--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Often men who have been emotionally…" description: "\"“Often men who have been emotionally neglected and abused as children by dominating mothers bond with assertive women, only to have their childhood fee..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/bell-hooks-464_abuse_often-men-who-have-been-emotionally-negl_1373913.jpg" --- # Often men who have been emotionally neglected and abused… ![“Often men who have been emotionally neglected and abused as children by dominating mothers bond with assertive women, only to have their childhood feelings of being engulfed surface. While they could not 'smash their mommy' and still receive love, they find that they can engage in intimate…” quote by bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/bell-hooks-464_abuse_often-men-who-have-been-emotionally-negl_1373913.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/bell-hooks-464_abuse_often-men-who-have-been-emotionally-negl_1373913.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a7d/bell-hooks-464_abuse_often-men-who-have-been-emotionally-negl_1373913.jpg) > ““Often men who have been emotionally neglected and abused as children by dominating mothers bond with assertive women, only to have their childhood feelings of being engulfed surface. While they could not 'smash their mommy' and still receive love, they find that they can engage in intimate violence with partners who respond to their acting out by trying harder to connect with them emotionally, hoping that the love offered in the present will heal the wounds of the past. If only one party in the relationship is working to create love, to create the space of emotional connection, the dominator model remains in place and the relationship just becomes a site for continuous power struggle.”” [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People with childhood emotional neglect may repeat patterns, seeking validation through conflict with partners who try harder to connect, perpetuating power struggles unless both work toward mutual love. **In simple terms:** Neglected children may repeat abusive patterns in adult relationships. Key Takeaway Both partners must actively foster healthy emotional connection. Themes psychological relationships power dynamics attachment trauma healing Mood reflective somber hopeful Type analytical inspirational When to use this quote - couples therapy - personal therapy - support groups - education on healthy boundaries Key Concepts attachment theory repetition compulsion emotional neglect power imbalance Questions to Reflect On - How can both partners create equal emotional space? - What steps break the cycle of reenacting childhood wounds? A Different Perspective If only one partner tries, the dynamic stays harmful. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Connect Emotionally](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/connect-emotionally-1042491/) [Create Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/create-love-264029/) [Emotional connection](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/emotional-connection/) [Equality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/equality/) [Intimate Violence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/intimate-violence-1942831/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men/) [Men Emotionally](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men-emotionally-1145079/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Power](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/power/) [Power struggle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/power-struggle/) [Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship/) [Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships/) [Trying Harder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/trying-harder/) [Women](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/women/) ## Related quotes > [If only one party in the relationship is working to create love, to create the space of emotional connection, the dominator model remains in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/if-only-one-party-in-the-relationship-is-working-to-create-love-to/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The link between intimate violence in the home and the international violence of terrorism and war is as tightly bound together as the fingers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/riane-eisler/the-link-between-intimate-violence-in-the-home-and-the-international/) [Riane Eisler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/riane-eisler/) > [“The world at large is finally waking up to the fact that we can no longer ignore the victims of intimate violence and the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christiane-northrup/the-world-at-large-is-finally-waking-up-to-the-fact-that-we-can-no/) [Christiane Northrup](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christiane-northrup/) > [I acknowledge I have a pattern of falling for men who are emotionally unavailable, physically unavailable in terms of distance, or categorically unavailable with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenya-moore/i-acknowledge-i-have-a-pattern-of-falling-for-men-who-are-emotionally/) [Kenya Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenya-moore/) > [“Men DO NOT emotionally process love anything close to the way that women process love. When expressing your sincere devotion and love for a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nannette-laree-hernandez/men-do-not-emotionally-process-love-anything-close-to-the-way-that/) [Nannette LaRee Hernandez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nannette-laree-hernandez/) > [Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-schlessinger/men-are-very-emotionally-dependent-upon-women-from-the-day-they-are/) [Laura Schlessinger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-schlessinger/) > [My dad, like many Southern men, is this very emotionally expressive person who isn't as articulate in words about his feelings as he is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lucy-alibar/my-dad-like-many-southern-men-is-this-very-emotionally-expressive/) [Lucy Alibar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lucy-alibar/) > [Wouldn't it be nice to be like men and get notches in your belt and sleep with most attractive men and not get emotionally…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-monroe/wouldn-t-it-be-nice-to-be-like-men-and-get-notches-in-your-belt-and/) [Marilyn Monroe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilyn-monroe/) > [I connect emotionally to these songs. I mean what I say when I say it, and that allows your audience to connect. That's the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-buble/i-connect-emotionally-to-these-songs-i-mean-what-i-say-when-i-say-it/) [Michael Buble](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-buble/) > [If I can't connect emotionally with the music I'm making, there's no point making it in the first place.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sunny-ozell/if-i-can-t-connect-emotionally-with-the-music-i-m-making-there-s-no/) [Sunny Ozell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sunny-ozell/) > [If you connect emotionally with the plight of those characters, ou feel what they feel and you walk away with a sense of understanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/khaled-hosseini/if-you-connect-emotionally-with-the-plight-of-those-characters-ou/) [Khaled Hosseini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/khaled-hosseini/) > [If our main goal is to connect emotionally, we should want to have as many tools as we possibly can to achieve that goal.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ken-hill/if-our-main-goal-is-to-connect-emotionally-we-should-want-to-have-as/) [Ken Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ken-hill/) > [“From your viewpoint, is your partner accessible to you? I can get my partner’s attention easily. T F My partner is easy to connect…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-johnson/from-your-viewpoint-is-your-partner-accessible-to-you-i-can-get-my/) [Sue Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-johnson/) > [I know that I've had a very fortunate life, but also I think my job as an actor is to connect emotionally to human…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-arquette/i-know-that-i-ve-had-a-very-fortunate-life-but-also-i-think-my-job-as/) [Patricia Arquette](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-arquette/) > [Rap helps me connect emotionally.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-horowitz/rap-helps-me-connect-emotionally/) [Ben Horowitz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-horowitz/) ## More by bell hooks > [Right now, for many Americans, class is being foregrounded like never before because of the economic situation. It doesn't mean that race doesn't matter,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/right-now-for-many-americans-class-is-being-foregrounded-like-never/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Most folks believe we are hardwired biologically to long for sex but they do not believe we are hardwired to long for love. Almost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/most-folks-believe-we-are-hardwired-biologically-to-long-for-sex-but/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [... we need to interrogate "reverence," for idolization can be another way one is objectified and not really taken seriously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/we-need-to-interrogate-reverence-for-idolization-can-be-another-way/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Couples who rarely or never have sex can know lifelong love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/couples-who-rarely-or-never-have-sex-can-know-lifelong-love/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The power of patriarchy has been to make maleness feared and to make men feel that it is better to be feared that to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/the-power-of-patriarchy-has-been-to-make-maleness-feared-and-to-make/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“I feel enormously blessed to be a successful black woman writer in this culture, but I have found my small fame, such as it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/i-feel-enormously-blessed-to-be-a-successful-black-woman-writer-in/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Language is also a place of struggle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/language-is-also-a-place-of-struggle/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [In this culture, the phrase 'black woman' is not synonymous with 'tender,' or 'gentle.' It's as if those words couldn't possibly speak to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/in-this-culture-the-phrase-black-woman-is-not-synonymous-with-tender/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [It's interesting to look at all the aspects where everyday Americans, many of whom are not college educated, are thinking deeply now about our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-s-interesting-to-look-at-all-the-aspects-where-everyday-americans/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The true teacher is within us. A good teacher is someone who can help you to go back and touch the true teacher within,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/the-true-teacher-is-within-us-a-good-teacher-is-someone-who-can-help/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Advancing the notion that there can be many "feminisms" has served the conservative and liberal political interests of women seeking status and privileged class…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/advancing-the-notion-that-there-can-be-many-feminisms-has-served-the/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [I love my family, even as I critique their dysfunctionalities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/i-love-my-family-even-as-i-critique-their-dysfunctionalities/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [You must have courage to love, you have to have a profound will to do what is right to love, and it does not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/you-must-have-courage-to-love-you-have-to-have-a-profound-will-to-do/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/to-truly-love-we-must-learn-to-mix-various-ingredients-care-affection/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Often emphasis on identity and lifestyle is appealing because it creates a false sense that one is engaged in praxis. However, praxis within any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/often-emphasis-on-identity-and-lifestyle-is-appealing-because-it/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) [Explore all 541 bell hooks quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) ## More Abuse quotes > [I wrote when I was a young teen, but I didn't put an eye on the available markets until I was seventeen. The next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-reed/i-wrote-when-i-was-a-young-teen-but-i-didn-t-put-an-eye-on-the/) [Robert Reed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-reed/) > [Amongst the financial Twitterati, the term 'muppets' has come to describe any client used and abused by some financial predator. I've adopted the term…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-ritholtz/amongst-the-financial-twitterati-the-term-muppets-has-come-to/) [Barry Ritholtz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-ritholtz/) > [Being nice is okay,but don't allow anybody to abuse it...try to fight for your self when you know your on the right way...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/being-nice-is-okay-but-don-t-allow-anybody-to-abuse-it-try-to-fight/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Build a bridge over shame by teaching kids about sexual abuse. Give them a chance to run to us should they encounter it. Be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-byers-ruch/build-a-bridge-over-shame-by-teaching-kids-about-sexual-abuse-give/) [Carolyn Byers Ruch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-byers-ruch/) > [It is sure that those are most desirous of honour or glory who cry out loudest of its abuse and the vanity of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/baruch-spinoza/it-is-sure-that-those-are-most-desirous-of-honour-or-glory-who-cry/) [Baruch Spinoza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/baruch-spinoza/) > [“The sole reason I stand to open it up now is that lots of people who are in pain just like I was, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-dsouza/the-sole-reason-i-stand-to-open-it-up-now-is-that-lots-of-people-who/) [Patricia Dsouza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-dsouza/) > [Democracy must be built through open societies that share information. When there is information, there is enlightenment. When there is debate, there are solutions.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/atifete-jahjaga/democracy-must-be-built-through-open-societies-that-share-information/) [Atifete Jahjaga](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/atifete-jahjaga/) > [I have a theory that all abuse, no matter what kind of abuse it is, is foremost an assault on the mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-westover/i-have-a-theory-that-all-abuse-no-matter-what-kind-of-abuse-it-is-is/) [Tara Westover](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tara-westover/) > [“Blaming therapy, social work and other caring professions for the confabulation of testimony of 'satanic ritual abuse' legitimated a programme of political and social…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-salter/blaming-therapy-social-work-and-other-caring-professions-for-the/) [Michael Salter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-salter/) > [Finally, the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-cumming/finally-the-scariest-thing-about-abuse-of-any-shape-or-form-is-in-my/) [Alan Cumming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-cumming/) > [“Research on organised abuse emphasises the diversity of organised abuse cases, and the ways in which serious forms of child maltreatment cluster in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-salter/research-on-organised-abuse-emphasises-the-diversity-of-organised/) [Michael Salter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-salter/) > [“Stand up for yourself. Never give any one permission to abuse you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/stand-up-for-yourself-never-give-any-one-permission-to-abuse-you/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [All governments should be pressured to correct their abuses of human rights.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-stallman/all-governments-should-be-pressured-to-correct-their-abuses-of-human/) [Richard Stallman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-stallman/) > [“Words are free. It does not mean you should abuse them. Be kind with them. They will mirror your actions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hadinet-tekie/words-are-free-it-does-not-mean-you-should-abuse-them-be-kind-with/) [Hadinet Tekie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hadinet-tekie/) > [My illness is one often characterized by dramatic overspending - in my case through frenzied shopping sprees, credit card abuse, excessive hoarding of unnecessary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-behrman/my-illness-is-one-often-characterized-by-dramatic-overspending-in-my/) [Andy Behrman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-behrman/) [Browse all 3,113 Abuse quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Often men who have been emotionally neglected and abused as children by dominating mothers bond with assertive women, only to have their childhood feelings of being engulfed surface. 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