--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It still took years for me to let go of…" description: "\"“It still took years for me to let go of learned pattern's of behavior that negated my capacity to give and receive love. One pattern that made the pra..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a20/bell-hooks-464_giving-love_it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of_2300957.jpg" --- # It still took years for me to let go of learned pattern's… ![“It still took years for me to let go of learned pattern's of behavior that negated my capacity to give and receive love. One pattern that made the practice of love especially difficult was my constantly choosing to be with men who were emotionally wounded, who were not that interested in loving…” quote by bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a20/bell-hooks-464_giving-love_it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of_2300957.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a20/bell-hooks-464_giving-love_it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of_2300957.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a20/bell-hooks-464_giving-love_it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of_2300957.jpg) > ““It still took years for me to let go of learned pattern's of behavior that negated my capacity to give and receive love. One pattern that made the practice of love especially difficult was my constantly choosing to be with men who were emotionally wounded, who were not that interested in loving, even though they desired to be loved. I wanted to know love but was afraid to be intimate. By choosing men who were not interested in being loving, I was able to practice giving love but always within an unfufilling context. Naturally, my need to receive love was not met. I got what I was accustomed to getting. Care and affection, usually mingled with a degree of unkindness, neglect, and on some occasions, out right cruelty.”” [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Unresolved patterns of choosing unavailable partners hinder love, perpetuating pain. **In simple terms:** Repeatedly choosing emotionally wounded partners blocks love. Key Takeaway Break harmful relationship cycles. Themes love relationships attachment self‑awareness growth Mood introspective empathetic Type self‑help philosophical When to use this quote - therapy - dating - self‑reflection - support groups Key Concepts Psychology attachment theory feminist theory Questions to Reflect On - What attracts you to unavailable partners? - How can you nurture healthier love? A Different Perspective Changing patterns requires confronting deep‑seated fears. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Emotionally Wounded](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/emotionally-wounded-3219195/) [Giving love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving-love/) [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Love Pattern](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-pattern-3458625/) [Practice Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/practice-love/) [Receive Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/receive-love/) ## Related quotes > [“While reading Emotionally Wounded Spiritually Strong washing clothes taday I got up to page 52-54 and I had to stop for a sech it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tarran-carter/while-reading-emotionally-wounded-spiritually-strong-washing-clothes/) [Tarran Carter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tarran-carter/) > [To be loved, we have to love ourselves. Only when we love ourselves do we have enough love to give away. By giving love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-wolfe/to-be-loved-we-have-to-love-ourselves-only-when-we-love-ourselves-do/) [David Wolfe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-wolfe/) > [“When you show others love, you are shown love. When you give love, you receive love.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-l-hicks/when-you-show-others-love-you-are-shown-love-when-you-give-love-you/) [Donald L. Hicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-l-hicks/) > [We believe we are hurt when we don't receive love. But that is not what hurts us. Our pain comes when we do not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-cohen/we-believe-we-are-hurt-when-we-don-t-receive-love-but-that-is-not/) [Alan Cohen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-cohen/) > [As people, we love pattern. But interrupted pattern is more interesting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jay-maisel/as-people-we-love-pattern-but-interrupted-pattern-is-more-interesting/) [Jay Maisel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jay-maisel/) > [“When you love someone, there’s a pattern to the way you come together. You might not even realize it, but your bodies are choreographed:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jodi-picoult/when-you-love-someone-there-s-a-pattern-to-the-way-you-come-together/) [Jodi Picoult](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jodi-picoult/) > [I've been in love and it doesn't last. And when it's over, it's hell for a while. And then one discovers that life goes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-ve-been-in-love-and-it-doesn-t-last-and-when-it-s-over-it-s-hell/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“...it is the most militant, most radical intervention anyone can make to not only speak of love, but to engage in the practice of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-is-the-most-militant-most-radical-intervention-anyone-can-make-to/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“All love may begin by being passionate, especially for younger people. But in the process of living together, they have to learn and practice…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/th-ch-nh-t-h-nh/all-love-may-begin-by-being-passionate-especially-for-younger-people/) [Thich Nhat Hanh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/th-ch-nh-t-h-nh/) > [The practice of love can be expressed in one sentence: 'Do not harm others.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dalai-lama/the-practice-of-love-can-be-expressed-in-one-sentence-do-not-harm/) [Dalai Lama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dalai-lama/) > [The aim of all spiritual practice is love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sathya-sai-baba/the-aim-of-all-spiritual-practice-is-love/) [Sathya Sai Baba](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sathya-sai-baba/) > [If we practice love from moment to moment, from day to day and year to year, love becomes our life. With practice, love becomes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/if-we-practice-love-from-moment-to-moment-from-day-to-day-and-year-to/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [You don't need to justify your love, you don't need to explain your love, you just need to practice your love. Practice creates the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-don-t-need-to-justify-your-love-you-don-t-need-to-explain-your/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [You do not really love me — you love nobody. Is that not true?" "Maybe," said Siddhartha wearily. "I am like you. You cannot…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hermann-hesse/you-do-not-really-love-me-you-love-nobody-is-that-not-true-maybe-said/) [Hermann Hesse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hermann-hesse/) > [Those who practice Love have neither Religion or Status.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rumi/those-who-practice-love-have-neither-religion-or-status/) [Rumi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rumi/) ## More by bell hooks > [Right now, for many Americans, class is being foregrounded like never before because of the economic situation. It doesn't mean that race doesn't matter,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/right-now-for-many-americans-class-is-being-foregrounded-like-never/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Most folks believe we are hardwired biologically to long for sex but they do not believe we are hardwired to long for love. Almost…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/most-folks-believe-we-are-hardwired-biologically-to-long-for-sex-but/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [... we need to interrogate "reverence," for idolization can be another way one is objectified and not really taken seriously.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/we-need-to-interrogate-reverence-for-idolization-can-be-another-way/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Couples who rarely or never have sex can know lifelong love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/couples-who-rarely-or-never-have-sex-can-know-lifelong-love/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The power of patriarchy has been to make maleness feared and to make men feel that it is better to be feared that to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/the-power-of-patriarchy-has-been-to-make-maleness-feared-and-to-make/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“I feel enormously blessed to be a successful black woman writer in this culture, but I have found my small fame, such as it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/i-feel-enormously-blessed-to-be-a-successful-black-woman-writer-in/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [Language is also a place of struggle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/language-is-also-a-place-of-struggle/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [In this culture, the phrase 'black woman' is not synonymous with 'tender,' or 'gentle.' It's as if those words couldn't possibly speak to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/in-this-culture-the-phrase-black-woman-is-not-synonymous-with-tender/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [It's interesting to look at all the aspects where everyday Americans, many of whom are not college educated, are thinking deeply now about our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-s-interesting-to-look-at-all-the-aspects-where-everyday-americans/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [The true teacher is within us. A good teacher is someone who can help you to go back and touch the true teacher within,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/the-true-teacher-is-within-us-a-good-teacher-is-someone-who-can-help/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Advancing the notion that there can be many "feminisms" has served the conservative and liberal political interests of women seeking status and privileged class…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/advancing-the-notion-that-there-can-be-many-feminisms-has-served-the/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [I love my family, even as I critique their dysfunctionalities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/i-love-my-family-even-as-i-critique-their-dysfunctionalities/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [You must have courage to love, you have to have a profound will to do what is right to love, and it does not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/you-must-have-courage-to-love-you-have-to-have-a-profound-will-to-do/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/to-truly-love-we-must-learn-to-mix-various-ingredients-care-affection/) [Bell Hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“Often emphasis on identity and lifestyle is appealing because it creates a false sense that one is engaged in praxis. However, praxis within any…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/often-emphasis-on-identity-and-lifestyle-is-appealing-because-it/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) [Explore all 541 bell hooks quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) ## More Giving love quotes > [“Love is not coercion, and the state is only an agent of coercion. It has no other function and can work no other way.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-mcdurmon/love-is-not-coercion-and-the-state-is-only-an-agent-of-coercion-it/) [Joel McDurmon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joel-mcdurmon/) > [My love for you is endless Like an eternal light That keeps on glowing and shinning, And is sweet as the sweetest wine You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/my-love-for-you-is-endless-like-an-eternal-light-that-keeps-on/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Giving so much love, will give you so much hurt.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meicee/giving-so-much-love-will-give-you-so-much-hurt/) [Meicee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meicee/) > [Love has a reason There's a meaning to the world We're giving love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gavin-degraw/love-has-a-reason-there-s-a-meaning-to-the-world-we-re-giving-love/) [Gavin DeGraw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gavin-degraw/) > [“A number of terrible things about falling in love make it not worth the time and the effort. But the worst of these is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dexter-palmer/a-number-of-terrible-things-about-falling-in-love-make-it-not-worth/) [Dexter Palmer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dexter-palmer/) > [“I'll ask you a riddle. What do you have more of the more you give away?' 'Oh, love I suppose.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madeline-l-engle/i-ll-ask-you-a-riddle-what-do-you-have-more-of-the-more-you-give-away/) [Madeline L'Engle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madeline-l-engle/) > [“The essence of life is mastering the art of giving love freely and welcoming it with open arms.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brandon-hultman/the-essence-of-life-is-mastering-the-art-of-giving-love-freely-and/) [Brandon Hultman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brandon-hultman/) > [But compassion isn't about solutions. It's about giving all the love that you've got.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cheryl-strayed/but-compassion-isn-t-about-solutions-it-s-about-giving-all-the-love/) [Cheryl Strayed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cheryl-strayed/) > [“It's up to you, not about you”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sonya-withrow/it-s-up-to-you-not-about-you/) [Sonya Withrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sonya-withrow/) > [Love isn't just all about you enorder for you to get love you have to give love and you can't give love you don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shar-rae/love-isn-t-just-all-about-you-enorder-for-you-to-get-love-you-have-to/) [Shar-rae](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shar-rae/) > [Moral judgment is not life-giving; love that transcends the boundaries of judgment as Jesus' love did, is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-shelby-spong/moral-judgment-is-not-life-giving-love-that-transcends-the-boundaries/) [John Shelby Spong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-shelby-spong/) > [I wont give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jason-mraz/i-wont-give-up-on-us-even-if-the-skies-get-rough-i-m-giving-you-all/) [Jason Mraz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jason-mraz/) > [Heyyy Nina! I just wanted to let you know how Important you are in my life!!:) <3 You were my rock last week, when I wanted to give up:) TBH If it hadn't been for you and Tayy idk what could have happened(: I know that your hurting right now, and your giving up on love. But I promise one day you'll believe again(: I love you so so so so so much! <3 x Trillion you are so precious and wonderful my big sissy! I am praying for you that your heart will heal, and God will bring the perfect person into your life! Thanks for being there for me and I will ALWAYS be there for you whenevs! Stay strong! - Rachel xoxo <3](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel/heyyy-nina-i-just-wanted-to-let-you-know-how-important-you-are-in-my/) [Rachel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel/) > [“Kindness is universal. Sometimes being kind allows others to see the goodness in humanity through you. Always be kinder than necessary.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/germany-kent/kindness-is-universal-sometimes-being-kind-allows-others-to-see-the/) [Germany Kent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/germany-kent/) > [By giving the love act a name, if only an innocent little word like, "it," he paved the way for other words, words that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milan-kundera/by-giving-the-love-act-a-name-if-only-an-innocent-little-word-like-it/) [Milan Kundera](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milan-kundera/) [Browse all 181 Giving love quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving-love/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It still took years for me to let go of learned pattern's of behavior that negated my capacity to give and receive love. One pattern that made the practice of love especially difficult was my constantly choosing to be with men who were emotionally wounded, who were not that interested in loving, even though they desired to be loved. I wanted to know love but was afraid to be intimate. By choosing men who were not interested in being loving, I was able to practice giving love but always within an unfufilling context. Naturally, my need to receive love was not met. I got what I was accustomed to getting. Care and affection, usually mingled with a degree of unkindness, neglect, and on some occasions, out right cruelty.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "bell hooks" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of-learned-pattern-s-of-behavior/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Giving love" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of-learned-pattern-s-of-behavior/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a20/bell-hooks-464_giving-love_it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of_2300957.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a20/bell-hooks-464_giving-love_it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of_2300957.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a20/bell-hooks-464_giving-love_it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of_2300957.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It still took years for me to let go of learned pattern's of behavior that negated my capacity to give and…” — bell hooks", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "bell hooks", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“It still took years for me...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of-learned-pattern-s-of-behavior/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/it-still-took-years-for-me-to-let-go-of-learned-pattern-s-of-behavior/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```