---
title: "Best T.J. Klune Sayings"
description: "Travis John Klune is an American writer of fantasy and romantic stories with gay and LGBTQ+ characters. His novel The House in the Cerulean Sea became a..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84e/t-j-klune-1425_burn_one-thing-that-they-don-t-tell-you-is-th_396334.jpg"
---

# T.J. Klune

(1982)   Novelist

 **241** quotes in **289** categories

Rate this collection:  ★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

T.J. Klune is a novelist.

## Quick Facts About T.J. Klune

Born May 20, 1982

Profession Novelist

## About T.J. Klune

Travis John Klune is an American author who writes fantasy and romantic stories that feature gay and LGBTQ+ characters. His novel The House in the Cerulean Sea became a New York Times bestseller and won the 2021 Alex and Mythopoeic Awards. He also received the Lambda Literary Award for Gay Romance.

##  Quotes by T.J. Klune · Page 3

> [“One thing that they don’t tell you is that fires can’t burn bright forever.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/one-thing-that-they-don-t-tell-you-is-that-fires-can-t-burn-bright/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Burn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/burn/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/84e/t-j-klune-1425_burn_one-thing-that-they-don-t-tell-you-is-th_396334.jpg)

> [“Well, it was so quiet you could have heard a molecule fart three states away.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/well-it-was-so-quiet-you-could-have-heard-a-molecule-fart-three/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Fart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fart/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f7f/t-j-klune-1425_fart_well-it-was-so-quiet-you-could-have-hear_374503.jpg)

> [“I do love you. You’ve broken my heart, but it was mine to give.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/i-do-love-you-you-ve-broken-my-heart-but-it-was-mine-to-give/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Broken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/broken/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/722/t-j-klune-1425_broken_i-do-love-you-you-ve-broken-my-heart-but_292949.jpg)

> [“Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/seven-smirked-as-he-walked-back-over-to-me-i-gave-you-catharsis-last/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Burn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/burn/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/339/t-j-klune-1425_burn_seven-smirked-as-he-walked-back-over-to_2499959.jpg)

> [“I’m glad you think that murder is bad because of how someone can use it against you,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/i-m-glad-you-think-that-murder-is-bad-because-of-how-someone-can-use/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Glad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/glad/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/7c4/t-j-klune-1425_quote_i-m-glad-you-think-that-murder-is-bad-be_966166.jpg)

> [“You all have kept me sane, but he kept me safe.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/you-all-have-kept-me-sane-but-he-kept-me-safe/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Kept](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kept/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/e48/t-j-klune-1425_kept_you-all-have-kept-me-sane-but-he-kept-me_111166.jpg)

> [“Everything dies, Sam,” Zero said lightly. “It’s the price we pay for being alive.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/everything-dies-sam-zero-said-lightly-it-s-the-price-we-pay-for-being/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Death](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/378/t-j-klune-1425_quote_everything-dies-sam-zero-said-lightly-it_1310837.jpg)

> [“You don’t have to choose,” he says quietly. “We chose you already.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/you-don-t-have-to-choose-he-says-quietly-we-chose-you-already/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Choose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choose/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d40/t-j-klune-1425_choose_you-don-t-have-to-choose-he-says-quietly_2867070.jpg)

> [“Are you trying to protect me?" I asked, starting to get slightly pissed. "Dude. Knock it off. You're not my knight in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/are-you-trying-to-protect-me-i-asked-starting-to-get-slightly-pissed/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Humor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/704/t-j-klune-1425_humor_are-you-trying-to-protect-me-i-asked-sta_823227.jpg)

> [“I can't do it. I can't get into a philosophical debate with an archangel, knowing how ridiculous it is and how unprepared…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/i-can-t-do-it-i-can-t-get-into-a-philosophical-debate-with-an/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Angels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/angels/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c25/t-j-klune-1425_angels_i-can-t-do-it-i-can-t-get-into-a-philoso_1839832.jpg)

> [“There are enough people out there that will be more than willing to knock you down. There's no reason for you to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/there-are-enough-people-out-there-that-will-be-more-than-willing-to/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Boatk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boatk-21934/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5aa/t-j-klune-1425_boatk_there-are-enough-people-out-there-that-w_936433.jpg)

> [“We’ll count it, even if it’s so incredibly gay that it should come with its own packet of fairy dust that you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/we-ll-count-it-even-if-it-s-so-incredibly-gay-that-it-should-come/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Fairy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fairy/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f98/t-j-klune-1425_fairy-dust_we-ll-count-it-even-if-it-s-so-incredibl_916077.jpg)

> [“Take your pick. It literally could be any one of those things and many, many more. It's hard to live a morally…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/take-your-pick-it-literally-could-be-any-one-of-those-things-and-many/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Choice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/choice/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/261/t-j-klune-1425_good-life_take-your-pick-it-literally-could-be-any_1797954.jpg)

> [“You’re my brother, you big queen. I will love you no matter what you do, who you do, or where you do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/you-re-my-brother-you-big-queen-i-will-love-you-no-matter-what-you-do/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Brother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/brother/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/174/t-j-klune-1425_brother_you-re-my-brother-you-big-queen-i-will-l_2528389.jpg)

> [“You’re the only place I’ve ever felt safe. You, Carter. You make me feel safe.” He tapped his fist against his chest.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/you-re-the-only-place-i-ve-ever-felt-safe-you-carter-you-make-me-feel/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Emotional-moment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/emotional-moment/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/305/t-j-klune-1425_emotional-moment_you-re-the-only-place-i-ve-ever-felt-saf_194496.jpg)

> [“I ground my teeth as I bit back words I knew would hurt. That was the danger with knowing and loving others.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/i-ground-my-teeth-as-i-bit-back-words-i-knew-would-hurt-that-was-the/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Loving others](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loving-others/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/232/t-j-klune-1425_loving-others_i-ground-my-teeth-as-i-bit-back-words-i_823448.jpg)

> [“Creed scowls. "Hardly. All he does now is mope like a goddamn teenage girl. Anytime I'm home, he's in his room with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/creed-scowls-hardly-all-he-does-now-is-mope-like-a-goddamn-teenage/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Bear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bear/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d61/t-j-klune-1425_bear_creed-scowls-hardly-all-he-does-now-is-m_957492.jpg)

> [“He squints at the screen. “So, would you call yourself a… hmmm, that doesn’t sound appropriate… a ‘nasty come hungry bottom dumpster…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/he-squints-at-the-screen-so-would-you-call-yourself-a-hmmm-that-doesn/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Piano keys](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/piano-keys/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b1e/t-j-klune-1425_piano-keys_he-squints-at-the-screen-so-would-you-ca_750850.jpg)

> [“Round 5: Telling him I felt bad about the puppy-shirt thing, I told him we could go pick out a dog at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/round-5-telling-him-i-felt-bad-about-the-puppy-shirt-thing-i-told-him/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Dog](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dog/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/41d/t-j-klune-1425_dog_round-5-telling-him-i-felt-bad-about-the_1291821.jpg)

> [“I think you are seriously overestimating my dancing abilities. My kind of dancing usually ends up on the Internet, where people watch…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/i-think-you-are-seriously-overestimating-my-dancing-abilities-my-kind/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Bear-otter-and-the-kid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bear-otter-and-the-kid-16038/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/10d/t-j-klune-1425_bear-otter-and-the-k_i-think-you-are-seriously-overestimating_2407436.jpg)

> [“Me and Seven, I thought as I arched my back. Me and Seven, that’s all there is. That’s all there needs to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/me-and-seven-i-thought-as-i-arched-my-back-me-and-seven-that-s-all/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Gaze](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gaze/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/017/t-j-klune-1425_swoon-worthy_me-and-seven-i-thought-as-i-arched-my-ba_949790.jpg)

> [“He shakes his head miserably. “If only I’d gotten here sooner….” “You got here in plenty of time,” I say with a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/he-shakes-his-head-miserably-if-only-i-d-gotten-here-sooner-you-got/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Says](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/says/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8c0/t-j-klune-1425_says_he-shakes-his-head-miserably-if-only-i-d_90867.jpg)

> [“I can’t wait until we go to dinner. I’ve heard Bear gets loaded on wine and cries, and then the whole thing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/i-can-t-wait-until-we-go-to-dinner-i-ve-heard-bear-gets-loaded-on/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Dinner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/dinner/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3e6/t-j-klune-1425_quote_i-can-t-wait-until-we-go-to-dinner-i-ve_1957056.jpg)

> [“He hoped wherever he was going that there'd still be the sun and the moon and the stars. He'd spent a majority…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/he-hoped-wherever-he-was-going-that-there-d-still-be-the-sun-and-the/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Afterlife](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/afterlife/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/16d/t-j-klune-1425_afterlife_he-hoped-wherever-he-was-going-that-ther_1430134.jpg)

> [“It was as if God himself saw that my intention was to make my outer self match my inner fabulosity and didn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/it-was-as-if-god-himself-saw-that-my-intention-was-to-make-my-outer/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Donuts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/donuts/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4c0/t-j-klune-1425_donuts_it-was-as-if-god-himself-saw-that-my-int_3007931.jpg)

> [“I was reading on the computer that you have to keep your man interested, so it's always good to make sure he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/i-was-reading-on-the-computer-that-you-have-to-keep-your-man/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Computers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/computers/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9af/t-j-klune-1425_computers_i-was-reading-on-the-computer-that-you-h_2135010.jpg)

> [“I can’t wait for the day when you tell me you’ve got the clap.” He cocks his head to the side. “That’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/i-can-t-wait-for-the-day-when-you-tell-me-you-ve-got-the-clap-he/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Clap](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/clap/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/057/t-j-klune-1425_clap_i-can-t-wait-for-the-day-when-you-tell-m_2854733.jpg)

> [“Later, after the King was gone with a kiss to my forehead, Justin and I remained. We didn’t say anything for a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/later-after-the-king-was-gone-with-a-kiss-to-my-forehead-justin-and-i/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Come](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/come/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6c7/t-j-klune-1425_come_later-after-the-king-was-gone-with-a-kis_2856883.jpg)

> [“If I’d known having a gay best friend meant I had to go to clubs with names like Liquid and Bulge and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/if-i-d-known-having-a-gay-best-friend-meant-i-had-to-go-to-clubs-with/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Best friend](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/best-friend/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/25c/t-j-klune-1425_best-friend_if-i-d-known-having-a-gay-best-friend-me_490592.jpg)

> [“Saying goodbye is rough. I think I told you once that goodbye sounds so stupid and final and blah, blah, blah. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/saying-goodbye-is-rough-i-think-i-told-you-once-that-goodbye-sounds/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Goodbye](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/goodbye/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/t-j-klune-1425_saying-goodbye_saying-goodbye-is-rough-i-think-i-told-y_851105.jpg)

> [“You have so many great people in your life, people who are willing to do anything for you.” His voice begins to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/you-have-so-many-great-people-in-your-life-people-who-are-willing-to/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Anger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anger/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/297/t-j-klune-1425_life_you-have-so-many-great-people-in-your-li_982564.jpg)

> [“But he came, when I was at my darkest. I prayed him down from the sky, and he came in a flash…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/but-he-came-when-i-was-at-my-darkest-i-prayed-him-down-from-the-sky/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Weight of the world](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/weight-of-the-world/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/47b/t-j-klune-1425_quote_but-he-came-when-i-was-at-my-darkest-i-p_52846.jpg)

> [“You can plan for life, but life always has plans of its own.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/you-can-plan-for-life-but-life-always-has-plans-of-its-own/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/c38/t-j-klune-1425_life_you-can-plan-for-life-but-life-always-ha_1847547.jpg)

> [“it's not about where you come from. It's about who you are”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/it-s-not-about-where-you-come-from-it-s-about-who-you-are/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Come](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/come/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9ce/t-j-klune-1425_come_it-s-not-about-where-you-come-from-it-s_2776916.jpg)

> [“Boys can wear makeup,” Tiggy said. “Not just for women. That a social construct.” I”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/boys-can-wear-makeup-tiggy-said-not-just-for-women-that-a-social/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Makeup](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/makeup/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/cbe/t-j-klune-1425_quote_boys-can-wear-makeup-tiggy-said-not-just_864980.jpg)

> [“If I’d known this was going to be a black-tie affair, I would have put on underwear.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/if-i-d-known-this-was-going-to-be-a-black-tie-affair-i-would-have-put/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Affair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/affair/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/37f/t-j-klune-1425_affair_if-i-d-known-this-was-going-to-be-a-blac_2277229.jpg)

> [“You should have just gone with the crazy guy in the bar, the voice said. No shit. Any ideas? Yeah: don’t die.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/you-should-have-just-gone-with-the-crazy-guy-in-the-bar-the-voice/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Crazy Guy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crazy-guy-292643/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/35d/t-j-klune-1425_quote_you-should-have-just-gone-with-the-crazy_1485403.jpg)

> [“After all, one does not scream at lesbians in Doc Martens unless one wants to receive a penis kicking.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/after-all-one-does-not-scream-at-lesbians-in-doc-martens-unless-one/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Humor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/88e/t-j-klune-1425_humor_after-all-one-does-not-scream-at-lesbian_567500.jpg)

> [“Ix-nay!" I hissed at him. "Ix-nay!" I didn't know why I resorted to Pig Latin right then. It just seemed like the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/ix-nay-i-hissed-at-him-ix-nay-i-didn-t-know-why-i-resorted-to-pig/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Humor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/294/t-j-klune-1425_humor_ix-nay-i-hissed-at-him-ix-nay-i-didn-t-k_2232051.jpg)

> [“What, the glass is half-full instead of half-empty? Bullshit. What they don't tell you is that regardless of how full the glass…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-j-klune/what-the-glass-is-half-full-instead-of-half-empty-bullshit-what-they/)

[T.J. Klune](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-j-klune/)

[Acid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/acid/)

[Image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/210/t-j-klune-1425_who-we-are_what-the-glass-is-half-full-instead-of-h_1428717.jpg)

## T.J. Klune by topic

[Humor (24)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/humor/t-j-klune/) [Time (20)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/t-j-klune/) [Love (14)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/t-j-klune/) [Life (13)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/t-j-klune/) [Gaze (12)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gaze/t-j-klune/) [Emotional-moment (11)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/emotional-moment/t-j-klune/) [Who we are (10)](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/who-we-are/t-j-klune/)

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                        "text": "“Creed scowls. \"Hardly. All he does now is mope like a goddamn teenage girl. Anytime I'm home, he's in his room with the door locked. I'm telling you guys, he got worked over really bad in San Diego. I thought the whole point of having a gay brother was that they were supposed to be all cool and shit. I got a defective gay.”",
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                        "text": "“He squints at the screen. “So, would you call yourself a… hmmm, that doesn’t sound appropriate… a ‘nasty come hungry bottom dumpster bitch’?” I wish life was more like cartoons and a piano would fall on him and his teeth would become the piano keys as stars circled his head.”",
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                        "text": "“Round 5: Telling him I felt bad about the puppy-shirt thing, I told him we could go pick out a dog at the pound now that we had a yard for it. Instead, I took him to the dentist. Winner: Bear “Rock Star” McKenna.”",
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                        "text": "“I think you are seriously overestimating my dancing abilities. My kind of dancing usually ends up on the Internet, where people watch it so they can stop feeling sorry about their own lives. You know how people say they have two left feet? It's like I have no feet and my stumps are attached to wheels shaped like triangles.”",
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                        "text": "“He shakes his head miserably. “If only I’d gotten here sooner….” “You got here in plenty of time,” I say with a snort. “We’re okay.” “But the truck!” he says as he turns back to us. “It was so cherry.”",
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                        "text": "“I can’t wait until we go to dinner. I’ve heard Bear gets loaded on wine and cries, and then the whole thing dissolves into a big case of what-the-fuckery where everyone talks at once, and it usually ends in overshared feelings and hugging.” “That was one time!”",
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                        "text": "“It was as if God himself saw that my intention was to make my outer self match my inner fabulosity and didn't think the world could handle such an explosion of amazingness. So instead of letting me get to the gym where I would have transformed myself into a walking sex god, he created a Dunkin' Donuts out of nothing and then gave them away for free. I didn't make it to the gym. I had a bear claw instead. And a maple bar. And some donut holes. And then some more donut holes.”",
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                        "text": "“I was reading on the computer that you have to keep your man interested, so it's always good to make sure he knows others are.\" I frown at him. \"Angels are not allowed to go on the Internet.\" He winces. \"Probably a good idea. That place has so much porn.\" I don't want to know. Okay, I do... ...Cal kisses me gently before walking out of our room. \"Sure thing,\" he calls over his shoulder. \"I did learn some things on the Intenet that I want to try on you. It's not all bad.\" I stare after him as his laughter floats back to me.”",
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                        "text": "“I can’t wait for the day when you tell me you’ve got the clap.” He cocks his head to the side. “That’s what you can’t wait for? Out of everything in the world, that’s what you can’t wait for? Bear, that’s just sad. And very, very mean of you. Just for that, if I do get the clap, I am going to pee in your mouth while you are sleeping, and then you can have the clap with me.” He starts grabbing his crotch and moaning, and I laugh and try to get away, but he presses me up against the wall. An old couple walks out of the store and stares at us. He waves at them and says, “It’s okay. We’re gay. This is my life partner, Greg.”",
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                        "text": "“Later, after the King was gone with a kiss to my forehead, Justin and I remained. We didn’t say anything for a long time. Surprisingly, he spoke first. “I didn’t feel the same way when you first came.” I snorted. “I know.” “I didn’t like you. In fact, I hated you. I still do sometimes.” “I know that too.” “You have to come back.” I looked up, startled, only to find Justin looking more vulnerable, more determined than I’d ever seen him before. “What?” “You have to come back. You have to be safe and come back and be my Wizard. I could do this without you. I know I could. I am smart. And I can be kind. Sometimes. My father has taught me well. I’ve learned a lot in the past year. I can do this without you. But I don’t want to. The King of Verania needs his Wizard. It’s how it’s always been. So come back, and in one piece, or I swear to the gods, I am going to put you in the dungeon where you’ll poop in buckets for the rest of your days. Do you hear me?”",
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                        "text": "“If I’d known having a gay best friend meant I had to go to clubs with names like Liquid and Bulge and Cockhole, I would’ve had second thoughts about this whole thing.” “Liar. I get you more play than you would ever get on your own. Women just love you for having a gay best friend. It makes them think you’re sensitive. And there’s no bar called Cockhole. I would know if there was.”",
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