---
title: "104 Tim Allen Quotes - Famous Character animator (Humanitarianism)"
description: "Tim Allen quotes about chores, cars, pets, and life choices, all with his signature humor."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-tim-allen-90833.jpg"
---

![Portrait of Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/uploads/sms4s/authors/processed/b023/author-tim-allen-90833.jpg)

# Tim Allen

(1953)   Character Animator   United States

 **104** quotes in **631** categories

Tim Allen jokes about how men are expected to tend lawns and fix cars, and he compares a creator’s patience to a computer reboot. He also shares funny observations about pets—dogs eating everything, cats leaving food behind—and about how people choose different lives. His humor mixes everyday chores with wild comparisons.

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Tim Allen is a character animator from the United States, best known for *Humanitarianism*.

## Quick Facts About Tim Allen

Born June 13, 1953

Nationality United States

Profession Character Animator

Notable works Humanitarianism

Known for Toy Story, The Santa Clause, Last Man Standing, Home Improvement

Spouse Jane Hajduk

## About Tim Allen

He also starred as Mike Baxter on the sitcom Last Man Standing, earning a Golden Globe for Home Improvement and an Annie Award for his voice work as Buzz Lightyear. In the Santa Clause movies he played both Scott Calvin and Santa Claus.

## Awards & Honors

Golden Globe Award for Best Actor – Television Series Musical or Comedy Annie Award Disney Legends star on Hollywood Walk of Fame

##  Quotes by Tim Allen

> [Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/comedy-is-the-ultimate-anarchist/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Anarchist](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anarchist/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9c7/tim-allen-4974_anarchist_comedy-is-the-ultimate-anarchist-2328960_2328960.jpg)

> [I do a lot of family shows.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-do-a-lot-of-family-shows/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/family/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/332/tim-allen-4974_family_i-do-a-lot-of-family-shows-2319503_2319503.jpg)

> [Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/be-wary-of-listening-to-stories-secondhand/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8af/tim-allen-4974_listening_be-wary-of-listening-to-stories-secondha_3045875.jpg)

> [“You are a sad, strage little man.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/you-are-a-sad-strage-little-man/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/517/tim-allen-4974_little-man_you-are-a-sad-strage-little-man-1068694_1068694.jpg)

> [I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-m-a-very-bad-student-but-a-great-learner/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dfb/tim-allen-4974_learners_i-m-a-very-bad-student-but-a-great-learn_1169948.jpg)

> [Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. Topo Gigio](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/pere-noel-babbo-natale-pelznickel-topo-gigio/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Christmas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/christmas/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7ef/tim-allen-4974_christmas_pere-noel-babbo-natale-pelznickel-topo-g_3023752.jpg)

> [Man is the only animal to borrow tools.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/man-is-the-only-animal-to-borrow-tools/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Animal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/animal/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e31/tim-allen-4974_animal_man-is-the-only-animal-to-borrow-tools-1_1436690.jpg)

> [If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/if-it-ain-t-broke-you-can-probably-still-fix-it/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/690/tim-allen-4974_broke_if-it-ain-t-broke-you-can-probably-still_86474.jpg)

> [In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/in-marriage-compromise-nurtures-the-relationship/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Compromise](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/compromise/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/222/tim-allen-4974_compromise_in-marriage-compromise-nurtures-the-rela_1872407.jpg)

> [Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/kids-learn-by-example-if-i-respect-mom-they-re-going-to-respect-mom/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3bd/tim-allen-4974_example_kids-learn-by-example-if-i-respect-mom-t_2696937.jpg)

> [I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-know-it-sounds-odd-but-i-want-to-make-a-rolex-quality-screwdriver/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/150/tim-allen-4974_knows_i-know-it-sounds-odd-but-i-want-to-make_3043047.jpg)

> [I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-think-women-like-ferraris-a-ferrari-is-everybody-s-car/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/084/tim-allen-4974_car_i-think-women-like-ferraris-a-ferrari-is_2975841.jpg)

> [My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/my-dad-s-death-reminds-me-of-earthquakes-things-that-shake-your/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Dad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dad/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e99/tim-allen-4974_dad_my-dad-s-death-reminds-me-of-earthquakes_385905.jpg)

> [My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/my-comedy-is-not-mine-it-s-a-gift-i-m-not-that-smart/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Comedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a6d/tim-allen-4974_comedy_my-comedy-is-not-mine-it-s-a-gift-i-m-no_644015.jpg)

> [I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-have-an-only-child-she-s-so-independent-and-good-with-adults/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Adults](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adults/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/655/tim-allen-4974_adults_i-have-an-only-child-she-s-so-independen_2037952.jpg)

> [They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/they-say-you-only-go-around-once-but-with-a-muscle-car-you-can-go/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/37c/tim-allen-4974_car_they-say-you-only-go-around-once-but-wit_366888.jpg)

> [I'm one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-m-one-of-these-guys-that-just-spoils-the-environment-i-like-atvs/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3c7/tim-allen-4974_environment_i-m-one-of-these-guys-that-just-spoils-t_1694650.jpg)

> [In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/in-my-experience-it-s-all-wonderful-with-girls-until-about-16-around/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Boys](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boys/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ede/tim-allen-4974_boys_in-my-experience-it-s-all-wonderful-with_2755397.jpg)

> [I've gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I'm back to a flip-phone. It's funny, you can buy antique flip-phones…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-ve-gotten-so-far-past-the-android-and-iphones-that-i-m-back-to-a/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Androids](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/androids/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5d1/tim-allen-4974_androids_i-ve-gotten-so-far-past-the-android-and_2597728.jpg)

> [All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/all-men-like-to-think-that-they-can-do-it-alone-but-a-real-man-knows/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa9/tim-allen-4974_can-do_all-men-like-to-think-that-they-can-do-i_1938091.jpg)

> [Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/never-comment-on-a-woman-s-rear-end-never-use-the-words-large-or-size-2/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/daa/tim-allen-4974_comment_never-comment-on-a-woman-s-rear-end-neve_2738716.jpg)

> [Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/jill-we-became-parents-so-we-could-tell-our-kids-what-to-do-otherwise/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Inspirational](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/inspirational/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/0b4/tim-allen-4974_inspirational_jill-we-became-parents-so-we-could-tell_627370.jpg)

> [While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/while-awaiting-sentencing-i-decided-to-give-stand-up-comedy-a-shot/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Comedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/comedy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ac5/tim-allen-4974_comedy_while-awaiting-sentencing-i-decided-to-g_247710.jpg)

> [Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/sometimes-you-get-the-sense-that-the-creator-is-getting-to-that-point/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Creator](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/creator/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/79e/tim-allen-4974_creator_sometimes-you-get-the-sense-that-the-cre_15246.jpg)

> [Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/why-go-to-a-church-to-worship-god-a-church-is-man-made-god-never-said/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5ff/tim-allen-4974_aluminum_why-go-to-a-church-to-worship-god-a-chur_3175777.jpg)

> [The world is your oyster when you are successful. That was when I was getting scripts. I was planning for this. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/the-world-is-your-oyster-when-you-are-successful-that-was-when-i-was/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5fd/tim-allen-4974_als_the-world-is-your-oyster-when-you-are-su_1445599.jpg)

> [I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-was-gone-so-much-in-my-first-marriage-i-love-the-moments-when-i/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e9e/tim-allen-4974_children_i-was-gone-so-much-in-my-first-marriage_1064514.jpg)

> [The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/the-big-advantage-to-playing-the-venetian-in-las-vegas-where-it-s-a/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Advantage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/advantage/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/000/tim-allen-4974_advantage_the-big-advantage-to-playing-the-venetia_677620.jpg)

> [Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/dad-needs-to-show-an-incredible-amount-of-respect-and-humor-and/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Best friend](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/best-friend/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d23/tim-allen-4974_best-friend_dad-needs-to-show-an-incredible-amount-o_946510.jpg)

> [In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/in-the-last-three-years-of-racing-i-ve-met-as-many-women-fans-as-men/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/606/tim-allen-4974_backgrounds_in-the-last-three-years-of-racing-i-ve-m_1649439.jpg)

> [I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-have-always-enjoyed-do-it-yourself-projects-being-in-a-position-to/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/428/tim-allen-4974_able_i-have-always-enjoyed-do-it-yourself-pro_2019264.jpg)

> [There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, .. Radio…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/there-are-flaws-in-the-way-politics-is-reported-in-this-country-today/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Country](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/country/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd9/tim-allen-4974_country_there-are-flaws-in-the-way-politics-is-r_2459943.jpg)

> [I'm a pretty solid Christian. But even as an altar boy, I was always asking the bigger questions--you know: if God is,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-m-a-pretty-solid-christian-but-even-as-an-altar-boy-i-was-always/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Altars](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/altars/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/daf/tim-allen-4974_altars_i-m-a-pretty-solid-christian-but-even-as_1148513.jpg)

> [I have way too many commitments. I get pulled in too many directions and I never seem to be able to satisfy…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-have-way-too-many-commitments-i-get-pulled-in-too-many-directions/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/422/tim-allen-4974_able_i-have-way-too-many-commitments-i-get-pu_1521320.jpg)

> [Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power… But most men earn less than they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/men-aren-t-allowed-to-have-self-esteem-because-we-re-already-supposed/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Drones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/drones/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bd4/tim-allen-4974_drones_men-aren-t-allowed-to-have-self-esteem-b_1704316.jpg)

> [I look at it this way: How much of the day are you awake? You think, "I've gotta get that dry cleaning,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-look-at-it-this-way-how-much-of-the-day-are-you-awake-you-think-i/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cd7/tim-allen-4974_awake_i-look-at-it-this-way-how-much-of-the-da_658084.jpg)

> [I've always felt, and I don't like to say this because I sound like an ex-patriot, I always feel quite a bit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-ve-always-felt-and-i-don-t-like-to-say-this-because-i-sound-like-an/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/30d/tim-allen-4974_bits_i-ve-always-felt-and-i-don-t-like-to-say_1913946.jpg)

> [But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/but-separate-a-man-from-his-car-that-s-inhuman/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f6c/tim-allen-4974_car_but-separate-a-man-from-his-car-that-s-i_1325166.jpg)

> [I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/i-m-a-creative-guy-artistically-with-graphics/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Creative](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/creative/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/29d/tim-allen-4974_creative_i-m-a-creative-guy-artistically-with-gra_3134106.jpg)

> [Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-allen/men-are-pigs-too-bad-we-own-everything/)

[Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-allen/)

[Men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7c1/tim-allen-4974_men_men-are-pigs-too-bad-we-own-everything-1_1665237.jpg)

## Tim Allen by topic

[Men (16)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men/tim-allen/)

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                        "text": "I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.",
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                        "text": "They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.",
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                        "text": "I'm one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.",
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                        "text": "In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.",
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                        "text": "I've gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I'm back to a flip-phone. It's funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they're considered antiques.",
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                        "text": "All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.",
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                        "text": "Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.",
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                        "text": "Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.",
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                        "text": "Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, \"And let there be aluminum siding.\" Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.",
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                        "text": "The world is your oyster when you are successful. That was when I was getting scripts. I was planning for this. I like this business. Parts of it I love, and I didn't want it to just end. The further you get away from your success, the less your phone rings. The next thing you know, it's 20 years later and you're in a mall going, \"Remember when Al and I used to do something like this.",
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                        "text": "I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.",
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                        "text": "The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.",
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                        "text": "Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.",
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                        "text": "In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.",
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                        "text": "I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.",
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                        "text": "There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, .. Radio and television coverage of politics doesn't see its role as a mission to explain, but to destroy, in a pernicious culture in which journalists pit themselves against politicians.",
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                        "text": "I'm a pretty solid Christian. But even as an altar boy, I was always asking the bigger questions--you know: if God is, in fact, good, what is all this death I see? And if God is gentle, what is all this suffering I see? I've found some of the answers in Eastern religion. It explained my Christianity to me. Good and evil are the same thing. You can't have one without the other. It's the balance, it's the temperance of things.",
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                        "text": "I have way too many commitments. I get pulled in too many directions and I never seem to be able to satisfy anybody. People get turned on by knowing a celebrity, even my friends and family. They feel that there's something exciting about me, but in reality there's no substance to it. People in airports just hold on to me expecting something and it seems that I always come up empty. It's frustrating because I'm trying to please everybody, and ya just can't do that ... at least I can't.",
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                        "text": "Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power… But most men earn less than they want, barely the minimum wage. They're drones. They do stuff they don't want to do to support their families, and they're not sure why they do it. They don't know what they're doing half the time, and any time we stick up for ourselves, we're pigs because we don't know how to articulate our frustrations and joys.",
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                        "text": "I look at it this way: How much of the day are you awake? You think, \"I've gotta get that dry cleaning, I gotta get this going, and this, and this, and this.\" And all of a sudden it's dinnertime. And then there's a moment of connection with your spouse or your friends. Then you read and go to bed. Wake up and then it's the same all over. You're not awake, you're not living, you're not experiencing. We start early medicating ourselves. We start kids early, on TV and video games and so on.",
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