---
title: "Best Tim Allen Quotes"
description: "Tim Allen, born Timothy Alan Dick, is an American actor and comedian best known for his role as Tim Taylor on Home Improvement and for voicing Buzz Ligh..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-tim-allen-90833.jpg"
---

![Portrait of Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-tim-allen-90833.jpg)

# Tim Allen

(1953)   Character Animator   United States

 **104** quotes in **631** categories

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Tim Allen is a character animator from the United States, best known for *Humanitarianism*.

## Quick Facts About Tim Allen

Born June 13, 1953

Nationality United States

Profession Character Animator

Notable works Humanitarianism

Known for Toy Story, The Santa Clause, Last Man Standing, Home Improvement

Spouse Jane Hajduk

## About Tim Allen

He also starred as Mike Baxter on the sitcom Last Man Standing, earning a Golden Globe for Home Improvement and an Annie Award for his voice work as Buzz Lightyear. In the Santa Clause movies he played both Scott Calvin and Santa Claus.

## Awards & Honors

Golden Globe Award for Best Actor – Television Series Musical or Comedy Annie Award Disney Legends star on Hollywood Walk of Fame

##  Quotes by Tim Allen · Page 2

> [I am a thespian trapped in a man's body.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-am-a-thespian-trapped-in-a-man-s-body/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Body](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/body/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/92c/tim-allen-4974_body_i-am-a-thespian-trapped-in-a-man-s-body_2919917.jpg)

> [I have a thing for tools.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-have-a-thing-for-tools/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Thing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thing/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ba/tim-allen-4974_thing_i-have-a-thing-for-tools-610509_610509.jpg)

> [I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-wonder-if-to-stare-into-the-face-of-god-will-drive-me-crazy-i/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Blink](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/blink/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b7e/tim-allen-4974_blink_i-wonder-if-to-stare-into-the-face-of-go_2262010.jpg)

> [Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/can-we-take-a-direct-flight-back-to-reality-or-do-we-have-to-change/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Back to reality](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/back-to-reality/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/eac/tim-allen-4974_back-to-reality_can-we-take-a-direct-flight-back-to-real_695240.jpg)

> [As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/as-the-chinese-will-tell-you-history-depends-on-your-point-of-view/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Chinese](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/chinese/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f39/tim-allen-4974_chinese_as-the-chinese-will-tell-you-history-dep_2532213.jpg)

> [Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/dogs-will-eat-till-they-die-cats-will-leave-food-in-the-dish/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Cat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cat/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0f0/tim-allen-4974_cat_dogs-will-eat-till-they-die-cats-will-le_178695.jpg)

> [Men are scum, right ladies? Too bad we own everything!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/men-are-scum-right-ladies-too-bad-we-own-everything/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Feminism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feminism/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3bf/tim-allen-4974_male-chauvinist_men-are-scum-right-ladies-too-bad-we-own_1154117.jpg)

> [For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/for-years-i-just-did-not-like-this-idea-of-god-church/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Church](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/church/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2bb/tim-allen-4974_church_for-years-i-just-did-not-like-this-idea_2528426.jpg)

> [Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/men-aren-t-men-until-they-can-get-to-sears-by-themselves/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/779/tim-allen-4974_men_men-aren-t-men-until-they-can-get-to-sea_1012946.jpg)

> [My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/my-mom-said-the-only-reason-men-are-alive-is-for-lawn-care-and/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Alive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alive/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/33b/tim-allen-4974_alive_my-mom-said-the-only-reason-men-are-aliv_13164.jpg)

> [“Anyway, they used to beat up on Barry all the time. They called it roughhousing , which is like men calling lying bullshitting .”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/anyway-they-used-to-beat-up-on-barry-all-the-time-they-called-it/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/564/tim-allen-4974_time_anyway-they-used-to-beat-up-on-barry-all_2100070.jpg)

> [Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/women-now-have-choices-they-can-be-married-not-married-have-a-job-not/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41d/tim-allen-4974_children_women-now-have-choices-they-can-be-marri_202133.jpg)

> [Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/before-kady-was-born-i-didn-t-think-having-a-kid-would-be-such-a-big/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Attitude](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/attitude/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/564/tim-allen-4974_attitude_before-kady-was-born-i-didn-t-think-havi_2307528.jpg)

> [I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-have-irrational-fears-and-they-all-go-back-to-losing-my-father-as-a/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Back](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/back/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ba8/tim-allen-4974_back_i-have-irrational-fears-and-they-all-go_2700328.jpg)

> [I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-have-to-get-a-licence-to-drive-a-motorcycle-to-protect-myself-and/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Adamant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adamant/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b73/tim-allen-4974_adamant_i-have-to-get-a-licence-to-drive-a-motor_2775767.jpg)

> [Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/women-are-like-cars-we-all-want-a-ferrari-sometimes-want-a-pickup/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Dating](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dating/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5bb/tim-allen-4974_dating_women-are-like-cars-we-all-want-a-ferrar_2143657.jpg)

> [A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/a-car-crossed-two-lanes-of-traffic-flipped-and-landed-on-my-dad-s-car/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Blame](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/blame/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0ee/tim-allen-4974_blame_a-car-crossed-two-lanes-of-traffic-flipp_134278.jpg)

> [Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/nothing-s-as-easy-as-it-is-on-a-sitcom-issues-that-we-take-care-of-in/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Care](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/care/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/621/tim-allen-4974_care_nothing-s-as-easy-as-it-is-on-a-sitcom-i_2302771.jpg)

> [It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/it-s-true-i-have-a-skill-and-it-s-it-has-not-related-to-acting-it-s/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Acting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/acting/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dee/tim-allen-4974_acting_it-s-true-i-have-a-skill-and-it-s-it-has_387433.jpg)

> [Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/speeding-is-like-drugs-it-makes-everything-come-at-you-fast-and-when/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Boring](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boring/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41a/tim-allen-4974_boring_speeding-is-like-drugs-it-makes-everythi_210179.jpg)

> [If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/if-you-want-to-condemn-yourself-for-the-mistakes-you-ve-made-let-s-be/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Balance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/balance/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/791/tim-allen-4974_balance_if-you-want-to-condemn-yourself-for-the_1496721.jpg)

> [Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if," so you haven't established or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/can-a-woodchuck-chuck-wood-because-the-question-is-how-much-wood/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Believe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/believe/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c9/tim-allen-4974_believe_can-a-woodchuck-chuck-wood-because-the-q_577116.jpg)

> [“The greatest missile in the world is useless...unless it's targeted. A torpedo is adrift unless it has someplace to go. An arrow…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/the-greatest-missile-in-the-world-is-useless-unless-it-s-targeted-a/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Adrift](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adrift/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/735/tim-allen-4974_adrift_the-greatest-missile-in-the-world-is-use_1783478.jpg)

> [I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-like-pixie-sticks-yeah-screw-the-middle-man-just-a-tube-of-sugar-i/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Big](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/big/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ea2/tim-allen-4974_big_i-like-pixie-sticks-yeah-screw-the-middl_1727038.jpg)

> [I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-may-go-back-and-spice-it-up-with-a-little-bit-of-the-tool-stuff-and/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Audience](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/audience/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/aca/tim-allen-4974_audience_i-may-go-back-and-spice-it-up-with-a-lit_578150.jpg)

> [Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/women-are-brilliant-every-woman-knows-how-to-do-the-weirdest-thing/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Blow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/blow/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3ba/tim-allen-4974_blow_women-are-brilliant-every-woman-knows-ho_2563909.jpg)

> [Jill : What causes sibling rivalry? Tim : Having more than one kid!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/jill-what-causes-sibling-rivalry-tim-having-more-than-one-kid/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Causes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/causes/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/37b/tim-allen-4974_causes_jill-what-causes-sibling-rivalry-tim-hav_572634.jpg)

> [I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-m-an-algebra-liar-i-figure-two-good-lies-make-a-positive/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Algebra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/algebra/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ef8/tim-allen-4974_algebra_i-m-an-algebra-liar-i-figure-two-good-li_630192.jpg)

> [I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-m-sad-for-adults-who-want-to-be-children-and-children-who-want-to/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Adults](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adults/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/29d/tim-allen-4974_adults_i-m-sad-for-adults-who-want-to-be-childr_700618.jpg)

> [Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/being-wealthy-when-no-one-else-is-is-like-being-the-only-one-at-the/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Drink](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drink/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f21/tim-allen-4974_drink_being-wealthy-when-no-one-else-is-is-lik_1987524.jpg)

> [The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/the-ego-is-like-a-kid-in-the-basement-it-s-best-to-keep-him-busy/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Basements](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/basements/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd4/tim-allen-4974_basements_the-ego-is-like-a-kid-in-the-basement-it_2458278.jpg)

> [I'm actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-m-actually-more-of-a-cat-guy-than-a-dog-person-because-i-travel-so/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Cat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cat/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ed4/tim-allen-4974_cat_i-m-actually-more-of-a-cat-guy-than-a-do_2240094.jpg)

> [If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/if-it-doesn-t-say-binford-on-it-somebody-else-probably-made-it/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Ifs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/551/tim-allen-4974_ifs_if-it-doesn-t-say-binford-on-it-somebody_1905573.jpg)

> [I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-love-doing-logos-i-ve-been-a-graphic-artist-all-my-life/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Art](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/art/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17b/tim-allen-4974_art_i-love-doing-logos-i-ve-been-a-graphic-a_969154.jpg)

> [If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/if-you-don-t-decide-where-you-re-going-life-will-decide-for-you/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Decide](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/decide/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3d0/tim-allen-4974_ifs_if-you-don-t-decide-where-you-re-going-l_1322310.jpg)

> [You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/you-don-t-know-what-people-are-really-like-until-they-re-under-a-lot/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Like](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/like/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/12d/tim-allen-4974_like_you-don-t-know-what-people-are-really-li_2307377.jpg)

> [When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/when-somebody-tells-you-they-re-not-very-smart-they-re-saying-exactly/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Intelligence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/intelligence/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/db8/tim-allen-4974_intelligence_when-somebody-tells-you-they-re-not-very_2395852.jpg)

> [Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/anytime-you-work-with-animals-you-begin-to-see-more-humanity-in-them/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Animal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/animal/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/17b/tim-allen-4974_animal_anytime-you-work-with-animals-you-begin_2750536.jpg)

> [I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-blend-memories-i-blend-them-into-one-that-s-funny-i-exaggerate-to/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Memories](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/memories/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/701/tim-allen-4974_memories_i-blend-memories-i-blend-them-into-one-t_444985.jpg)

> [The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/the-world-s-a-mean-place-it-s-unfair-then-it-s-fair-it-s-hateful-then/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Hateful](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hateful/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/643/tim-allen-4974_hateful_the-world-s-a-mean-place-it-s-unfair-the_1800091.jpg)

## Tim Allen by topic

[Men (16)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men/tim-allen/) [Ifs (12)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/tim-allen/)

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                        "text": "Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.",
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                        "text": "It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related to studios, not related to public whim. It's whether I'm funny or not and whether I can entertain people.",
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                        "text": "Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it seems boring. That's the danger of drugs. At first it's intoxicating, but then the rest of your life you're trying to find that very first time. It never is the same.",
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                        "text": "If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you've made, let's be fair, that means you've got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you've done. It's okay to say, \"God, I wish I'd done this; yeah, but I did do that.\" Then it kind of balances out.",
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                        "text": "Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, \"how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if,\" so you haven't established or proved without any shadow of a doubt that a woodchuck could chuck wood. Frankly, I believe that they chew wood. I don't think they can chuck wood at all! I take offense to the whole chucking question.",
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                        "text": "I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.",
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                        "text": "I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that I know so well. But it feels like I'm rehashing old material. And some of my audiences like that. So I'm there to entertain. I'm not there to make a political statement or anything like that. I'm there to entertain.",
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                        "text": "Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. A typhoon couldn't blow that thing off their heads. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.",
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                        "text": "Jill : What causes sibling rivalry? Tim : Having more than one kid!",
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                        "text": "I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.",
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                        "text": "I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.",
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                        "text": "Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.",
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