--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we face pain in relationships our…" description: "\"When we face pain in relationships our first response is often to sever bonds rather than to maintain commitment.\" — Bell Hooks" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0dd/bell-hooks-464_commitment_when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-f_469510.jpg" --- # When we face pain in relationships our first response is… ![“When we face pain in relationships our first response is often to sever bonds rather than to maintain commitment.” quote by Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0dd/bell-hooks-464_commitment_when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-f_469510.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0dd/bell-hooks-464_commitment_when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-f_469510.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0dd/bell-hooks-464_commitment_when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-f_469510.jpg) > “When we face pain in relationships our first response is often to sever bonds rather than to maintain commitment.” [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Pain in relationships often triggers a defensive urge to cut ties instead of nurturing commitment. **In simple terms:** Pain leads to cutting ties. Key Takeaway Choose commitment over avoidance. Themes relationships pain commitment Mood empathetic hopeful Type therapeutic inspirational When to use this quote - marriage counseling - friendship maintenance - conflict resolution Key Concepts attachment theory emotional resilience Questions to Reflect On - What supports help you stay committed during pain? - How can you transform pain into growth? A Different Perspective Fear may dominate rational choice. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Commitment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/commitment/) [Faces](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/faces/) [Firsts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/firsts/) [Maintain Commitment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/maintain-commitment-4062450/) [Pain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pain/) [Pain Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pain-relationships-3827628/) [Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship/) [Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships/) [Relationships Response](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships-response-4062449/) [Response](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/response/) ## Related quotes > [“We can learn to use the pain in our relationships to transform us thereby turning them into entities which heal not harm.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-goddard/we-can-learn-to-use-the-pain-in-our-relationships-to-transform-us/) [Donna Goddard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-goddard/) > [Family relationships trigger childhood wounds, and those wounds often trump our rational thinking. We can't 'rationally' transcend the kind of primal pain that such…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marianne-williamson/family-relationships-trigger-childhood-wounds-and-those-wounds-often/) [Marianne Williamson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marianne-williamson/) > [Clearly, commitment is a necessary component for creating loving relationships.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/clearly-commitment-is-a-necessary-component-for-creating-loving/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/to-truly-love-we-must-learn-to-mix-various-ingredients-care-affection/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Commitment . . . is a binding, but happy, response to duty. It is at once peaceful yet compelling, for it obligates one to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-m-paramore/commitment-is-a-binding-but-happy-response-to-duty-it-is-at-once/) [James M. Paramore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-m-paramore/) > [Who owns Cross Creek? The red-birds, I think, more than I, for they will have their nests even in the face of delinquent mortgages..It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marjorie-kinnan-rawlings/who-owns-cross-creek-the-red-birds-i-think-more-than-i-for-they-will/) [Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marjorie-kinnan-rawlings/) > [There are only two creatures of value on the face of the earth: those with the commitment, and those who require the commitment of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-adams/there-are-only-two-creatures-of-value-on-the-face-of-the-earth-those/) [John Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-adams/) > [Human freedom involves our capacity to pause between the stimulus and response and, in that pause, to choose the one response toward which we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rollo-may/human-freedom-involves-our-capacity-to-pause-between-the-stimulus-and/) [Rollo May](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rollo-may/) > [I'm generally never at a lack for words, but it's indescribable how poor the response was from our own government officials, ... We could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hannibal/i-m-generally-never-at-a-lack-for-words-but-it-s-indescribable-how/) [Hannibal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hannibal/) > [People bring up tweets that I don't even remember, and my general response is, 'I don't know if I said it. I probably said…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-cernovich/people-bring-up-tweets-that-i-don-t-even-remember-and-my-general/) [Mike Cernovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mike-cernovich/) > [At home we didnt talk about religion. So gradually the question faded away by itself and disappeared from the agenda. When I was nineteen…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sergei-prokofiev/at-home-we-didnt-talk-about-religion-so-gradually-the-question-faded/) [Sergei Prokofiev](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sergei-prokofiev/) > [“I discovered that everything you do is in response to a request or a suggestion made to you by some other party either inside…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/flann-o-brien/i-discovered-that-everything-you-do-is-in-response-to-a-request-or-a/) [Flann O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/flann-o-brien/) > [I know the importance of highly trained awareness of the “moment” and the immediate and intuitive response of the photographer. It should be obvious…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ansel-adams/i-know-the-importance-of-highly-trained-awareness-of-the-moment-and/) [Ansel Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ansel-adams/) > [Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-miller/laughter-is-one-of-the-great-beacons-in-life-because-we-don-t-refract/) [Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-miller/) > [“He blinked. His eyes fell as he processed her response. Then he lifted his chin and attempted a grin that was almost painfully dejected.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marissa-meyer/he-blinked-his-eyes-fell-as-he-processed-her-response-then-he-lifted/) [Marissa Meyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marissa-meyer/) ## More by Bell Hooks > [Right now, for many Americans, class is being foregrounded like never before because of the economic situation. It doesn't mean that race doesn't matter,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/right-now-for-many-americans-class-is-being-foregrounded-like-never/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Most folks believe we are hardwired biologically to long for sex but they do not believe we are hardwired to long for love. Almost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/most-folks-believe-we-are-hardwired-biologically-to-long-for-sex-but/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [... we need to interrogate "reverence," for idolization can be another way one is objectified and not really taken seriously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/we-need-to-interrogate-reverence-for-idolization-can-be-another-way/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Couples who rarely or never have sex can know lifelong love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/couples-who-rarely-or-never-have-sex-can-know-lifelong-love/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The power of patriarchy has been to make maleness feared and to make men feel that it is better to be feared that to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/the-power-of-patriarchy-has-been-to-make-maleness-feared-and-to-make/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“I feel enormously blessed to be a successful black woman writer in this culture, but I have found my small fame, such as it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/i-feel-enormously-blessed-to-be-a-successful-black-woman-writer-in/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Language is also a place of struggle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/language-is-also-a-place-of-struggle/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [In this culture, the phrase 'black woman' is not synonymous with 'tender,' or 'gentle.' It's as if those words couldn't possibly speak to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/in-this-culture-the-phrase-black-woman-is-not-synonymous-with-tender/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [It's interesting to look at all the aspects where everyday Americans, many of whom are not college educated, are thinking deeply now about our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-s-interesting-to-look-at-all-the-aspects-where-everyday-americans/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The true teacher is within us. A good teacher is someone who can help you to go back and touch the true teacher within,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/the-true-teacher-is-within-us-a-good-teacher-is-someone-who-can-help/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Advancing the notion that there can be many "feminisms" has served the conservative and liberal political interests of women seeking status and privileged class…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/advancing-the-notion-that-there-can-be-many-feminisms-has-served-the/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [I love my family, even as I critique their dysfunctionalities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/i-love-my-family-even-as-i-critique-their-dysfunctionalities/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [You must have courage to love, you have to have a profound will to do what is right to love, and it does not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/you-must-have-courage-to-love-you-have-to-have-a-profound-will-to-do/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/to-truly-love-we-must-learn-to-mix-various-ingredients-care-affection/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Often emphasis on identity and lifestyle is appealing because it creates a false sense that one is engaged in praxis. However, praxis within any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/often-emphasis-on-identity-and-lifestyle-is-appealing-because-it/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) [Explore all 541 Bell Hooks quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) ## More Commitment quotes > [Deepen your existing spiritual commitment.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-buettner/deepen-your-existing-spiritual-commitment/) [Dan Buettner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-buettner/) > [We can find common qualities and common values that have made Britain the country it is. Our belief in tolerance and liberty which shines…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gordon-brown/we-can-find-common-qualities-and-common-values-that-have-made-britain/) [Gordon Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gordon-brown/) > [Certainly these are not easy times. But history does not contain very many easy times. Years from now, we will look back at this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-ingraham/certainly-these-are-not-easy-times-but-history-does-not-contain-very/) [Laura Ingraham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-ingraham/) > [Trust is about keeping commitments, but in many instances, circumstances change and organizations therefore shed commitments, things such as retiree medical benefits, pension obligations,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeffrey-pfeffer/trust-is-about-keeping-commitments-but-in-many-instances/) [Jeffrey Pfeffer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeffrey-pfeffer/) > [“You make me believe in happiness... if I had my way, if anything were up to me, I’d never be without you. You are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/courtney-kirchoff/you-make-me-believe-in-happiness-if-i-had-my-way-if-anything-were-up/) [Courtney Kirchoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/courtney-kirchoff/) > [Golf is such a big commitment, and so is acting. Sometimes you have to give up something to do something else, although, when I'm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathryn-newton/golf-is-such-a-big-commitment-and-so-is-acting-sometimes-you-have-to/) [Kathryn Newton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathryn-newton/) > [All of the barriers to innovation in the energy sector are arguments for a big commitment to public investment. Only the public sector can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ted-nordhaus/all-of-the-barriers-to-innovation-in-the-energy-sector-are-arguments/) [Ted Nordhaus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ted-nordhaus/) > [When you make a commitment to a relationship, you invest your attention and energy in it more profoundly because you now experience ownership of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barbara-de-angelis/when-you-make-a-commitment-to-a-relationship-you-invest-your/) [Barbara De Angelis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barbara-de-angelis/) > [ “For \[erotically intelligent couples\], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life:… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-erotically-intelligent-couples-love-is-a-vessel-that-contains/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Having a point to start is important. You know that when you decide to write something it's like a commitment. It's like falling in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/isabel-allende/having-a-point-to-start-is-important-you-know-that-when-you-decide-to/) [Isabel Allende](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/isabel-allende/) > [A commitment to lifelong learning is a natural expression of the practice of living consciously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nathaniel-branden/a-commitment-to-lifelong-learning-is-a-natural-expression-of-the/) [Nathaniel Branden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nathaniel-branden/) > [A lasting relationship consists of the 3 C's: Commitment. Communication. Compromise.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/a-lasting-relationship-consists-of-the-3-c-s-commitment-communication/) [Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/) > [I've developed a huge regard for Toyota for its environmental awareness, for its immense commitment to research and development in this field, and for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maurice-strong/i-ve-developed-a-huge-regard-for-toyota-for-its-environmental/) [Maurice Strong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maurice-strong/) > [And the commitment that I've been giving to the Australian people is that there'll be no surprises and no excuses under a Coalition government.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tony-abbott/and-the-commitment-that-i-ve-been-giving-to-the-australian-people-is/) [Tony Abbott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tony-abbott/) > [As a result of reading science fiction when I was eight, I grew up with an interest in music, architecture, city planning, transportation, politics,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-bradbury/as-a-result-of-reading-science-fiction-when-i-was-eight-i-grew-up/) [Ray Bradbury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-bradbury/) [Browse all 4,004 Commitment quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/commitment/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When we face pain in relationships our first response is often to sever bonds rather than to maintain commitment.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bell Hooks" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-first-response-is-often-to/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Commitment" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-first-response-is-often-to/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0dd/bell-hooks-464_commitment_when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-f_469510.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0dd/bell-hooks-464_commitment_when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-f_469510.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0dd/bell-hooks-464_commitment_when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-f_469510.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When we face pain in relationships our first response is often to sever bonds rather than to maintain…” — Bell Hooks", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Bell Hooks", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "When we face pain in relationships...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-first-response-is-often-to/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/when-we-face-pain-in-relationships-our-first-response-is-often-to/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```