--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I had expected them to talk about my…" description: "\"“I had expected them to talk about my childlessness. I was armed with millions of smiles. Apologetic smiles, pity-me smiles, I-look-unto-God smiles - n..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e83/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y-35131_fake-smiles_i-had-expected-them-to-talk-about-my-chi_1645671.jpg" --- # I had expected them to talk about my childlessness. I was… ![“I had expected them to talk about my childlessness. I was armed with millions of smiles. Apologetic smiles, pity-me smiles, I-look-unto-God smiles - name all the fake smiles needed to get through an afternoon with a group of people who claim to want the best for you while poking at your open sore…” quote by Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e83/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y-35131_fake-smiles_i-had-expected-them-to-talk-about-my-chi_1645671.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e83/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y-35131_fake-smiles_i-had-expected-them-to-talk-about-my-chi_1645671.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e83/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y-35131_fake-smiles_i-had-expected-them-to-talk-about-my-chi_1645671.jpg) > ““I had expected them to talk about my childlessness. I was armed with millions of smiles. Apologetic smiles, pity-me smiles, I-look-unto-God smiles - name all the fake smiles needed to get through an afternoon with a group of people who claim to want the best for you while poking at your open sore with a stick - and I had them ready. I was ready to listen to them tell me I must do something about my situation. I expected to hear about a new pastor I could visit; a new mountain where I could go to pray; or an old herbalist in a remote village or town whom I could consult. I was armed with smiles for my lips, an appropriate sheen of tears for my eyes and sniffles for my nose. I was prepared to lock up my hairdressing salon throughout the coming week and go in search of a miracle with my mother-in-law in tow. What I was not expecting was another smiling woman in the room, a yellow woman with a blood-red mouth who grinned like a new bride.”” [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator anticipates judgment and offers rehearsed smiles, but the unexpected kindness of a stranger reveals deeper empathy. **In simple terms:** People often prepare fake smiles for judgment, yet genuine compassion can appear unexpectedly. Key Takeaway Stay open to authentic empathy beyond rehearsed defenses. Themes vulnerability expectation empathy Mood reflective empathetic Type narrative emotional When to use this quote - family gatherings - support groups - therapy sessions - social events Key Concepts social dynamics performance authenticity Questions to Reflect On - What masks do you wear in social settings? - How can you recognize authentic kindness? A Different Perspective Smiles can mask true feelings, making genuine connection harder. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Childlessness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/childlessness/) [Childlessness Armed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/childlessness-armed-605996/) [Expected Talk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/expected-talk-605998/) [Expecting Smiling](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/expecting-smiling-605995/) [Fake smiles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fake-smiles/) [Talk Childlessness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/talk-childlessness-605997/) ## Related quotes > [I am happy for people to talk about my pictures, but I wish devoutly that I was not expected to talk about them myself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-hodgkin/i-am-happy-for-people-to-talk-about-my-pictures-but-i-wish-devoutly/) [Howard Hodgkin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-hodgkin/) > [“I was armed with millions of smiles. Apologetic smiles, pity-me smiles, I-look-unto-God smiles—name all the fake smiles needed to get through an afternoon with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/i-was-armed-with-millions-of-smiles-apologetic-smiles-pity-me-smiles/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [There is simply no dignified way for a woman to live alone. Oh, she can get along financially perhaps (though not nearly as well…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erica-jong/there-is-simply-no-dignified-way-for-a-woman-to-live-alone-oh-she-can/) [Erica Jong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erica-jong/) > [Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ellen-degeneres/honestly-we-d-probably-be-great-parents-but-it-s-a-human-being-and/) [Ellen DeGeneres](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ellen-degeneres/) > [I'm not that big a fan of marriage as an institution, and I don't know why women need to have children to be seen…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marisa-tomei/i-m-not-that-big-a-fan-of-marriage-as-an-institution-and-i-don-t-know/) [Marisa Tomei](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marisa-tomei/) > [There have been times when I wanted children and other times I've been grateful not to have them. I am a mess if I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anjelica-huston/there-have-been-times-when-i-wanted-children-and-other-times-i-ve/) [Anjelica Huston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anjelica-huston/) > [“...it is plain that the proportion of celibates was high in the Roman empire and that the fall in the fertility of marriages was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eileen-power/it-is-plain-that-the-proportion-of-celibates-was-high-in-the-roman/) [Eileen Power](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eileen-power/) > [“There were a lot of these middle-aged single types in the neighborhood, shipwrecked by every kind of catastrophe, but she was one of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/junot-diaz/there-were-a-lot-of-these-middle-aged-single-types-in-the/) [Junot Díaz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/junot-diaz/) > [I would have been a terrible mother because I'm basically a very selfish human being. Not that that has stopped most people going off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katharine-hepburn/i-would-have-been-a-terrible-mother-because-i-m-basically-a-very/) [Katharine Hepburn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katharine-hepburn/) > [My rational mind knows I am blessed. So many women - some of whom I've interviewed over the years - endure infertility and childlessness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-garraway/my-rational-mind-knows-i-am-blessed-so-many-women-some-of-whom-i-ve/) [Kate Garraway](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-garraway/) > [“If you like your evening plans you aren't allowed to regret what led you to them.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/taylor-jenkins-reid/if-you-like-your-evening-plans-you-aren-t-allowed-to-regret-what-led/) [Taylor Jenkins Reid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/taylor-jenkins-reid/) > [“At the cry of a new born salt is being sprinkle at the wound of a barren woman”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-adejimi/at-the-cry-of-a-new-born-salt-is-being-sprinkle-at-the-wound-of-a/) [peter adejimi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-adejimi/) > [Childlessness doesn't make people selfish; selfishness makes people selfish.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/childlessness-doesn-t-make-people-selfish-selfishness-makes-people/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [Something about family and trying to relate it to the movie with, 'Oh, if I was to have a child how many kids do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-aniston/something-about-family-and-trying-to-relate-it-to-the-movie-with-oh/) [Jennifer Aniston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-aniston/) > [“The judge took into account “the profound despair of a woman unable to give life…” As if a man couldn’t be as deeply affected…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zidrou/the-judge-took-into-account-the-profound-despair-of-a-woman-unable-to/) [Zidrou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zidrou/) ## More by Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀ > [“It would take a while for me to realise that each of my children had given me as much as they took. My memories…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/it-would-take-a-while-for-me-to-realise-that-each-of-my-children-had/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“Didn’t think it was possible for the world to change so suddenly. I was aware of other people moving up and down the corridor:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/didn-t-think-it-was-possible-for-the-world-to-change-so-suddenly-i/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“The reasons why we do the things we do will not always be the ones others will remember. Sometimes I think we have children…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/the-reasons-why-we-do-the-things-we-do-will-not-always-be-the-ones/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“So love is like a test, but in what sense? To what end? Who was carrying out the test? But I think I did…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/so-love-is-like-a-test-but-in-what-sense-to-what-end-who-was-carrying/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“I understand how a word others use every day can become something whispered in the dark to soothe a wound that just won't heal.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/i-understand-how-a-word-others-use-every-day-can-become-something/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“She said the word 'beautiful' as if beauty was a bad habit Bolu had developed, something bordering on criminal behavior for which she would…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/she-said-the-word-beautiful-as-if-beauty-was-a-bad-habit-bolu-had/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“Sometimes I think we have children because we want to leave behind someone who can explain who we were to the world when we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/sometimes-i-think-we-have-children-because-we-want-to-leave-behind/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“I loved Yejide from the very first moment. No doubt about that. But there are things even love can’t do. Before I got married,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/i-loved-yejide-from-the-very-first-moment-no-doubt-about-that-but/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“The reasons why we do the things we do will not always be the ones that others will remember. Sometimes”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/the-reasons-why-we-do-the-things-we-do-will-not-always-be-the-ones-2/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“I was armed with millions of smiles. Apologetic smiles, pity-me smiles, I-look-unto-God smiles—name all the fake smiles needed to get through an afternoon with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/i-was-armed-with-millions-of-smiles-apologetic-smiles-pity-me-smiles/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“OK, we'll tell her you dug the grave." It's the truth - stretch, but still true. Besides, what would be left of love without…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/ok-we-ll-tell-her-you-dug-the-grave-it-s-the-truth-stretch-but-still/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) > [“My mother had become a obsession for me, a religion, and the very thought of referring to another woman as Mother seems sacrilegious, a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/my-mother-had-become-a-obsession-for-me-a-religion-and-the-very/) [Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) [Explore all 13 Ayọ̀bámi Adébáyọ̀ quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ay-b-mi-ad-b-y/) ## More Childlessness quotes > [“The judge took into account “the profound despair of a woman unable to give life…” As if a man couldn’t be as deeply affected…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zidrou/the-judge-took-into-account-the-profound-despair-of-a-woman-unable-to/) [Zidrou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zidrou/) > [Something about family and trying to relate it to the movie with, 'Oh, if I was to have a child how many kids do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-aniston/something-about-family-and-trying-to-relate-it-to-the-movie-with-oh/) [Jennifer Aniston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-aniston/) > [Childlessness doesn't make people selfish; selfishness makes people selfish.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-gilbert/childlessness-doesn-t-make-people-selfish-selfishness-makes-people/) [Elizabeth Gilbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-gilbert/) > [“At the cry of a new born salt is being sprinkle at the wound of a barren woman”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-adejimi/at-the-cry-of-a-new-born-salt-is-being-sprinkle-at-the-wound-of-a/) [peter adejimi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-adejimi/) > [“If you like your evening plans you aren't allowed to regret what led you to them.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/taylor-jenkins-reid/if-you-like-your-evening-plans-you-aren-t-allowed-to-regret-what-led/) [Taylor Jenkins Reid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/taylor-jenkins-reid/) > [My rational mind knows I am blessed. So many women - some of whom I've interviewed over the years - endure infertility and childlessness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-garraway/my-rational-mind-knows-i-am-blessed-so-many-women-some-of-whom-i-ve/) [Kate Garraway](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-garraway/) > [I would have been a terrible mother because I'm basically a very selfish human being. Not that that has stopped most people going off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katharine-hepburn/i-would-have-been-a-terrible-mother-because-i-m-basically-a-very/) [Katharine Hepburn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katharine-hepburn/) > [“There were a lot of these middle-aged single types in the neighborhood, shipwrecked by every kind of catastrophe, but she was one of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/junot-diaz/there-were-a-lot-of-these-middle-aged-single-types-in-the/) [Junot Díaz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/junot-diaz/) > [“...it is plain that the proportion of celibates was high in the Roman empire and that the fall in the fertility of marriages was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eileen-power/it-is-plain-that-the-proportion-of-celibates-was-high-in-the-roman/) [Eileen Power](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eileen-power/) > [There have been times when I wanted children and other times I've been grateful not to have them. I am a mess if I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anjelica-huston/there-have-been-times-when-i-wanted-children-and-other-times-i-ve/) [Anjelica Huston](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anjelica-huston/) > [I'm not that big a fan of marriage as an institution, and I don't know why women need to have children to be seen…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marisa-tomei/i-m-not-that-big-a-fan-of-marriage-as-an-institution-and-i-don-t-know/) [Marisa Tomei](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marisa-tomei/) > [Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ellen-degeneres/honestly-we-d-probably-be-great-parents-but-it-s-a-human-being-and/) [Ellen DeGeneres](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ellen-degeneres/) > [There is simply no dignified way for a woman to live alone. Oh, she can get along financially perhaps (though not nearly as well…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erica-jong/there-is-simply-no-dignified-way-for-a-woman-to-live-alone-oh-she-can/) [Erica Jong](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erica-jong/) > [If any value is deeply evolutionarily familiar, it is reproductive success. If any value is truly unnatural, if there is one thing that humans…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/satoshi-kanazawa/if-any-value-is-deeply-evolutionarily-familiar-it-is-reproductive/) [Satoshi Kanazawa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/satoshi-kanazawa/) > [In accordance with my conception of life, I have chosen not to bring children into the world. A coin is examined, and only after…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peter-wessel-zapffe/in-accordance-with-my-conception-of-life-i-have-chosen-not-to-bring/) [Peter Wessel Zapffe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peter-wessel-zapffe/) [Browse all 29 Childlessness quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/childlessness/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I had expected them to talk about my childlessness. I was armed with millions of smiles. Apologetic smiles, pity-me smiles, I-look-unto-God smiles - name all the fake smiles needed to get through an afternoon with a group of people who claim to want the best for you while poking at your open sore with a stick - and I had them ready. I was ready to listen to them tell me I must do something about my situation. I expected to hear about a new pastor I could visit; a new mountain where I could go to pray; or an old herbalist in a remote village or town whom I could consult. 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