you-get/) [Ilana Mercer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ilana-mercer/) > [I think writers are excited by stupidity and bad behavior, generally.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/martin-amis/i-think-writers-are-excited-by-stupidity-and-bad-behavior-generally/) [Martin Amis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/martin-amis/) > [“I became a student of my own depressed experience, trying to unthread its causes. What was the root of all this despair? Was it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/i-became-a-student-of-my-own-depressed-experience-trying-to-unthread/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“She leaned down so she was looking right in my eyes. "You hear me, child. you can't use other folks' bad behavior to excuse…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-crandall/she-leaned-down-so-she-was-looking-right-in-my-eyes-you-hear-me-child/) [susan crandall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-crandall/) [Browse all 203 Bad behavior quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad-behavior/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Mostly we're motivated to control ourselves in public. Mostly. At home the motivation is much less clear. At home there's a bit of a lab for bad behavior. You can test things out without terrible consequences. Or maybe the consequences are there, but they are deferred, buried, much harder to detect.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Ben Marcus" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-ourselves-in-public-mostly-at-home/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Bad behavior" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-ourselves-in-public-mostly-at-home/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/ben-marcus-7492_bad-behavior_mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-oursel_1908385.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/ben-marcus-7492_bad-behavior_mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-oursel_1908385.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d5c/ben-marcus-7492_bad-behavior_mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-oursel_1908385.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Mostly we're motivated to control ourselves in public. Mostly. At home the motivation is much less clear. At…” — Ben Marcus", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Ben Marcus", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-marcus/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Mostly we're motivated to control ourselves...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-ourselves-in-public-mostly-at-home/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-marcus/mostly-we-re-motivated-to-control-ourselves-in-public-mostly-at-home/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```