--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Many of us choose relationships of…" description: "\"“Many of us choose relationships of affection and care that will never become loving because they feel safer. The demands are not as intense as loving ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c8f/bell-hooks-464_love_many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affec_2220975.jpg" --- # Many of us choose relationships of affection and care that… ![“Many of us choose relationships of affection and care that will never become loving because they feel safer. The demands are not as intense as loving requires. The risk is not as great. So many of us long for love but lack the courage to take risks. Even tough we are obsessed with the idea of love…” quote by Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c8f/bell-hooks-464_love_many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affec_2220975.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c8f/bell-hooks-464_love_many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affec_2220975.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c8f/bell-hooks-464_love_many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affec_2220975.jpg) > ““Many of us choose relationships of affection and care that will never become loving because they feel safer. The demands are not as intense as loving requires. The risk is not as great. So many of us long for love but lack the courage to take risks. Even tough we are obsessed with the idea of love the truth is that most of us live relatively decent, somewhat satisfying lives even if we often feel that love is lacking.”” [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People often choose safe, low‑risk relationships over deep love because they fear vulnerability and the intensity required. **In simple terms:** Safety over love limits true connection. Key Takeaway Embrace risk to experience deeper love. Themes relationships love vulnerability risk growth Mood reflective empathetic Type advice motivational When to use this quote - dating - friendship - marriage - personal development Key Concepts attachment theory emotional intelligence cultural expectations Questions to Reflect On - What fears keep you from deeper intimacy? - How might you practice vulnerability safely? A Different Perspective Risk can lead to hurt; not everyone can handle intense emotional demands. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Choose Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choose-relationships-2109240/) [Feel Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-love/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Love Lacking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-lacking-2584479/) [Loving Requires](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loving-requires-3565432/) [Relationships Affection](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships-affection-980798/) ## Related quotes > [Whenever domination is present, love is lacking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/whenever-domination-is-present-love-is-lacking/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Choose your relationships wisely. Its better to be alone than to be in bad company.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anurag-prakash-ray/choose-your-relationships-wisely-its-better-to-be-alone-than-to-be-in/) [Anurag Prakash Ray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anurag-prakash-ray/) > [Perceived rejection leads to feelings of being under appreciated. When we have these feelings of fear or doubt in our relationships, affection is the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kemmy-nola-http-wwwamoreloveforlifecom/perceived-rejection-leads-to-feelings-of-being-under-appreciated-when/) [Kemmy Nola Http://wwwamoreloveforlifecom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kemmy-nola-http-wwwamoreloveforlifecom/) > [Personal relationships are often based on affection - professional relationships can have affection but they must have mutual understanding, trust and respect.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-s-kaplan/personal-relationships-are-often-based-on-affection-professional/) [Robert S. Kaplan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-s-kaplan/) > [If loving them requires you to stop loving yourself let them go.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-parker/if-loving-them-requires-you-to-stop-loving-yourself-let-them-go/) [SONYA PARKER](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-parker/) > [Loving someone always requires you to not love others.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/koushun-takami/loving-someone-always-requires-you-to-not-love-others/) [Koushun Takami](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/koushun-takami/) > [“Loving she realises is a verb. It is an act. It is not enough to say you love someone, and then forget about them,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jane-green/loving-she-realises-is-a-verb-it-is-an-act-it-is-not-enough-to-say/) [Jane Green](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jane-green/) > [“Loving yourself requires that you know, value, and respect the person you are while moving toward the person God has made you to be.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debra-fileta/loving-yourself-requires-that-you-know-value-and-respect-the-person/) [Debra Fileta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debra-fileta/) > [Because that's what loving someone requires of you; giving yourself to something they believe in, even when you don't.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/because-that-s-what-loving-someone-requires-of-you-giving-yourself-to/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [We feel our heart is cracking. when love is all we're lacking,no one is there to share the care you have to make it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rwillis/we-feel-our-heart-is-cracking-when-love-is-all-we-re-lacking-no-one/) [Rwillis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rwillis/) > [Our leaders are lacking love, and love is lacking leaders.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shakira/our-leaders-are-lacking-love-and-love-is-lacking-leaders/) [Shakira](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shakira/) > [Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-jung/where-love-rules-there-is-no-will-to-power-and-where-power-2/) [Carl Jung](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-jung/) > [Where love reigns, there is no will to power; and where the will to power is paramount, love is lacking. The one is but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-jung/where-love-reigns-there-is-no-will-to-power-and-where-the-will-to/) [Carl Jung](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-jung/) > [Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/where-love-rules-there-is-no-will-to-power-and-where-power/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Sometimes you don't need to be in a relationship just to feel in love, all you need to know is his always there for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/sometimes-you-don-t-need-to-be-in-a-relationship-just-to-feel-in-love/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) ## More by Bell Hooks > [Right now, for many Americans, class is being foregrounded like never before because of the economic situation. It doesn't mean that race doesn't matter,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/right-now-for-many-americans-class-is-being-foregrounded-like-never/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Most folks believe we are hardwired biologically to long for sex but they do not believe we are hardwired to long for love. Almost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/most-folks-believe-we-are-hardwired-biologically-to-long-for-sex-but/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [... we need to interrogate "reverence," for idolization can be another way one is objectified and not really taken seriously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/we-need-to-interrogate-reverence-for-idolization-can-be-another-way/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Couples who rarely or never have sex can know lifelong love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/couples-who-rarely-or-never-have-sex-can-know-lifelong-love/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The power of patriarchy has been to make maleness feared and to make men feel that it is better to be feared that to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/the-power-of-patriarchy-has-been-to-make-maleness-feared-and-to-make/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“I feel enormously blessed to be a successful black woman writer in this culture, but I have found my small fame, such as it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/i-feel-enormously-blessed-to-be-a-successful-black-woman-writer-in/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Language is also a place of struggle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/language-is-also-a-place-of-struggle/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [In this culture, the phrase 'black woman' is not synonymous with 'tender,' or 'gentle.' It's as if those words couldn't possibly speak to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/in-this-culture-the-phrase-black-woman-is-not-synonymous-with-tender/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [It's interesting to look at all the aspects where everyday Americans, many of whom are not college educated, are thinking deeply now about our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-s-interesting-to-look-at-all-the-aspects-where-everyday-americans/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The true teacher is within us. A good teacher is someone who can help you to go back and touch the true teacher within,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/the-true-teacher-is-within-us-a-good-teacher-is-someone-who-can-help/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Advancing the notion that there can be many "feminisms" has served the conservative and liberal political interests of women seeking status and privileged class…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/advancing-the-notion-that-there-can-be-many-feminisms-has-served-the/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [I love my family, even as I critique their dysfunctionalities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/i-love-my-family-even-as-i-critique-their-dysfunctionalities/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [You must have courage to love, you have to have a profound will to do what is right to love, and it does not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/you-must-have-courage-to-love-you-have-to-have-a-profound-will-to-do/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/to-truly-love-we-must-learn-to-mix-various-ingredients-care-affection/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Often emphasis on identity and lifestyle is appealing because it creates a false sense that one is engaged in praxis. However, praxis within any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/often-emphasis-on-identity-and-lifestyle-is-appealing-because-it/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) [Explore all 541 Bell Hooks quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) ## More Love quotes > [Whatever meaning 'Annie's Song' had for me on a personal level, there was also a larger context. It could just as easily have been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-denver/whatever-meaning-annie-s-song-had-for-me-on-a-personal-level-there/) [John Denver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-denver/) > [Life is full of change. That's how we learn and grow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/life-is-full-of-change-that-s-how-we-learn-and-grow/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I need a bath." He chuckled. "You smell of smoke, as do I." The duke turned, leaning heavily on his cane. "Jameson, open the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-hawkins/i-need-a-bath-he-chuckled-you-smell-of-smoke-as-do-i-the-duke-turned/) [Karen Hawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-hawkins/) > [I love going to Columbia, Missouri. That is a really underrated campus. It shocked me when I went there because I really didn't know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kirk-herbstreit/i-love-going-to-columbia-missouri-that-is-a-really-underrated-campus/) [Kirk Herbstreit](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kirk-herbstreit/) > [Life works most perfectly when a reciprocal love relationship is in place between man and God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-moore/life-works-most-perfectly-when-a-reciprocal-love-relationship-is-in/) [Beth Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-moore/) > [We talk to God--that is prayer; God talks to us--that is inspiration.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/h-emilie-cady/we-talk-to-god-that-is-prayer-god-talks-to-us-that-is-inspiration/) [H. Emilie Cady](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/h-emilie-cady/) > [I fell in love with social work, and that was my undoing as a poet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-rakosi/i-fell-in-love-with-social-work-and-that-was-my-undoing-as-a-poet/) [Carl Rakosi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-rakosi/) > [You cant be controlling in improv.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matt-walsh/you-cant-be-controlling-in-improv/) [Matt Walsh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matt-walsh/) > [Everyone needs someone to love, and I choose you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/everyone-needs-someone-to-love-and-i-choose-you/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I think, here's what I've realized from interviewing people, and I've been very open about my Catholicism and my love of Christ and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-mohr/i-think-here-s-what-i-ve-realized-from-interviewing-people-and-i-ve/) [Jay Mohr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-mohr/) > [“To be loved by a man, truly loved, made a woman feel as if she could burst. Of course, Lia was strong and could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-anne/to-be-loved-by-a-man-truly-loved-made-a-woman-feel-as-if-she-could/) [Melody Anne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-anne/) > [So when you take those tears, don't look to see I'm alright. …\*Seal - Violet](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-nickel/so-when-you-take-those-tears-don-t-look-to-see-i-m-alright-seal-violet/) [Eric Nickel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-nickel/) > [Two things revolutionised life: moving to the countryside and falling in love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-love/two-things-revolutionised-life-moving-to-the-countryside-and-falling/) [Nick Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-love/) > [“That horrible stinging sensation returned, the muscles behind my eyes straining as the first tear began to fall. “I’m scared, too. For eighteen months…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/devon-ashley/that-horrible-stinging-sensation-returned-the-muscles-behind-my-eyes/) [Devon Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/devon-ashley/) > [I could program a 'fabulous, I love it' kind of hit season right now. I'm more interested in breaking boundaries, telling a story, defying…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-c-wolfe/i-could-program-a-fabulous-i-love-it-kind-of-hit-season-right-now-i-m/) [George C. Wolfe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-c-wolfe/) [Browse all 233,035 Love quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Many of us choose relationships of affection and care that will never become loving because they feel safer. The demands are not as intense as loving requires. The risk is not as great. So many of us long for love but lack the courage to take risks. Even tough we are obsessed with the idea of love the truth is that most of us live relatively decent, somewhat satisfying lives even if we often feel that love is lacking.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Bell Hooks" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affection-and-care-that-will-never/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Love" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affection-and-care-that-will-never/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c8f/bell-hooks-464_love_many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affec_2220975.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c8f/bell-hooks-464_love_many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affec_2220975.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c8f/bell-hooks-464_love_many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affec_2220975.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Many of us choose relationships of affection and care that will never become loving because they feel safer…” — Bell Hooks", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Bell Hooks", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“Many of us choose relationships of...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affection-and-care-that-will-never/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/many-of-us-choose-relationships-of-affection-and-care-that-will-never/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```